An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven by Tim Bedore

It's Lent. I help a client pick what to give up to honor the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Another client had a DNA test- he is NOT Lutheran but Jewish. I advise on how to proceed. Someone wonders why Jesus appears to be a blue-eyed European and not a Middle Eastern Jew in the paintings. I have a theory. The worst mother-in-law ever! We may have found her. I devise a survival strategy for a new client. And another emailer wants to know if they saw the hand of God or Karma at work and it involves a dead cat. All in under 17 minutes accompanied by too many sound effects. Subscribe and THRIVE!

Some of you didn't listen closely enough to EP 89. I was NOT kidnapped by circus animals, as I wrote in my phony autobiography, Forest of Ennui. But thanks for your concern. One of you thinks I should give up on golf, I explain why I can't, we discuss why professional miniature golf was bad TV, why axe throwing in bars is fun but stay away from political arguments, a visit to the Bobblehead Museum in Milwaukee, I tell a lie but the Truth Monitor catches me, I counsel a Jewsih client worried that veggie bacon is an abomination, and guess why a Home Depot clerk reacted poorly to a client who might have been a psycho killer and the advice I gave to them and any angry people who want to shoot up public places all in 16 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

In this episode I explain why I don't want patients to have my phone number (I screwed up someone's life), dementia and adult education, if intercourse is making love is foreplay making like, advise some murder mystery podcasters with a serious moral dilemma, discuss is stealing ideas immoral or just show business and read an excerpt from my I-made-up-a-horrible-childhood-backstory-so-you'll-feel-sorry-for-me-and-buy-my-book phony memoir called Forest of Ennui. It only takes 19 minutes you weren't going to be doing much with anyway. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

Episode 88 features my first use of a dirty word, what famous stripper Carol Doda taught me, how fireworks produced our nervous daughter, woke people (over)respond to my road-kill-pigeon-funeral analysis, is a flamethrower totin' guy dressed as The Joker shooting fireballs at cars nuts, the 2nd Amendment, Creeping Charlie, my wife and a friend were stoned in Chinatown, why are actresses nearly naked at the Oscars and my newest client is 23 and has two pregnant girlfriends. You won't find all that anywhere else. Subscribe and THRIVE!

In this episode I make my annual you-can-take-them-to-the-bank New Year's predictions-Ukraine, Trump, McCarthy, bacon flavored marijuana, Covid, the Oscars... I know the future and now you can, too. We hear from a client who dosed her mother-in-law with THC Christmas cookies, from someone who, as a child, saw me play emaciated, angey Santa on TV and what happened to them (I still have nightmares), discuss if having a funeral for a roadkill pigeon is too woke and how a baking powder powered submarine bath toy was instrumental in my sexual education. All in 16 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!

Just in time for the holidays- I give the only true meaning of Christmas and/or holiday season, my best and worst Christmas memories including playing Santa, in costume, very badly on TV and freaking out kids and parents, why when you see the image of Santa I see a dead bat, why a truckload of abandoned potatoes was the best toy ever, playing army with sticks, how to handle a snippy mother-in-law and advise a client on serving THC edibles instead of martinis before a holiday feast, all in 19 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!

In recent episodes I came up with non-cliche things to say at funerals which struck a nerve with some of you. Today, I strike back. Just in time for Xmas I am selling An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven-The Board Game. A client has naked neighbors in a hot tub and his wife wants him to build a fence. Should he? For the first time ever I recommend a divorce. Helicopter parents and what might not be a temporary tattoo on their daughter. A client fears eating the food at the holiday office party. Sick freaks are everywhere and I have advice, all in 17 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!

In ep. 84 I respond to your responses to ep. 83 because some people just can't shut up or be happy, again discuss what to say at funerals, advise a Lutheran client who just found out he's Jewish, discuss if we are our genetics or culture or just who we say we are, anaylze the story of the unluckiest guy in the world, opine on why aliens don't stop to give us advice, help with whether to say "Thank you for your service," describe how we honored my Dad's war injury and more, all in under 16 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!

In this episode I help the worst patient I've ever had to endure- a classic "Karen," explain why my lawyer doesn't want me to see patients in person, is ageism the hot new prejudice, wonder if 'with age comes wisdom' is true, did Native American elders screw the pooch when they let the Pilgrims ashore, help a patient determine if her new beau is a real moron or just an idiot and help someone avoid cliches like 'I'm sorry for your loss,' etc. at a funeral but still say something meaningful... hopefully, anyway. All in just 16 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!

Episode 82 deals with more proof God (if there is one) hates me, I help a client whose toddler poops the bed to protest a new baby being in the house, examine liberal vs. conservative thinking, determine if the stereotype of women being shoe-obsessed is fair, expose what the "Wizard of Oz" was really all about, discuss if the Polish are stupid or just absent minded, investigate the myth Mr. Rogers was a Navy Seal sniper and killed the guy who played Eddie Haskell on "Leave It To Beaver" in Viet Nam and suggest what you can do to make the world a saner place. Subscribe and THRIVE!