Air-Check Your Life

In this episode, you'll hear:

• The difference between typical kid behavior and serious school avoidance issues 

Jayne Demsky is an advocate, a mother, and the founder of the School of Avoidance Alliance. Jayne's son is now 27, but in 2009, his school avoidance started, and Jayne quickly found there was very little information available, a huge stigma around mental illness, and no help from the educators or administrators at the school. In fact, the pushback from the school was so extreme that she had to hire both an educational advocate and a special education attorney to get her son the help he needed. 

Contrary to popular belief, most children dealing with school avoidance are good students and do not deal with bullying issues, but rather have underlying issues like mental health issues or undiagnosed learning issues. Many kids dealing with school avoidance do not have awareness of the root cause and are unable to articulate why they are uncomfortable going to school, leaving parents and educators to become detectives to identify the reasons. Cognitive behavior therapy is essential to overcoming the issues and reintegrating children into school, but the worsening nationwide mental health crisis and lack of access to mental health professionals leave parents and schools in charge of recognizing and intervening appropriately. 

Over the past ten years, Jayne has been spreading awareness about the issue, helping families and schools navigate and overcome the challenges of school avoidance, and making sure parents know they are not alone in their struggles. 

In this episode, Mathew, Dr. Frank, and Jayne discuss what school avoidance is, how it differs from “just not wanting to go to school," the underlying issues that contribute to it, and how schools and parents must work together to solve these issues for our kids. She outlines what to do and what not to do if your child is having issues with school avoidance, her journey of learning about and navigating school avoidance with her son, and why school empathy is the number one factor determining successful reintegration. 

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Get LFPWLI Merch here!

Resources:

• SchoolAvoidance.org 

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why do certain foods present issues for us at certain times but not others?

Alex Martinez is a father, husband, CEO, chairman, and co-founder of Intrinsic Medicine. He is “an entrepreneur inspired to make a public health impact informed by his own patient journey.” He grew up in the Bronx with an incredibly hard-working Puerto Rican and Dominican family. However, things changed for their family when Alex’s father made it into medical school. Alex was born ill and spent time in the NICU, but despite the odds, his parents never lost hope. Alex’s family followed his father's career around the country, and they landed on a farm where he grew up, learned the value of hard work, and immersed himself in the beauty of nature.

Before founding Intrinsic Medicine, Alex was “putting out fires” at a biotechnology company in California, where he was dealing with potentially fatal side effects in late-stage clinical studies. He decided that the job didn’t align with his values. It began to take a toll on him, so he left to start a different kind of biotech founded upon the ancient “first, do no harm” principles by finding safe, natural compounds that would address the two largest issues at the core of the health issues most people are facing today: immune systems and microbiomes being dysregulated. 

Alex started Intrince Medicine because he needed it first. He had decades-long GI issues, and soon after he founded Intrinsic Medicine in July of 2018, he started having pain every time he ate, leading to the rapid loss of 40 pounds. After some scans and tests, his doctors told him he had a mass in his abdomen attached to his GI system. What started as searching for an ulcer became a potential cancer evaluation. They tried various diagnostic approaches but eventually had to do surgery that resulted in about 2 feet of his bowel being cut out. Weeks after the surgery, Alex was rehospitalized for five days with a bowel impaction that could have been fatal. At the hospital, he was flushed with antibiotics, discharged five days later, and shocked to find that there was no long-term support. He knew then he would have to rebuild his microbiome alone using the very science underlying his new therapeutics. He got some supplement versions of the compounds he intended to develop as drugs and became Patient Zero for Intrinsic Medicine. Alex has been on the compounds ever since and says it has been transformative for him and his IBS. 

Like Alex and many of us, Mathew has also struggled with GI issues throughout his life and shares his experience. He asks why certain foods present issues for certain people but not others and how stress impacts our guts. 70% of the immune system is in the gut, and the gut is connected to the brain, so sometimes what feels good for you one day may not be good the next day, depending on dozens of other factors. Thankfully, Alex gives us some action items we can all start today. Keep a food journal to see where you are, be mindful of your fiber intake, and use the Bristol stool scale to monitor what is happening with your body. Alex wraps up with his take on pre-and probiotics, the research about human milk sugars, and what formula we should use for babies if we cannot breastfeed.

“Know thy poops.”

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why do certain foods present issues for us at certain times but not others?

Get LFPWLI Merch here!

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• IntrinsicMedicine.com 

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Surviving a Stalker + EMDR to Take Her Power Back with Candice 

In this episode, you'll hear:

• How being sexually molested as a toddler manifested later in her life 

When Candice was 16, she started dating a boy who seemed nice enough at first but started to throw up some red flags after a while, like controlling behavior and abnormal jealous reactions. Immediately after Candice broke up with him, he began repeatedly calling her house. Her parents were concerned, but like her, they thought it would end eventually. It didn't take long to realize this was next level with graphic death threats, letters, and unannounced appearances at her house. Eventually, Candice filled her first restraining order and began a journey that would last 23 years. 

Candice tells us her childhood was "average." She had loving middle-class parents, but sadly, her babysitter sexually molested her from ages 2 to 3. She knew it had happened but could not remember, so she thought it wasn’t affecting her, but she was wrong. The repressed trauma developed into irrational fears, anxieties, and physical health issues. Mathew opens up about a similar situation he went through, and they talk about how repressed trauma manifests later in life and how they both learned there is light on the other side. Candice has found that daily meditation and EMDR therapy have helped her regain trust in her intuition and have been the most effective tools for her in managing anxiety. 

Candice has suffered from c-ptsd, depression, and anxiety, along with a host of other issues, as a result of the stalking and the aftermath of navigating the justice system. However, she tells us she has found hope in healing, growth, and self-discovery through years of EMDR and trauma-focused therapy. EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing and involves moving your eyes in a specific way while you process traumatic memories to help you heal from trauma. Many of us become “emotional stuffers," but eventually, you or the people around you will have to deal with it. Through EMDR, Candice gained a sense of self-awareness that living in fight or flight isn't normal, that her trauma was impacting her physical health, and that there are tools to help her deal with triggers in a healthier way. When every day is about surviving, no one, not even you, can get the best version of yourself. Her trauma caused her never to feel safe and never feel good enough, but through therapy, she has been able to dig deep, get to the root of those limiting beliefs, and challenge them. 

Unfortunately, internal demons are not the only ones she has had to battle over the years. People who stalk are after power and control. Her stalker is mentally ill and has progressively gotten worse over the years. He wasn't like that when she met him, but still, she has experienced a lot of victim blaming around why she dated him in the first place and what she did to him to cause this. She has also found that navigating the criminal justice system is extremely difficult, especially for stalking victims. Candice says meticulously collecting evidence and finally accepting help from the services available are what finally enabled her to get him convicted and sentenced to prison on aggravated stalking charges after ten years. Thankfully, her family and friends have been supportive over the years. However, balancing safety with taking her power back and putting herself first has been a struggle and an ongoing process.

Today, at 40, Candice is here to share her experience with the trauma she’s been through, her healing process, and the therapies and treatments that have worked for her to give hope to crime victims, victims of domestic violence, and anyone who goes through prolonged trauma. Finally, she feels safe, has taken her power back, and has stepped into her true self. 

“It is not an easy journey, but you don't stay in that place.”

Get LFPWLI Merch here!

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• Stalking Victim Connect Resource Center

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

A PCP-Laced Brownie Changed Her Whole Life with Ruth Poniarski

In this episode, Mathew and Ruth discuss the impact of unknowingly ingesting a hallucinogenic substance while already in a bad mental state, the long-term impacts, her recovery journey, and where she is today.

Ruth Poniarski is here to share her story of surviving a devastating mental illness that stemmed from a PCP-laced brownie. In 1977, Ruth was in her fourth year of a five-year architectural program and struggling with extremely low self-esteem. She was in a bad place and felt isolated when she met an older man. He invited her to an intimate college party and gave her a brownie laced with PCP (angel dust), leading to a series of life-threatening nervous breakdowns that caused her to leave college and seek out psychological help. This led to a multi-year uphill battle to find relief from anxiety, depression, mania, and severe insomnia. She never gave up, and eventually, she found the right psychologist for her, was prescribed the proper medication, and broke the cycle. She has not had a breakdown since 2010.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What led Ruth to the party where she was drugged?

Get LFPWLI Merch here!

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• RuthPoniarski.com 

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Today's episode is what the podcast people call a "Swap." We're pausing Learn from people who lived it this week to showcase one of the most downloaded episodes on the I NEEDED THAT PODCAST.

Today’s show features an interview with Dr. Mary Claire Haver. Dr. Mary Claire Haver is a wife, mom, physician, and entrepreneur who has devoted her adult life to women’s health. As a board-certified OBGYN in Houston, Dr. Haver has delivered thousands of babies, completed thousands of well-woman exams, counseled patients, taught residents, and done everything an academic professor and OBGYN could do. This episode is all about MENOPAUSE! This conversation must be had; both male and female listeners should understand this process. What happens when women go through menopause? Listen and learn during this fabulous episode!

Also in this episode:

Chris brings questions from his followers to Dr. Haver

Dr. Haver explains hormone replacement therapy

Dr. Haver expands on how the number on the scale does not fully represent health

Mathews asks Dr. Haver: How can men support the women going through menopause in our lives?

Mathew and Chris invite Dr. Haver to play a round of Name That Tune

Mathew and Chris invite Dr. Haver to play a round of: Would You Rather

Go to https://betterhelp.com/ineededthat for 10% off your first month of therapy with

BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help #sponsored

Try Neurogum over at https://tryneurogum.com/ineededthat #sponsored

Thanks for checking out our podcast, and please don’t forget to follow along on Instagram at www.instagram.com/ineededthat

Connect with Chris Powell, get links to his new app (coming soon) as well as products & speaking info at www.ChrisPowell.com

Connect with Mathew Blades, and bring him to speak at www.learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com

Bring movement to your company or school with Move 1 Million www.m1m.org

Connect with Dr. Mary Claire Haver here: https://www.instagram.com/drmaryclaire

Resources that Dr. Mary Claire mentioned found here:

https://www.menopause.org/

https://www.myalloy.com/

https://www.joinmidi.com/

https://maryclairewellness.com/

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why do many high performers have a hard time cutting loose?

This is part three of three in a series with Cortney McDermott. Cort is a bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and mind-body expert with a Master of Science from the London School of Economics. She speaks four languages and currently splits her time between Italy and the US. There was a time when it looked like she had it all, but in reality, she was “miserably successful." She had a series of “cold shower moments” where she realized that, despite her accomplishments, she was unhappy. She looked around and saw that it didn't seem like anyone around her was feeling fulfilled. Finding her way out of that space and helping others do the same has become her calling and a new career.

It can be easy to get caught up in the seriousness of life. With bills, doctor visits, and laundry, we often feel like we don’t have time to relax or can’t afford to let things spin out of control. It may be hard for you to let go because you do care so much. There is nothing wrong with caring, and as Mathew always says, “Letting go is not the same as not caring.” However, in reality, we rarely control most things happening in our lives, like our heartbeat, the weather, or people's actions. It can be hard to break away from the identities you’ve created around yourself: control freak, type A, high achiever... But there is an easier way to navigate life, and you may find the results are even better when you go with the flow.

Cort tells us there was a time in her life when she was operating from a “push place," trying to force her will on life. Now, she has shifted to an intrinsically motivated place. By leaning into her internal instructions, she has found more peace and happiness in her life. Having time to listen to the universe can be seen as a luxury, but as Cort told us in part two of this series, she sees busyness as a lie, and by silencing the noise, space can be created. There is freedom in letting go of things we cannot control. What other people think of you is none of your business, and by eliminating that concern, we can begin to find more time to invest in ourselves.

As we become adults, “play” can feel inaccessible, but Cort's advice is to just try new things and do what feels good. We are on a ball of dirt spinning through space. Ride the wave and do what you need to do to find happiness. We are not in control, but we can influence and adapt.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why do many high performers have a hard time cutting loose?

Get LFPWLI Merch here!

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• Everything is Fine, but You Are Still Unhappy: Change Your Mindset with Cortney McDermott

Connect with the Guest

• CortneyMcdermott.com

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Part 2: Creating More Time in Your Day with Cortney McDermott

This is part two of three in a series with Cortney McDermott. Cort is a bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and mind-body expert with a Master of Science from the London School of Economics. She speaks four languages and splits her time between Italy and the US. There was a time in her life when it looked like she had it all, but in reality, she was “miserably successful." She had a series of “cold shower moments” where she realized that, despite her accomplishments, she was unhappy. She looked around and saw that it didn't seem like anyone around her was feeling fulfilled. Finding her way out of that space and helping others do the same has become her calling and a new career.

Do you tie your value to your productivity? Do you think being busy gives you self-worth? Do you struggle with time management? Cortney tells us she used to be this person too, until one day, she removed the word “busy” from her vocabulary, flipped her relationship with time, and started to focus on the things that were really important to her, and eventually, it started to feel like time expanded.

For many of us, the chaos starts when we open our eyes, roll over, and grab our cell phones. Cort tells us our brains are most programmable right before we fall asleep and right after we wake up, so avoiding the phone in bed is a small way to make a few minutes of time for ourselves and begin to cultivate stillness. In that stillness, we can access our innate intelligence and begin to see things more clearly. A lot of what we think we need to be doing is just noise. In stillness, we can find honesty that allows us to evaluate what we are spending time on and can actually let go of. In the same way, there are things that only we can do, like spend time with our family. By eliminating the "busyness," you will have more time for the important things.

However, there are seasons in life when we feel the busyness serves us, like when we are expanding in our careers or building a family. Mathew reminds us that while there is a time to turn the volume up to 10, there are also times to lower it back down to 2. As long as you realize that no one but you can control the volume of your life, you will maintain the ability to manage your own time. As many of us know, a task will expand to the time it is allotted, leading to procrastination. By setting realistic yet ambitious timelines for ourselves, we maximize what we can accomplish. No matter what, remember that you always have permission to opt out. Identify the noise and areas where you are giving too much out of a sense of obligation or outside perception, then take back your time. Link new behaviors to existing behaviors, like listening to the audiobook while watching your kids practice or doing wall push-ups each time you go to the bathroom. Experiment with patterns and habits you can associate to make your life easier.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• How to be intentional with your days when you are living a “busy” life

Get LFPWLI Merch here!

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• Everything is Fine, but You Are Still Unhappy: Change Your Mindset with Cortney McDermott

Connect with the Guest

• CortneyMcdermott.com

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Part 1: Why You Don’t Have What You Want with Cortney McDermott

This is part one of three in a series with Cortney McDermott. Cort is a bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and mind-body expert with a Master of Science from the London School of Economics. She speaks four languages and splits her time between Italy and the US. There was a time in her life when it looked like she had it all, but in reality, she was “miserably successful." She had a series of “cold shower moments” where she realized that, despite her accomplishments, she was unhappy. She looked around and saw that it didn't seem like anyone around her was feeling fulfilled either. Finding her way out of that space and helping others do the same has become her calling and a new career.

In this episode, Mathew and Cortney discuss why you feel like you don’t have what you want. While Cort was having her mindfulness meditation one morning in Italy, it hit her: "You're not there yet because there is always somewhere outside of you." Most of us are chasing something outside of ourselves that we think we want and tie our happiness and fulfillment to getting it. However, a common approach, this thinking, will only set you up for failure. The only place to find real fulfillment is inside of ourselves. You are not after the thing. You are after what you think the thing will make you feel.

“You have it all. You have it all. It's right there inside you, and it’s the last place you’ll look.”

To understand your real desires and see that you have the capacity to achieve them already, you have to find stillness and surrender to a chaotic world. Being able to trust yourself is essential to being able to let go of control. Become an observer of life, take a deep breath, and understand that it’s all already changing, whether you want it to or not. Your external environment is changing you, but at the same time, you have agency over your inner environment, which will shape the world around you and your perception of it. “If I am ok with myself, then everything will be ok around me.”

“You're not there yet because there is always somewhere outside you.”

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Understanding what we really want is the first step to getting there.

Get LFPWLI Merch here!

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• Everything is Fine, but You Are Still Unhappy: Change Your Mindset with Cortney McDermott

Connect with the Guest

• CortneyMcdermott.com

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Combating Complacency with James Schlosser

James Schlosser is joining us from Washington, DC, to discuss combating complacency. This topic is important to him because he grew up in poverty and lived in survival mode with a scarcity mindset. He had an issue with his eyes that made reading hard; therefore, school was exhausting and discouraging. Eventually, he went to college without direction on a Pell Grant. During his last semester of school, his father passed away, and that led him to drop out of school and start working in a woodshop with his brother-in-law. He wasn't making enough money at the woodshop, so he pursued a job in sales, and it turns out that was precisely where he was meant to be. Eventually, he had the money, the cars, the house, and the savings, but he couldn't shake the scarcity mindset. James nearly lost it all after becoming a top sales performer due to burnout and complacency. That is when the real soul-searching started for him.

Today, on the other side of that journey, he is a speaker helping people build core values, create a mission, and become intentional. He talks about how complacency leads to burnout, finding your "why," and how to bounce back after losing it all. He has found that focusing on what is essential brings them success in life and manifests success in work and finances.

James says complacency means being too comfortable, getting bored, and losing sight of long-term goals. Complacency can also plague your home and relationships, but by being present, mindful, and grounding ourselves in gratitude, we can be better partners, parents, and people. What if you knew you had only two weeks to live? What would become most important for you? Those things must be your first priority right after you wake up and before you go to bed. Busy lives lead us to make concessions, and eventually, our values and ourselves can get lost in the fog of life. Writing things down helps us stay accountable to ourselves and consistent in the marathon of life. Time blocking, creating boundaries, and prioritizing your values are how we combat complacency. Learning to put work away helps us be present where we are, whether at work, with family, or with friends.

“If you want your life to change, you have to change your life.”

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What leads to complacency and a scarcity mindset?

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Get LFPWLI Merch here!

Resources:

• JamesSchlosser.com

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Youth Sports: What we have done wrong and how to fix it with Luis Fernando Llosa

Luis Fernando Llosa is a Peruvian-Ukrainian-American writer, editor, speaker, investigative reporter, youth sports consultant, and full-time father-coach of his five kids. He started his journalism career at Fortune Magazine in 1995, then moved to Money Magazine in 1996. After three years there, he found he was always looking for the people in the stories and realized the best opportunities for the long-form writing he wanted to pursue were in sports. As a reporter for Sports Illustrated, he had his big breakthrough working on the Danny Almonte Little League baseball age scandal. That was his introduction to “youth sports gone awry." He went on to investigate supplement and steroid use in major league baseball, world champion boxing, the Olympics, and wrestling. When he began talking to the parents of children who had committed suicide while cycling off of steroids, Luis became passionate about the influence of coaches, parents, and professional players on youth athletes.

In this episode, Mathew and Luis discuss the good, bad, and dangerous aspects of youth sports. A child's relationship with sports will shape the rest of their lives. Luis tells us about the importance of being mindful of the sports environments we put children in, the red and green flags to look out for, and the importance of understanding your own sports biography. He also outlines new-school vs. old-school coaching techniques and ways to improve children's relationships with sports while improving their skills holistically and sustainably.

Each person has their own sports biography. Whether you were a star athlete, perpetually on the bench, or avoided organized events like the plague, each parent and coach brings their baggage to the game. Luis stresses that adults must make peace with their history before entering youth sports with their children to avoid projections of expectations, successes, or mistakes. Ego-driven coaching leads youth coaches to be in it to win it at all costs, but there is a new wave of coaches who are reflecting on their roles in kids' lives.

A Good coach utilizes creativity for themselves and their players. Luis says a coach must work on themselves and understand that failure to connect with an athlete does not indicate something is wrong with the kid, but rather that the coach needs to figure out new ways to do their job to get through to them. Coaches have to develop social-emotional intelligence to be able to coach kids with ADHD, social anxiety, hyperaggression, or other neurodivergent tendencies.

Before considering who the coach is, parents must decide when to enter organized sports and how to pursue age-appropriate development. It is counterintuitive, but putting kids in command-oriented organized sports too early can choke off their potential for the creativity that makes a great athlete. Specialization is limiting. If a child is athletic, they will develop better by playing multiple sports. The greats like Wayne Gretzky and Pelé learned on the streets. Luis tells us he has seen the harmful long-term effects of pushing young athletes and implores parents and coaches to hold off on hard training until an appropriate age. He says two ways to improve physical longevity for young athletes are signing them up for a complementary sport during at least one off-season a year and taking time to rest each day and week.

Children need freedom to learn, and amazing things can happen in chaos. However, ego-driven coaches and parents often hesitate to give up control regarding young athletes' training. A coach's role changes throughout different age ranges, but they need to bring general structure, balance, and safety. Luis tells us that free play is essential for ages 3 to 12, as it teaches flexibility, adaptability, and how to deal with other kids socially. These skills stay with kids throughout their entire lives and make them better adults, no matter what path they choose to pursue. Luis says organized sports shouldn't happen until age 11, and even then, it's not the typical league structure with uniforms and championships. For this age, coaching is about demonstrating movement, teaching game skills, creating dynamic practice structures, and providing technical advice. At any age, all coaches need to practice positivity. When pointing out one thing done wrong, make sure to point out three things done right and leave the other issues for the next day.

Luis ends the show with three things parents can be mindful of to help their young athletes:

• Take a good look at the coach: Are they ego-driven? Do they coach through negativity or use anger as a tool? Are you afraid of them?

You can hear more from Luis through his work with Whole Child Sports or by checking out his books: Beyond Winning: Smart Parenting in a Toxic Sports Environment and Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What is wrong with youth sports today, and what can be done about it?

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• Whole Child Sports

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson