Air-Check Your Life

How to be Happy with Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar

In this episode, you'll hear:

• The elements of happiness and how to be happier

Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar joins us from his home in New Jersey, where he recently launched the world's first fully accredited master’s degree program in happiness at Centenary University. Tal is an expert in the field, having received his BA in Philosophy and Psychology and Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior from Harvard. He tells us that, as a young man, his squash training informed his understanding of what it takes to become an expert and excel throughout his life. Tal's dedication to the sport led him to play squash professionally and, eventually, to win the Israeli National Squash Championships. After being injured during his time in the Israeli Army, he left professional sports but was soon recruited to play at the amateur level for Harvard. There, he won the U.S. intercollegiate squash championships and eventually returned to his alma mater to become a lecturer.

Tal first began thinking about the nature of happiness when he found that success in Squash was not bringing him happiness. Years later, the same realization came to him again when he found that success academically and socially in college was not causing him to feel happy either. This situation made Tal do the unthinkable… leave his computer science program and move to philosophy and psychology. He had to figure out, “Why aren't I happy? And how can I become happier?" This move kicked off what would become an incredible career and a lifelong dedication to studying the science of happiness. 

Dr. Tal has become an accomplished writer, with his books on positive psychology and leadership being translated into more than thirty languages and appearing on best-seller lists around the world. In addition to what Tal has achieved at Harvard, he has also taught happiness studies at Columbia University, consulted and lectured for companies like Microsoft, Intel, and Google, and given expert interviews on programs like NPR and Armchair Expert.

 Throughout his career, one thing Tal has found to be true is that success has nothing to do with happiness. Rather, happiness will lead to success. One way we can see this happening is with the “flow state." When you are in the "flow,” you are having “peak experience” and “peak performance." Flowing can make us feel happy, but before we can know if we are happy, Tal tells us it’s important to define happiness. 

Most people equate happiness with pleasure, but it is so much more than that. Pleasure is one element of happiness, but there are others as well: spiritual well-being (meaning and purpose), physical well-being (exercise, nutrition, and rest), intellectual well-being (curiosity and lifelong learning), relational well-being (time spent with others and impact on our community), and emotional well-being. Emotional well-being is the element that encompasses pleasure but also requires being able to deal with painful emotions. Dr. Tal says, “The first step to happiness is allowing in unhappiness.”.

Many of us are missing one or more of these elements. There are billions of people worldwide experiencing burnout, and Dr. Tal tells us this is not due to their being more stressed, but rather that there is not enough rest time to take care of all of these aspects. Oftentimes, people just feel like busyness is just a fact of life. Still, by evaluating what we really want in life and understanding that perfection is not realistic but good enough is good enough, you can change your expectations and, in turn, shift your perspective. There is a time for the highs and a time for the lows, but most of the time, we just need to be neutral. Tal calls embracing and accepting that most of life is neutral, with spikes in the highs and dips into the lows, emotional flexibility. He tells us to “surrender to the emotion." Embrace it.

The pandemic is another factor that impacted our happiness. However, one especially alarming trend that Tal has been giving voice to is rising depression rates among teenagers. These recent unprecedented increases are mainly attributed to their widespread use of smartphones. Tal notes that the technology itself isn't the issue, but the lack of boundaries around smartphones is. Technology is radically impacting the self-esteem of men and women, but, to a greater degree, teenage boys and, most radically, teenage girls. Fortunately, Tal has advice on how to do a reality check for our children (and ourselves) when we start comparing our bodies and lives to the ones we see online. Practicing gratitude daily develops an appreciative mindset that will serve us much more than the depreciative mindset so many of us have developed as a result of impossible comparisons. But keep in mind that it's not so much what you say to your children; it's about how you model behavior for them. 

This kind of practical and insightful perspective is what Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar’s Happiness Studies Academy is all about. The goal is to help individuals become happier themselves and empower them to help others do the same. With a year-long certificate program and a two-year, fully accredited master's degree program, Tal is giving future leaders in the field a way to learn about happiness from multiple perspectives. To learn more about these programs, visit happinessstudies.academy/cihs/ 

In this episode, you'll hear:

• The elements of happiness and how to be happier

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• TalBenShahar.com

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

In this episode, you'll hear:

• The elements of happiness and how to be happier

Marriage and Mental Health: Surviving a Spousal Suicide Attempt 

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Taking care of yourself is the best way you can take care of everyone else.

Cari Mclean is a wife, mother, daughter, and advocate. She is here to share how her spouse's mental health journey propelled her into her mental health journey and the role resilience, love, and hope play in her story.

In this episode, Mathew, Dr. Frank, and Cari discuss how the worst night possible propelled her and her family to the best place possible. About three and a half years ago, Cari stopped her husband, Chad, from attempting suicide. It was a wake-up call for Chad and started a long healing journey for him through inpatient care, SSRIs, and all sorts of self-help methods. Unfortunately, none of it was working. Eventually, Chad started ketamine treatment, and it changed his life. One day, Chad looked at Cari and said “What about you?”. Cari realized she had been spending all of her time and mental energy managing the house, caring for their two young boys, and keeping her job. She found that she didn't have the energy for him, let alone herself. Cari says in times of stress when mom’s focus is diverted, dads often get the short end of the stick, and husbands end up missing their wives.

Her whole life, Cari says she was a “stuffer”: the strong one, the one who jumped into action when anything went wrong, all at the demise of her emotional well-being. She tried all the common paths to "self-help," but nothing clicked until her first psilocybin session. Cari notes that it’s important to understand that psychedelics won't solve your problems, but they will change the way you see your problems and show you where you need to look to find the light. For her, one big revelation was about setting boundaries around her family of origin, her parents, for her family of choice, Chad and their sons. Of course, this was easier said than done because she had always been the peacekeeper, but eventually, she was able to find a balance.

After Chad's suicide attempt, Cari wanted to forgive and forget, but there was still a distance between them that she couldn't shake. He had unknowingly and unintentionally taken away her safe space. They were trying to communicate, but they weren't speaking the same language. After some trial and error, they found healing through MDMA couples therapy. It has allowed them to finally process the events of that night and move past them. Cari says she can now see Chad in a more real way, and they are leaning into each other again. As horrible as some of the years were, their relationship is now the best thing she could have ever imagined, and she knows they would not be where they are now if they had not been where they were. It took a lot of hard work and intentional effort to come back from the depths and reemerge in a good place again.

Now, Chad and Cari are in a better place together than ever, and they are sharing their message of hope and healing through their nonprofit, Mental Joe, which helps first responders and veterans access alternative healing like yoga, TRE, and psychedelics. Psychedelics are not for everyone, and Cari tells us they were completely out of her comfort zone before. She felt like she didn't have the type of PTSD that is often talked about with psychedelic therapy, but all trauma is trauma, and healing should be accessible to all. Now, she is passionate about defying the stigmas of psychedelics and mental health.

At the end of the day, it’s all about reliance, love, and hope. You can bounce back, but being strong isn't always the same as being healthy. You have to ask for help. Love means putting in the work every day. There is hope out there, and healing is possible.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Taking care of yourself is the best way you can take care of everyone else.

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• MentalJoe.com

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Achieving Your Dreams with Annie Mayo

In this episode, Mathew, Annie, and Dr. Frank discuss the uphill struggle many people have when they decide to pursue a career in the arts and how different people deal with hearing "No, you can’t”. They explore the reasons others may discourage people from following their artistic dreams, why it is so important to define success for yourself throughout your life, and the impact thoughts have on reality.

Annie Mayo has been a TV and film makeup artist for over 20 years and is also the owner of Advanced Mineral Makeup. As far back as she can remember, she knew she loved makeup and knew she could do what the people in fashion magazines could do. She was in cosmetology school when she got her first movie makeup gig. The only issue was that she didn't know how to do half of what they wanted, but she was confident that she could do anything if she set her mind to it. She asked one of her cosmetology teachers to mentor her, then she made it work, and the rest is history.

“Just not giving up is not a guarantee of success, but giving up along the way is a guarantee that you won't be successful.”

In this episode, you'll hear:

• How to deal with the haters and tune into the supporters

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Connect with the Guest

• Dr. Frank Bevacqua

Resources:

• Advanced Mineral Makeup 

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Mindful Drinking and Socializing while Sober with Abbie and Janay

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What does it mean to be sober curious and practice mindful drinking?

Janay Oakland and Abbie Boudreau are co-founders of Teetotally Lifestyle, “a modern lifestyle choice for sober curious and mindful drinkers.” Janay is a mindful drinker, and Abbie stopped drinking altogether nearly two years ago.

Janay tells us her problem was less an addiction to alcohol and more an addiction to people pleasing. She never felt a major dependence on drinking, but she also never liked the way it made her feel, and she found herself mainly drinking for others. When she turned 30 and had children, she decided it just wasn't worth it anymore. A move to Phoenix brought her close to more like-minded people, like Abbie, and she has since adopted a mindful drinking approach.

Abbie tells us her drinking was social and part of the professional culture she was in as a TV News correspondent. Being laid off at the start of the pandemic led her drinking to become more antisocial and more of an issue. Just like with Janay, a move to Phoenix presented an opportunity for her to make a change and rethink her relationship with alcohol.

In this episode, Mathew, Abbie, and Janay discuss how they were introduced to alcohol, what made them rethink their relationships with drinking, and what their lives look like now in their new lifestyles. Abbie and Janay talk about why it is important to find “replacements” like mindfulness rituals and hobbies, how their husbands who still drink support them, and the spiritual work they lean on in order to stay on track. They also tell us their tips for socializing while sober and how to handle the holidays.

If you are wondering if you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do. A lot of people do, and the pandemic made it worse for many. You don’t have to be an Alcoholic to rethink your relationship with alcohol. Thankfully, there are a growing number of resources, alcohol alternatives, and communities out there to help. Together, Abbie and Janay are on a mission to help people understand they are not alone, change the narrative around drinking, and create a community for anyone reevaluating their relationship with alcohol through Teetotally Lifestyle.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What does it mean to be sober curious and practice mindful drinking?

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• TeetotallyLifestyle.com

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Medical Bills Piling Up? Wight Horse can help.

“Take a step back, breathe... Nothing bad immediately is going to happen. You have some time to figure it out.”

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What inspired Romy to start Wight Horse?

The healthcare system is broken. “There is no way you can put a price on a human life, but the reality is, it’s expensive!” Wight Horse is here to help through education, patience advocacy, and financial grants. In this episode, Mathew and Romy discuss the flaws in the medical insurance system, how to navigate around them, and what to do when bills are piling up. Romy gives great practical advice and industry secrets to help manage and reduce medical debt, like don't ever pay a medical bill on your credit card, remember everything can be negotiated, and always ask the hospital if you are eligible for charity care.

Most people are one unexpected bill away from homelessness. The costs of medical care are skyrocketing, and the insurance companies will not let themselves become the loss leaders. Their goal is to make a profit, and oftentimes, it’s the patients who are left out in the cold. Thankfully, Wight Horse is here to help. They focus on patients who are insured and have at least one person working in the home, as this group often makes too much money to qualify for aid and not enough money to pay the bills. However, even if they can’t help you, they can point you in the right direction.

Romy Wightman is a cancer survivor, patient advocate, and founder of Wight Horse, a nonprofit helping people navigate the medical billing system. Before her own cancer diagnosis, Romy spent many years in the insurance space, working with employer policies. Even with her industry knowledge, the medical bills she was receiving during her treatment started to overwhelm her and take a toll on her family financially. Eventually, they were forced to sell their home to keep up with the payments. She felt so alone during this time until one day she saw a post on Facebook from a popular author saying they also had to sell their house to continue to afford care for their daughter. This was the wake-up call for Romy, showing her she was not the only one struggling. You can do all the right things: save, be responsible, make the right moves, and still get sunk by the healthcare system. This inspired her to start Wight Horse, and she has been helping families navigate, negotiate, and advocate ever since.

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• WightHorse.com

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Winning Despite being Beaten with Olympic Racquetball Player Rhonda Rajsich 

Rhonda Rajsich is an Olympic athlete, a professional racquetball player, speaker, coach, and author. She started playing racquetball at 2 by breaking out of the nursery at the health club her parents went to. She comes from a family of accomplished professional athletes and excellence was expected of her from a young age. Instead of being intimidated by this, she felt inspired by it and knew she would be great. Turns out she was right and today she is the most decorated professional racquetball player in United States history.

However, her journey was anything but easy. 

Flashback to late Saturday night, June 1st, 2008 in Hermosa Beach California. Rhonda had the World Championships coming up in just 6 months when she was blindsided and attacked by two men with brass knuckles. She had the presence of mind to stay on her feet, avoid escalation, and make bold choices that kept her alive. She ended up with several facial fractures that required an extensive 12-hour reconstructive surgery and a grueling recovery process. As hard as the attack was on Rhonda, it was devastating to her loved ones. Instead of receiving comfort, she ended up being the one comforting her girlfriend and family. 

After she got home from the hospital, Rhonda was confronted for the first time by her coach with the fact that she wouldn't be able to compete in the World Championship. True to her nature, Rhonda wasn't accepting no as an answer. They never caught who did this to her, but Worlds was the only thing on her mind. At this point, she was using a walker, unable to eat solid food, and had lost 37 pounds. Despite all the odds, she did it. 

Jumped on June 1st.

Reconstructive surgery on June 11th.

Stopped all pain medication on July 5th.

Won a tournament the second week of July. 

Flew to Ireland on July 29th.

Won her first world title, undefeated, on August 4th.

Leading up to the competition, she couldn’t move around her house let alone train. This is where intense visualization and understanding of the mind-body connection came into play. By visualizing each step in the training process, using all five senses, and showing complete dedication to where she wanted to be, Rhonda was able to stay at the top of her game without ever stepping foot on a court. Everything takes place in the brain and rehearsing perfection results in perfection. 

Today, she is still competing and still undergoing surgeries. She is still in pain and still overcoming the odds. In spite of all of this, she never entertains anger or resentment and she she says the attack gave her more than it took. Her excruciating daily pain is a reminder of everything she has to be grateful for and everything she has accomplished. She never has to prove anyone else wrong. She only has to prove herself right. 

“Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.”

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What was happening on a psychological level for Rhonda when she was being attacked? 

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Connect with the Guest

• Dr. David Leicken, MD

Resources:

• Sports Philanthropy Network

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Everything is Fine, but You Are Still Unhappy: Change Your Mindset with Cortney McDermott

Cortney McDermott is a bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and mind-body expert with a Master of Science from the London School of Economics. She speaks four languages and splits her time between Italy and the US. There was a time in her life when it looked like she had it all, but in reality, she was “miserably successful”. She had a series of “cold shower moments” where she realized that, despite her accomplishments, she was unhappy. She looked around and saw that it didn't seem like anyone around her was feeling fulfilled either. Finding her way out of that space and helping others do the same has become her calling and new career.

In this episode, Mathew and Cortney discuss their shared experience of working up to a successful career and then deciding it was time to “blow up what they built''. Approval, appreciation, and crafting an image can be addicting, but it can also make it harder to evaluate if your life is meeting your true needs or just bringing external validation. From a young age, people are given belief systems about who they are, and then they’re expected to stay within those boundaries. In order to find our true paths, Mathew and Cort say we have to rewire those thoughts and escape the pressure of thinking we have to be something special or something other than what we feel called to be. Most people are running around with masks on, playing characters with personas, but Cort tells us we can choose who we are and reinvent ourselves every day. By letting go of what we think people expect us to be, we can access our full potential. Unless you can control your mind, you won't be able to give up trying to control life. Cort and Mathew both describe what it looked like when they let go of control and how they are still working to ride the wave of existence without trying to control the chaos. We do this in an attempt to achieve the illusion of safety, but in reality, all it does is limit us. Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring about things. Rather, you decide to let go of the addiction to caring what people think about you. It means deciding to follow your intuition and finding ways to transition from where you are now to where you want to be. Cortney outlines the science behind shifting your mindset, gives us practical tools on how to get started, and leaves us with her most important piece of advice to help us start the journey.

“I am not the belief... that doesn’t have to define me.”

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What are “cold shower moments,” and what are they trying to tell us?

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Connect with the Guest

• Cortney on Instagram 

Resources:

• Give Yourself Permission

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Raising Decent Human Beings with Brad Kraay and Jennifer Fink

Jennifer L.W. Fink is a mother of four sons, an award-winning freelance journalist, author, and co-host of the podcast On Boys: Real Talk about Parenting, Teaching, and Reaching Tomorrow's Men. She is also the founder and creator of BuildingBoys.net, a website and global community for parents of boys. Brad Kraay is a father of three, the founder and senior partner of Thunderbird Advisors Group, and has spent years doing the work on himself to be the best co-parent he can be.

In this episode, Mathew, Brad, and Jennifer discuss the challenges of raising children while still trying to figure out how to navigate our own lives. Mathew says, “Most people think they are fine until they have children”, to kick off a conversation about the ways our children reflect our insecurities and faults back at us and how we can deal with that in a realistic and constructive way. They may not always listen, but they do always watch. You can say all the right things, but if you don't live them, it probably won't make an impact. The most powerful and effective thing a parent can do is work on their own emotional regulation, normalize the challenges of being a human, and work to overcome them. Jennifer says, “Modeling is the single most powerful parenting tool we have.” Bring them along on your journey of self-improvement, and communicate your feelings and thoughts with them in the way you want them to communicate with you. Getting comfortable with uncomfortable situations will benefit both of you and your kids in the long run and make it easier to navigate the inevitable shifts your relationship will go through. When they are young, children often idolize their parents. In the teen years, they can grow to resent you (and sometimes the feeling is mutual). However, if you keep the deceptively simple goal in mind of raising decent humans, focusing on what really matters, and being your best, they’ll eventually come around again.

“Your genes might reveal where you come from, but your choices determine where you're going to go.”

In this episode, you'll hear:

• The societal shift away from imposing stereotypes on boys and why we aren’t completely past it

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Connect with the Guests:

• Brad Kraay on LinkedIn

• Thunderbird Group

• Jennifer Fink on X

Resources:

• JenniferLWFink.com

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

You Have Breast Cancer; Now What? with Naturopathic Physician and Survivor, Dr. Kimara Vaughn

Disclaimer: This podcast is not intended to provide medical advice. Consult your doctor before making any decisions regarding your health or treatment.

In this episode, Mathew, Frank, and Dr. Kimara discuss her diagnosis, the importance of early screenings, how naturopathic medicines helped her alongside modern treatments, and her advice to anyone who has been recently diagnosed.

Dr. Kimara is a Naturopathic Physician, a Buddhist, and a cancer survivor who grew up as the only child of a single mother. She knew she wanted to be a doctor by the time she was 5, and after 20 years in the medical field, she became the patient in 2022 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 46. Her doctor immediately told her the cancer was caught early and she wouldn't die from it. She tells us she never felt like her cancer was going to kill her, but instead saw it as her path and began to compile a team of medical professionals to help her through it.

Her advice to other people who are diagnosed with breast cancer is to be patient with all the steps and take care to compile a trusted team: talk to your health insurance, get a therapist, consider adding in alternative medicine options, and identify the people in your life who can be there for you. Dr. Vaughn says to remember that your healing journey is about YOU so do what is best for yourself. Have a good mindset, be invested in your care, control the controllable, and let go of the rest.

“Drop what doesn't serve you.”

“This is my path. I get to live it, live through it... Let’s see how it goes!”

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What is a naturopathic physician?

Follow the podcast: 

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 

Resources:

• Dr. Kimara’s Meridian clinic

Connect with Mathew Blades: 

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson