Adrian’s ill and Alex be illin ‘bout singing in the shower, cops use high-tech spy tools to force women to provide them porn, why you might need more ketamine in your life, CDC lands lucrative marketing contract with Big Pharma, PayPal learns a hard lesson about misinformation, and Xi becomes emperor for life.

Alex risks his woman’s wrath, Adrian doesn’t take Jefferson’s advice and flies off the handle, we’re not going to “f*** with a Biden” this week because we wanna get high, Trump the Baptist time ReAwakes America, Russians sends “tsunami nuke” sub towards North America, CIA makes a brilliant semi-bluff, airborne machine gun dogs are now a thing, and your sperm ain’t what it used to be.  

The ancient blessing spares Tampa Bay, but our hearts go out to the folks in Lee County, the Nord Stream pipeline sabotages is a real whodunit, you can cross “Giant Meteor” off the Dystopian Future Chart, Ukraine keeps rolling as Moscow moves their nuclear bombers, Trump asks “What documents?” and Alex Snitker gets arrested.

Alex and Adrian try to reason with hurricane season, police prove once again that some animals are more equal than others, all the latest updates from the war in Ukraine that the media doesn’t tell you, Biden reverses US policy and goes full Silver Alert on stage, and Iranian women ditch the burka.

Adrian pleasures Zelensky for Reddit karma while Alex slips Desantis the tongue, our self-aggrandizing continues as we’re proven right about COVID among other things, Slava Ukraini, taxes are the price we pay for a free society, and you’re telling me well-funded libertarians are the cause of all our problems?

The Queen is dead and you shouldn’t give a damn, Ukraine opens up a can of whoopass on Ruskies and oligarchs are calling for Putin’s head, the media is beating the civil war drum, Florida Man says “gator got my arm” then wanders the wood for three days, Bible Belt states jail pregnant women for fun, and several other things we been right about all along.

Adrian wonders why the universe wants him to think Kylie Minogue is pregnant, Alex learns first hand that politicians don’t keep promises, Biden uses dystopian imagery to effectively declare war on MAGA-Americans, all signs point to Trump being a Chinese/Russian/Saudi spy, Rubio’s fundraising letter sounds like an Indian phishing email, California bans gas AND electric cars, and Texas says a fetus isn’t a person when in a car.

Wawa thinks Alex is a narc, reasons why you should be doing hard drugs, media can’t handle a black Republican who is scientifically accurate, entire Biden family lacks situational awareness gene, anonymous Texas entrepreneur launches Abortion Boat, don’t send photos of your kid’s rash to the pediatrician, and will Orange Man get Orange jumpsuit? 

Adrian recounts his son’s wedding and his wild WallStreetBets week, Alex learns a hard lesson in love, the guys continue their disagreement on Trump’s guilt, renovating your sex dungeon, embezzler Rick Scott’s gonna embezzle, you’re probably Facebook friends with the FBI, and should politicians be allowed to dance?

Adrian the Ape goes full Regard on BBBY, “Nice Guy” Alex is actually grudge-holding creepy stalker, Trump is either a Saudi spy or a victim of a vast left-wing conspiracy…depending on your choice for reality TV news, it takes more than the cost of a middle-class home to kill Bolton, Biden Math: 9.1 - 8.5 = 0, and Congress increases inflation with the Inflation Reduction Act.