All The Wiser

At 31, Nora McInerny was happily married to a man named Aaron, with a toddler named Ralph and a career in advertising. But in 2014, over the span of 6 weeks, she miscarried her second child, lost her father to cancer and then her husband Aaron to a brain tumor. In this episode, Nora shares, with her trademark honesty and humor, how our Western culture has woefully unprepared us to talk about death, and what to do when someone you know is going through something really, really terrible. 

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Sergeant Kevin Briggs is known by many as the “Guardian of the Golden Gate Bridge.” An army veteran with no formal suicide prevention training, Kevin Briggs dissuaded more than 200 people from jumping off the bridge over his 23 years with the California Highway Patrol. With a gentle voice and compassionate lens on the world, Kevin shares his experiences working with people who are in tremendous pain and how his innate ability of “listening to understand” has been his greatest tool in encouraging people to come back over the rail onto solid ground. Retired, Briggs is now dedicating his life to promoting mental health awareness and suicide prevention across the globe.

Benefitting the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

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Our very own host, Kimi Culp, is interviewed by her friend and former Good Morning America colleague, Holly Gordon about a secret Kimi has kept for over twenty years: her diagnosis of bipolar disorder. In this revealing and highly personal conversation, Kimi describes how she experiences the highs and lows of a manic episode (while balancing a demanding career in journalism!), and why she decided to finally share her secret on All The Wiser. 

Benefiting Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

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Gerardo Lopez grew up in gang territory in Los Angeles, CA. At 14, he joined MS-13 a notoriously dangerous international gang. It took 13 seconds for him to be jumped in, but another decade before street crime and juvenile detention centers would be a thing of his past. Today, Gerardo “Clever” Lopez is a gang interventionist and executive director of Homies Unidos, a non-profit that helps at-risk youth avoid making the same mistakes by promoting peace and prevention. 

In Today’s Episode:

• Growing up in “the hood” (04:17) 
• Locked up. Life in Juvenile Hall (18:29) 
• The moment Gerardo decides to walk away from his gangster life (22:37)
• An unexpected helping hand and the power of sharing your story in a room full of strangers. (25:21)
• Facing 48 years in prison and the day his case was dismissed and a prison guard told him “your free to go.” (35:10)

Wise Words:

• “So I ended up getting jumped into the gang, [00:17:30] and when I was getting jumped in the number one thing that I was thinking about, I had already counted down when the carnival was coming into town, when I could walk around that carnival and say that I'm from MS-13, right. To feel that sense of respect, power and pride, if you will.”
• “Yeah man, they got a green light on you guys.” A green light meaning that they want to go ahead and take your life, they want to go ahead and kill you. Right, so during that time we were all like, man, we thought we would get that respect, power and pride within the gang, now we're starting to feel even more fear, we're feeling even more paranoid because now we just don't have MS-13 after us, now you have all those surrounding gangs after us.” 27:30
• “Well, you know I did feel that emotion that remorse, especially the pain and suffering that it was causing my family. I remember there was times when there was gunshots in my neighborhood and my mom [00:33:30] would always come running out with her sandals and her nightgown to see if I had got shot.”
• “And even having sometimes, well a lot of times, cell mates from people from different gangs that we go along with, or just different gangs and you start talking to these people [00:45:00] and their stories are not like the ones from El Salvador, right but their stories consisted of sometimes similar to my stories. They had a loving home, their parents worked two or three jobs, some of them didn't have a loving home, some of them their parents were addicted to drugs. The violence was just here in the neighborhood, a lot of afterschool programs left.”
• “When we used to play baseball out on these fields [00:45:30] in these juvenile camps, all the gangsters were the best players. I mean they came from, I remember baseball was big back then, but then a lot of times these parks ran out funding or people quit playing baseball, whatever sport they played and went to gang-banging then.”
• “I remember going to funerals and seeing moms crying and me sitting next to my homie and watching the casket of my homeboy that was right there, and a mom hugging the casket. Even like wanting to wake her son up. Right. And when [00:50:30] he was getting buried, she tried to jump in that hole right there as well, to get buried with him. Right, and I was all like, man homie, and I'm talking to my homie, it was like, "Man that's messed up right? I hope that's not me next time," right. And he's like, "Yeah."”
• “If I was leaving the gang, if they were going to take that part of my life from me, I was willing to [00:55:30] let go of that part of the life, you have to go ahead and replace it with something else.”
• “People can change, it is...

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Kristen Gray left her job to be a stay at home mom with her two young girls. In 2015, Charlotte (4) and Gwenyth (2) were diagnosed with Batten disease: a fatal disorder that would leave them blind and unable to walk, play or speak. Kristen and her husband were unwilling to accept this fate. With a breathtaking swell of love and support, they raised millions of dollars to fund the first clinical trial and real hope for a cure. Her story is a testament to the power of love (and not taking no for an answer.)

In Today’s Episode:

• A mother’s intuition and stopping at nothing for answers (3:37)
• The day her 4 year old daughter, Gwenyth, receives the fatal diagnosis (12:23)
• The call that her youngest daughter, Charlotte, shares the same diagnosis (15:26)
• A family In search of life saving treatments and hope (31:03)
• Charlotte and Gwen’s results after the first ever clinical trial (32:17)
• A mom on a mission builds a school for her daughter and other families as they search for some sense of normalcy and moments of joy and connection (35:07)

Wise Words:

• “They shut the door and he said, “Your daughter Charlotte has Batten Disease CLN6. It’s a neurodegenerative brain disease. It’s rare. It’s fatal and there is no cure. We know one other child that has this diagnosis in India.” He slapped down a pamphlet that gave us more information about the disease and said, “Prepare your home for wheelchairs and kiss your daughter every day.” Then he said, “By the way, your younger daughter has a 25% chance of having the same diagnosis.” (12:23)
• “You could go one of two ways, you either bond together and just fight this fight together and support each other or, you grow apart and you both carry on in your own experiences in whatever way that is.” (16:42)
• “I don’t think Gordon and I ever allowed ourselves to think this was going to be a terminal thing for our girls. We decided to carry the mindset that we were going to fight this and we were going to overcome it.” (17:19)
• “You definitely learn to appreciate the small things in life and take each day as a blessing with gratitude. Everyday, Gordon and I would wake up and wonder what condition Charlotte would be in. Is she going to get out of bed and is she going to walk or is she going to get out of bed and fall. We really lived each moment as it came and really celebrated the little things that were happening each day.” (20:30)

Links Mentioned:

• www.curebatten.org
• www.thegrayacademy.org

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After decades of preparation, Bob Woodruff was offered his dream job: the anchor chair at ABC World News Tonight. But less than two months later he was hit by a bomb in Iraq, incurred massive head trauma, and spent 36 days in a coma fighting for his life. When he finally woke up, the famous journalist with a photographic memory could no longer remember the names of his four young children. While Bob eventually regained many of his physical and cognitive abilities, his life and career were forever changed. In this candid and life-affirming conversation, Bob shares his perspective on invisible wounds, unexpected gifts and the joy of rediscovered purpose. 

In Today’s Episode:

• Bob starts his dream job: co anchoring World News Tonight and leaves to report on the war in Iraq (7:40)
• The moment he was hit by a roadside bomb (12:40)
• Unaware if he is alive or dead (13:00)
• What physically happens to your body and head when you are blasted by a bomb (21:40)
• Are there any stories worth dying for? (39:10)

Wise Words:

• (On Peter Jennings) “He’s the guy that I really wanted to emulate; I think I wanted to be like Peter.” (6:50)
• “It was never the 36 days that the ones that were painful, it was the years afterwards, certainly the months after.” (19:50)
• “Once that miracle of survival kinda starts to sweep away, you realize that your life is gonna be completely different and you have to make this transition. (25:10)
• “You’ve got this gigantic world that you have to find your spot in, you know, your direction in, and that’s a shocking change, and I think that’s the blackness. I think the blackness that everybody that’s gone through this, goes through.” Now you’ve gotta figure out what you’re gonna be and what you’re gonna do.” (25:55)
• “I realized that one of the reasons of religion is, I think, to give you comfort about where you’ve gonna spend most of your existence, and I think I had a realization that this is exactly what’s out there. And you can have all sorts of thoughts about what’s written in the various books and it’s got detains in it that some either believe or don’t believe, but if you really think about it, whoever the prophets may be, what they’re really trying to tell you is that it’s gonna be nice when you go.” (27:28)
• “There’s nothing better than friends, you know? The ones that truly are your friends are the ones that stick with you when you go through suffering, and so those I still have.” (29:15)
• “I think people they don’t really see what their lives are until sometimes they see something worse.” (37:55)
• “If you don’t have journalists out there to tell the story, then you might as well get thrown back to the great soviet days. I’ve been to the countries where in no journalism, and you can tell the impact on the people to not have it.” (39:20)
• “Make sure that those around you are still there by your side. That means there’s a lot you’ve got to do make sure they’re next to you. You can’t just beg for it and you can’t just assume it.” (40:57)

Links Mentioned:

• www.bobwoodrufffoundation.org
• In An Instant by Bob and Lee Woodruff: https://www.amazon.com/Instant-Familys-Journey-Love-Healing/dp/0812978250

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Part 2 of 2. Mom, wife and artist Michel Varisco, walks us through the day of her husband Steve Gleason's terminal diagnosis, finding out she was pregnant a month later and what it was like to watch a documentary about her life in a packed theater at Sundance Film Festival. She opens up about the pressure of living up to false expectations, the realities of life as a full time caretaker, their decision to have a second child and how her darkest days inspired her work as an artist.

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Former NFL football player Steve Gleason founded a charity, Team Gleason, helped create the largest ALS research project in history, has a congressional medal of honor, a law passed in his name and is the star of a Super Bowl commercial and film about his life. Most importantly, he is a proud father of two kids -- Rivers and Gray. Steve accomplished all of the above and more while unable to walk, talk, eat or breath on his own. Steve shared his story with ALL THE WISER while typing with his eyes. He recorded and banked his vocabulary to preserve his authentic voice which you will hear in his candid interview on finding his purpose, the pitfalls of being called a hero, his insecurities, hope for his children and the things he misses most about his life before ALS.

In Today’s Episode:

• Being told he will be dead in 2-3 years (3:58)
• Losing his ability to walk and talk (5:54)
• A day in his life 8 years after being told he would not live (10:02)
• How to live a meaningful life with ALS (13:52)
• How ALS affects families (20:27)
• Why he believes technology saved his life (22:42)
• A trip to space and changing the the future of ALS with virtual reality and artificial intelligence (31:13)

Wise Words:

• Would I spend all my time left, would I spend the time searching for ways to be cured, or would I try to do whatever I really wanted to check off the bucket list? (4:50)
• People with nothing left to lose have nowhere to go but up. (9:48)
• As someone who’s lost most of his physical abilities over the past 20 months, I can tell you that the anticipation of loss is worse than the actual loss itself. (15:06)
• ALS is a remorseless and humiliating disease. It can annihilate families. Spouses become unrecognizable to each other, veiled in frustration, anger and shame. Michel and me included, life begins to unravel into chaos as the person with ALS becomes more reliant on their spouse, and before anyone realizes it, frustration and resentment and shame end up clouding the entire relationship. (20:27)
• It’s really true for all relationships. If you can’t communicate honestly and if you can’t have compassion for the other person’s pain, you have no relationship. But ALS magnifies and intensifies that principle. Michel and I were in the low point. Our breaking point. Fortunately we found a way to thaw the ice, start communicating openly, and understand each other. Things are very different than before I was diagnosed and we definitely struggle, but we’re in a good place. We communicate well and we’re a tightly forged team. (21:20)
• I’ve thought a lot about suffering, and I notice it doesn’t matter whether you are poor or wealthy, white or black, talented or untalented. It doesn’t matter if you have ALS or not. Every human experiences suffering, and some people who have any type of chemical imbalance or mental illness, they suffer mightily to stay positive. Every human experiences suffering. While I’m not saying we should complain all the time, it’s our most powerful tool as humans to share our pain and vulnerabilities with each other. (27:11)
• I rarely get caught up in the things that I cannot do. I suppose that means that I’m either really stubborn or I like to think that if a person can find the way to live a fulfilling and meaningful life, things like walking around or talking far and away is less important to a person if they can feel they are making an impact in other ways. (28:13)

Links Mentioned:

• Steve’s Charity: http://www.teamgleason.org/

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Beloved television producer, Monica Escobedo, survived the unthinkable. For the first time, she shares the details of the day she lost her brother, mother and father in a murder-suicide. Monica courageously shares her story of loss, love, intuition and why she chooses to honor her mentally ill brother in spite of his final act. Her strength, honesty and life perspective will leave you astounded and inspired.

In Monica's honor, we are donating $2000 to Give An Hour.

In Today’s Episode:

• Monica’s premonition and trying to find her mom and dad (5:50)
• Monica learns that her mother has died (6:35)
• She is told she has lost her father and brother as well (12:05)
• Learning her brother had been going to target practice (15:37)
• Forgiving her brother and his final act (19:18)

Wise Words:

• “If I could advise anyone, trying to counsel a friend going through something. It's say something, even though you don't know what to say, say, “Hey, I'm here for you.” (21:15)
• “Your life can change in an instant. It really makes me appreciate the moment a bit more. Even if it's a rough day, I try to think about what I'm thankful for.” (39:08)
• “I am really self-disciplined. I think when there's no parents to kick your butt or encourage you, that you realize how self-motivated you have to be. But if you keep motivating yourself and putting one front in front of the other ... And maybe I could only do a baby step at first, but eventually, you can reach the top of the mountain.” (38:15)
• “I am the sister of a shooter. I see how signs can be ignored. I think I had blinders on, and even though I locked my door because I was a little bit scared of him, I didn't really hone in on it. And looking back, I wish that I had kind of focused on it a bit more, and made more of an effort to try to really get some other figure involved, to get him help.” (37:35)

Links Mentioned:

• https://giveanhour.org/

Follow Us:

• https://twitter.com/allthewiserpod
• https://www.facebook.com/AllTheWiserPodcast/
• https://instagram.com/allthewiserpodcast/

Support the show and get access to exclusive bonus content, quarterly live zoom hangs with Kimi and the team, and much more. Join us and become a member!

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Matt is the co-founder and CEO of Omaze. His company has raised over 130 million dollars for charities by auctioning off once in a lifetime experiences — think a walk-on role in Star Wars or being George Clooney’s date on the Red Carpet! He opens up about what changed everything for him: a near death experience that left him flatlining and in a coma. Matt shares how his mom saved his life, his experience on “the other side” and how he views his relationships and company in an entirely new light.

In honor of Matt's story we are donating $2000 to Folds of Honor.

IN TODAY’S EPISODE

• Signs that something was wrong (6:50)
• Flatlining for 5 minutes and his experience on “the other side” (11:33)
• The machine and doctors that saved his life (21:43)
• How his mom’s presence and strength as witnessed her son flatline (27:33)
• Matt finally has a 2nd date with his now girlfriend in his hospital room (33:09)

WISE WORDS

• They didn't know her son. It was this very spiritual experience for her. She said it was like ... and it just gave her this strength, and so she gathered herself, and she turned back to the table, and she started coaching me. Coaching me back. She said, "Matthew David Pohlson, these people are fighting to save your life. They are fighting so hard to save your life, but you're not fighting hard enough. You gotta fight, Matthew David Pohlson! You gotta show them that you're a fighter! You gotta fight to come back! These people are fighting to save your life." (11:09)
• And I remember just fighting and fighting and fighting, and just like, it felt like an infinitely long journey. Then I remember the moment of just like, bursting back into the world, and feeling that feeling of ... oh, my gosh, the journey. I'm here. I'm back. And looking at my mom, and looking at my dad, and then, there's just like, this moment of pure joy. Where I felt connected to everything in the world, all at once. (15:06)
• I mean, I was gone. All the doctors were saying, I was gone. I was out of that body. Because they said, it's very uncommon, or not very uncommon ... they've never seen someone flatline, and then, open up their eyes, and lift their hand and give a thumbs up. (15:49)
• "But do you remember what you wrote?" I said, "No." He said, "You wrote, the first thing you wrote was, 'Tell my mom that I fought so hard." (29:57)
• "Look, before you leave, I want you to understand something. When I finish my career, 30 years from now, and I'm talking about the most extraordinary case I've ever seen, this is gonna be it.” (33:55)
• I would say everything you want is on the other side of fear. We create these fears so often for our self, that get in the way of so much that we want to do, or people we want to love, or ... but know that, and when you overcome that fear, just know that the love you put out can change people's lives in ways that you may never be able to see, but it matters. (44:10)
•  
• LINKS
• HTTPS://WWW.OMAZE.COM
• HTTPS://WWW.FOLDSOFHONOR.ORG/

Support the show and get access to exclusive bonus content, quarterly live zoom hangs with Kimi and the team, and much more. Join us and become a member!

OR contribute what you can by making a custom pledge.