AFL from LA

Did you know that Nick Larkey’s nickname is Souvlaki? Sue Larky? Souvlaki. That’s hilarious. And so far it’s the best one we’ve come across this year.

Hello and welcome to AFL from LA. I’m your host, Cindye, and we’re here in beautiful Beverly Hills on this 72 degree, not windy for a change. How about that, folks? I’m standing in front of the Beverly Hills Hotel and I’m also in Will Rogers Memorial Park, which became infamous 25 years ago when George Michael got caught trying to do the nasty in the public bathroom.

The first thing I need to get to is we had a comment this week from Simon in Canberra. Simon happens to be my best friend, Michael’s, brother. Now Simon is a Collingwood fanatic. And Simon felt I didn’t say enough nice things about Collingwood last week, so I asked Michael, you know how I should handle this, and he basically told me to tell him to get stuffed. 

First game of the round, Brisbane versus Collingwood. It was the first game not at the MCG for Collingwood and one of seven that they’ll play outside Victoria. Now the Eagles, they’re gonna play 12 and the Dockers are gonna play 13 outside of Perth. Seems pretty fair, right? Despite the game being over four days ago, BT still thinks Collingwood has a chance to win this one. Collingwood started off great, but they have no plan B for when their handball receive game goes down the toilet. As promised for Simon in Canberra, I wanted to say a couple nice things about Collingwood. Nick Daicos, he’s still a champion, and those black and white vertical stripes are quite slimming. 

North Melbourne versus Carlton. North Melbourne, soon to be known as the Tottenham Hot Spurs of Australia. Happy Passover, boys. I was really cheering them on. I thought they had a chance in the first half. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out that way for them. The umpires are clearly not making friends. The Cunnington holding the ball, the Ziebell push [00:02:00] in the back 50 meter penalty. The Stephenson running too far, and the Zurhaar too high. There was no consistency. Or it was just consistently bad. This week though, we were finally able to put to rest the Barry conspiracy. Ben and Harry Mackay were both spotted in the same location at the same time. Or were they? 

Crows versus Fremantle. Is anyone still saying Flagmantle? Sadmantle, or Slowmantle. Memo to Freo, if you wanna win, you have to move the ball quickly. 17 other teams in the comp have worked this out, boys. You might find it easier to make a connection in the forward 50 if you don’t let the entire Adelaide team get there first. And by the way, Gerard, it’s not Swiskowski, it’s Switkowski. And why are the commentators still talking about what Taberner needs to do to take the next step? He’s 30. The only next step this guy’s gonna be taking is sideways out the door.

What the hell is the pressure gauge and how do they determine it? It might be me being a naive American, I don’t know, but I need, somebody needs to explain this lunacy to me. 

Richmond Tigers against the Western Bulldogs, or as Mark Summers prefers to call them the Dish Lickers, who loved lapping up the wet conditions. This is so funny. The Dish Lickers. Ugh. So apparently Richmond’s game plan is to kick 10 goals in 10 minutes and then hope to God no one else can kick 11. And Prestia, Hopper, and Taranto combining for as many clearances as Bontempelli, it’s not gonna hold up. Richmond can blame the umps all they want, but kicking to Western Bulldog players and overusing hand passes is what lost them the game.

And if Tim English is not a lock for All Australian ruck, I don’t know who is. 20 plus touches, 11 contested. Eight tackles two goals, and 23 hit outs. Amazeballs. 

St. Kilda versus Gold Coast. Ross-Ball seems to be continuing, with the Saints maintaining their undefeated run even without Eric Bana there today. Hi, Eric. Stewy Dew’s 2-year contract extension from last year. It’s looking a little shaky. And did you guys see that Gold Coast defender helping up Jack Higgins? They asked Brereton if he ever did that during a game in his time, and his answer was a resounding "Not once." 

And now on to one of the worst games of the rounds. Sydney v. Port. Aliir Aliir! Oh, so good, you say it twice. He snatched victory from the jaws of defeat against his old team. Was so good. In fact, it was so good, Fox felt like they needed to leave it out of the replay. Port had 25 less inside fifties, and at no point did any of their forwards look dangerous. How they won is beyond me, and come to think about it, how I actually finished watching that game is also a mystery. And Ollie Florent celebration. It just goes to show, guys, being premature, it’s never good. 

Essendon versus GWS. Essendon found new ways not to score goals. They kicked 11.22 and they still won. Josh Kelly had 30 touches, six tackles, and two goals, proving that he is a hottie, both on and off the field. 

Eagles versus Melbourne. I truly thought, well, I thought the demons were gonna win, but I truly thought that West Coast, they were gonna be in it. You know, like they had at least a chance. Hah! Was I wrong. The best thing about the West Coast Eagles against Melbourne Demon’s game were the photos that were submitted to me by some of the fans at Optus Stadium. Thanks, Stewballs98. 

So I wanna talk to you about Bailey Fritsch. Did you guys know that this guy has kicked a goal in 32 consecutive games? Since 2021 he’s kicked 106 goals. Only two other players are ahead of him. Tom Hawkins and Ben Mackay. Bailey Fritsch is elite, but he still has one of the worst haircuts in the game.

Welcome to AFL from LA! In this week’s episode, Cindye shares a recap of Round 3, some hilarious moments from the games, and her pick for Hottie of the Week. Let’s dive right in!

AFL Basics for American Fans

For our American friends new to AFL, Cindye gives a quick rundown of the sport. Played on an oval field with goalposts at either end, AFL is a fast-paced game with 18 players on each team. Kicking, running, tackling, and passing (underhand) are all part of the action. And if you’re wondering about the lingo, here are some terms to get you started: soccer, mark, behind, goal, major, and courage.

Round 3 Recap

This week’s round started with the Western Bulldogs pulling off an impressive win against the Brisbane Lions. Collingwood took on Richmond, and despite missing key players like Dusty Martin and Mason Cox, both teams put on a great show. Hawthorn secured a win against North Melbourne in Tasmania, while Carlton clinched a hard-fought victory against GWS.

Saint Kilda faced off against Essendon, and their retro jumpers with collars seemed to give them superpowers. Port Adelaide had a rough game against Adelaide, with 20-year-old Riley Thilthorpe scoring five goals. Gold Coast finally got their first win of the season against Geelong, and Sydney experienced a disappointing game against Melbourne at the MCG.

The round ended with the West Coast Eagles taking on Freo in a real demolition derby. The Eagles had a tough time with several injured players, while Freo secured a much-needed win.

Hilarious Moments

Cindye shares some laugh-out-loud moments from this week’s games, from questioning Rory Lobb’s “surgery” (aka a possible hair appointment) to poking fun at the low attendance in Tasmania, she keeps the humor coming. She also calls out the inconsistency in umpiring, for the seemingly random calls made during the games.

Hottie of the Week

This week’s Hottie of the Week goes to Lachie Weller from Gold Coast, with an impressive 29 disposals during their game against Geelong. Cindye admits she didn’t have him on her radar before, but he’s definitely caught her attention now!

That’s it for this week’s episode of AFL from LA! With plenty of action, funny moments, and a Hottie of the Week, there’s never a dull moment in the world of AFL. Make sure to tune in next week for more updates and entertainment!

Hello, and welcome to the second episode of AFL from LA. I’m your host, Cindye. We’re here in windy Hollywood. It’s a lovely 63 degrees or 17 Celsius in your speak. So I’d like to give a shout out to Steve, Suz, and family, my Collingwood supporters in Perth, risky business. It looks like Collingwood is definitely a contender for the flag.

Brisbane versus Melbourne. The big story of the week, the lights go out at the GABBA. I mean, what kind of place does not have some kind of generators to, uh, prevent this kind of thing happening? It was a good thing for Melbourne because they were basically having their asses handed to them up until the 12 minute mark of the fourth quarter.

So my big question here is, did anybody have eyes on Max Gawn? I heard rumors that they saw him somewhere near the electrical box. That’s a little suspicious to me. At any rate, after 38 minutes, they got the lights back on and they finished the game. It was a great opportunity for the [00:01:00] Demons because it shifted the momentum completely and they were able to cut the deficit down to just 11 points.

So my question to you, “On the Couch” and “First Crack,” are they still your number one? Are they still gonna take the flag? I mean, does Brisbane get a shot at the top four now after this whole display of athleticism? I don’t know. Tell me, guys.

Adelaide versus Richmond, one word, ugly. The Crows miraculously clawed their way back from a seven goal deficit, but they just couldn’t pull it off. And the moral of this story, is 10 goals and 16 points. If you can’t kick straight, you can’t win.

So St. Kilda Saints against the Western Bulldogs. Rory Lobb was out having surgery on his hair. I mean his ankle. We wish you all the best, Rory Lobb St. Kilda came out strong. But the Bulldogs are a feisty bunch and came within five points at the half. The biggest news of this game though, Eric Bana was in the stands. Hi, Eric.

Freo versus North Melbourne. It was awful. It was a train wreck if you’re a Freo supporter, but the kids at North Melbourne, man, they’re looking good. Whatever that coach is telling them, it’s sticking. It was a great game and I really look forward to seeing what’s coming from North Melbourne in the future.

But my question is, where’s Nat Fyfe. Normally when Nat Fyfe is injured, you see him in the box, but he wasn’t to be seen, ladies and gentlemen. My sources tell me that all is not good at Freo. Nat did not wanna give up the captaincy, and apparently him and JLo are not the best of buds right now. They’re certainly not sharing beers. What is going on in the Freo team? So, shout out to Nat Fyfe. We hope you are well if you are in fact injured, but if not, we just wanna let you know you were missed and we can’t wait for you to come back. You’re one of the all-time greats for Freo, and we can’t wait to see more of you this season.

In brighter News, Michael Walters was looking pretty hot. I mean, he shaved his head and mm, yummy. And one last thing on the Freo North Melbourne game. I don’t know if you guys saw the post game, but Luke Davies-Uniacke dropping the F-bomb was absolutely adorable.

Sydney versus Hawthorn. Ugh, it was absolutely awful. Buddy Franklin, you’ve been put on notice. Amartey was unbelievably red hot, and apparently he managed to get through the entire game without giving one cheap shot to the head. Amazing. So the Papley mark in the fourth quarter is definitely a contender right now for Mark of the Year. In the end, the Swans beat the Hawks by 14 goals. Now, imagine if they kicked straight.

Essendon versus Gold Coast. Happy Birthday, Archie. You’re now 21 and you can drink legally in the United States. Hit me up when you come by. So it was an evenly matched game for the most part, but in the end, the wheels just fell off in the final minutes of the fourth quarter for Gold Coast. Levi Casboult was rocking the Tarzan esque look. Oh my God. Hopefully Stewie Dew can make some changes and get them moving in a better direction for the third round.

Eagles versus GWS. I don’t know. Maybe it’s my abandonment issues with Josh Kennedy being gone. Maybe it’s that Tommy Barrass is just not looking like himself these days. Maybe it’s the orange jerseys that remind me of my favorite college football team. There was a little part of me, just a little part of me, that wanted to see Toby Greene win. But in the end, I suppressed all those feelings. I cheered for the Eagles. And what a victory for West Coast supporters. There were so many positive takeaways from this week’s game with the West Coast Eagles. I mean, it’s almost as if somebody was whispering to Simmo in the middle of the night that helped, helped them win. I mean, I don’t know.

Jamaine Jones was phenomenal. Tim Kelly, oh my God, did he show up this week? The first quarter was unbelievable. Jake Waterman, way to be there for your team, man. Lots of goals, lots of marks. To quote Ted Lasso, “He was here, he was there, he was everywhere.” It was a great day for Eagles supporters and we really hope that they can keep it up.

With that said, we do have one very special Eagles supporter. He’s out in Forrestfield and we wanna wish him a happy birthday and all the love in the world. MWAH! Oh and one more thing, next week is the Derby, Fremantle against West Coast Eagles. It’s gonna be a ripper. Well, not if Freo doesn’t get it together.

So I was going through the fixtures this week, and it turns out the Eagles only play at the MCG once this season. And Freo only plays three times. Ed Sheeran plays at the MCG more than these guys get to. What is that about?

Welcome, everybody. It’s a very exciting week. I don’t know what’s more exciting, the fact that football’s back, or this is our first episode. 64 and raining, coming to you from Los Feliz at the Shakespeare Bridge. We are hoping to show you some really exciting sunny Los Angeles locations: the Griffith Park Observatory, the Hollywood sign, but instead you have to settle for lovely and rainy. Just like Melbourne, folks. Well, not Melbourne this weekend, it was like a hundred degrees. What do you call that in Celsius? 30 something.

At any rate, it was an exciting weekend of football. There were a couple exceptional games. Let’s give it to our boys at GWS. What a comeback, man, my boy, Toby Greene. Our beloved Eagles fell short of the goal of a win.

Can the commentators decide whether his name is Tommy Barrass or Tommy Baris. Come on, Victorian commentators, can you get your shit together already? It’s his name. It shouldn’t be that hard for you guys to work out that one detail.

But I think the thing we all wanna talk about is Charlie Curnow’s hair. He’s pulling a hot Chris Atkins from Blue Lagoon. Nice style, Charlie.

Standouts of the game. Sexy Saad, that’s his new name. Adam Saad. I’m calling him Sexy Saad. I don’t care what anybody says. Our boy, our Brownlow medalist, he had a good game, but they just couldn’t pull it off in the end. But we’ll take the draw. And if you’re an Eagles fan, it kind of helps us ’cause we’re, we’re gonna end up at the bottom. Let’s face it, folks, it was a really crappy opener, but I think we’re ranked 11th after game one, so we only have down to go.

Collingwood versus Geelong. What a game. We thought the old men were gonna take it, but apparently Collingwood had other plans.

In other news, Gryan Miers cut his hair, got rid of the dreads. Hallelu, ladies, looks much better. He is a cute guy. And now let’s talk about the coach, Chris Scott. I don’t know why I never noticed how hot he is. He’s up right up there with Justin Longmuir from Fremantle. We’re gonna have a contest later in the season to see which coach actually is the hottest in the AFL. So stay tuned for that.

Let’s talk about the hairstyles. I wanna talk about Mullet Nation. You all have to band together, Aussie women and you have to stop sleeping with the players that are wearing these outrageous mullets. They’re not gonna learn unless you let them know. Nobody wants to see the business in the front, party in the back. It’s time to retire the mullet once and for all. That style has never, never been a good look. Never will be a good look, and it just needs to go.

The next thing we wanna talk about is the dyed hair, Rory lobb. Sorry, Rory. I mean, you’re a nice looking dude. What’s with the blonde hair? Nobody wants to see it. Girls, it’s your job. You need to tell them. They don’t know. They really don’t know. They think they know, but they don’t know.

So some of the things I’m interested in this year are whether or not Dusty Martin got any new tattoos, who’s most likely to get a full sleeve before the season’s over. I mean, maybe that won’t happen cuz I can imagine the sleeve is kind of, sleeve is kind of painful. And so maybe they won’t do it during the season, but I’d like to still have a, like a vote out there to see who we think is most likely to get a full sleeve in the coming year. I’d also wonder like what’s the most surprising tattoo that’s on any of these guys’ bodies. What would you be most surprised to find out that Jamie Elliot had tattooed on his body? What are the weirdest tattoos that are on these guys’ bodies? Does anyone have any idea or anybody wanna wanna have a guess? Apparently Dustin Martin has a tattoo of Axl Rose. My question, was it eighties Axl rose? Or nineties or 2000? Because once you get to the 2000 Axl is just the shadow of himself with all that plastic surgery.

Mason Cox … [sigh].

Something I’d like to get to the bottom of this year, and I’m hoping maybe you Aussies can help me out with, with why this is a phenomenon only in Aussie Rules football. Why do these gentlemen feel the need to take their mouth guards out and stick it in their socks? It’s disgusting. They’re out there, they’re sweaty, they’re being tackled. They’re like hands are all over each other. And then in order to kick the ball, some reason they have to take their mouth guard out of their mouth and stick it in their socks, or even sometimes in their pants, like literally putting their mouth guards in their pants and then they stick it back in their mouth. Somebody, please, please help me understand why this is something that is only done in Aussie Rules football.

So I have a soft spot for Gold Coast. I really do kind of have a soft spot for Stewie Dew, or as you like to say, Stewie Due, but God, what an embarrassment. I don’t know what was going on. The best thing about that game was Touk Miller just looking at him cuz he is super fine. But other than that it was a dark day for Gold Coast and I’m hoping those boys can get their shit together.

Essendon, welcome back, McDonald Tipungwuti, and what a game that guy had. He’s exciting to watch like magic, seeing him there and even though I’m not a big fan of either of those teams, it was great to see him have a good game on his first game back and Hawthorn, ugh, Sam Mitchell, where do we go from here? I mean, I hope up for your sake, but what an awful, awful, awful game. Seriously.

In other haircut news, Himmelberg got a haircut. He’s looking fine. He’s kind of doing like a Brad Pitt from, I think when he was with Jennifer he finally shaved off the head and he was looking pretty sexy. But yeah, nice work, Himmelberg, we’re all, I think we’re all pleased to see it. I know I am.

Huge disappointment today for Freo fans. I count myself as one of them. Love myself a west coast team, but ugh, it was awful. I mean, they started off looking promising. They tried Nat Fyfe out in a new position, which we’ll see if that’s gonna stick. One of the highlights of the Freo game today, ladies, was Alex Pearce. He looks like he could be a yoga guru, and if he had a cult, I think I’d join it. Thank you, Alex Pearce, for all you do.

Today, with the start of the season, it was hard to not recognize the loss of some of our players from last year. Some of the players who retired. Not seeing David Mundy playing for Freo. It was kind of a sad, sad feeling and also with Joel Selwood on the field. Although we did get to see him in the stands supporting his team, he was missed and maybe could have made the difference for Geelong on that game.

But the most tragic event of this weekend was not seeing my love, Josh Kennedy, in his Eagles jumper and playing in the forward line. As you are going to come to know, maybe a little too well, I’m obsessed with Josh Kennedy. He’s the love of my life. Josh looks like he’s doing really well in retirement. He’s finally living out his dream to be a full fledged hipster with his new gin brand, and he’s killing it, ladies. He’s killing it. But he was missed today and we will be talking more and more and more and more about what Josh is up to in his retirement.

So unfortunately, most AFL photos and videos are copyrighted and we’re unable to use them for our little show. So if any of you out there are at a game and you’d like to send us a photo or some video at the game, or of your parties celebrating your teams, then feel free to submit those to us. And if you’re out on the town and you’d like to share any footy related stuff with us, we’d love to see it. So feel free to send that over.

There’s some things you can expect to see in our first season of AFL from LA, and some of those you’re gonna be meeting some friends and some family members and some characters both here in Los Angeles and back in Australia. We’ll be introducing people and we’re also going to be live on the street talking to Americans about what they know about AFL, and I’m sure you’re gonna enjoy this cuz they’re gonna look pretty stupid.

Join Cindye, the most knowledgeable American gal on the planet when it comes to AFL, as she brings you the inside scoop on all things footy, from the hottest AFL players to the latest AFL fashion trends, all from beautiful Los Angeles, California!