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Hello Friend,

You’re probably not as much of a “hot head” as I am. 

I have times when my rage-o-meter goes from zero to one-hundred so fast that I don’t know what happened. Not only do I scare myself in those moments, but I also upset others. I want to do better, but I haven’t known how to change. Recently, though, I’ve been discovering some tools that are helping. 

So, if you ever feel like your feelings can yank the steering wheel out of your hands and swerve you around recklessly, let me share a few thoughts.

• Feelings themselves aren’t good or bad

I used to think being angry meant I’d failed, feeling sad meant I wasn’t tough, and jealousy meant I was immature. I’m learning that feelings (as opposed to the actions I take based on those feelings) are just helpful information.

An event happens and then we have reactions to it in the form of thoughts and feelings.  The emotions part of the equation gives us information. This is a cheat sheet someone shared. 

Happy = Life is good

Sad = I’m experiences a loss (big or small, real or imagined)

Angry = I want something to be different

Guilt = I feel I should have behaved differently 

Shame = I feel that I be different as a person (A dangerous feeling)

I love this explanation of anger because seeing it as a signal that I want something to be different prompts me to ask “What do I want to be different?”. And it feels empowering to think about what I do want (rather than just what I don’t like), and then to ask for it.

• Name it to tame it

Naming a feeling engages the “advanced” part of our brains which helps us get back into control. I don’t mean we need to control how we feel, but that it helps us respond choicefully to the situation. It sounds simple to name an emotion but many times I have no idea what I’m feeling. I just know I don’t like it. A couple of things are helping. 

Journaling

To get more in touch I’ve been journaling for the last couple of years. It’s been so helpful that my husband, David, can tell if I’ve been disciplined about it or not. (I get crankier when I haven’t been consistently processing life in a journal.) 

App

And a friend shared a free app called “How We Feel.” The app prompts me to check in a couple of times a day and choose from a list of emotions. It also allows me to enter what I’m doing, where I am, and who I’m with. I am not only learning how many different emotions I have in a day but also starting to see patterns so I can make shifts. 

If you’ve developed greater “emotional regulation,” I’d love to hear what has worked well for you!

And if you're still struggling, I hope these tools bring you as much encouragement as they do for me. 

Warmly, Lisa

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Hi Friend,

Sometimes I look in the mirror and focus on the deepening wrinkles across my face. Other times I notice that I move slower on the tennis court than I used to. I imagine the future and what it will feel like to ride the rest of this curve.   

If you’re like me, you may occasionally feel “blue” when you consider how little time you have here. Even if we are very fortunate, it won’t be long until we’re looking back on our nearly-completed lives and taking stock. 

 I know what I hope I will be able to say at that time. 

1. I have a great relationship with my Creator and feel peaceful about what will come next.
2. I’ve used my unique combination of resources, talents, skills, passions and experiences to make life better for others (especially those I’m closest to).
3. I’ve had beautiful relationships and reveled in the joy of the journey. 

When I start to feel sad about having finite days, I try to remember that until my last breath I can still be useful. Thankfully wrinkles don’t prevent me from sharing an encouraging word with a struggling friend or from handing my jacket to someone living on the street in the cold. But right now I long for clarity on just how to be maximally useful. I think having a sharper definition of that would help me organize my time, find satisfaction in a focussed pursuit, and see the difference I might make.

For that reason, I’m going into the locker room for “halftime.” In sports, halftime is that pause at the midpoint of the game to assess how it’s going. It’s a break to make plans for playing the next period even better than the first.

In life, as I take time “off the field,” I’ll be meeting periodically (through Halftime Institute) with a small group of people who are asking a similar question, “How do I use what’s at my disposal to make the impact I’m on this earth to create?”

I wanted to share because as I take this break I don’t plan to podcast as frequently. And I may write to you a little less often. But with your permission, I’d love to stay in touch. At a monthly(-ish) cadence, I’d like to share my journey, hear about yours, and continue learning with you. 

In the meantime, I hope you are thriving!

With love,

Lisa

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When Michaelangelo was asked how he created his Statue of David, he answered, “I just saw an angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”

And in From Strength to Strength, Arthur C. Brooks says you are thinking about it wrong if you view your life as an empty canvas on which you need to create. Instead, he says you are already a complete work of art. Your life’s masterpiece emerges as you chip away everything that is not the essence of you. 

You may have a bucket list. And I’m a collector of experiences, too. I view life as a treasure hunt for new places, special people, and neat experiences. I believe in pursuing our dreams now. So I’m not ready to completely toss out my bucket list.

But Brooks makes the point that if we think we have to add things to a bucket that starts out empty in order to have a fulfilling life, we can become frenzied. In that state we risk missing the joy of the journey we’re on. Beyond that, we miss seeing that there’s an angel inside already. YOU have been there all along. 

Today I’m reflecting on how I might differentiate between what part of my life is sculpture and which part is stone that I can chip away. 

How do you filter opportunities? How do you know when you’ve hit bedrock on who you are at your core? How do you slow down to enjoy the journey? 

Whatever your methods, here’s to hoping you can always see a clear vision of the masterpiece that you are!

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Hello Friend,

I once visited my doctor, Lee Rice, who is as much a mentor as my physician. I told him I felt like pieces of my life were falling apart. I was going through a romantic break up, I had eaten more pounds of french fries than produce in the preceding six months, and I felt lost career wise. 

One of Dr. Rice’s best qualities is the way he listens; and his empathy alone is therapeutic. He let me explain my pessimistic outlook and then shared an encouraging observation that has stuck with me ever since. 

“In my years as a physician I have seen many people rebuild their lives from seeming ruin,” he said. “And it didn’t take that long, either,” he added. “For example, one man had to declare bankruptcy, was going through a divorce, and was addicted to narcotics. He turned his life around and In just a few short years he was growing a new business, enjoying a strong relationship, and living sober. It is never too late.”

From time-to-time I feel like I’ve dug myself into a hole. And every time I think about what Dr. Rice told me. I think to myself that if someone can completely remake their life in just a few years, I can certainly reverse the course and get on a better track. 

Friend, If you find yourself feeling hopeless about any aspect of your life today, I hope you will be encouraged that change is fully possible.

With love,
Lisa

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Hello Friend,

In 2019 I visited Yellowstone National Park with my parents and sister. We hired a tour guide who had encyclopedic knowledge about its geysers, mudpots, bears, bison, and other marvels. 

At a scenic overlook where we hopped out of the car for a photo op, he nonchalantly said something surprising. 

Forest fires are good for nature.

Pointing out the pinecones on a nearby tree, he told us they were “serotinous cones.” That type of cone can hang on a Pine for years, but the seeds won’t be able to be released because the cones are encased in a resin. To be released, the material has to be melted away. That only happens when there is a forest fire. So there is a mechanism for rebirth triggered just when it is needed most.  

Our guide also explained that forest fires have many benefits. They clear away old brush to make room for the new. They remove the build-up of kindling, preventing a much larger blaze in the future. And they deliver nutrients back to the soil through their ashes.

Have you ever felt a desire for something new to come into your life? I have. And I wonder if we can make room for that “new growth” by clearing out some of what is ready to be “upcycled.” Whether it’s removing physical clutter, pruning an overly full calendar, or releasing burdensome expectations of ourselves, I have a sense that burning down some old growth will create fertile soil for something fresh while simultaneously nourishing what should stay. 

This spring(summer), I hope you enjoy a sense of roominess and ease.

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Feeling your habits have the best of you? In this episode learn how to use self-compassion and mindfulness as the antidote.

Lisa Liguori, and Brad Tunis explore addictive behaviors and talk about why self-discovery helps. They touch on practical advice such as calming breathing exercise to use when dealing with a craving. 

Enjoy this episode as an opportunity for self-reflection and self-compassion.

Meet our Panelists:

Brad Tunis

Brad left his career as a hospital administrator to support people through his training as a highly sought-after Hypnotherapist and Mindfulness Coach. He enjoys surfing and riding gravel bikes with his wife, Sarah.
Brad's Website

Lisa Liguori
The founder of the Advice Column Podcast, Lisa is an entrepreneur, philanthropist, and adventurer. She loves to host game nights, pilot a small plane, and write in her journal. She loves hearing what others are learning in their life's journey and sharing what she is working through.
Lisa's Website

Get uplifting reminders wherever you hang out:

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Hello Friend!
This is a bi-weekly episode of the newsletter!

Do you sometimes sit with a group of friends as they trade tales of their big adventures? And do you ever think to yourself, “My life is not that splashy?”

I’ve always loved listening to great speakers. When I was a kid, my dad would take me for a long drive every Saturday morning in his little red Alfa Romeo convertible. On the way he’d play cassette tapes of inspirational keynote speeches by world-class orators.

Many times those people had dramatic stories of overcoming enormous odds or achieving great feats. The drama of their circumstances made their points powerfully. 

For a long time, I believed that without something like a near-death experience or achieving a world record in base jumping, I lacked compelling stories and the authority to share them.

Then, on a whim one afternoon, I took a storytelling workshop. A woman named Ann marie taught it in a small, crowded, room at a downtown club with a speakeasy vibe. (Yep, you actually had to pull a hidden lever that opened a trap door to get in.) 

At that class I got to listen to one story from each participant. Those stories were not about epic experiences like escaping an erupting volcano or getting invited to dinner with the Dalai Lama. They were descriptions of the everyday experience of being human. 

They were about the regret of letting a friend down, the guilt of stealing a five dollar bill from a father’s wallet as an eight-year-old, and the teacher who helped a woman realize that she had talent back when she was just a little girl. They were about normal life and they were POWERFUL!

Think of a story that has shaped you. It’s likely it was simple, and yet it’s become an important part of you. Hearing someone tell the truth about their experience is an honor, isn’t it? 

Today I hope you’re encouraged that your stories are valuable gifts with which you can impact other people in special ways. 

Your experiences, your learning, and your very being make a profound difference in the world. Thank you for that!

With love,
Lisa

The purpose of Advice Column is to share uplifting reminders to connect with the best in yourself, others, and the world.

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 Advice Column is a nonprofit, 501(C)3 and through our podcast and newsletters, my mission is to help you connect with the best in yourself, others, and the world.

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There was a frog  who dreamed of becoming a prince. He’d imagine THE kiss, the transformation, the people he’d rein over when he had legs, and the glory he’d enjoy. 

One day a princess finally laid one on him, and BINGO!, he got his wish. In a swirl of sparkling dust he transformed into a regal human housed in a royal palace.

But there was a problem.

That frog ended up hating his new life. The palace air was dry compared to his old pond. The royal robes were itchy. The crown was cumbersome, and the job was bor-ing. Worse yet, the princess was a kind of a “pill.” All day long that poor frog just longed to be back playing in the mud.  

This twist on the ending to a would be happily-ever-after fairytale was the gist of an amusing poem I read a long time ago. I’ve never been able to find it again, but I’ve thought back on it often. 

You probably believe there’s truth in the concept that “the grass is always greener,” but doesn't the frog story vividly bring it to life?

Today I’m reminded of the gloriousness of my own “muddy pond.” I hope you’re loving yours as well!

What is your favorite thing about your current life circumstances? If you’d be willing to reply and share, I’d love to hear it!

Ribbit…Ribbit…

Lisa

PS - If you know someone who might enjoy my newsletter, they can subscribe at AdviceColumn.com/signup. Thanks for sharing! XO

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Hello Friend!

This is a bi-weekly episode of the newsletter!

The purpose of Advice Column is to share uplifting reminders to connect with the best in yourself, others, and the world.

Let's Stay connected:
Subscribe to our written newsletter to receive bi-monthly inspiration directly in your inbox: AdviceColumn.com/Subscribe

Connect with the host, Lisa Liguori:
Website: https://lisaliguori.com

Connect with us at Advice Column:
Website: https://advicecolumn.com/
Instagram: @advicecolumnpod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheAdviceColumnPodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChYmoafMFOeL7HCNWrXPkJQ

 Advice Column is a nonprofit, 501(C)3 and through our podcast and newsletters, my mission is to help you connect with the best in yourself, others, and the world.