Amplevoicepod

"Pull on Bare's Rope Tight") - Graham: Tonight... Tony: Need rest. Tired. Traumatised. Adgeen? Adrian: Yeah?    Tony: Bare Grills tried to rape me last night. Adrian: Hah? What you say? Tony: Bare Grills tried to rape me. Cunt came in the tent after you left and took out his tool. Graham: Tonight, on all new Running Wild with Bare Grills… Bare: I'm Bare Grills, and each week I'll be taking a different celebr-ri-dee, on a two-day adventure into the wild. This season is the most extreme and intense yet. And the celeb-ri-dees have no idea what they're in for. Bare: Are you ok? Adrian: No. Bare: The celeb-ri-dees will be pushed beyond their limits. Tony: I'm not sure about this. Bare: And tested like they've never been tested before. Adrian: Ah lad! Bare: You are about to see a side of them, you've never seen. Adrian: I'm running wild with Bare Grills! Adrian: I don't like the look of this. I'm fierce nervous. Tony: What’s wrong witcha Adgeen? You love the Bare Grills. Y’sit down every Sunday night in your onesie an’ a bottle of Balzac Blanc to watch the hoor. Adrian: That’s inside Tony. This is outside, and I’ve got allergies. Tony: Relax lad. It’ll be great craic. Your DJ bag’s bulgin’ with all your essentials, and I’ve the bog roll if ya need it for your ten minute snot convulsions. Graham: Famous DJ Adrian Byrne and producer Tony Wilson of the Friday Rock Show are Bare Grills’s guests tonight for a survival test in the windy wild west of Ireland. Adrian: Fuck! Tony: What Adgeen?! Ya all right? Did ya fall? Adrian: Is that a papp over there in the bush taking photos? Tony: Hah? No, that’s a rabbit. Adrian: What’s that? Tony: That’s a helicopter. That's bringin’ in the Bare Grills for the establishin’ shot. Adrian: Jesus, any more of this and I’ll need use your inhaler Tony. Bare: How you doing, I’m Bare, nice to meet you. Tony: It's Bare Grills! Adrian: (cough) Eh, hi. Adrian Byrne, DJ, entertainer. Tony: Hiya Mr Bare! Nice to meet ya. Adrian: Come on lads, bail in to the chopper! Bare: Aw great! Welcome to Ireland! Adrian: Fuck it, I'll survive without gloves. Don't need 'em! Hard Wicklow men! Tony: Ungff, where we goin' Bare? Bare: We'll traverse treacherous terrain in the remote Irish highlands. We’ll descend towards a mountain lake surrounded by deep bogs and find food and shelter for the night. On Day Two we’ll reach a coastline and have to find our way down deadly sea cliffs to our extraction at the sea. Tony: Hah? Adrian: Dear Christ! Tony: Your hair looks fierce funny in the wind! Adrian: That was €168 I wasted yesterday in Peter Marks. Graham: Before they fly, 'Ny-Gel' the safety officer gets Adrian and Tony to place their chins on the landing skids for a high impact shot to introduce the show. Adrian: Hah? You want us to hang by our necks as the helicopter takes off? Tony: I’m not sure about this, but at least we have the strong muscles for it, all the years of moshin'! C'mon we can do it Adgeen... Adrian: Just make sure you only record me on my left si- A & T: Yeaaaargggghhh! Adrian: I think I’ve shit. Adrian: Stop wrapping your leg around me! Tony: Me chin’s slippin’! Adrian: Put us down! Tony: This is pure madness! Hahaahaahaa! Bare: (Radio) I’m going to jump first, Then I’ll turn around and give you the thumbs up. Just jump with me, I’ll grab you. Adrian: Jesus, I can’t understand a word. Where are we? Adrian: Uuhaa! Tony: I think he dropped us up the gap. Adrian: This isn’t Wicklow Tony, this is far worse. Adrian: Mountains, middle of nowhere. Can’t get a signal. Tony: This IS great! Where we goin' Bare? Bare: We’re heading west and down so it’s going to be slippery, it’s steep terrain, and a tough journey, it’s always going to be tougher when its wet and windy. We’ll take our time, look after each other, keep going! You ready? Adrian: No. Tony: Yes! Bare: Ok, let's go... Tony: You're a man of action Bare! No messin'! Straight in! I like that. Adrian: West? How do we know which way is west? Tony: It’s where the needle on the vinyl points at the end of each side. Adrian: That's actually quite clever Tony... Listen on and find out if the celeb-ri-dees make it out of this alive as square-jawed survivalist Bare Grills takes DJ Adrian Byrne & producer Tony Wilson of The Friday Rock Show out of their onesies, slippers & comfort zones into the truly brutal majesty of the windy wild west of Ireland. To brace elements & try to get out alive and not kill each other for two days.. This ain't just jogging around and posing with the flat stomach, this is actual real work, with heart-in-the-mouth, balls-rammed-up-yer-pipe endurance where raw testicles are eaten and ropes are clung on tight to for dear life, in this most epic of outdoor podcasts ever attempted. Not to mention the dark spirits that lurk in the woods... Streaming our oddcast now on all good audiophilic emporia.

Mount Pheasant returns. In this second outing; the unemployable Richard Pheasant still roams the Mount Eidel streets on the Irish east coast looking for something to do. And he is still sick. But just how sick? Listen on to this 53 minute full-fx ear-film adventure from Amplevoicepod. In the beginning Richard Pheasant visits his manager Lionel Penton in hospital... Then at the nearby Falconhorst Chemical, run by Niklas Van Falconhorst, he and right-hand-man Broadleaf O’Hara are conspiring to get rid of a warehouse of Iodine. Local courier Shameless Hagan is to despatch a visit to local councillor Egritte Manbender, much to the shock of her boyfriend Ponkin Bourke. Meanwhile Cottle Fardell of Eidel Radio needs to find a scoop or he’s fired. Both he and Ponkin sit in Dessie’s ‘Monday Club’ pub, telling Richard that he’s a very brave man. Not to worry, Richard will find a job soon. And that is where Niklas comes back in and takes it all downhill from there. Come to Mount Eidel, where cans of Tuborg give you an awful wind. As they scuttle precariously down through Mount Eidel on a moped, Dick Pheasant is embroiled in helping out Ponkin, to discover just what Shameless Hagan the courier is doing with Ponkin's girlfriend Egritte Manbender. Later, Dick becomes the centre of attention at Falconhorst Chemical. Anyway, who cares? Ponkin cares! He cares about Egritte, and he cares about his friend Dick. Sometimes though, it's all too much for him... Then the deadly disastrous denouement is upon Dick Pheasant in Mount Eidel, as the 'Project Cure' benefit night at Falconhorst Chemical begins. DJ Sammy is here. Niklas Van Falconhorst is poised. Cottle Fardell is ready. Time for Dick to take centre stage... Join Dick, Ponkin and Cottle on another strange aural adventure from Amplevoicepod. Mount Pheasant II. We love to listen here at Amplevoicepod. We spend hours upon hours of studiously perfecting our aural output. With the Voice of Pod to guide you, you can sort of disappear into another richly-filled and fantastically-realised soundscape of pure fun and escapism. All you have to do is close your eyes and press play. It is cathartic. Believe us. And now, that we have you here, just what type of amazing audio adventure awaits you with Mount Pheasant I & II now streaming online at https://ample.podbean.com ?! (Remember, 5 parts of each to collect, each with transcripts). Well... Let cranky old Richard Pheasant himself tell you and listen on. There's pills, arse-slapping & man-grooming going, as well as sickness, tributes and a lot of 'man country' as everyone wants to MOUNT PHEASANT. Also available are the tumultuous time travel adventure Timefiddler and the ATRS; the Adrian & Tony Radio Show, revelling in the end of the world. Streaming our oddcast now on all good audiophilic emporia.

An engagingly eccentric ending is upon Dick Pheasant in Mount Eidel, as the 'Project Cure' benefit night at Falconhorst Chemical begins. DJ Sammy is here. Niklas Van Falconhorst is poised. Cottle Fardell is ready. Time for Dick to take centre stage... (Shameless Hagan's van revs up) Ponkin: You and me Hagan. I’m right behind ya.  (Gates, van, beeps) Ponkin: And now I have you.(Applause) DJ Sammy: Ladies and Gentlemen! Mr Dick Pheasant in da house! Dick: Thank yaow, thank yaow. Thanks DJ Sammy. Hey, how are ya! Haven’t seen you in a while! Thanks, thanks, thanks… Settle down lads, come on. It’s only a speech. Now, now, shhh! C’mon. Eh… Dearly loved one and all, we are gathered here today to- suck some money from yis! But it’s for a good cause. It’s Project Cure! The largest provider of donated medical supplies and equipment to developing countries around the world! Wonderful people, good people, lovely. But first, I think I should let yis in on a little secret here at Falconhorst Chemcial- Niklas: Ja ja! Richard Pheasant everyone! Ja! Ja! Richard Pheasant-  Dick: Wait, what, I haven’t finished!  Niklas: Ja! You are great. And because of this, we have a surprise for you! Take it away Mr Cottle Fardell from Eidel Radio! Dick: Hah? DJ Sammy: Cottle Fardel in da house! Woop woop! Cottle: Eh, thanks.  Dick: What’s this? Cottle: Dick, Dick Pheasant. Tonight, is your life. Dick: What the fuck- Cottle: Tonight Dick Pheasant, is your night, we honour you as Mount Eidel’s, our, very own first, and hopefully only ever, AIDS victim and fighter! Dick: What? Ponkin: Shameless? Here puss puss. Hidin’ in among the forklifts are ya? Ponkin: Oh, it’s Egritte! They’re even at it in here.  Egritte: Oh please Shameless, I need it, give it to me, just give it to me! I want it! Ponkin: Fuckin’ bitch! Egritte: Oh my! Ponkin! Darling! Over here! I was just- Ponkin: Give me that bucket! Egritte: No, that’s mine! Ponkin! Come back! Where are running off to? He’s been acting very strangely these last few days Shameless you know. He must be so upset about Dick. We all are. I have to go and get him! Ponkin! Ponkin! Payter: When I first heard Dick Pheasant had the AIDS, I was glad. As I’m riddled too. He would be my friend.  Dick: What are ya doin’ to me Cottle?  Cottle: We love you Dick.  Dick: I’m going to fuckin- turn that fuckin’ thing off!  Ponkin: Sorry Dick, here’s your card, oh, did I miss the start?  Dick: You knew about this too? What’s wrong with everyone? I-I- Egritte: Oh Ponkin, there you are! Ponkin: Stay away from me Egritte! It’s over! Egritte: What are you talking about? Ponkin: Here, you want some of this? Huh? Huh?Egritte: Oh. My. Careful with that knife Ponkin. What are you doing? Egritte: Steady. Ponkin: Here, take this!Ponkin: You wanted the cream, there’s your cream! All over you for all to see! Egritte: Aagh! Oh…. Dick: Y’s all think I’m a queer?! Because of Lionel? He fuckin’ died and youse think he had the AIDS? That I caught it off him as I worked for him? And youse all- And you Cottle! Ponkin: And me.  Dick: Even you Ponkin? Egritte: Oh I love it Ponkin! Ponkin: Huh? Egritte: Oh Ponkin, it’s Iodine!  Ponkin: Iodine? Dick: And that fuckin’ reminds me, give me that microphone Cottle! Cottle! ... Mount Pheasant II is an Amplevoicepod ear-film production. We make fully immersive HD audio adventures. More than just a podcast, we are the #voiceofpod. Join us, follow, subscribe and like. Streaming our oddcast now on all good audiophilic emporia.

Who cares? Ponkin cares! He cares about Egritte, and he cares about his friend Dick. Sometimes though, it's all too much for him... (Knife sharpening) Ponkin: When I die, fuck it, I want go to hell. Cause I’m a piece of shit, it ain’t hard to fucking tell. (Shing of blade) Ponkin: Tell me you don’t want to do it, for a week. Won’t tell me the truth. Just lyin’. Up on another you are. You’ll be sorry you ever met me… I am a prisoner, locked up behind your bars. I’ve just boarded a plane without a pilot. Another few hours and I’ll be unknown. Give all my things to all my friends. You’ll never step foot in my room again. You can close it off, board it up. I look inside myself and see my heart is black. I see my red door and must have it painted black. Maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts. It’s not easy facing up when your whole world is black. Everywhere I look someone dies. Wonder when it’s my turn. You made me feel like a superhero. Now all I feel is as I am, a nobody. What have you become, my sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end. (Crow crows) Ponkin: Guess you’re driving fast and I just move too slow. There’s a black crow sitting across from me. His wiry legs are crossed. He’s laughing at me. He spits out his curse. It’s the start of the day. All I hear… She must pay. She must pay. She must pay! Argh! (Shing of blade) Ponkin: Ah fuck, I cut me finger! Ah, ah! Water, where’s the plasters? I’m fuckin’ mad now! Niklas: Ja, he’s for sure under a little pressure, ach ist sturm und drang. It’s natural in the circumstances. Just make sure you report the important parts. Cottle: No problem. So, if you guys are doing the fundraiser Thursday, I thought I’d use the opportunity to ask if I can honour Dick with a presentation about his life and his, eh, his bravery. Niklas: Oh ja! Because of the AIDS! Ja, that’s why we gave him this job. Why not now anyway ah? Let’s go out in style! Cottle: Go out in style? Niklas: Ja. Because it’s all going to ‘shite’ as you people say. Cottle: Excuse me? Niklas: Well, Cottle Fardell, off the record yes, and I’ll give you first release. Cottle: Yeah, you have a scoop for me? Niklas: Ja. But you must report it only after our fundraiser. Cottle: Ok, spill it. Heh, you’re good at that. Niklas: What? Oh, haahaha! That’s good, ‘spill it’, I like that. No, it’s really a going away party on Thursday. Cottle: What do you mean? Niklas: Exactly that. Falconhorst Chemical is shedding more than 12 per cent of its Irish workforce with the decision to close its facility in Mount Eidel. We’ll tell the staff Friday that we’ll cease operations immediately with the loss of all 142 jobs! Cottle: Fuck me. Ooh, secrets! Lots of under-counter, behind-the-scenes graft going on. It's Mount Pheasant II of course! And Amplevoicepod's outrageously entertaining audio adventure continues. If you came at this one first and yer a little lost, well, it DOES say it's the 4th of 5 episodes... So go on, shake your head in shame and go start at the story's beginning with 01/05 - "Shameless"... It's worth it, believe me. Amplevoicepod, we do podcasting right. HD audio, immersive full foley ear-films. We put our backs into delivering to your ears. We educate, inform and most intentionally alarm.

As they scuttle precariously down through Mount Eidel on a moped, Dick Pheasant is embroiled in helping out Ponkin, to discover just what Shameless Hagan the courier is doing with Ponkin's girlfriend Egritte Manbender. Later, Dick becomes the centre of attention at Falconhorst Chemical. Part 3 of Mount Pheasant II - an original feature-length audio adventure comedy by Amplevoicepod. Podcasting done right and done the hard way, well because someone must. Dick: Ponkin! Ponkin! Stop fingering the gears and drive it will ya? Ponkin: Shhhuddup with the hailer. Scooter takes gettin’ used to again. Dick: On the metallers! Look at us! Weeee! Ponkin: Dick, stop announcin’ our arrival. We’re on a mission. (Loudhailer off) Dick: ‘Ere, any sounds on this hape a junk? Ponkin: Just to warn ya, front light is a bit dodgy. Dick: We may need it now it’s dark! Ponkin: Ah come on ya bitch! Work… Dick: Rehearsin’ the lines for Egritte hah? Ahhhh! It’s gone dark! We’re flyin’ blind! Ponkin: Curse a fuc- oh, there, she’s back. Dick: Saw me life flash before me there Ponkin! Ponkin: Ah don’t say that Dick. There’s treatment these days- Dick: Can’t treat what I have! Ponkin: You sir, are a splendid sicklad. Dick: Hahaaaa! Drive fuk outta ‘er Ponks! Ponkin: House is here up the left, just park ‘er in here. Dick: Alright, but now, I can’t be out late with you staking out women’s houses. I’ve to start me new job tomorrow at the factory. Ponkin: All I want to do is just see, and your my witness. Dick: To stop you killin’ her. Although… heheheh. Ponkin: Your colours haven’t faded much Dick, you look good in them. Dick: Yeah? The old love hunter back patch’s great innit? Like Ready N’ Willin’s a better album but- Ponkin: It’s good to see you enjoyin’ yourself in spite of everything. Dick: Well I wasn’t unemployed for a day, don’t you worry about me. Ponkin: You’re a brave fighter. Dick: Yeah fightin’ the world! Manowar forever! Not many liked ‘em but I did. Ponkin: Alright, see the window, lights on. Dick: So, what have we got here then? Ponkin: She’s got a big white bucket. Dick: A wha? Ponkin: That’s what Shameless gave her earlier. Dick: Heh, oh yeah? Ponkin: She’s opening it. It’s like a big tub of- Dick: Of? Ponkin, of what? Ponkin: Fuck me… Egritte! Dick: Move! Move! What’s she at? Gis a gander! Ponkin: No, you’re not allowed. Dick: Get outta that! I’m helpin’ you out. Ponkin: Stop pushin’ me. Dick: Awhaaaa! She’s rubbin’ cream all over herself in the front room! Would ya look! Ponkin: I’m sorry you had to see this. Dick: Little fried eggs on her. Ponkin: This is fuckin’ Shamless Hagan’s doin’. Dick: Don’t be sorry, no, no, don’t be, I know I shouldn’t but, this is… good stuff! Ponkin: He’s given ‘er that. That lubricant, he gave her that. I’m going to kill him. Dick: Not just yet my man, till I- Oh she’s gone down on the flange! Ahaha! Aw fuck sake. Ponkin: He’s probably upstairs waitin’, all twenty stone of him, laid out on the mattress. Dick: Go on… Over your little chest bullets, go on Egritte… hey, what? Where ya goin’ Ponkin, you can’t go in there! Ponkin! Ponkin: I’m not goin’ in there. I just want- (Loudhailer on) Ponkin: This. Dick: Woah woah, no! Stall it. Don’t do tha- Ponkin: Egritte Manbender! Ya WHORE! Dick: Give me that ya bollocks! Y’ll get us both- (Scooter revs up, departs) Dick: ‘Ere, what? No! NO! Where the fuck are yis goin’. Oi! Ya can’t leave me- Ponkin! Don’t- (Door opens) Dick: Ah shit... Mount Pheasant returns! Oh yes! In this second offering; the unemployable Richard Pheasant is still sick. But just how sick? And how unemployable? Join us now as we unleash some of that 'Dick Iodine...' Amplevoicepod makes immersive HD audio ear-film adventure comedies. We like to throw the whole lot in the mixer and pour out some banzai audio. We've over 100 hours wrapped up in 40+ different radio shows and madcap adventures, showcasing the 50+ voices of Adrian Byrne and Michael Taylor. Strapped into the studio chair is me, Tony Wilson, spitting blood at the screen while recording, editing, sequencing, scoring and mastering this original podcasting fare. With the Starsky cardigan on and only mugs of coffee and Bourneville dark chocolate to sustain me, each hour of Amplevoicepod product has 70+ hours of me putting me back into it. So listen to the tales of Richard Pheasant, Aubrey Holmes, Accursis Byrne, Tomathy Wilson, Tom Kendall, Bert Kavanagh, Floyd Frisbane, Norman Tash, Tucker Peacock, The Timefiddler, Keith Chiselton, Wubba O'Toole, Brian Waterbury, Baldy Kendall, Ned Busher, Arlee Davidson, Jagger Jordan, Mauldy, Payter Farrar, Itchy Kraut and many more. Adventuring through science fiction, period dramedy and modern day farce to myself and DJ Adgeen Byrne on our eternal moshfest 'The Friday Rock Show' delivering the best rock music alongside a mountain of listener tales read out on air. We live in splendid isolation to most events yet surround ourselves with plenty of inspiration to inform our range of strange individuals and even stranger stories. We are Amplevoicepod and we are The Voice of Pod.

"Shameless Hagan, driving the milk-van down to the park, in the dark. Why does he get up each day, do the same old shit? Nobody knows... Shameless Hagan..." Mount Pheasant returns! Oh yes! In this second offering; the unemployable Richard Pheasant is still sick. But just how sick? And how unemployable? Join us now as we descend into some 'Man Country...' Dick: Ooh, that Tuborg gives ya an awful wind. What you lookin’ at Tom? Yeah, I see you starin’. Shakin’ that shovel, shakin’ that shovel… Heard the news I suppose yeah?Tom: No, Dick, eh (cough) I’m not, I’m sorry, sorry, I don’t understand that sort of thing- Dick: Hah? You takin’ the piss? Ah of course, you’ve never been unemployed. Always cleanin’ up for the council. Well I hope you’re happy Tom Kendall, Dick Pheasant is on his knees, a doley once again! Tom: No, no, no… I- I wish you nothing but the best of luck, and I-I mean that. Dick: Ah go on with yourself. Tom: Look, the anger’ll pass… I know. I read Rock Hudson’s book, he said- Dick: G’luck Tom, don’t know what yer sayin’ as usual.(Walking) Dick: This fuckin’ place. Spiteful, secrets! Mount Eidel with its crispy, clean Chemical Factory… With their big salaries and their Hyundais. I tell ya, this town just pulls at the rage in ya. Ah, fuck it, just get some cans, head up home, have a couple of drags on me emaciated penis… Lisa: Oh! I- Dick: Ah howaya Lisa, lookin’ well! Lisa: Howaya Dick, are, are ya alright? You look fierce pale. Is, is that what happens? Dick: Nah, nah, just a little dose of the- hah? Lisa: Ah don’t say it love. Listen, if you need anyone to talk to, or if you would like someone to read your favourite book to ya, I’m here. Dick: Eh, thanks Lisa, but, what, me favourite book? Lisa: That one you showed me that time. ‘Morris’ was it? By some ‘Forster’ lad. Dick: I’ve no idea what you’re on about Lisa. Lisa: Aw no hun, it takes the memory away too does it? Dick: Hah? Lisa: Ponkin said just because it’s not the 80s... Ah stop, I wasn’t even born in the 80s, what do I know? But I do know that I’m with you every step of the way, we all are, we’re all behind you Dick Pheasant. Here, here’s a six pack of Tuborg, on the house. Dick: Bidda F- eh thanks Lisa! I never knew you liked the metal as well- Lisa: I’d flash ya a tit an’ all but I guess it wouldn’t work on you now. Dick: Ah stop it Lisa, I’m only sick. Lisa: Breaks my heart. It really does. Oh look, there’s Linda in her Pajero. Dick: Oh no. She’ll be all over m- eh, howaya Linda! How’s- (Footsteps pass quickly) Lisa: Fuck. Did you see the look she gave ya? Dick: Like I was dead! Didn’t even say- Lisa: Here, you go home with these, I’ll see to that bitch in the shop. Kiss ya hun. (Scooter zooms in) Cottle: Dick! Dick! Have ya a moment? Dick: Eh, Jaysus Cottle, thought you were Ponkin with the scooter there. Did you borrow it? Don’t let him forget it was you. Cottle: No, it’s Eidel Radio’s, so we can get the word on air even quicker. Do you have a minute? Dick: I’ve many minutes now sure. A man of long days of leisure. Cottle: Dick, I need a human interest story, somethin’ from the heart yunno, that the listeners will identify with, someone who can show the real side of things… Dick: Have ya tried Tom Kendall there? He’s a shovel up close to his heart, as he leans on the cunt half the time! Bidda lord! No, don't read this bit, keep listening! Top quality audio adventures from Amplevoicepod. Biff! Bam! Snot! Podcasting done right.

Mount Pheasant returns. In this second outing; the unemployable Richard Pheasant still roams the Mount Eidel streets looking for something to do. And he is still sick. But just how sick? At the nearby Falconhorst Chemical, run by Niklas Van Falconhorst, he and right-hand-man Broadleaf O’Hara are conspiring to get rid of a warehouse of Iodine. Local courier Shameless Hagan is to despatch a visit to local councillor Egritte Manbender, much to the shock of her boyfriend Ponkin Bourke. Meanwhile Cottle Fardell of Eidel Radio needs to find a scoop or he’s fired. Both he and Ponkin sit in Dessie’s ‘Monday Club’ pub, telling Richard that he’s a very brave man. Not to worry, Richard will find a job soon. And that is where Niklas comes back in and takes it all downhill from there. Join Dick, Ponkin and Cottle on another strange aural adventure from Amplevoicepod. Mount Pheasant II. Dick Pheasant: Don't get me wrong! Lionel: Oh Richard Pheasant. Dick: What? Are yis not comfortable? Lionel: No it’s not- Dick: Can I do anything? Lionel: Oh Richard, no, just, just let me look at you. Dick: Why? What’s on me face? Lionel: Only the look of a loyal man this last year Richard. Dick: Ah stop it now. Call me Dick. Anyway, where else would I have got a job? You don’t want any of these Cadbury’s Milk Trays no? Lionel: It was so difficult to get you into Fiddan & Gowle Dick. Even with, what was it? ‘40,000-a-year with commission’ and eh- Dick: ‘Food tickets and gym membership’! Took the first, never wanted the second. Sold it to Cottle so I did. Lionel: Ah yes. Your radio friend Cottle. Dick: Yeah, you’re right I did. Me a call centre manager! I’d know more about all these wires hangin’ out of ya… But, sure (smiles) I thought of the food tickets. Flashback: “I can see myself in you, Dick…”,  “The job is yours Dick, just take it in your mouth, look! I’m like a rock for you… think of the benefits! Think of the food tickets!”. Lionel: Oh, I’ve made some mistakes in my life. Dick: Only last week you were jumpin’ fences. Now look at ya! More tubes here than London underground. Lost a hape of stone ya have. Lionel: Just, well, let’s just say it was the 80s. And it was glorious. Dick: The 80s? I know Ponkin still lives there in the ‘80s with his denim patches and love of Saxon. But all I remember was lads fightin’ in black slip-on shoes down the Maetin’s. Lionel: Ha, no, I mean- Dick: Don’t get me wrong. I do like the metal. Bate the neck to it all, but it’s like, and I tell Ponkin this every time: cut the fuckin’ hair! All things have to die, yunno? Lionel: Haha! Oh, (cough).. you are funny. Dick: Are ya sure you don’t want any Milk Tray? They’re yours. Lionel: Listen Dick, it won’t be long... Dick: Wha? There’s at least an hour of visitin’ time left! Lionel: I need to tell you something... Dick: Hah? Lionel: This day was coming a long time. I settled my affairs in advance. No lose ends. This means that when I, eh, bid farewell… eh, Fiddan & Gowle and the call centre will be, (cough), like me, no more. Dick: Hah? Whaddaya mean ‘no more’ Lionel? Like, you’d shut down the call centre. In Mount Eidel? Lionel: Receivers are coming, there’ll be redundancy of course but- cough, oh- ugh- Dick: Yis are, just closin’ the business? Where ya goin’? You’re not, I mean, this isn’t… Here, you’re not sick are ya? Lionel: Urgh… Dick: Lionel? Lionel: Oh ji-huuu- Dick: Lionel? Lionel?! Nurse! Fuck! Wake, wake up Lionel! Lionel! Stay with us Lionel! Nurse: (runs in) Step away from the patient. Multiple organ failure, cardiac arrest. Dick: Fuck ya Lionel! What about the fuckin’- Nurse: I said OUT! (Flatline) Dick: Ah jesus, what ya standing around doing nothing for! Pump his chest! Stick a tube in! Do something! Nurse: No we can’t. He’s a D.N.R. Dick: Hah? Nurse: A ‘Do Not Resuscitate’. Now please, out! Dick: What the- this isn’t happening! He was there a second ago, laffin’, lookin’- a bit white like but-  Nurse: He’s gone. Time of death 8:21am. Dick: Ah, ah, ah NO! That, th- means- I’m, I’m- Nurse: Do I have to call security? Dick: …I’m out of a fuckin’ job! Mount Pheasant II... Part 01/05, Starring Richard Pheasant.  From Amplevoicepod. The Voice of Pod.

The 60 minute uninterrupted full-on entire helping of The Adrian & Tony Radio Show I by Amplevoicepod, the oddcasters. Is the apocalypse now? A disastrous one hour radio show from Amplevoicepod starring DJ Adrian Byrne and producer Tony Wilson (the 'ATRS') finds out. There's something going on in Yellowstone Park in the USA, strange sounds abound in the sky and Tony is sent out to do a 'voxpop on the streets' to see if the world is really ending. Special studio guest is the ATRS 'resident astrological expert'; famed astro-cosmologist Fabian Mortimer who presents Adrian with stunning new evidence from his Guatemalan jungle trip with Rodrigo. He discovered a Mayan hieroglyphic stone and makes a fateful revelation live via Skype! Just what is it? It's pretty seriously ominous... with the shocking pronouncement that baked beans are the ideal gift for the one you love. Back in the studio DJ Adgeen meets the 'extinction event' guest himself, the ATRS 'resident professor'; the flared nostrils of Professor Mick Chiselton. They talk of which ways we could be wiped out; a deep space impact, a solar storm, planet X, the magnetic pole shifting or nuclear war? Which one would you like? Probably the one where our own stupidity does us in, as is evident. There are "flummications all around!" Adrian forewarns us that he'll speak with resident Agronomist Bert Kavanagh on the phone but first: "what does the big G dog make of it all. On the Telephone here to tell us how religion has foretold the end of the world is the Reverend Jagros." Rev. Jagros: "God bless you Adrian. The Bible has foretold the end of the world. It is not too late for you or your listeners to repent and save your souls before Judgement day. For it is now the time of the second coming as foretold in the scriptures." Adrian: "So JC is going to ride down from the heavens any second now on a glowing white horse." Rev. Jagros: "Ah you rib me gently man, but soon you too will see the truth. As a young lad at bedtime my mother would read to me from the scriptures so I know the Lords arrival will be preceded by times of great trials for us all. Look at us now Adrian in the midst of a great recession. Our people our suffering, suffering! All of us yeah we are suffering. The signs are all there. All over the world there is wars and famine. But we look away, immerse ourselves in the X-­Factor. But Cowell he is the false prophet, that's not real music the Rohypnol for the minds of the masses. He distracts us from the genocide and murders of children in the name of false gods. He wants us to value money and the easy life, the comfortable material life and stick our heads in the sand, because the bad stuff only happens far far away. Hearts are hardening, people are selfish and it is now cool to say God does not exist like the Dawkins, the Hitchens & Jonathan Somebody! These people even feel intellectually superior...." "BUT THE RAPTURE IS COMING ADRIAN!" Later special phone-in guest is Imogen Telch from the organisation 'Countdown Underway No Tomorrow', telling Adrian of her plans to leave Earth before the coming end of humanity. As the end of the world approaches ever sooner, Lorna interrupts Adrian in the radio studio to link back up with producer Tony Wilson who is still out on the streets 'facing the end times'... Then this deliriously deceptive denouement of a truly disastrous one hour radio show from Amplevoicepod arrives. Fabian Mortimer beetles his way back to studio to comfort a distraught Adrian. "It... It seems to be really happening. The knock on effect from Yellowstone Park is being felt globally. There are scenes of chaos and carnage on the news coming in from all four corners of our planet. I can…. barely believe it… I suppose I should just go to the phone lines now and get some of the reaction out there. God help us all. I’m being told we have a farmer local to County Wicklow in Ireland which is where we are, who wishes to remain anonymous on the line. What's happening sir?" ATRS I is an Amplevoicepod production. We create original explicit storytelling. We try not to follow others, don't cross the easy fields and have lived in blissful ignorance across millennia. We make ear-film adventures. Full effects-laden audio productions with plots, characters and immersive sounds. It takes about 70 hours of production in writing, recording and editing to make 1 hour of output. We take lumps out of each other as we sculpt our latest mutation. To relax we switch on the mics, open our lungs and bellow out a 2-hour rock show playing the best music dug up on a Friday. Tautologically titled 'The Friday Rock Show' it's just us and a few listener letters, which we lovingly read out on air. It's DJ Adgeen Byrne and producer Tony Wilson spitting and sparring to send you into sonic convulsions. See our Youtube channel for more... Started in 1987, this saga has continued down through the ages with over 500 stories read out on air, from a wide variety of intriguingly demented souls.  Join Amplevoicepod as we sail the sick sounds of sublime. We do oddcasting right. Listen to our peacocks and pheasants! Firstly an awesome time travel adventure 'Timefiddler' starring Tucker Peacock, then regale in small-town ignorance on 'Mount Pheasant' with Richard Pheasant and his epic struggles with the Falconhorst Chemical Company and swallowing too many Pandadoll pills. Available now to stream free on all the really good podcasting platforms. Stay logged-in too for future adventures from The Friday Rock Show, Panspermia, Frumpy Dumpster and many many more!

The deliriously deceptive denouement of a truly disastrous one hour radio show from Amplevoicepod. ATRS is DJ Adrian Byrne and producer Tony Wilson (the 'ATRS') as they come face to face with their own big ends. In this fifth and final segment Fabian Mortimer beetles his way back to studio to comfort a distraught Adrian.  "It... It seems to be really happening. The knock on effect from Yellowstone Park is being felt globally. There are scenes of chaos and carnage on the news coming in from all four corners of our planet. I can…. barely believe it… I suppose I should just go to the phone lines now and get some of the reaction out there. God help us all. I’m being told we have a farmer local to County Wicklow in Ireland which is where we are,who wishes to remain anonymous on the line. What's happening sir?" Farmer Payter: "I have had suspicionary for the last few days that this would happen. The ends of the worldses. It started when I was goin’ fishing for the supper in the Avoca River. As I was dangling me rod in her, I smelt somethin awful fisherie. I cast my gaze down stream and seen fish, tonnes of ‘em all washed up on the shore. All of them had no eyes. No eyes I tell you! Just empty sockets lookin’ up at me all ghoulery. I bate it home on the ten wheel racer and locked the door." Adrian: "That’s definitely unusual,but they do a lot of mining in your area maybe an explosion close to the river caused it?" Farmer Payter: "'Scuse me Bournelery Mr I haven’t finished..As I was listening to the radio tonight. Allses heards was banging. Thud, thud I heard on the roof. Banging off the windows, clanging in me steel bath out in the yard. I looked out the window and alls I could see was blackbirds! Blackbirds from Avondale falling from the sky! The front yard was full of dead birds and feathery. It’s a sign Adrian, a sign we’re all doomed!" Adrian: "Stay on the line there Payter we have a few more calls… and no...that's it, the phone lines are dead. Latest on the News is Volcanic Eruptions in Italy and a 10 point earthquake has hit California. It seems Fabian you have been proven accurate." Fabian: "I have taken no satisfaction Adrian, maybe if we had known sooner, if that tablet hadn’t lain undiscovered for so long?" Adrian: "I just wanted an interesting show. What have I done?" Fabian: "You have done a fantastic show!" Adrian: "No, what have I done with my life. All those hour and years working hard in radio, building up this digital radio station with Tony. Yeah now we're our own bosses but at what cost?I could have spent that time kayaking or bungee jumping, climbing mountains. Making the Millenium Falcon out of matchsticks. Swimming with dolphins. Now it’s over and I've done narthin!" Fabian: "You need a hug come join me I’ve built our safe place on the floor of the studio. Suppose all I can do is crack open a beer and listen to some music and wait for the end. Thanks for listening tonight. This has been the Adrian and Tony Radio Show. Goodnight." These are the end times, so why not enjoy them with us at Amplevoicepod. Press play, zone out and party on until it all collapses. Amplevoicepod creates original explicit storytelling. We make HD audio podcasts to sternly tongue your earhole. We try not to follow others, don't cross the easy fields and have lived in blissful ignorance across millennia. We make ear-film adventures. Full effects-laden audio productions with plots, characters and immersive sounds. It takes about 70 hours of production in writing, recording and editing to make 1 hour of output. We take lumps out of each other as we sculpt our latest mutation. To relax we switch on the mics, open our lungs and bellow out a 2-hour rock show playing the best music dug up on a Friday. Tautologically titled 'The Friday Rock Show' it's just us and a few listener letters, which we lovingly read out on air. It's DJ Adgeen Byrne and producer Tony Wilson spitting and sparring to send you into sonic convulsions. Started in 1987, this saga has continued down through the ages with over 500 stories read out on air, from a wide variety of intriguingly demented souls. We do oddcasting right. Listen to our peacocks and pheasants! Firstly an awesome time travel adventure 'Timefiddler' starring Tucker Peacock, then regale in small-town ignorance on 'Mount Pheasant' with Richard Pheasant and his epic struggles with the Falconhorst Chemical Company and swallowing too many Pandadoll pills. Available now to stream free on all the really good podcasting platforms. Stay logged-in too for future adventures from The Friday Rock Show, Panspermia, Frumpy Dumpster, Mount Pheasant and many many more!

Is the apocalypse now? A disastrous one hour radio show from Amplevoicepod starring DJ Adrian Byrne and producer Tony Wilson (the 'ATRS') finds out. In this third 14-minute segment, special phone-in guest is Imogen Telch from the organisation 'Countdown Underway No Tomorrow', telling Adrian of her plans to leave Earth before the coming end of humanity. As the end of the world approaches ever sooner, Lorna interrupts Adrian in the radio studio to link back up with producer Tony Wilson who is still out on the streets 'facing the end times'... Linda: Hiyaaaaa! Tony: Who the fuck are you? Linda: You’re a friendly one now! Ah bejany, isn’t the weather lovely for it? Tony: Hah, Stay back! Linda: Ah musha, do you not want a hug. Everyone deserves a hug! Come here. Tony: What do you want?! Linda: Just a Hug honey. Sure it’s the end of the world isn’t it? Eamonn Holmes was just saying it on the telly. They’ve just started rioting and there’s killings! Tony: What? You mean, you know too? Linda: Ah yeah, and you shouldn’t be scared. If God wants us back with himself and his son, then sure, he only had to ask. Tony: Jesus Christ, Linda: That’s himself, yunno I was just putting on the tracky-bottoms when I got a phone call from a long lost friend and he wanted a final picnic before it was all over. The belt buckles on me dungarees nearly blew off! He said he would call up, but I said I’d surprise him and meet him at the housing estate here. Tony: What? Linda?! This is you? Linda: Hah now?, How’d you know my name? What’s going on here? Tony: I have to tell you somethin’ important. Linda: That’s what he said! Do you know Lilo? What’s he look like? I haven’t seen him in twenty years! Tony: Lilo? That was, is, eh, his name? Linda: Omigod! I didn’t even see you had the headphones on with a microphone in your hand! Are we on the radio? Are you reporting the end of the world? Janey mack! Tony: I don’t know how to tell you this but: do you fancy yunno… Linda: Aw Lilo, he said it would be special. He was always so romantic! And I just love the radio! Listen to it in the shower every morning before me baked beans and then unloading Rooster, Jarvis and Leona to school! Single mum now yunno! Life was hard but sure that’s over now. Fate is takin’ over! Where is he? Tony: Em, he’s, but I’m available. Linda: Well listen, before he gets here I’d like to say to your listeners, that I forgive. I forgive those who did me wrong. For the nuns in the orphanage who stuffed me in the washing machine, for my ex-employer taking photos of me in the changing rooms at the funpark, even for my hubby who sprayed me in blue glossy paint and left me for a young one. I forgive all my bullies and abusers! And I think we all should, now that the time is near… What about you? Tony: ‘Em back to the studio Adgeen, is it time for a, eh, word from our sponsors till I sort this Linda out? Linda: Oh no hosey Joe, it’s time for you to sort yourself out Mr Radio man! I’m here for you hun! Tony: That’s what I’m talking about, how far is your house? Linda: I can see someone’s bullied you, it’s written all over your face. What did they do? Tony: Excuse me? I’ve never been-wha? Linda: Ah ya have so. Hang on, are those, baked beans on your shirt? Tom: Ah howaya Linda, just finished burstin’ out your estate with the leaflets. Good deal from Remaxer to sell the house. I pushed it in your box love. Who’s this eejit? Tony: Bullied… Hmm. Well now that I think of it… Linda: He’s from the radio. It’s the end of the world Tom and we’re on about bullies! Tom: Ah, no time for radio stations unless they want to give us Letterbox Defenders free publicity! We post to 137,000 letter boxes countywide. We handle the jobs no one should! What will happen to Tom? And Linda?! And stay with us for the return of the little baldy bearded man in a Ford Fiesta... Listen on to the fourth installment of five, of The Adrian & Tony Radio Show from Amplevoicepod. ATRS I is an Amplevoicepod ear-film production. We make fully immersive HD audio adventures. More than just a podcast, we are the Voice of Pod. Join us, follow, subscribe and like. Amplevoicepod tongues you aurally. Watch this space, more goonery coming.