It’s the summer of 415 BC and the Athenians (in the middle of a devastating war with Sparta) are debating whether to launch a naval expedition against colonies in Sicily. General Nicias says “no”, but here comes wonder boy Alcibiades who makes the assembly swoon, what with his silver tongue, chariot laurels, wavy hair, and chiseled abs, and it’s off to Sicily we go. But wait! On the night before departure somebody mutilates a bunch of herms in the city and maybe even performs a drunken satire of sacred mysteries! Questions invite questions: was it Alcibiades? If so, does he deserve the death penalty? Why would you want one of those scurrilous statues on your street corner? And don’t miss the following defections, deflections, and rejections.  Pull up a chair, check your emergency umlaut supply, and crack open a case of Löwenbräu. You can’t make this stuff up.

The guys wrap up their three-part dive into De Natura Deorum, and this time it is Cotta the Academic’s turn up at the plate. Where will Cotta (our stand-in for Cicero himself here) land on all this? Does he just want some friendly clarification of earlier arguments or is he out to fully dismantle both Velleius and Balbus (see previous two episodes)? Or is this dialogue's most important feature what it reveals about the differences between Greek and Roman philosophy? Even a skeptic like Cotta has a place in his heart for reading birds' signs and sheep livers, and Numa's capeduncula. But why? Be sure to stick around for some ramen noodles and a twist ending that would have even The Usual Suspects and The Sixth Sense doing a slow, golf clap.

In this first of a three-parter, Dave and Jeff set up a deep dive into a fascinating late work of Cicero in which representatives of the three major Hellenistic schools of thought (Epicurean, Stoic, and Academic) debate the nature and existence of the gods. Is their existence sure, doubtful, or impossible? And what is Cicero up to? Is he the Milli Vanilli of ancient philosophy, just lip-synching to Plato’s and Zeno’s greatest hits? Or is there some essential, original material here? What do we mean by “originality” in an ancient context? Sidle up to the buffet, and serve up a heapin' helpin' of ennui as Dave blows the thick dust off his dissertation…Cicero’s very reputation as a philosopher is at stake.

The fact that many of the marbles from the Parthenon reside in the British Museum (London) has been controversial since they first landed there in the early 19th century. In this complex tale Lord Elgin has often played the villain—he being the one who greedily had the sculptures removed from Athens to decorate his drafty Scottish mansion. But is the story that simple? In this episode Dave and Jeff tell the whole story front to back with an eye to several questions: does Elgin perhaps deserve a bit more sympathy than he usually gets? What are the arguments for keeping the artifacts in London, and for repatriation? Why should Lord Byron—noted defacer of Greek monuments—get a pass? My goodness, what on earth happened to Lord Elgin’s nose? And, will the guys ever stop attempting Scottish accents?

By now listeners have gotten used to (and maybe even enjoyed?) the loose, devil-may-care, locker room atmosphere that tends to dominate in the Vomitorium. But what about a ladies' perspective on all this folderol? And not just any old feminine perspective, but that of the extraordinary women who made the decision to marry these chuckleheads? That’s right—this week the guys are joined by Tara and Bec (married, respectively, to Dave and Jeff) where they get a chance to unload on what it’s like to live with the antiquity-obsesssed. Is there more to traveling than “climbing tall things and seeing dead guys”? Can one offer fashion advice without irreparrably bruising egos? And will the hosts need serious therapy after this one? Tune in!

Desperate to find the perfect gift to slip into your favorite scholar’s (budding and otherwise) stocking this year? Of course you are, because if he or she finds another bath bomb or scented whazzit in there someone’s going to get hurt. Fear not! Dave and Jeff are here to help with their curated best-of lists. And the gamut is run—yes, there are plenty of heady tomes to set your beloveds on the proper path, but also many surprises along the way, including shred metal guitar, stunningly bad movies, and shocking sources of dietary fiber! Who knows, if you do it right maybe you'll end up like Sting and celebrate Yuletide by finding many words to rhyme with “Charybdis”.

It’s “Bring Your Daughter to Work Week” in the vomitorium and today Dave’s daughter Jillian stops by to talk about what it was like being homeschooled, speaking Latin and Ancient Greek from a young age, and what has kept her interest in the Classics to the present day. Jillian weaves and dodges her way through a barrage of dad jokes as she takes us through Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, and reasons why it sparked her interest in mythology. Before she bolts for her 2nd semester of Classical studies, the guys try to offer some advice on how to deal with the question every humanities major loathes, “So whatcha gonna do with that?”

This week the guys hopscotch from Babylon, to Memphis (not TN), to Alexandria (not VA), and even to Venice (not FL) in search of an answer to one of the most captivating and lingering archaeological questions of all time—what happened to the tomb and body of Alexander Ille Magnus? How could this centuries-long tourist attraction (visited by some of the greatest Caesars who ever caesared) and massive, Wal-Mart sized complex simply vanish? As they say, it’s complicated. We’ve got cross-desert catafalquing, followed by temporary tomb subletting, and toxic mosque-ulinity, capped off by some embarrassing nose-mangling, and maybe even a mummy heading for its final stop in a gondola. Paging Heinrich Schliemann!