On today’s episode of All Home Care Matters, we’re doing something a little different. We know that the realities of caregiving are difficult, rewarding, and…complicated. We’ve had episodes where we detail some of the reasons for caregiver stress and burn out, and where we provide advice for caring for the caregiver.

This time, though, we want you to hear from actual caregivers about their experiences. The reality of caregiving is different for everyone, but it helps to understand what real people are facing on this journey. We’ve found that knowing other people’s experiences can help us to feel less alone – and can provide us with some insight about our own situations.

There are so many different types of caregivers out there. There are adult children caring for their parents, spouses caring for their partner, mothers caring for their children, grandchildren caring for their grandparents, and more. Today, we’ll share stories from multiple viewpoints, so you can have a better understanding of the true reality of a caregiver, across the spectrum.

Let’s get started.

When Priya Linson learned her mother had a brain tumor, she was the pregnant mother of a two-and-a-half-year-old child. She dropped everything to move from Boston to Chicago with her family, so she could be closer to her mother – and care for her, along with her toddler and new baby. 

Linson is interviewed about this experience in a Medium article titled, “The Exhausting Balancing Act of Motherhood and Caregiving.” In the article, she shares her own experience with caring for her ailing mother, while mothering young children herself.

As the baby boomer generation gets older, and requires more care from their children, thousands of parents of young children are becoming caregivers. The reality is anything but easy – they are pouring all of their energy into giving and have to learn how to be there for multiple people at once, at all times of day.

This means figuring out how to take your kids to the park when your mother is too sick to leave the house that day. It means preparing different types of meals for different people and then washing each dish, after trying to get a picky toddler to eat his vegetables, and a picky senior eat hers.

It’s exhausting – and it’s also isolating. Because sandwich generation caregivers must devote all of themselves to their dependents, they have little to no time to devote to themselves. This can lead to feelings of depression, intense anxiety, and loneliness.

For Linson, relief came in the form of a support group. She realized that she was not alone after all, and that many others had been in her same shoes. She was able to learn from their experiences and feel supported on an intimate level. “There was something kind of reassuring,” she says in the article, “about what all humans go through when they’re faced with this. It’s just human to human.”

Carol Bradley Bursack wrote of her experience balancing the care of her aging mother with the care of her children in AgingCare.com. She explained that, “the challenges of being a member of the sandwich generation are many, but there is one universal issue that I ran into and continue to hear about as I converse with my readers and speak to groups: carefully weighing all of your loved ones’ needs.”

Bursack remembered one incident, when her son had an asthma attack at the same time that her mother’s medical alert system sounded. Luckily, her son recovered quickly, and she was able to run to her mother’s house – where she found that she had suffered a fall. Bursack was thankful that she was able to get there in time, but left wondering what might have happened if her son’s asthma attack was worse.

No one can choose one family member over another, so they have to figure out how to care for both simultaneously, even during extreme situations. That makes way to a type of stress rooted in the fear of “what if” situations. It’s enough to add enormous pressure to anyone’s life.

While members of the sandwich generation struggle to balance caring for kids and parents at the same time, other caregivers are struggling to get their loved one the right care in the first place. Simply put, their loved ones just won’t accept the help.

Medium writer Dresden wrote about the experience of caring for her grandmother in “Being Needed: the learning curves of caregiving.” She explained that one of the hardest parts of caring for her grandmother was that her grandmother did not want to accept that she needed help.

“There was a time that she would completely refuse to ask for help,” she writes. “Asking for assistance for anything was admitting something she did not want to admit-“ namely, that she was losing her independence.

Dresden’s grandmother’s reluctance to ask for help was frustrating for Dresden. It made daily tasks harder than they needed to be, and more frustrating. Her grandmother would simultaneously refuse help and get angry when she couldn’t accomplish a task herself.

Finally, Dresden found a solution. She gave her grandmother a baby monitor and told her that it was her “command base.” “You are the boss of this hub,” she told her, “when you have a need or desire, simply speak it and one of your ladies in waiting will come assist you.”

With a simple reframing of words, Dresden had convinced her grandmother that she was still in control. She got to be the boss who called the shots. “Grandmother loved that,” Dresden wrote.

While Dresden tries to get her grandmother to accept her care, other caregivers have to get creative to help their loved ones be active in the world again.

Loretta Wodward Veney is a caregiver for her mother, who has dementia. She was interviewed about her experience by AARP. For Veney, it’s all about finding something to occupy and engage her mother. She is adamant that she doesn’t want her mother to “waste away,” but staying on top of new activities is a challenge of creativity and patience. Still, it’s worth it to Veney to try.

“The main thing is,” Veney writes, “I can’t stand that blank stare – it unnerves me – so I try to keep her as active and involved as possible. Seeing her laugh and smile and enjoying herself – that’s all that really matters. It makes me feel close to her again. I would do anything for that smile.”

Veney has found that puzzles, legos, and music are especially effective. She also bought her mom a stuffed dog, which her mom thinks is real. The dog has brought a sense of comfort and companionship to her mother.

Assisting loved ones with daily needs and activities is certainly challenging for any caregiver, but there’s another universal struggle that most family caregivers will face on their journey. It’s likely one of the hardest parts of the job. That is the heartache that comes with watching their loved ones decline.

Lynda Dietz wrote a Medium article, “Alzheimer’s Disease From the Caregiver’s Perspective,” in which she shares her experience caring for her father-in-law with Alzheimer’s.

For Dietz, the everyday stresses of caregiving – like learning how to communicate after her father-in-law became increasingly repetitive, helping him manage his food, and dealing with changes in mood and emotion – have paled in comparison to the grief she feels watching him decline.

He was once a fun loving, active grandfather – and now he struggles to talk, move, or do much of anything. “I’ve come to realize Pop rarely laughs anymore,” she notes, “he smiles occasionally, but I miss his giggle.”

Balancing the everyday stresses of caring for her father-in-law with the heartache she feels seeing him decline is far from easy. In Dietz’s words, “the grieving process has begun already,” even though he hasn’t passed yet.

Carol Bradley Bursack, from AgingCare.com, had a similar experience with anticipatory grief. She writes that the emotions are deeply complicated. “We don’t usually identify the complex emotions we’re experiencing as such,” Bursack explains, “when you have a parent or spouse who used to be strong and capable but begins to ask for a little assistance, it’s no big deal, right? But deep down, there’s a knot in our hearts. We’re grieving various kinds of loss, including the loss of function that comes with advancing age or a chronic medical condition.”

Bursack wishes that she had done more to care for herself during that time. She was lost in grief, while balancing caring for her parents and children, and didn’t have time to deal with it. “When we are in the throes of caregiving,” she writes, “we often stuff our feelings deep down and focus on getting through the day.”

In the end, she wished she had been gentler to herself, and sought the support of others. If she had, the whole process may have been a little bit less painful.

Finally, there’s one aspect of caregiving that is often overlooked. Because caregiving is so exhausting, stressful, and even expensive, it’s easy for the conversation to focus on the negative (and the negative aspects SHOULD be spoken about). Still, that doesn’t mean we can’t bring attention to the positive realities of caregiving, too.

Tracy Grant cared for her husband when he was dying of cancer. She describes the experience as the “best seven months of my life” in her Medium Article, “I was my husband’s caregiver while he was dying of cancer.”

Now, she’s not trying to undercut how difficult it was. It was horrible to watch her husband lose his independence and to know that she would have to one day say goodbye. Still, the whole experience taught her just how precious life is – and she began to cherish it, and live in the present, more than she ever had before.

Grant writes, “being Bill’s caregiver meant being fully present for as many moments of every day as possible. Even ones where my formerly strong, independent spouse needed the type of help that would seem unthinkable months earlier.”

Grant learned to appreciate the little things and the difficulties that used to frustrate her (like “the petty, day-in-day-out grievances of an irksome coworker” or “a flat tire”) no longer got to her. She had learned that these things just didn’t matter in the grand scheme. 

Caregiving is one of the most challenging duties on the planet – but it can also be one of the most rewarding. Caregivers share stresses, anxieties, and endless heartbreak. They also share a greater wisdom of the world and of life itself. They understand what matters and what doesn’t. They learn to see the beauty in the smallest of things. They learn to appreciate more, love more, and care more.

At the end of the day, the reality of caregiving is grief, stress, heartbreak, and a whole lotta love. 

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. We look forward to seeing you next time on All Home Care Matters where we will be exploring tips and resources for family caregivers to help manage caregiver stress. This is an important episode that you won’t want to miss.

Sources:

https://medium.com/@washingtonpost/i-was-my-husbands-caregiver-as-he-was-dying-of-cancer-it-was-the-best-seven-months-of-my-life-73be343a98c3

https://medium.com/writing-heals/alzheimers-disease-from-a-caregiver-s-perspective-9e2f86c5bd1e

https://medium.com/@dresdenplaid/being-needed-the-learning-curves-of-caregiving-b33855ed0757

https://zora.medium.com/the-exhausting-balancing-act-of-motherhood-and-caregiving-b6cded1a152a

https://medium.com/are-you-okay/the-sisters-are-sick-b4ff3049e4b3

https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2019/december/signs-of-caregiver-stress

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/stories/info-2017/activites-brain-health.html

https://www.kathikollfoundation.org/caregiver-stories/

https://dailycaring.com/real-life-caregiver-stories-1/

https://www.kelownacapnews.com/life/horne-confessing-to-the-stress-that-comes-with-being-a-caregiver/

https://www.caregiver.org/story/caring-my-husband-has-become-more-team-effort/?via=connecting-caregivers,caregiver-stories

https://www.nextavenue.org/family-caregiving-experiences/

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/the-sandwich-generation-caring-for-children-and-elderly-parents-123286.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/grieving-before-death-terminally-ill-116037.htm

 When it’s time to choose a new type of care for our ageing loved ones, there are a plethora of options to explore. From nursing homes, to memory care, to having a family caregiver step in – the options can seem a bit bewildering.

While families are searching for the best option, they are also trying to balance caring for their loved one, handling their own responsibilities, and juggling their careers on top of it. Because of this, the type of care that’s ultimately chosen, can be overlooked. Families might place their loved one in a certain type of facility without knowing much about it.

One popular, but often misunderstood, option is assisted living. On the surface, assisted living facilities look fantastic. And for many families they are! They are basically like college campuses for seniors, right? Your loved one will be able to live independently while joining a community of people like them. Depending on the facility, they might have access to activities and clubs, dining, and social events. Sounds pretty great.

Many families seek assisted living facilities for their loved ones, without knowing much more about them. In reality, while they can be a wonderful fit for some seniors, there are many things that should be considered before your loved one makes the move. There are lots of misconceptions about assisted living facilities, and too many families don’t realize this until it’s too late.

That’s why, on today’s episode of All Home Care Matters, we’re zeroing in on assisted living. We’ll let you in on some of the most common misconceptions about these facilities and some of the mistakes families make when they’re searching for the best place for their loved one.

We hope that by the end of this episode, you have a much better idea about what assisted living really entails – and what it doesn’t. You can use this information to decide whether this type of care is the best choice for your loved one.

If you decide that you’d like to explore other options – we’ve got another episode on how to choose the right type of care for your loved one. That episode explores the other options (from nursing homes to family caregivers and everything in between) in detail.

For now, let’s shift our focus exclusively to assisted living.

One of the most common misconceptions people make about assisted living facilities, is that their loved one will have access to constant, individualized care as their needs progress. The truth is, for the most part, assisted living is heavily focused on independent living.

Assisted living differs from retirement living in that it does provide slightly more hands-on care for its residents, but it is not the best option for anyone with chronic health problems.

While all assisted living facilities will offer support with daily living activities (such as bathing and meal prep), the cost of the living does increase depending on how much support a senior needs. Plus, most facilities don’t offer around the clock care or specialized care.

Now, it’s important to note that this is not true across all facilities. Some offer more access to care than others – but for the most part, assisted living is not the best option for a person who needs focused and specialized care.

Aside from basic assistance with daily needs, seniors will be expected to function on their own. This means that if your loved one requires more hands-on care, assisted living probably isn’t the best choice for your family.

Rarely, assisted living facilities will allow families to hire their own nursing or caregiving team – but you will be expected to pay for the facility and the care separately, which can get incredibly expensive. Many assisted living facilities do not allow this option at all.

With that in mind, it’s important to plan ahead for the long term. Start by asking yourselves these questions:

How long does your loved one plan to live in an assisted living facility?

Will they be willing to move if they require more hands-on care? Keep in mind – while your loved one might be relatively independent now, unexpected accidents like falls can change your loved one’s abilities drastically and quickly.

If that happens, will you be able to break a contract and move your loved one somewhere else? Do you want to? Does your loved one want to?

Assisted living facilities can be excellent places to live for seniors who are still relatively independent but need some help with daily living tasks and are looking for a senior-safe living space within a friendly community. Many widowed or single seniors who are feeling lonely or isolated in their home choose to live in these facilities. Older couples who need some extra help and are yearning for a more active social life are a great fit too.

If your loved one has been diagnosed with dementia, Parkinson’s, or any other debilitating or chronic disease, though, then assisted living isn’t the best fit. Most facilities simply don’t have the capacity or tools to provide your loved one with the help they’ll need down the road, even if they’re living independently now.

Again, this isn’t true across the board for assisted living facilities, but the facilities that do offer that extra care are much harder to find (and usually more expensive).

Assisted living facilities do offer around-the-clock surveillance and health monitoring. These are not hands-on approaches to caregiving. Around-the-clock surveillance means that staff will be available and on campus 24 hours a day in case of emergency. If your loved one needs medication in the middle of the night, they will receive it. Still, surveillance does not mean that your loved one will be individually checked on and cared for 24 hours a day.

Health monitoring is not health care. It means that the residence will keep track of a senior’s physical health, so they are aware of any drastic changes. They will also help with medications.

Just as assisted living doesn’t offer specialized care or skilled nursing, they also don’t offer physical or occupational therapy services. Many families are seeking this type of treatment for their loved ones – and an assisted living facility is not where they’ll find it.

Assisted living facilities do offer exercise programs – such as aerobics – but they won’t offer that specialized exercise care on an individual basis.

Seniors in assisted living facilities will have to hire outside services – and usually travel to other spaces – to get physical or occupational therapy. Again, this means that they will have to pay for assisted living as well as these additional services, which can become costly (and fast).

Families also often assume that their loved one will have their own apartment or living space in an assisted living facility. While this can be true at many facilities, others rely on a roommate system. That means that your loved one might have to share a space with another senior – which can be quite difficult to adjust to. Again, this is not always the case, but for some facilities it’s the more affordable option.

On that note, a lack of privacy is something that your loved one will need to come to terms to. Even if they do not have a roommate, staff will be coming in and out of their space throughout the day.

This is a rotating staff – so your loved one will need to be okay with seeing different faces depending on the day of the week and time of day.

If your loved one values their privacy, assisted living may not be the best option. That said, nursing homes or memory care might not be the easiest adjustments either.

It might be best for your loved one to age in place, with either a family caregiver or a hired caregiver who can really bond with your loved one (as opposed to a rotating staff of caregivers).

Speaking of privacy, not everyone realizes that assisted living facilities are extremely group oriented. They offer clubs, classes, and activities designed to socialize your loved one. For many seniors, this is a huge blessing. Socialization can have extremely positive impacts on a senior’s mental and physical health. Every senior should engage in socializing activities when they are able.

Still, if your loved one would prefer to socialize only once or twice a week, then this group setting might not be the best idea for them.

One of the biggest misconceptions families have is that the quality of care will be constant. After all, with the costs so high, you have every right to expect high quality care at all times. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.

Assisted living facilities rely on a rotating staff to provide care to your loved one. That means that the quality of care will ultimately differ depending on who your loved one is working with that day. They will also not have an opportunity to bond with any one caregiver to the extent that they might with in-home care.

Another misconception that many families have is that assisted living will be covered by insurance. In reality, long term care insurance is one of the only plans that will cover assisted living (and not all long-term care insurance plans do).

Medicare and most private insurance companies do not cover the costs of assisted living.  You might be able to get some help from Medicaid – but only if you’ve tried everything else, first.

Most people pay the costs of assisted living out of pocket. The average cost of assisted living is right around $4000 a month. Of course, any type of care that you consider will have costs. Nursing homes cost an average of $5000 a month, for example. Still, many nursing homes are covered by insurance.

If your loved one is a veteran, they will receive VA benefit options for certain assisted living facilities. This can be a great help to many families who do believe that assisted living is the ideal option for their loved one. Just make sure you understand the qualifications and the requirements for the benefits.

Finally, it’s important to note that assisted living is not guaranteed. What do I mean? Well, just that. Assisted living residents can be asked to leave the facility at any time, for any reason. Usually, residents are asked to leave once their health begins to deteriorate beyond what the facility can handle. Sometimes a common misconception is that they are a substitute for nursing homes or rehab facilities. We recommend when a loved one needs care and 1 on 1 assistance the families really ask and understand exactly what will and will not be provided.

We often see families that have loved ones in Assisted Living facilities hiring outside companies to help provide the 1 on 1 care that their loved ones need and in other situations the facility may have an in-house Home Care company that you can hire to provide the 1 on 1 care that is needed for the resident.

An example that comes to mind was from a family who had shared with us that their mother made the decision to downsize and move into an assisted living facility – against the families better judgement and within the first 30 days of living there was notified that she required more 1 on 1 care than was provided or capable of being provided by the facility. Needless to say, the family was left stunned, shocked, and even angry. At that point the facility required them to hire an outside company to provide their mother with 24 hour care if she was going to continue living there.

Further, the facilities don’t always give long-term notice when it’s time to find new housing. Some residents might receive no notice at all. This is not terribly common, but it does happen. And when it does, families are left scrambling to find other options for their loved one. If you do not live in the same state as your loved one, or live many hours away, this can lead to a huge headache.

When touring, visiting or researching Assisted Living facilities make sure you are asking the right questions and understand how the facilities are prepared and equipped to handle a resident whose needs may progress and require more assistance so that you won’t have to start looking for the right fit all over again.

We hope this episode cleared up some of the misconceptions about assisted living – so that you have a better idea of whether this type of care is the best for your family. Again, if you feel like you want to explore other options, check out our episode on choosing the best type of care for your loved one. There are so many options to consider – and having a deep understanding of the pros and cons of each is incredibly important.

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. We look forward to seeing you next time on All Home Care Matters when we will be taking a closer look into the Realities of Caregiving.

Sources:

https://seniorpath.com/assisted-living-pros-cons/

https://www.getsafe.com/pros-and-cons-of-assisted-living/

https://aging.com/assisted-living-homes-vs-home-care-how-to-decide/

https://www.storypoint.com/8-mistakes-to-avoid-when-choosing-assisted-living/

https://www.fivestarseniorliving.com/blog-post/5-mistakes-adult-children-make-in-the-search-for-assisted-living

https://www.seniorlivingnearme.org/senior-living/assisted-living-search-mistakes-to-avoid/

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2017/assisted-living-options.html

https://umcommunities.org/blog/5-surprising-facts-assisted-living/

https://arborsassistedliving.com/9-things-you-didnt-know-about-assisted-living/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/howardgleckman/2018/02/05/what-we-dont-know-but-should-about-assisted-living-facilities/?sh=ab024dce0438

https://dailycaring.com/5-things-you-need-to-know-about-assisted-living/

https://www.caring.com/senior-living/assisted-living/how-to-pay/

If you have an aging senior in your life, you’ve likely noticed a few changes in their lifestyle or behavior. Whether your loved one is struggling with sight or hearing or has been diagnosed with a disease like Parkinson’s, watching a loved one age can feel scary and even bewildering. 

In our line of work, we’ve seen families face a wide variety of unpredictable changes with their aging loved ones. There are certain experiences that have been especially difficult for families to not only handle, but actually make sense of.

One of these experiences is known as sundown syndrome. Sundown syndrome is a phenomenon that can occur in people with Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia. It occurs when seniors experiencing these diseases undergo big behavioral changes at night or in the evening, as the sun goes down.

For many families, sundown syndrome can be confusing and even heartbreaking to witness. Often, families don’t understand why this is happening. Their loved one might act completely normally during the day, just to become greatly disturbed or disoriented at night.

If the senior hasn’t already been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, the family might be at a loss to understand why this is happening. After all, sundown syndrome isn’t one of the better known or obvious symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease.

Still, it’s important that families and caregivers are aware of the symptoms and signs of sundown syndrome, so that they can recognize it if (or when) it happens.

At the same time, if sundown syndrome is something you’re already facing with the senior in your life, it can be enormously helpful to learn more about the condition and its treatment, so you can be as informed and prepared as possible for any difficult nights in the future.

That’s why today’s episode of All Home Care Matters is all about Sundown Syndrome. We’ll dive into what sundown syndrome is, why it occurs, and the signs and symptoms to look out for. Then, we’ll go into how you can help your loved one manage their symptoms.

Sundown Syndrome is not easy for any family or senior to face – so we’ll also talk about coping mechanisms that can help to calm tough situations before they get any worse.

Let’s get started.

If a senior is experiencing sundown syndrome, this means that their behavior is changing drastically once the sun sets. While they might be acting completely normally during the day, nightfall can bring unpredictable changes in mood, personality, and more.

For some seniors, sundowning means agitation or restlessness. Others feel delusional, confused, or disoriented. Some even experience hallucinations. We’ll go over the symptoms in detail later on. But first, let’s find out what sundowning really is and why it happens in the first place.

Sundowning typically begins right around dinner time and can continue until the sun comes up the next day. This means a long night for sundowning seniors – and their caregivers and families.

Researchers believe that this timing is no coincidence. While no one is entirely sure why sundowning occurs, experts believe that it has something to do with Alzheimer’s affecting a person’s circadian rhythms. All people have something called circadian rhythms – which are basically our internal clocks. These rhythms tell us when to wake up and when to go to sleep. 

Disruptions in our circadian rhythms can be extremely jarring and lead to changes in behavior. Have you ever had jet lag that put you in a particularly irritable mood? Sundowning is sort of like that – but much more extreme.

Because in Alzheimer’s patients, it’s not just a time zone that’s affecting that internal clock. For people with Alzheimer’s the part of your brain that signals when you’re awake and when you’re asleep completely breaks down.

About one in five people with Alzheimer’s or other types of dementia experience sundowning. Rarely, sundowning can occur in seniors who do not have dementia. Researchers are not sure why this phenomenon occurs in only a small percentage of patients, but there are certain commonalities in patients with sundowning, that can point to some potential causes.

A senior might be more likely to face sundown syndrome if they are tired, depressed, struggling with sleep issues, hungry or thirsty, in pain, or even bored. Other seniors can be triggered by a lack of light in the house (which can lead to fear or anxiety), long shadows, or the inability to separate dreams from reality. Some seniors who have an infection or are recovering from a surgery or illness may also experience sundown syndrome.

According to Web MD, some seniors are even triggered by their caregiver’s behavior. If they notice that their caregiver is frustrated or irritable at the end of the day, they can become upset and experience sundown syndrome.

Of course, caregivers are bound to get frustrated from time to time – especially at the end of a long and tiring day. That’s why it’s so important for caregivers to practice self-care and emotion management. Listen to our episode, Caring for the Caregiver, to learn more about how you can cope with the difficult days and make sure you’re getting the support and care you need, too.

There are certain signs and symptoms to look out for when it comes to sundown syndrome. Again, it’s important for caregivers and families alike to learn to recognize these symptoms, so they know right away when an episode is occurring.

Now, it’s important to note that signs and symptoms can vary widely. Still, there are certain signs that are particularly common. These include rapid mood changes – and by rapid, I mean your loved one can go from 0 to ten in the span of one dinner. These mood changes are likely to be jarring for caregivers and family members – because they’ll basically come out of the blue.

Other common signs include anxiety or fear – again, this can come out of seemingly nowhere – agitation and restlessness, anger, stubbornness, sadness, and repetition.

You might notice that when night comes, your loved one becomes irritated over the seemingly smallest things. Something that made your loved one laugh only an hour earlier might make them shout in anger now.

These mood swings can be extremely difficult to manage, and you might find that attempts to calm your loved one only exacerbates their behavior.

Less common, but still noteworthy symptoms, include hallucinating, paranoia, violence, wandering, and hiding – whether seniors are hiding themselves or random objects throughout the house. The behavior can be unpredictable, surprising, and hard to control.

Again, these behavioral changes will vary depending on the person and many of them – like anger, sadness, and anxiety – will manifest differently in different people.

AARP describes what these mood changes might actually look like, explaining that challenging behaviors might include, “pacing, rocking, screaming, crying, disorientation, resistance, anger, aggression – or even violence. Many people experiencing sundown syndrome feel the urgent need to go somewhere or do something, but they can’t always explain why.”

In our experience working with families, we have known many who have faced sundown syndrome. In one case, a senior had a terrible time with severe hallucinations. She acted entirely normal during the day, but at night she believed that people were breaking into her home. She called 9-1-1 on more than one occasion, prompting the police to demand that she be seen by a doctor.

Because these hallucinations only occurred at night, the family had no idea why they were happening or what caused them. It was incredibly heartbreaking, confusing, and even scary. At the time, they had no idea that their loved one had Alzheimer’s.

While sundown syndrome can occur in any stage of Alzheimer’s, it’s not entirely uncommon for it to be the first major sign of Alzheimer’s disease. Unfortunately, most families have never heard of this syndrome and therefore don’t identify it as a sign of Alzheimer’s.

This is another reason it’s so important to know and understand these symptoms. The sooner a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s can be given, the better. If you notice that your loved one is experiencing any of the symptoms of sundown syndrome, be sure to take them to the doctor as soon as possible.

Many patients do not experience sundown syndrome until further into their Alzheimer’s diagnosis, however. AARP writer Amy Goyer, for instance, writes that her father did not have sundown syndrome until the moderate stage of Alzheimer’s. At that point, “questions or observations that were occasional for most of the day – ‘what’s the plan?’ ‘what should I be doing?’ ‘we better get going!’ – got more frequent, and more urgent, around 5 or 6 in the evening.”

Still, Goyer’s family was able to help her father manage his symptoms. She writes that as his disease progressed, his sundowning actually became less frequent – much thanks to the management techniques that were regularly practiced in the household.

That brings us to the next point – how do we help the seniors in our life manage their sundowning symptoms? If the symptoms can be controlled, it would save both ourselves and our loved one a whole lot of heartache, frustration, and exhaustion.

Goyer recommends you start by watching for and tracking sundowning triggers. Whether it’s fatigue, hunger, or shadows try to make a note of the factors that might be at play before an attack. Pay attention to the time of day that sundown syndrome usually occurs, as well.

If the syndrome begins around 7:00 each night, take note of what’s happening in the house at that time. Does the sun leak through the window at the perfect angle to make long shadows throughout the house? Is dinner being served? Are family members returning home from work, disrupting the quiet of the day?

Once you know the triggers, you can do what you can to prevent them. If you know shadows play a major role, you can make sure to shut the blinds in the early evening. If you know hunger plays a role, you can make sure your loved one always have a snack. Preventing the triggers before they happen can keep a sundown attack from happening altogether.

Many seniors struggle with sleeping – and an irregular sleeping schedule can be a big trigger for sundown syndrome. Because of this, making sure that your loved one follows a clear and consistent bedtime routine can help tremendously.

This means no screens for at least an hour before bed and concluding the night with a relaxing and calming activity – like a bubble bath, reading a book, or even drinking a glass of water.

When it comes to the act of sleeping itself, make sure that the sleeping environment is as calm and comfortable as possible. A comfy bed, cozy pajamas, and a dark and peaceful room can go far when it comes to getting some great sleep in.

Use light blocking curtains to keep the room nice and dark and make sure that the temperature isn’t too hot or cold (it should be right around 68 to 70 degrees).

During the day and at night, use calming music and sounds to create an anxiety-free atmosphere in the home. Goyer suggests using upbeat music during the day to keep your loved one in a happy and stimulated mood, followed by calming music in the evenings around when sundowning sets in.

Goyer recalled, “if Dad got anxious, my sister and I started singing his favorite songs and he would join in – a great diversion. Playing nature sounds like rain or ocean waves all night, or just white noise, helped him fall asleep and slumber longer.”

You can also try physical calming techniques to help reduce anxiety, stress, and tension. Massages, baths, and head and back scratches can make a world of difference when it comes to relaxation and stress reduction. Not only that, but simple loving touch like hugs and hand holding can help your loved one to feel safe, secure, and loved.

Along similar lines, acupuncture can actually help to combat anxiety and depression. Many seniors find that acupuncture is enormously calming – and that they leave feeling much better and lighter than when they came in. OF course, you’ll want to talk to your loved one’s doctor before you sign up for acupuncture.

Engaging your loved one’s senses in a calming manner can also help to reduce stress and anxiety that might lead to sundowning. Essential oils and aromatherapy can help seniors to feel nice and relaxed – especially chamomile, lavender, and rose. Try using these at bedtime or bath time for ultimate sense relaxation.

You can also use light to help your loved one’s inner clock get back on track. At nighttime, keep the home dark (and shadow free) and in the morning, place a light near your loved one before they wake up. This can help your loved one to reorient themselves to the time of day and train their inner clock to remain strong.

Of course, you can also speak to your loved one’s doctor about any medications that might help. A doctor might prescribe anti-anxiety, antidepressants, or sleeping pills, which can help your loved one feel like themselves again. Just be sure that the medications don’t interfere with any of your loved one’s other medications and that they don’t have any triggering side effects (like restlessness).

Managing sundown syndrome will look different for every family – but if you take the necessary steps to identify any triggers and provide a safe, structured, and relaxing environment for your loved one, you’ll find that this syndrome can be controlled – and it doesn’t always have to be the one controlling you.

Still, managing these symptoms will take time – you might have to do a lot of learning through trial and error before you find something that really seems to work for your loved one. Usually, a combination of most or all of the management techniques from above will make a real difference.

Until you get the syndrome managed, though, you will need to help your loved one cope with it. It might seem like coping is impossible – after all, how do you get a person to cope with nightly panic attacks? You can’t just stop the panic in its tracks, can you?

Well, you might not be able to stop a panic attack right away, but you can do other things that will help your loved one get better.

Helping them to stay active and get exercise can actually help them cope with sundowning – that’s because fatigue is a common sundowning trigger, and well-exercised people tend to sleep better at night. Not only that, but physical exercise can help a senior to feel stronger, happier, and even freer, in turn reducing anxiety and personal hardship.

In addition to exercise, you can help your loved one through their nutrition. Try feeding your loved one many small meals throughout the day – so they are never hungry and are constantly feeling energized from the good food. Steer clear of junk food, sugars, and anything that you think might impact your loved one’s mood.

One of the most important things you can do during an attack is to remain patient, calm, and gentle, even as your loved one screams or carries on. If your loved one is having a hallucination, validate it instead of shutting it down. Saying “no one is here,” might make your loved one feel lost, hurt, and even worried – which can lead to a bigger mood swing.

Instead, say something like, “yes, but they seem so nice, don’t they?” before changing the subject. The best way to stop or soften hallucinations is to distract away from them. So, instead of talking on and on about the hallucinations, distract your loved one by saying or doing something else to take their attention away from the hallucinations altogether.

Sundown syndrome can feel like a nightmare to many families and seniors alike – but the more prepared and informed you are, the easier it can be to manage. Remember to look out for those triggers, establish a sleep routine, and keep the house relaxing and calm throughout the evening and night. Then, you should be able to return to normal nightly routines with your loved one, more and more often.

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. We look forward to seeing you next time on All Home Care Matters when we discuss the misconceptions with Assisted Living.

Sources:

https://www.aegisliving.com/resource-center/what-is-sundowning-and-why-does-it-occur/

https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/sundown-syndrome

https://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/guide/manage-sundowning

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/expert-answers/sundowning/faq-20058511 https://foresthillretirement.org/how-to-cope-with-sundown-syndrome/

https://www.nursenextdoor.com/blog/how-to-ease-sundowners-syndrome-symptoms-4-ways/

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/health/info-2017/ways-to-manage-sundown-syndrome.html

https://www.healthline.com/health/dementia-sundowning#take-care-ofyourself

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/sundowners-syndrome-133187.htm

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/stages-behaviors/sleep-issues-sundowning

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/314685

https://thebrielle.com/how-to-identify-and-manage-sundown-syndrome/

We are honored to welcome to All Home Care Matters the Executive Director of the Home Care Association of America, Vicki Hoak.  We will speaking with Vicki about the effect that Covid-19 has had on the Home Care industry and the caregivers, home health aides, and those on the front lines helping families to keep their loved ones safe and cared for during the pandemic.

During the pandemic the spotlight and focus on the importance of the Home Care industry and its employees had never been more important. We will explored where the Home Care industry is headed and how Home Care has started to be seen more so than possibly ever as a crucial component of the health care system.

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. We also would like to express our appreciation to Vicki Hoak for taking timeout to speak with us today about the Home Care industry and the important work that the Home Care Association of America is doing for the Home Care industry.

 Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. We look forward to seeing you next time on All Home Care Matters when we discuss an issue that many families face with their loved ones and that is What is Sundowners Syndrome?

Sources:

https://www.hcaoa.org/

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Caring for our loved ones as they age can be demanding and even frustrating at times – there might be moments when you feel unsure of how to handle certain situations or wonder if there’s an easier way to keep your loved ones safe, engaged, and fulfilled.

In this day and age, some of that weight can be lifted by the incredible technology available in senior care. Every day, new apps and services are released that are designed just to help seniors with different aspects of everyday living.

That’s why, in today’s quick tip episode of All Home Care Matters, we’re diving into some of the best technology available for seniors and caregivers. These can be excellent tools and resources when it comes to helping the seniors in your life, and they’re bound to make your life a little easier, too.

Every caregiver knows how essential it is to be properly organized. But there’s a little too much to keep track of in your head alone – between arranging doctor appointments, errands, family visits, activities, and more. All while keeping track of medications, meals, and regular daily care.

iCAN is an assistive technology designed specifically for family caretakers – to help them stay on top of all those endless tasks and duties. Not only that, but iCAN actually offers assistive technology for seniors struggling with memory, communication, hearing loss, and vision. With text-to-speech software, voice recognition, and even textbooks iCAN is a resource that any family caregiver and senior can enormously benefit from.

If you head to iCAN’s website, you’ll see much more than organizational and even basic memory tools. There are communication aids, such as How Are You Feeling Today, that help seniors to socialize and interact when in isolation. The tool helps caregivers understand how to communicate with seniors facing loneliness and depression and provides resources where they can learn more about helping seniors combat these feelings.

Along similar lines, iCAN also features ElliQ. ElliQ is a socialization robot that can connect seniors to their family members from a distance. The robot can create video chats and send messages for the senior – so they won’t have to worry about learning the new and confusing technology. Many seniors face isolation simply because they don’t know how to make a Facetime call or reach out to family. With ElliQ, they don’t have to worry about any of that. They can simply tell the robot who they want to talk to and it sets up the rest.

It’s not just communication and organization that iCAN’s assistive technologies can help with. There are technologies that can assist seniors who struggle with falls or a fear of being mobile. GreatCall Lively Mobile by iCAN has a built-in GPS connected to a live agent that can track a senior’s location, notice any falls or other emergencies, and alert emergency services when necessary. There is a feature that can actually track falls as they happen, so a senior does not have to worry about pressing any buttons or contacting services themselves. The technology does it all for them.

If your loved one does end up in the hospital, you can rush to take care of them without a single other worry with Remote Wireless Door Locks. This feature allows you to lock your doors and control the rest of your home from your cell phone, so when you rush to the hospital, you can rest assured that your home is safe and taken care of. That way, you can focus entirely on your loved one without being anxious or paranoid about anything at the house.

One of our favorite pieces of technology is the Daily Activities Monitor. This actually tracks your loved one’s daily living activities and sends you a signal if the routine is off or if anything went wrong. It can track everything from whether your loved one has gotten out of bed, how many times she has used the bathroom, to whether doors in the home were left open.

This is a wonderful technology for those days where you aren’t able to be watching your loved one. You will be alerted right away if anything at all is amiss – so you can rest assured that your loved one is safe and secure when you’re not home. And that you’ll be there right away if something happens.

There are also multiple technologies available for medication reminders and organization, that will keep you on top of which medications need to be taken, when, and if they were missed or forgotten. These will help you stay on top of one of the most difficult to remember, and most important, aspects of caregiving. Never again will you have to double check if something was taken or worry that you may have given too much.

Being a family caregiver is far from easy – but with iCAN technologies, it can be a little more efficient, and take some of that weight off of your shoulders. Check out iCAN’s website today (we put the link in the description) and scroll through the endless technologies available there.

Remember – these exist to help you and your loved one, so they’re absolutely worth taking advantage of.

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. We look forward to seeing you next time on All Home Care Matters when we welcome a very special guest, Vicki Hoak the Executive Director of the Home Care Association of America. This is an interview you won’t want to miss.

Sources:

https://caregiveraction.org/tech

As our loved ones age, we face unexpected changes – especially when it comes to our relationships. As adult children care for their elderly parents, they might notice that things just aren’t the way they used to be. It can be tough to get used to personality changes, mobility and cognitive difficulties, and a changing dynamic in the relationship, as the child becomes the caregiver instead of the other way around.

While dealing with new health issues, delays, and even coming up with a care plan might seem like the most difficult problems you might face as your loved one gets older, there’s another issue that many families struggle to grapple with. That’s communication. You might find that communicating with your parent isn’t as easy as it used to be.

Communication struggles happen for a myriad of reasons. Many seniors face personality and mood changes as they get older – and you might find that their filter isn’t on as tight as it used to be. They might lash out more often, say hurtful things, or become more emotional than usual.

At the same time, if your loved one is facing mobility or cognitive issues – you might feel that your patience is being tested again and again. It can be tempting to tell your parent to “hurry up” when they’re getting ready for the day, or to do something for them (like button their shirt) if you just don’t feel like waiting for them to do it. A lack of patience, though, can cause serious trust issues with your parent as time goes on – so patience is a skill that must be learned and practiced, no matter how hard it might seem.

Finally, if your parent has been diagnosed with dementia, communication problems tend to be even greater. Not only will your parent have a hard time with language in the first place, but they will also be more susceptible to mood swings and other erratic behavior. You might find that you just don’t know how to talk with them like you used to.

That’s why on today’s episode, the focus is on communication. We’ll talk about how you can handle daily conversation with your aging loved one – from tips on being patient, to finding the effective words to gently get your point across when you need to. We’ll go into how to speak with a parent with mobility issues and cognitive issues, and we’ll discuss some tips for those harder conversations.

We know you already have so much on your plate – and communication struggles are the last thing you need to be facing right now. We hope that by the end of this episode, you’ll feel more confident and prepared in your conversations moving forward with your loved one. So, let’s get started.

As the roles are reversed and the adult child becomes the caregiver, communication difficulties can arise. It’s not surprising – it can be hard for a senior parent to accept help from their child, especially if they feel their independence is being threatened. At the same time, the adult child must learn how to communicate with their parent in a clear and gentle manner, without coming across too bossy or too lenient. It’s a tough middle ground to stand on.

On AgingCare.Com, writer Marlo Sollitto explains that, “caregiving can cause major changes in family dynamics. Physical, emotional, social, and financial issues can arise, affecting the roles, responsibilities, and feelings of each family member. Such widespread change to the family dynamic can lead to increased tension and frequent disagreements.”

While families are dealing with growing tensions and relationship changes in the household, they are also learning what it means to be a caregiver – and, often, they are mourning for the way life used to be. It’s hard enough to watch a beloved parent age – and when you add in the frustrations of day-to-day life with a senior, it can feel extremely overwhelming.

That’s why, to begin, we’re going to talk about how to effectively use communication to ease household tension and peacefully transition into the role of a trusted caregiver. The cardinal rule of senior care is listening. Many adult children are tempted to push their parents’ wants and needs aside, because they don’t believe that their parent knows what’s best. When we fail to listen to our parents, though, we are effectively destroying the trust in our relationship, and making our parent feel inadequate and isolated.

Remember, as our parents age, they are likely feeling scared and even sad. It’s hard to lose your sense of self and be uncertain about the future – and we owe it to our parents to let them hold onto their independence as long as possible, even if we don’t always agree with them.

There are many reasons adult children struggle to really listen to their parents. First and foremost, many adult children don’t feel that their parent can make their own decisions. Maybe they are suffering from medical problems and they really don’t have a choice about what care they must receive – or maybe they want to insist on driving even though it’s time for the driver’s license to go.

Whatever the reason, just because you don’t agree with your parent doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to them. Your parent needs to know that you are there for them – to support them and love them through these hard times. Even if they ultimately have to succumb to a new way of life, they will feel much better about it if their voice was heard then if you show up one day and take their car out of the driveway. At the end of the day, this is your parents’ life – so they should be part of those big decisions and have a voice.

 Adult children can also struggle with listening due to impatience. Believe me, I get it. It’s tempting to fill in those long silences or to try to hurry a conversation if it doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere. If our parents are struggling with language or talking, we can become so desperate to hear their voice that we bombard them with questions before we really wait to hear the answers.

Instead of interrupting, try really listening. Let those long pauses sit in the room – because your parent might be thinking about what to say and need time to come up with the right words. Don’t fill silence with more questions, because this can cause your loved one to feel confused and overwhelmed.

If your loved one is struggling to keep up with conversation – keep the conversation simple. Ask “yes” or “no” questions that are easy to understand but can keep your parent engaged. Keep the conversation interesting and meaningful, if you can. For instance, ask your parent easy “yes” or “no” memory questions. For example, “Mom, do you remember dancing at my wedding?” Memory questions can help seniors feel like they are included and really socializing, while reminding them of happier times that might put them in a sentimental mood.

If long term memory questions are too difficult, try asking simple questions about their day. “Did you have eggs for breakfast?” or “did you go on a walk today?” can ignite conversation and keep your parent thinking – just remember to really listen to their answer, even if you already know what it is. Your parent can tell when you’re disengaged, and they’ll be less likely to participate in the conversation if they think you don’t really care.

Along those lines, try your hardest not to be condescending or to speak down to your parent. Remember – they are an adult who has lived a full life, had a career, raised children – they are not infants who need to be coddled. If you find yourself shouting because you worry, they can’t hear you, or speaking in super slowed down sentences, your parent might feel like she’s being mocked or belittled. Treat them like adults, with respect and without a patronizing tone. Your parent does not want to feel like a child, so do your best not to make them feel like one.

Because conversation can be so difficult, try not to overstimulate your parent. If the TV or radio is on, it can be a lot harder for your parent to focus on the conversation or even hear what you are trying to say. Make sure that when you’re ready to talk about something, you’re talking in a quiet and peaceful environment, where your parent can feel relaxed and really listen to you. If you’re in a group setting, make sure your loved one is included in the conversation and isn’t being pushed to the side. At a restaurant, for instance, seat your parent in the middle of the table where she can feel included, instead of on the end where she might be ignored. Even if your parent isn’t able to participate in the group conversation, being seated in the middle will allow her to feel like she’s part of it.

Regular day-to-day conversation can be hard to manage with any aging parent, but mobility and cognitive issues can add a new level to the challenge. If your parent has mobility issues, you might find that you become easy aggravated or impatient with them. It can be hard to remember that mobility issues can also make it hard to speak or communicate – for some seniors, talking can be physically painful.

It’s crucial to keep in mind that your parent is trying their best – and when you make them feel rushed or interrupt them, that can seriously hurt their feelings and your relationship.

Imagine that you are your parent. It’s hard enough to be in pain throughout the day, to be uncertain about the future, and to struggle with basic tasks that used to come easily. If your child is making you feel rushed and inadequate on top of it, that can feel like a huge blow.

Your loved one needs to know that they are supported – especially by their children and caregivers. Instead of telling your parent to “hurry up,” tell them to “take their time.”

If you are getting ready to leave for an appointment, it’s up to you to make sure your parent has enough time to get ready. If you know that your parent is going to need an hour, then you don’t want to give them thirty minutes and expect everything to go well.

If you start early enough, you are actually allowing your parent to hold onto a sense of independence. When your parent buttons a shirt by himself or brushes her hair all on her own, that feels like an accomplishment – and the value of that should not be taken away from your parent. By allowing extra time, you are also giving yourself a chance to breath and not feel so hurried. It should make a more peaceful morning for everyone.

If you really are running late and need to dress your parent yourself or help them with something that there simply isn’t time for, don’t allow your parent to feel useless or hopeless. Give them something to do while you tie their shoe or zip up their jacket – even if it’s not really necessary.

For example, you could ask your parent to fold a shirt or wash their hands while you get them ready. That way, they feel like they are still holding onto their sense of independence and you’re just working together to get out the door – not like you’ve taken the reigns completely.

At the same time, provide your parent with reassurance every chance you get. If they do the dishes, tell them what a great job they did (even if you need to secretly re-do them later). Encourage them even when they are taking longer than usual. Be their cheerleader. Seniors can suffer from depression at a higher rate than other parts of the population, and any positive reinforcement they can get from their loved ones will help them to stay motivated and happier.

Now, if your loved one is suffering from dementia or another cognitive issue, communication can be especially difficult. It can be extremely painful to watch your parent become delayed and lose their abilities – and with dementia, they might not seem recognizable at all anymore.

You might feel like communication is simply impossible. Maybe your parent is having terrible mood swings, has lost their filter, or just simply won’t speak at all anymore. This can be heart wrenching to face, but I can assure you that there is hope. With the right tools, you can continue to have a meaningful and rewarding relationship with your parent after a dementia diagnosis.

The first thing to keep in mind is that your parents’ communication struggles are not their fault. Dementia patients struggle with cognition, conversation, memory, focus, language, perception, and problem solving. That makes even exchanging simple dialogue a steep mountain to climb. So, if you feel yourself getting impatient or frustrated, try to keep in mind that your parents’ behavior isn’t on purpose. I know that’s easier said than done, but patience and support is what your parent needs more than anything else.

In fact, a loving and supportive environment can actually positively impact your parents’ journey with dementia. The rate of decline can occur faster in patients who feel isolated and depressed. Dementia patients who feel encouraged, supported, and cared for generally decline at a slower rate.

There are few key communication elements to keep in mind when interacting with a parent with dementia. First of all, it’s important to speak in a clear and simple manner with a soft and gentle tone. If you sound panicked or angry, your loved one can become panicked and angry. Similarly, if you speak in a calm manner, your loved one is more likely to match your tone.

Body language can be an excellent communication tool to use with dementia patients. Because it can be harder for people with dementia to understand what you’re saying, it’s important to give cues that can help them. Make an eating gesture to ask if your parent is hungry or tell them it’s time for dinner, for example. You can make a hug gesture across your chest to indicate “I love you.”

On that note, nonverbal cues in general are a great way to make communication work. Try maintaining eye contact throughout the conversation, so your loved one knows to listen. You can use touch to keep your loved one closer in conversation – hold their hands or shoulders and sit quietly with them if the conversation itself becomes too much. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you’re there – even if you aren’t conversing.

Music is another excellent communication tool for dementia patients. Singing favorite tunes can actually bring back memories for patients – and studies have found that singing and dancing can actually make a dementia patient “come alive” again. If you want to communicate joy and togetherness, music can be a great way to do just that. Just make sure it’s music that you know your loved one likes and is easy to listen to – loud and unfamiliar music can cause stress and confusion.

Whether or not your loved one has dementia, you might have noticed that they’re facing personality changes and mood swings. While this is a more common tendency in dementia patients, there are many other reasons an older adult might lose their steam or become impatient more quickly. For one thing, many older adults are facing physical struggles that can translate into their emotions.

Think about it – if your body is in pain or not functioning properly, you probably won’t be in the best mood, right? Now, imagine if that pain meant that life as you know it is going to change, and that your independence is being threatened. I think that’s enough to put anyone in a sour mood, at least for a little while. 

But what do you do when the mood swings just become too much? When you’re struggling to know whether your parent is saying hurtful words because of their disease, or if they really mean them? When you’re in a public place and your mother or father is having a meltdown over something seemingly small?

Emotional and personality changes can be extremely difficult to deal with – on an emotional level, and a physical one. If you’re a caregiver, you need to learn how to balance your own feelings with making sure your parent is staying safe and under control. This isn’t easy to accomplish, by any means.

Still, there are ways to make even the most troublesome moments a little bit easier. It’s all about toning the situation down.

In most situations, the best thing you can do is remain calm and support your parent – instead of arguing back. If your loved one has dementia and is facing a hallucination, for instance, it can be a lot more effective to go along with it. If your loved one claims that there is a man in the room who isn’t, instead of telling your loved one that no one is there, try to distract from the situation. When you shut it down completely, you leave your loved one feeling invalidated and even more confused – which can lead to a total meltdown.

Instead of saying, “mom, there’s no one in the room, you’re seeing things,” try to distract from the situation while offering your validation. Say something like, “Oh, he looks like a nice visitor. Now, would you rather have chicken or turkey for dinner?” Distracting from the situation can pull your parent away from the hallucination and get them focused on something else – without escalating the situation further.

The same tactic can be used if your parent is saying hurtful things that are out of their character. Instead of fighting back or defending yourself, simply try to move the conversation to another place. When you get defensive or angry, your parent is more likely to react in an extreme way. I know it’s hard to take the bad days and the bad moods but use your time away from your parent to reflect and vent and take care of yourself, instead of escalating the situation while you’re in it.

Communicating with our aging parents can be surprisingly difficult – but if we approach each conversation with patience, empathy, understanding, and love, it can be much easier. Avoid condescending tones, make eye contact, and use physical touch and hand gestures to get a point across clearly. Above all, listen to your loved one when they have something to say – and don’t rush them as they try to say it.

We’ve found that the more love and patience we can bring into the conversation, the more rewarding conversations we’ll have. At the end of the day, it’s all about letting our loved ones feel safe and supported, so that we can feel that way, too.

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone who could benefit from this episode please share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. We look forward to seeing you next time on All Home Care Matters.

Sources:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/communication-techniques-to-deal-with-elderly-parents-138454.htm

https://12oaks.net/senior-living-help/why-the-talk-with-your-aging-parents-should-be-more-than-one-conversation/

https://www.caring.com/caregivers/starting-the-conversation/

https://bluemoonseniorcounseling.com/7-tips-for-communicating-with-seniors/

https://www.arborcompany.com/blog/caregiver-tips-for-the-aging-parents-moving-conversation

https://bluebirdhomecare.com/blog/family-dynamics-change/

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-handle-an-elderly-parents-bad-behavior-138673.htm

https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/handle-verbal-abuse-via-dementia-outbursts

https://training.mmlearn.org/blog/how-to-talk-to-someone-with-dementia-alzheimers-or-memory-loss

https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/dementia-communication

https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-to-talk-to-someone-with-dementia-97963

https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/eight-tips-for-talking-to-your-aging-parents-about-important-issues/

https://www.rgcmgmt.com/blog/post/10-tips-for-successful-communication-with-loved-ones-with-dementia

Elmer learns about All Home Care Matters from his fishing buddy whose wife had been dealing with health issues. They are relieved to discover that there is good support and information for families and those facing long-term care issues.

Now you can discover All Home Care Matters by visiting www.allhomecarematters.com

As your loved one ages, there are many changes you can expect to face. One major change that effects an enormous part of the over-65 population is hearing loss. Hearing loss affects one in three people between the ages of 65 and 75, and about half of those over the age of 75, according to the NIA. Even though many people face this ailment, it can still feel isolating and difficult to grapple with.

Seniors with hearing loss might struggle to keep up with conversation, hear the doorbell ringing, or even know when the microwave’s beeping. This can make living everyday life particularly difficult, especially if the hearing loss gets worse as time goes on.

Hearing loss isn’t just an inconvenience – it can be dangerous, too. A person with hearing loss might struggle to understand their doctor or to hear emergency sirens or other alarms.

At the same time, hearing loss can lead to feelings of loneliness and even depression – because conversing with friends and family, and participating in social events, is simply harder than it used to be.

It is not uncommon for seniors to not want to admit when they are facing hearing loss – some feel embarrassed or don’t want to admit that there’s something wrong. If you notice that your loved one is experiencing hearing loss, but they aren’t admitting it, try not to get too frustrated. This can be a difficult reality for your loved one to come to terms with.

The good news is that doctors can work with hearing loss patients to come up with a treatment plan so that your loved one can continue to live as safely and happily as possible. Treatments might include hearing aids, medication, or even surgery depending on the situation. The sooner you can get your loved one to a doctor, the better a treatment plan will work.

We know that hearing loss can be hard to navigate – which is why today’s episode of All Home Care Matters is all about understanding why hearing loss happens, how to cope with it, and what current treatments are available. We hope this episode brings you and your loved one some clarity when it comes to this difficult situation.

Age-related hearing loss, also called presbycusis, is an incredibly common condition among older adults. It usually occurs equally in both ears and happens gradually. At first, a person might only struggle to hear high-pitched noises, like the microwave beep, for instance. Because the start of age-related hearing loss can be so subtle, many don’t even notice when it first begins.

One of the most common causes of hearing loss is loud noises. Veterans who have been around gun fire are more likely to experience hearing loss, as are people who spent a lot of time around loud music or in loud factories. If your aging loved one works or lives in a noisy atmosphere, it’s a good idea to protect their ears by using ear plugs, noise canceling headphones, and keeping loud noises to a minimum whenever possible.

There are many reasons that a person might face age-related hearing loss. Most commonly, this happens simply because our inner-ear changes as we get older, affecting the way we process sound. Inside the inner ear, there are tiny hair cells that translate sound waves into electrical signals for the brain to interpret. Over time, it is possible for these hair cells to become damaged or lost completely. Because they do not regrow, this leads to permanent hearing loss.

Changes to the hair cells in the inner ear is the most common reason for age-related hearing loss. Still, it is not the only reason. Some seniors experience hearing loss due to changes in the middle ear. This occurs when the tympanic membrane thins or becomes too stiff, which tends to happen to people around the age of 70.

There are many types of hearing loss – if your loved one is experiencing difficulty hearing, this does not necessarily mean they are becoming deaf in both ears. Some seniors experience only mild hearing loss, in which they cannot hear high pitched noises but can hear everything else, while others experience total loss of hearing.

Sensorineural hearing loss is the hearing loss that occurs when there is damage to the inner ear. This type of loss does tend to be permanent. Conductive hearing loss, on the other hand, happens when soundwaves are simply not reaching the inner ear in the first place. This can happen for a myriad of reasons – from too much earwax to a punctured eardrum. A punctured eardrum can occur as the result of an infection, pressure, or an accident – but it can also be caused by something as simple as cleaning your ears with a que tip. Conductive hearing loss can usually be restored when the signal blockage is fixed, either through medication or surgery.

Some people experience what is known as sudden hearing loss – which happens when a person loses their sense of hearing completely in a matter of seconds or days. Patients with sudden hearing loss must seek medical attention immediately, as this can be a sign of a greater neurological problem. 

Hearing loss might also occur in the form of tinnitus. Tinnitus happens when a person hears ringing, hissing, clicking, or buzzing in their ear. The phenomenon can be heard in both ears or just one and tends to come and go. For many seniors, tinnitus is the first sign of hearing loss to come, but it can also be an indicator of other medical issues. Some seniors with tinnitus suffer from high blood pressure, for instance. 

Regardless of the type of hearing loss, the signs and symptoms are generally the same for every patient. Seniors experiencing hearing loss might notice that they have a hard time following conversation (particularly in group settings), need to turn the TV volume up much higher than usual, need information repeated, have a hard time hearing over the phone, or believe that other people are mumbling or not speaking clearly.

If you notice that you or your loved one is experiencing any or all of those symptoms, make sure to see a doctor as soon as possible. Hearing loss treatment is most effective for seniors who begin a treatment plan right away.

When you book an appointment with a hearing specialist, you will meet with either an otolaryngologist, an audiologist, or a hearing aid specialist. Some people might meet with all three, depending on the severity of the situation. An otolaryngologist, or ENT, specializes in diagnosing ear, nose, throat, and neck diseases, and will be able to provide resources, support, and an official diagnosis.

An audiologist is trained specifically to recognize and measure hearing loss. They will be able to tell you exactly how much loss you have suffered and what to expect down the road. It’s important to know what exactly you’re facing so you can prepare for the steps ahead – and an audiologist will be able to help with just that.

A hearing aid specialist is a professional who can conduct hearing tests to evaluate your needs, fit you for hearing aids, and even provide counseling services as you face the road ahead. Counseling services can be fundamental to many facing hearing loss, so that they feel less alone and more supported on their journey.

Treatment plans will vary depending on you or your loved one’s individual case. Still, there are some common treatment plans that are worth researching and looking into.

According to HealthyHearing.com, about one-third of people with hearing loss use hearing aids. Hearing aids are a device worn in or behind the ear. It works by making sounds louder, allowing a person to be more present in conversation and aware of any emergency alarms or warnings that might occur. Hearing aids are made up of a microphone, a speaker, and an amplifier.

The microphone receives the sound, which is converted into an electrical signal by the amplifier, and then sent through to the brain through the speaker. Hearing aids can make an enormous difference for anyone suffering age-related hearing loss – and help them get back to living their best life again.

If your loved one’s hearing loss is especially severe, their doctor might recommend cochlear implants. These are small devices that are implanted into the inner ear during surgery. They are used in people who are profoundly deaf.

Less commonly, a doctor might also recommend bone anchored hearing systems – which are systems that are designed to transfer sound through bone conduction. Other treatments might include assisted listening devices such as iPhone apps or cell phone amplifying devices. The treatment the doctor recommends will depend on the severity of the situation.

For many seniors, dealing with hearing loss means facing a new world of uncertainty and frustration. Many people do not want to admit when they are suffering – because they worry that they will be excluded, ostracized, or even lose their sense of independence. When a person is hard-of-hearing, they might need sentences to be repeated again and again. This could lead to the person they are speaking with becoming frustrated and saying, “never mind,” which can be disheartening to hear.

The last thing we want is for our loved ones to feel like they cannot be part of the conversation – or that their hearing loss has become a burden to us. That’s why it’s so important to approach communication with patience and empathy, and to make the listening environment as peaceful as possible.

When speaking with your loved one, make sure that there aren’t a ton of background noises that will make it harder for them to hear. Turn off the TV and any music, close the windows, and do what you can to eliminate any other background noise. At the same time, speak clearly and directly using eye contact and hand gestures – so that your loved one can read your body language as well as listen to your voice. Refrain from yelling or shouting, which can distort language, but still speak in a louder voice than usual.

During conversation, be patient when your loved one asks you to repeat something – even if you have to say it again and again. Remember that they are doing their best to listen, and it’s not their fault they aren’t quite understanding. Be empathetic with their situation and offer guidance and friendship when they need to vent or get frustrated. This is a difficult reality to come to terms with, so any support they get will be a huge and welcome help.

We know that living with hearing loss can be a frustrating and isolating experience – but when you begin treatment and have a wonderful support system in place, you can get back to living the life you love. 

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone is who could benefit from this episode and please make sure to share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. Join us next time on All Home Care Matters where we will be discussing an entire episode on Communication with Seniors.

Sources:

https://www.healthyhearing.com/report/52510-Presbycusis-understanding-age-related-hearing-loss#:~:text=As%20we%20get%20older%2C%20degeneration,ear%20that%20help%20us%20hear.

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/hearing-loss-common-problem-older-adults

https://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/age-related-hearing-loss#1

https://www.nursingtimes.net/roles/older-people-nurses-roles/exploring-the-anatomy-and-physiology-of-ageing-part-6-the-eye-and-ear-09-09-2008/#:~:text=Anatomical%20changes%20to%20the%20middle,after%20the%20age%20of%2070.

https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/hearing-loss-in-aging/

https://www.tabitha.org/news-events/blog/how-can-older-adults-cope-with-hearing-loss.html

https://www.comfortkeepers.ca/coping-senior-loved-one-hearing-loss/

https://www.healthline.com/health/age-related-hearing-loss#prevention

https://www.healthyhearing.com/report/52510-Presbycusis-understanding-age-related-hearing-loss

https://www.healthyhearing.com/report/52508-How-hearing-loss-affects-seniors

https://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/hearing-aids#hearingaid_01

If you’re a family caregiver, you probably feel overwhelmed when it comes to finding information. You need help and advice from time to time, but how do you know who to trust? How can you tell if a source is really worth following?

Family caregivers have enough on their plate without having to worry about where to find support and information. Unfortunately, the reality is that there are many online resources that simply don’t provide the correct information or the best advice. This can make it hard for a caregiver to know who to trust – and can even keep a caregiver from looking for support online in the first place.

Every caregiver knows how essential it is to stay well-informed and on top of everything when it comes to their loved one’s care. If you have questions about living facilities, need help understanding a possible symptom, or are worried about drug interactions, you want to make sure the information you get is reliable and trustworthy. The wrong advice can have disastrous consequences. 

Today, we’re going to let you know the best online resources available to family caregivers. That way, you can know who to trust from the get-go, and won’t waste precious time hopping from site to site and hoping you landed on a good one. These sites are informative, helpful, and supportive – and they should be able to guide you through almost any caregiving situation.

The first and foremost reliable site for caregivers is AARP. AARP actually has a site dedicated specifically to family caregiving – and it provides endless tools, resources, and information to anyone who needs it. They cover every topic imaginable – from long term care insurance to the best living facilities – so that you don’t have to.

Not only that, but AARP also has an online community that can connect with you via social media – answering your questions on an individual basis. AARP also offers webinars, conferences, and other programs meant to provide you with all the information you might need. Plus, the site is completely free to use!

Aging Care is another wonderful website for anyone who needs some extra tips and resources. The blog posts feature a wide range of topics (from how to speak to your loved one with dementia to bathroom safety tips) and the articles are written by specialists with years of experience in the field. Not only that, but on Aging Care, you can actually connect directly to a specialist who can help you find resources in your local community – like counseling services, assisted living facilities, and social groups.

The Caregiver Action Network is a third reliable site for any caregiver looking for more information. CAN is all about providing the immediate help – when you don’t have time to scroll through long blog posts and need an answer right then and there. They have endless checklists to help you with safety tips, medications, and household organization – and provide access to how-to and informational videos. CAN can also connect you to a caregiver support group when you need it. The site is super user friendly and a fantastic resource for any caregiver.

Another favorite site of ours is Eldercare Locator. This site is a massive directory administered through the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging in Washington DC. You can use the site to find any and all local resources in your community. From adult day cares to support groups to events catered toward dementia patients, this site can help you set foot into the world of family caregiving with a community at your side.

Finally, another important resource is Caring Bridge. Caring Bridge is a site meant specifically to help family caregivers through mental health issues and give them the support they need. The site offers free support groups and connects caregivers to others who have faced similar situations. This is an excellent resource for any family caregiver who just needs a little support.

Finding the best online resources can be a challenge – but when you know which sites to trust, family caregiving becomes a whole lot easier. This job is often messy and unpredictable – so you want to be able to access information and get your questions answered as easily and safely as possible.  

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone is who could benefit from this episode and please make sure to visit our show notes to learn more about these sites and resources.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. Join us next time on All Home Care Matters where we will be discussing Hearing Loss.

Sources:

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/

https://www.agingcare.com/

https://caregiveraction.org/

https://eldercare.acl.gov/Public/Index.aspx

https://www.caringbridge.org/

Caring for a loved one with dementia is far from an easy task. Not only is it immensely difficult on an emotional level to watch a loved one experience this disease – but the act of caregiving itself can be exhausting, strenuous, and isolating.

While caregiving can be one of the most immensely rewarding experiences in a person’s life, it does not come without its own set of challenges. For caregivers of dementia patients, the challenges are particularly unique and complex.

While caregiving for people with dementia can feel utterly isolating, there are actually over 11 million Americans providing unpaid care for people with dementia. According to alz.org, “in 2020, these caregivers provided an estimated 15.3 billion hours of care valued at nearly $257 billion.”

These numbers are staggering, and they prove something about dementia caregivers that isn’t necessarily true for other caregivers – at least across a broad scale. That caring for a person with dementia means putting in more hours for more years than most other family caregivers have to.

One reason might be that dementia patients are rarely placed in nursing facilities. There are a variety of reasons for this. For one thing, finances and insurance policies can prevent a person from living in a facility. Medicaid usually only pays for temporary care, for example, and dementia patients require long-term care.

At the same time, dementia patients tend to benefit from staying at home. Unfamiliar surroundings can cause dementia patients to become stressed, anxious, and depressed. It can also increase levels of confusion and disorientation. This can actually accelerate the progression of the disease. Familiar surroundings are much more comfortable for dementia patients, so some families opt to keep their loved ones at home for this reason.

Finally, if a person has a family member who has the capacity to provide the care they need, this can be a far less expensive option for families.

In all, about 85% of Americans living with dementia remain at home or in assisted living facility. The other 15% live in nursing homes, according to the Population Reference Bureau. Those who live in assisted living facilities have the option of having a family caregiver available to them. Usually, people at assisted living facilities do not use hired caregivers, because assisted living is designed for seniors who are relatively independent.

The sheer number of dementia patients living at home means that family caregivers work with dementia patients on a larger level than other diseases. A study by Health Affairs actually found that “while people with dementia account for only about 10 percent of older adults living at home or in residential care, 41% of family caregiving hours are spent assisting loved ones with Alzheimer’s and similar diseases,” according to Forbes.

Additionally, researchers found that dementia patients required care at a more intense level than for seniors with other ailments. According to Forbes, “caregivers who lived with family members with dementia provided nearly 50% more hours of help than those who lived with aging parent without dementia – an average of 143 hours per month (almost 36 hours per week, or nearly the equivalent of a full-time job).”

Too often, dementia caregivers are forced to give up their jobs and careers in order to be there for their loved one. If they are unable to, they are forced to find a balance that leaves little time for sleep or a life outside of work and care.

All this to say, caring for a dementia patient is far from easy – but if you’re a caregiver, know that you aren’t alone. This is an experience that affects millions around the country – and because of that, there are support groups and resources available for those in your position.

Today, we’re going to talk about the challenges and strategies for caring for a loved one with dementia. We hope that this episode will help you to feel supported as a caregiver and provide you with tactics that can make your life and experience a little less stressful and a little more rewarding.

HomeCareAssistance.com says, “caring for someone with dementia is a practice in defying logic,” and we couldn’t agree more with that sentiment. Our instincts not only as caregivers, but as the sons, daughters, or spouses of a person with dementia, is to confront challenges with logic.

For example, if your loved one is having a hallucination of their late mother, you might think that saying, “you’re hallucinating, she’s not really there,” would be enough to snap your parent back into reality. Unfortunately, though, using logic can actually do more harm than good. By telling your loved one that what they are seeing is not real, you are expressing to them that you don’t take them seriously, don’t believe them, and can’t be trusted.

Not to mention, a person with dementia could feel terribly frightened, frustrated, and alone if they think their version of reality isn’t real. Keep in mind that to your loved one, these hallucinations are as real as you are. Denying that reality can cause dementia patients to have frustrated or desperate outbursts.

So, how can you possibly care for someone if using logic doesn’t always work? We’ve found that patience, gentleness, and empathy work a lot better than logic in many situations. Let’s look back at our hallucination example. While it might seem strange, it can be a lot more effective to go along with the hallucination and try to defuse the situation slowly, than to outright deny that it’s happening.

For example, you might say, “Oh yes, Grandma is here, and she loves you, but right now we need to focus on eating your breakfast.” This validates what your loved one is seeing and feeling, while distracting from the situation, so you can shift your loved one’s focus to something else.

In a lot of ways, that’s what caring for a dementia patient is all about. When you’re unable to explain something using logic, gently go along with it until you can distract from the situation. Dementia patients tend to experience a variety of emotions in a single day – and can go from happy and cheerful to angry or explosive out of the blue.

By staying calm, patient, and empathetic, you can help your loved one to feel safe, secure, and loved regardless of how they’re feeling. And responding to anger with patience and empathy is far more effective than fighting fire with fire, even though the latter can be tempting sometimes.

The same goes for repetition. While you might feel frustrated having to repeat the same information again and again, keep in mind that your parent has no idea she’s heard it before. She’s not trying to be irritating or malicious by asking to hear something again – she simply doesn’t know better.

If you react with frustration or impatience, it can cause unnecessary hurt feelings and even damage trust between the patient and the caregiver. While it might be annoying having to repeat something again and again, it’s well worth keeping your loved one in good spirits and feeling confident about themselves.

On that note, let’s talk communication in general. When communicating with a loved one with dementia, make sure to make eye contact, speak slowly, and address your loved one by name. Instead of interrupting or getting frustrated when your loved one takes a long time to say something, wait for them to finish and do your best to understand what they’re saying, even when it’s difficult. It can help to look at their body language and facial expressions.

If you still can’t tell exactly what they’re saying, you might be able to decipher their emotions, and act accordingly to calm anger or encourage good humor.

Chances are, if you’re caring for a person with dementia, you will feel frustrated pretty often. It’s not just hallucinations, mood swings, and repetition that you have to worry about – confusion and disorientation can be frustrating, too. If your loved one is confused about something, the best thing you can do is simplify the situation – and, again, react with patience and kindness.

Now, I know that being patient is far easier said than done. Still, patience is absolutely essential for caregivers. Not only will a consistent lack of patience hinder your relationship with your loved one, but symptoms can actually worsen in dementia patients if they feel unsafe and upset by the situation, they’re in. For example, they might feel they are being attacked or respond with a meltdown if they think they’re being yelled at. So, being patient actually makes your job easier, too.

Still, it’s necessary to have an outlet for your frustrations and heartache. Find a friend or family member that you can vent to safely or join a support group for others in similar situations. The more you can talk about and confront your emotions outside of your loved one’s earshot, the stronger and more prepared you’ll feel to face each day ahead. Your patience will be easier to maintain if you have a regular outlet to express your frustrations, too.

Now, holding onto patience doesn’t just mean being patient with your loved one. It also means being patient with yourself. Many caregivers put a ton of pressure on themselves to get everything exactly right – but the truth is, nobody is perfect, and caring for a person with dementia just isn’t predictable. There is so much out of your control.

The fact that you show up each day, that you are putting your all into being there for your loved one, that alone makes you a wonderful caregiver. At the end of the day, your loved one needs to feel safe and loved, right?

So, if your daily routine gets messed up, or you just can’t get your loved one to eat their breakfast one morning, be kind to yourself. That doesn’t mean you’re not doing a great job. Bad days are bound to happen, and they are not your fault.

Now, some caregivers might find that they are only having bad days – that they’re completely over their heads and this new role just isn’t working for them or their loved one. If this is the case, try taking some time off and finding a bit of respite care. It might just be that you need a little break.

Remember – this role is a huge adjustment. Caregiving is not something that can be mastered overnight, and many don’t realize just how difficult it is until they’re in the thick of it. Most people will find that after a few months of adjusting, they get the hang of things. It helps to find people who can delegate some of the chores and errands – like grocery shopping, transportation, or cleaning the house. When you’re no longer doing absolutely everything yourself, you’ll find that you can better focus on the care itself.

We’ve talked a lot so far about reactions. Being kind, patient, and empathetic with your loved one and yourself, regardless of the situation. Now, let’s get into actions.

Dementia patients need to stay stimulated mentally and physically, as long as they are able. Nourishing the mind and body are key to strengthening memory, slowing the progression of the disease, and keeping your parent engaged and in good spirits.

With that in mind, it’s important to have activities for your loved one to participate in. Activities like baking, dancing, singing, or doing puzzles can help your parent feel entertained and engaged – and increase their socialization, which is key to fighting depression. You can also take your parent on walks, to museums, or to a quiet and peaceful spa day.

That said, your loved one might respond better to some activities than others. Don’t force your loved one to do anything they don’t want to, and if they’re too tired or not in the mood, don’t push. Try something new the next day. You might find that your parent responds to one out of five activities you choose – but even that one activity is a huge victory.

Your loved one might also enjoy participating in household tasks. Chores like sweeping, folding towels, or wiping surfaces can help your loved one feel a sense of accomplishment – and like they have some of their independence back. Not only that, but these activities engage the body and mind. Anytime you can keep your loved one moving and thinking, go for it. If your loved one is interested in helping with the chores, encourage them to try.

Of course, daily activities are about more than stimulating entertainment. For dementia caregivers, daily activities also include bathing, eating, and dressing. Each of these activities come with their own set of challenges, but with the right preparation, you can do your best to keep everything as seamless as possible.

When it comes to bathing, it’s recommended that you choose a time when you know your loved one is the calmest. For instance, if your loved one tends to wake in a cheerful and peaceful mood, mornings are the best time to have a bath. Try to establish a bath time routine and be easy on yourself if that routine is ever pushed back or broken on a hard day.

Remember that for your loved one, bathing can be an uncomfortable experience, especially if they’re being bathed by one of their children. You can distract from the situation by conversing about other topics or playing soft music during bath time. Try to be in good spirits during bath time, so you can help your parent feel happier and more comfortable. You can also try sponge baths every other day or every few days, so you don’t have to deal with bath time on a daily basis.

Eating can be frustrating – many dementia patients don’t like to eat at all, and if they do, they’re drawn to junk food. It can help to make dishes colorful and exciting. Make smiley faces out of colorful fruit, for instance, and refrain from serving the same three meals every week. Food that varies in texture, color, and taste will be more appealing.

Use mealtime as an opportunity to socialize with your loved one. Make conversation instead of turning on the TV and, if you can, eat your meals at the same time. This can help maintain a sense of normalcy and security. Remember that your loved one might take a long time to eat – this is another instance where patience is key.

When it comes to dressing, it can help to lay out outfits ahead of time, either the night before or before your loved one wakes up. Consider choosing two or three options so your loved one can choose what she wants to wear in the morning. Keep the number of choices small and simple – but have at least two options so your loved one can hold onto a sense of independence.

Allow your loved one to dress themselves if they are able – even if it takes a long time. Just as wiping surfaces or sweeping the floor can help your parent to feel a sense of accomplishment, so can getting dressed.   

Caring for a loved one with dementia can be an immensely difficult duty to take on – and we commend you for making the choice to care for your loved one. At the end of the day, our best advice is to be patient, gentle, and empathetic. Kindness can be a superpower – and it can help make these remaining years rewarding, when they could easily be miserable.

Be kind to yourself, too. You’re doing a great job.

We want to thank you for joining us here at All Home Care Matters, All Home Care Matters is here for you and to help families as they navigate long-term care issues. Please visit us at allhomecarematters.com there is a private secure fillable form there where you can give us feedback, show ideas, or if you have questions. Every form is read and responded to. If you know someone is who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them.

Remember, you can listen to the show on any of your favorite podcast streaming platforms and watch the show on our YouTube channel and make sure to hit that subscribe button, so you'll never miss an episode. Join us next time on All Home Care Matters where we will be discussing Online Resources for Families and Caregivers.

Sources:

https://www.prb.org/the-demography-of-dementia-and-dementia-caregiving/

https://homecareassistance.com/blog/top-five-strategies-dementia-caregiving

https://homecareassistance.com/blog/challenges-dementia-caregiving

https://www.forbes.com/sites/howardgleckman/2015/10/26/the-challenges-of-caring-for-a-loved-one-with-dementia/?sh=176494723065

https://www.caregiver.org/resource/caregivers-guide-understanding-dementia-behaviors/

https://www.caringseniorservice.com/blog/challenges-alzheimers-dementia-caregivers

https://www.ucsfhealth.org/education/coping-strategies-for-alzheimers-disease-caregivers

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/alzheimers-disease-care-at-home-139990.htm

https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/facts-figures

https://www.alzheimers.net/2014-03-06-stimulating-activities-for-alzheimers-patients