Alternative Fact—

Only the guilty sneeze.

Alternative Fact of the Day—

This year, Christmas will be replaced by a world wide burping competition (all must compete).

Alternative Fact of the Day—

Germs are shy.

Alternative Fact of the Day—

Public farting is the only farting allowed.

Alternative Fact of the Day—

Elbows are parasitic lifeforms from another world.

Alternative Fact of the Day—

Orange peels and human skin are completely interchangeable.

Alternative Fact of the Day—

Bananas are the most innocent fruit. Please do not tell them of the anger of the world. Let them be happy.

Alternative Fact of the Day—

The boys are not, have not, and never will be back in town. Boys were banned from town in 1999.

Alternative Fact of the Day—

Being electrocuted is very similar to enjoying the warmth of a quiet, contemplative dinner among close friends.

Alternative Fact—

Mötley Crüe's song "Girls, Girls, Girls" was originally titled "My mother taught me to be calm, to be knowledgeable."