After The Tones Drop

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What if the apology is sincere.....and the behavior happens again?

“You forgot again.” “You interrupted again.” “You said you’d handle it, and now I’m handling it again.” When the same problem keeps coming back, “I’m sorry” can become hard to believe. But a legitimate explanation, a sincere apology, real harm, and a recurring behavior can all exist at the same time. What does accountability look like then?

In the final episode of our four-part series on ADHD in public safety, Cinnamon explores what comes after we understand the reason and hear the apology. From forgotten dinners and school forms to interruptions and late arrivals, she looks at how to acknowledge the impact, make a repair, and build support that helps intentions turn into action.

This conversation makes room for the person who is exhausted by their own repeated mistakes and the person who is tired of catching everything that falls. We talk about shame, defensiveness, shared responsibilities, parenting, and boundaries—and why progress needs to be visible and meaningful in the life you share.

In this episode

• Why knowing what to do and reliably doing it can be different challenges.
• What an apology needs beyond “I’ll never do it again.”
• How shame can turn an apology into a request for reassurance.
• Practical supports to test for lateness, interruptions, and forgotten commitments.
• Why a partner cannot automatically become “the keeper of the list.”
• Helping children repair harm while teaching the skills they still need.
• How past experiences shape the meaning we give a familiar argument.
• Recognizing progress while respecting another person’s limits.

Chapters

00:00 — When a sincere apology meets “again”
00:19 — ADHD in public safety: the final conversation
02:36 — An explanation, an apology, real harm, and a recurring behavior
04:36 — The dinner example: responsibility, impact, and trust
06:35 — Moving beyond “I swear it’ll never happen again”
08:06 — Shame, defensiveness, and returning after a pause
10:01 — Building supports that work in everyday life
12:05 — Shared support and “the keeper of the list”
12:29 — Helping children repair while building skills
13:21 — How past experiences shape a familiar argument
15:06 — Boundaries for the person carrying the consequences
16:47 — Recognizing progress and owning what still isn’t working
19:16 — One pattern, one repair, and a concrete plan
20:32 — A more useful apology and a commitment you can keep

Free Companion Resource
Download the complete four-part series companion:

ADHD in Public Safety

For this installment, spend some time with the section exploring what people see versus what may be happening privately. Visible competence does not always reveal the fear, urgency, exhaustion, overload, or rigid compensation holding it together.

The resource also includes:

• ADHD-associated experiences that may not be fully captured by a diagnostic checklist
• A self-reflection checklist
• Questions for identifying patterns, impact, and support needs
• The Recognition → Beneath the Mask → Accountability → Repair progression

Download the free PDF

This resource is designed for education and self-reflection. It is not a screening instrument or diagnostic assessment.

Check out our ADHD Traits & Experiences guide here. 

Continue the Series
Listen to Part 1: ADHD, Trauma, or the Job?

Listen to Part 2: Same Brain, Different Mask

Listen to Part 3: Hear the Excuse, Find the Reason: Why Accountability Requires Curiosity

Read Up!
Read the Companion Blog for this episode and all episodes in our ADHD series.

Important Note:
This episode and its companion materials are for educational purposes only. They are not intended to diagnose ADHD, PTSD, or any other mental-health condition, and they are not a substitute for individualized assessment or treatment.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition with several recognized presentations. No presentation belongs exclusively to one gender. Trauma, anxiety, depression, autism, sleep deprivation, shift work, substance use, medication effects, learning differences, and medical conditions can create or intensify overlapping experiences.

If these patterns are affecting your work, relationships, health, or daily life, consider speaking with a qualified professional who understands both adult ADHD and trauma.

DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

•  Our theme music is Intentions by Abby Noise, licensed through Upbeat
•  https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
• https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
• https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
• https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
• https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
  License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
  License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE

Send us Fan Mail

Hear the Excuse, Find the Reason: Why Accountability Requires Curiosity

"I don’t want to hear your excuses.” Most of us have heard it. Plenty of us have said it. But ending the explanation can also end our chance to understand what actually needs to change.

In part three of our ADHD in Public Safety series, we’re taking accountability home. We’re talking about the forgotten task, the partner left waiting, the child on the receiving end of a brutal shift, and the moment a conversation about an unpaid bill turns into a defense of who we are.

A reason explains what happened. An excuse uses that explanation to remove responsibility. The work is learning to hear the explanation, name the impact, and find a next step that addresses where things broke down. Having ADHD can help explain a difficulty. The person affected still gets to have feelings, needs, and boundaries.

We also look at what childhood taught us about mistakes, why questions can sound like defiance, and how to build support without making a partner responsible for remembering everything. If you’re trying to explain yourself—or you’re tired of carrying the consequences of someone else’s behavior—this conversation makes room for both of you.

In this episode

The difference between explaining behavior and avoiding responsibility

ADHD, forgotten agreements, and the mental load at home

Coming home after a difficult shift without making family the target

Shame, defensiveness, and separating a missed task from a judgment of character

Teaching children accountability with structure and support

Boundaries, repeated patterns, and practical changes that make follow-through more likely

Chapters

00:00 Intro music

00:12 Accountability comes home

01:14 What do we mean by excuses

04:41 The difference between an excuse and a reason

06:41 ADHD and forgotten household agreements

09:10 Coming home after a brutal shift

10:23 Shame and defensiveness

12:15 Curiosity and clearer expectations

14:54 What childhood taught us about explanations

18:57 When a reason is a boundary

20:55 Finding where the plan broke down

22:27 Questions for taking responsibility

24:57 Restarting a defensive response

26:26 Support without making someone your reminder system

27:55 Boundaries and agreements that no longer work

30:30 Better sentences for both sides

32:29 The next episode and a place to start

33:16 Closing disclaimer and music credit

Try this after listening

Choose one recurring disagreement. Ask what happened, where it broke down, and what part you can own. Name one specific change you can try, including any support you need to request rather than assume.

Short description

When does an explanation become an excuse? In part three of our ADHD in Public Safety series, Cinnamon takes accountability home to explore forgotten agreements, shame, boundaries, and repair. Hear how understanding the reason can help you take responsibility and choose a practical next step.

Free Companion Resource
Download the complete four-part series companion:

ADHD in Public Safety

For this installment, spend some time with the section exploring what people see versus what may be happening privately. Visible competence does not always reveal the fear, urgency, exhaustion, overload, or rigid compensation holding it together.

The resource also includes:

• ADHD-associated experiences that may not be fully captured by a diagnostic checklist
• A self-reflection checklist
• Questions for identifying patterns, impact, and support needs
• The Recognition → Beneath the Mask → Accountability → Repair progression

Download the free PDF

This resource is designed for education and self-reflection. It is not a screening instrument or diagnostic assessment.

Check out our ADHD Traits & Experiences guide here. 

Continue the Series
Listen to Part 1: ADHD, Trauma, or the Job?

Listen to Part 2: Same Brain, Different Mask

Important Note:
This episode and its companion materials are for educational purposes only. They are not intended to diagnose ADHD, PTSD, or any other mental-health condition, and they are not a substitute for individualized assessment or treatment.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition with several recognized presentations. No presentation belongs exclusively to one gender. Trauma, anxiety, depression, autism, sleep deprivation, shift work, substance use, medication effects, learning differences, and medical conditions can create or intensify overlapping experiences.

If these patterns are affecting your work, relationships, health, or daily life, consider speaking with a qualified professional who understands both adult ADHD and trauma.

DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

•  Our theme music is Intentions by Abby Noise, licensed through Upbeat
•  https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
• https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
• https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
• https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
• https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
  License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
  License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE

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Masking, Gender, and Misdiagnosis | Part 2 of 4

Some people with ADHD are easy to spot. Others become the dependable one, the organized dispatcher, the unshakable medic, the officer who never misses a detail, or the firefighter everyone counts on when the scene goes sideways.

They may look like they have it completely together. What no one sees is the anxiety, perfectionism, rigid systems, last-minute adrenaline, overthinking, people-pleasing, and exhaustion required to maintain that appearance.

Part 2 of our ADHD in Public Safety series looks beneath the mask.

In this solocast, Cinnamon explores why ADHD does not look the same in every person, and why gender expectations, workplace culture, trauma history, and learned coping strategies can influence what other people see.

Public-safety work can provide urgency, novelty, structure, external accountability, and immediate consequences, all things that may help an ADHD brain engage. That can make someone exceptionally effective on the job while leaving them unable to initiate basic tasks, regulate their emotions, or make another decision once they get home.

Competence is real. But so is what that competence may be costing.

This episode is not about dividing ADHD into a “male version” and a “female version.” It is about understanding how different people learn to express, suppress, compensate for, or disguise their struggles—and how those differences affect who gets noticed, who gets misdiagnosed, and who continues suffering quietly.

In This Episode

• Why ADHD can look dramatically different from one person to another
• How gender roles and social expectations influence which behaviors get noticed
• The difference between managing ADHD and masking it
• Why perfectionism, overpreparation, people-pleasing, and rigid routines may be forms of compensation
• How someone can function brilliantly during an emergency and collapse afterward
• The emotional and physical cost of appearing consistently competent
• Why anxiety, depression, trauma responses, and ADHD are sometimes confused with one another
• What it means to function in alignment with your brain instead of constantly fighting against it

The Hidden Cost of Competence
Masking may help someone avoid criticism, disciplinary action, embarrassment, or rejection. It may also help them build a successful career.

But a strategy can be effective and still be expensive.

If maintaining the image of being capable requires chronic anxiety, sacrificing sleep, working twice as hard, rehearsing every interaction, or collapsing the moment you are finally alone, the system may be working—but it is not working without a cost.

Recognition is not about taking away someone’s competence. It is about acknowledging everything required to produce it.

Free Companion Resource

Download the complete four-part series companion:

ADHD in Public Safety

For this installment, spend some time with the section exploring what people see versus what may be happening privately. Visible competence does not always reveal the fear, urgency, exhaustion, overload, or rigid compensation holding it together.

The resource also includes:

• ADHD-associated experiences that may not be fully captured by a diagnostic checklist
• A self-reflection checklist
• Questions for identifying patterns, impact, and support needs
• The Recognition → Beneath the Mask → Accountability → Repair progression

Download the free PDF

This resource is designed for education and self-reflection. It is not a screening instrument or diagnostic assessment.

Check out our ADHD Traits & Experiences guide here. 

Continue the Series
Listen to Part 1: ADHD, Trauma, or the Job?

Important Note:

This episode and its companion materials are for educational purposes only. They are not intended to diagnose ADHD, PTSD, or any other mental-health condition, and they are not a substitute for individualized assessment or treatment.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition with several recognized presentations. No presentation belongs exclusively to one gender. Trauma, anxiety, depression, autism, sleep deprivation, shift work, substance use, medication effects, learning differences, and medical conditions can create or intensify overlapping experiences.

If these patterns are affecting your work, relationships, health, or daily life, consider speaking with a qualified professional who understands both adult ADHD and trauma.

DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

•  Our theme music is Intentions by Abby Noise, licensed through Upbeat
•  https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
• https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
• https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
• https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
• https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
  License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
  License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE

Send us Fan Mail

ADHD, Trauma, and First Responders | Part 1 of 4

You can handle chaos on scene but lose your keys at home. You can remember every detail of a traumatic call but forget the appointment you scheduled yesterday.

Is it ADHD? Trauma? The effects of shift work and chronic stress? Or some messy combination of all three?

Episode 164 begins our four-part ADHD in Public Safety series with recognition—not a diagnosis. Before we can understand the behavior, take accountability for its impact, or repair what it has damaged, we have to get curious about what may be happening underneath it.

In this solocast, Cinnamon explores the complicated overlap between ADHD, trauma responses, and the realities of working in public safety. Distractibility can resemble hypervigilance. Impulsivity can look like a fight-or-flight response. Task paralysis can resemble shutdown or freeze. Forgetfulness may be influenced by executive dysfunction, overload, disrupted sleep, dissociation, or several of these at once.

Public-safety work can both hide these struggles and intensify them. A brain that comes alive during an emergency may have a much harder time managing appointments, paperwork, household tasks, relationships, and the quiet moments after the tones drop.

The goal of this episode is not to hand you a label. It is to give you better questions, more accurate language, and a starting point for understanding why your brain may work brilliantly in chaos—and struggle when nothing is actively on fire.

In This Episode

• Why ADHD and trauma can create similar difficulties with attention, memory, time, and executive function
• The difference between distractibility and a nervous system scanning for danger
• How survival adaptations can look like dysfunction outside an emergency
• Why competence on scene does not mean someone is functioning well everywhere else
• The effects of shift work, chronic stress, disrupted sleep, and overload
• A controversial trauma-centered perspective on ADHD—and why the larger clinical picture still matters
• Questions that can help identify when and where these patterns began
• Why understanding the reason behind a behavior is a starting point—not a free pass

Free Companion Resource

Download the complete four-part series companion:

Beyond the Checklist: Common ADHD-Associated Experiences the Diagnostic Criteria Don’t Fully Capture

This free four-page resource includes:

• ADHD-associated experiences that may not be fully captured by a diagnostic checklist
• A self-reflection checklist
• A look at what others may see versus what may be happening privately
• Reflection questions for identifying patterns, impact, support needs, and next steps
• The Recognition → Beneath the Mask → Accountability → Repair series progression

Learn about the non-diagnostic traits of ADHD here.

This resource is designed for education and self-reflection. It is not a screening instrument or diagnostic assessment.

DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

•  Our theme music is Intentions by Abby Noise, licensed through Upbeat
•  https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
• https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
• https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
• https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
• https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
  License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
  License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE

Send us Fan Mail

There is an enormous amount of suffering between "I'm doing good" and "I don't want to be here anymore."

As Suicide Prevention Month comes to a close, Cinnamon challenges the idea that suicide prevention begins only when someone becomes suicidal. What about the months, or years, before the crisis? What about the first responder who is still showing up, still handling calls, still cracking jokes, but has quietly stopped enjoying their own life?

After saying goodbye to Ben, her 14-year-old pug, Cinnamon found herself thinking about the way we talk about quality of life when we make end-of-life decisions for our pets, and how rarely quality of life gets the same attention in conversations about human suicide prevention.

She also explains what she means when she says Save a Warrior "saved my life." She is not necessarily saying it stopped her from killing herself. It helped her work through grief, guilt, old trauma, old patterns, and the parts of life that had become increasingly unlivable. Sometimes saving a life means keeping a heart beating. Sometimes it means helping someone get their life back.

Using retired firefighter Jim Burneka's book Overcoming Tuesday as a frame, Cinnamon asks a different set of wellness questions: What does an ordinary Tuesday feel like? Do you sleep? Do you like going home? Do you still laugh? Do you have fun that serves no productive purpose? Does anyone know your truth? Do you know who you are when nobody needs anything from you?

Because most of life is not the five-alarm fire, the officer-involved shooting, the pediatric code, or the line-of-duty death. Most of life is Tuesday.

IN THIS EPISODE:
- Why "alive" is too low a bar for first responder wellness
- Suicide prevention before someone reaches a suicidal crisis
- Grief, Ben, and the question of quality of life
- What Cinnamon means when she says Save a Warrior saved her life
- Jim Burneka's Overcoming Tuesday and the importance of ordinary days
- Sleep, relationships, alcohol, chronic pain, identity, fun, and connection
- Why the uniform cannot be the only thing holding a person's identity together
- Questions that matter before "Are you suicidal?"
- Why "What would make your life 10% better?" can be a powerful place to start
- Peer support and small, practical ways departments can raise the bar

"You don't have to be the sickest person in the room to deserve support. Somebody else having it worse does not magically make you well or make your pain invalid."

"I started this podcast because I wanted to make an impact on suicide rates, but I'm continuing this podcast because I want more of you to actually live."

Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Save a Warrior
- Overcoming Tuesday by Jim Burneka

After the Tones Drop is for educational and entertainment purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health care, medical care, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are struggling or in crisis, please reach out to a qualified professional or an appropriate crisis resource in your area.

DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

•  Our theme music is Intentions by Abby Noise, licensed through Upbeat
•  https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
• https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
• https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
• https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
• https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
  License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
  License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE

Send us Fan Mail

“You knew what you signed up for.”

Maybe. But knowing what might happen is not the same as knowing what it will feel like when it does.

In this episode, Cinnamon challenges one of the most dismissive phrases used toward first responders and explores the difference between understanding the risks of the job and being prepared for the emotional, relational, and psychological consequences that can follow.

Drawing from conversations with past guests including John Mattingly, Giovanni Rocco, Jess Flores, Justin Atherton, and Ed Monroe, she examines the injuries that rarely make it into academy training: organizational betrayal, public scrutiny, career loss, identity disruption, unexpected emotional reactions, and the moment the people or institutions you trusted become part of the trauma.

She also looks at how childhood adversity can intersect with first responder culture, why uncertainty keeps the nervous system stuck in threat mode, and why accountability and humane treatment are not mutually exclusive.

First responders may sign up to do difficult work. They do not sign away their nervous systems, their identities, their families, their grief, or their right to be affected by what they experience.

Maybe the better sentence was never, “You knew what you signed up for.”

Maybe it was: “You knew what might happen. You couldn’t know exactly what it would feel like.”

Disclaimer:  After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

• https://uppbeat.io/t/abbynoise/intentions
  License code: 6EH17HSYMTZPKEYF

DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

•  Our theme music is Intentions by Abby Noise, licensed through Upbeat
•  https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
• https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
• https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
• https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
• https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
  License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
  License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE

Send us Fan Mail

Season 4 begins with a return, a reset, and a different way of thinking about what it means to keep going. 

After a two-month hiatus, Cinnamon comes back to After the Tones Drop to talk about what actually happened when she finally stopped pushing quite so hard.

What began as time away from weekly podcast production became an unexpected experiment in rest, grief, nervous-system recovery, connection, and learning how difficult it can be to truly disconnect when being productive — and being needed — has become part of your identity.

Cinnamon reflects on carrying several deeply painful experiences for years, what happened when she finally gave herself enough space to grieve them, and the difference between distracting yourself from pain and actually making room to process it.

She also shares what thousands of miles on the road taught her about curiosity, friendship, boredom, play, and the value of doing things that have absolutely no productive purpose.

Along the way came an unexpected lesson: the work kept working even when she wasn’t.

During one week of the hiatus, After the Tones Drop was downloaded more than 300 times. And when two deaths affected people in her community while she was away, Cinnamon discovered that she could give less than she normally would — without giving nothing — and still make a profound difference.

Maybe impact doesn’t require being a machine 24 hours a day.

This episode also explores psychological detachment from work, why nervous systems don’t simply switch off when the shift ends, and why recovery can take considerably longer than a weekend or a vacation.

Season 4 also marks a new chapter for After the Tones Drop: the show is joining the Firefighter Nation platform, expanding the opportunity for these conversations to reach an even larger first responder community. More about that transition will be shared as it unfolds.

In this episode:

•  Why “not working” and actually being off are two very different things 
•  Grief that waits until there is finally enough room to feel it 
•  Why functioning is not the same thing as being okay 
•  Psychological detachment and nervous-system recovery 
•  Learning that rest does not diminish your impact 
•  Friendship, belonging, and being known beyond what you do for other people 
•  The strangely wonderful experience of becoming bored again 
•  What a questionable dirt road into Taos taught Cinnamon about trusting the road you’re on 
•  Why wellness cannot only be about surviving 
•  What Cinnamon is carrying forward into Season 4 

DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

•  Our theme music is Intentions by Abby Noise, licensed through Upbeat
•  https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
• https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
• https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
• https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
• https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
  License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
  License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE

Send us Fan Mail

In this Season 3 wrap-up episode of After the Tones Drop, Cinnamon steps away from guest interviews and clinical deep dives for a different kind of conversation: a check-in, a pause, and a summer sign-off.

After a full season of powerful conversations, travel, trainings, conferences, client work, and writing, 

Cinnamon is taking a summer sabbatical from the podcast. 

This break is not because something terrible happened. 

Cinnamon talks honestly about burnout, recovery, integrity, and the uncomfortable practice of taking care of yourself before everything falls apart. She also shares why this pause is necessary for finishing her book on adverse childhood experiences, first responder culture, trauma, shame, coping, survival, and what happens when the child we once were keeps showing up in the adult uniform.

This episode is a reminder that rest does not have to be earned through collapse. Sometimes stepping back is not a sign that things are bad. Sometimes stepping back is how you keep things good.

After the Tones Drop will return September 2. During the break, Cinnamon will be writing, resting, playing, and opening submissions for first responders who want to share their stories for the book.

To submit your first responder story of childhood adversity and occupational exposure click here: https://yxvd94e88gi.typeform.com/FR-ACES-Story

DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

•  Our theme music is Intentions by Abby Noise, licensed through Upbeat
•  https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
• https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
• https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
• https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
• https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
  License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
  License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE

Send us Fan Mail

In this solo episode of After the Tones Drop, Cinnamon takes a detour through Sons of Anarchy, Better Call Saul, childhood bullying, and first responder trauma to explain something that finally gave language to one of her own reactions: justice sensitivity.

Justice sensitivity is not about being dramatic, difficult, or unable to “let things go.” It is the way some nervous systems react intensely to unfairness, betrayal, hypocrisy, selective accountability, and abuse of power.

For people with adverse childhood experiences, especially those raised in environments with addiction, emotional volatility, inconsistency, neglect, or selective blame, fairness was not just a nice idea. Fairness meant safety. When the rules kept changing, when accountability disappeared, or when the wrong person carried the blame, the nervous system learned to scan for injustice as a threat.

That wiring can become part of what draws people into first responder work, law enforcement, fire, EMS, dispatch, military, counseling, advocacy, nursing, and other service-based roles. It can make people ethical, loyal, protective, and mission-driven. But it can also make betrayal trauma and moral injury hit harder.

In this episode, Cinnamon breaks down why injustice can feel so personal, why some people cheer when the “bad guy” finally gets consequences, why unfairness can trigger rage or shutdown, and why first responders with high ACEs may carry a deeper wound when leadership, systems, or people they trusted fail them.

This is not about losing your sensitivity.

It is about understanding it, protecting your nervous system, and learning how to keep your integrity without burning yourself alive in the fire of injustice.

DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

•  Our theme music is Intentions by Abby Noise, licensed through Upbeat
•  https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
• https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
• https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
• https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
• https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
  License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
  License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE

Send us Fan Mail

In Episode 158 of After the Tones Drop, Cinnamon sits down with Katherine Boyle, founder of Beyond the Uniform with The LT’s Daughter, for a conversation about first responder families, law enforcement kids, parenting, values, and what it means to be present at home while serving in a demanding career.

Katherine grew up as the daughter of a Philadelphia police lieutenant, and unlike many stories we hear in the first responder world, her childhood was protected, grounded, and deeply connected. That experience became the foundation for her work: helping first responders understand that they can have an incredible career and still build a strong, healthy, connected family.

This conversation goes beyond the usual “leave work at work” advice. Cinnamon and Katherine talk about what children in law enforcement families may be carrying, why kids need age-appropriate explanations instead of fear-based parenting, how social media has changed the experience of being a first responder’s child, and why values can become a compass for the whole family.

They also talk about Katherine’s Legacy Project Workbook, a practical tool designed to help first responder families create intentional memories, ask better questions, open conversations, and build connection before distance becomes the family norm.

This episode is for the first responder who wants to do the job well without losing the people at home. It is for the spouse trying to protect the family rhythm. It is for the adult child of a first responder who is still making sense of what they carried. And it is for every leader who needs to remember that wellness includes the family, not just the person in uniform.

Learn more about Katherine’s work at https://beyondtheuniform.co
and follow her on Instagram at @theltsdaughter.

DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop is shared for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. The views expressed are those of the individual speaking. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified professional or emergency services in a crisis. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information. 

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat): 

•  Our theme music is Intentions by Abby Noise, licensed through Upbeat
•  https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
• https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
• https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
• https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
• https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
  License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
• https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
  License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE