An Evolving Man Podcast

What is attachment theory? And how does your attachment style affect your time at boarding school?

In a fascinating conversation, leading attachment expert, Anne Power, talks about the four attachment styles of secure, avoidant, anxious ambivalent and disorganized.

What are their experiences of boarding school like? Does the securely attached child do well? 

Does everyone come out of boarding school with an avoidant attachment?

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Anne Power, is a couple counsellor and has taught psychotherapy and supervision on university courses in London. She has published many academic papers on attachment and two books. 

She started her counselling work thirty years ago. Her initial training was as a psychoanalytic psychotherapist with a special interest in attachment theory. Later she trained in a systemic model and this integration – of attachment and systemic thinking - matches with EFT (Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy) which is the model in which she is now developing her practice.

Annie posts on Instagram most days with supportive ideas about relationships - that's at  'and_attachment'  Her TEDx talk provides a brief overview of attachment theory and has over 600k views. 

Some of the questions and areas interest:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you arrive at doing what you do now?
2. Would you please introduce us to attachment theory. What is it? Could you talk a little about the different forms of attachment? (p. 15)
3. Could you please speak to how attachment theory relates to relationships? Why does connection to ourselves better equip us for relationships?
4. What happens when a child with one of the 4 attachment styles arrives at boarding school?
5. In your research will secure kids thrive at boarding schools? If not, why not? What happens to their relationship with their parents?
6. What about avoidants. How do they cope with separation from home?
7. How about ambivalents? How do they cope with boarding school?
8. What about disorganized attachment? How is boarding school for them?
9. Some other areas to talk about:
   1. Neurodivergent
   2. Learning

For more information about Anne Power please visit: https://www.contentedcouples.com/

#attachmenttheory #attachment #boardingschool

Or to purchase her book: https://www.karnacbooks.com/product/contented-couples-magic-logic-or-luck/96376/?MATCH=1

And for her Instagram & Ted X Talk: https://www.instagram.com/and_attachment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9idayJyWCWs&t=204s

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 "We live in a world where people think nothing of isolating a child from their family and peers, shaming them, punishing them, and often reducing them to tears in the name of entertainment for television shows and social media clips, all without the child's consent. 

Our governments seem hell-bent on making life as difficult as possible for families, and particularly for children, the only constituents who don't get a say in their futures. " Sarah Ockwell-Smith 

What is going on regarding the grooming gangs? 

Here we have another cover up from the British establishment - for 25 years people have been speaking up about the grooming and rape gangs and yet very little has been done. 

Here I talk about the different inquiries over the years and why they don't work. 

IICSA - the inquiry into child sexual abuse spent just under £200 million and of the 20 recommendations none, I repeat none have been implemented. 

Why is that we just don't seem to care about the people especially children?

I also talk about duty of care and how the duty is always to the institution and rarely the person. 

Here is the BBC articles: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy767y0y6dzo

What do you feel? 

Take care, Piers 

#groominggangs #childsexualabuse #IICSA 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I am speaking with consultant clinical psychologist, Dr Warren Larkin.

Dr Larkin is a specialist in the area of Adverse Childhood Experiences or ACES and implementing trauma-informed approaches to organisations.

Today we explore trauma. What is it? 

We also talk about ACES. What are the 10 ACES and how do they link to boarding school? Could we do a study into the Adverse Childhood Experiences at boarding school?

He shares how those who have been through childhood trauma can be negatively impacted as adults and the financial cost on society

He also talks about how doing routine enquiry into ACES with patients can support survivors to heal.

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Warren Larkin is a consultant clinical psychologist who prior to founding Warren Larkin Associates in 2017, spent 24 years in the NHS, working predominantly with individuals and families experiencing serious mental health difficulties.

Warren is currently co-leading the implementation of trauma informed approaches in 100 secondary schools in England, which is being evaluated by means of a randomised controlled trial funded by the Youth Endowment Fund and the Home Office.

Questions for Warren:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please speak to Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES)? What are they and how do ACES impact us both as adults and children?
3. What are the 10 different ACES?
4. What are some of the outcomes of ACES later in life?
5. I would love for you to speak to routine enquiry about adversity.
6. Some of the studies you have been involved in really fascinate me. The study about the healthcare cost of sexual abuse survivors is astonishing. Could you please talk to that?
7. And could you please speak to the 100 school study into what the right trauma informed support and interventions can do for the children? 
8. What is trauma-informed practice?
9. How do we improve educational setting to be more trauma informed?
10. Boarding school and ACES. I would love for us to discuss boarding schools and ACES and the overlap.
11. Emotional health. What is an emotional health intervention? What would that look like in practice?
12. Is there a link between childhood trauma and psychosis? If yes, could you please talk to that.
13. How do people find out more about your work?

#ACEs #AdverseChildhoodExperiences #Childhoodtrauma

To get in touch with Dr Larkin or to learn more please visit: https://warrenlarkinassociates.co.uk/

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In 1993 three months after I left boarding school I went to work as an assitant housemaster and a teaching assistant at a boarding school in Australia. 

Today I talk about the experience.

What was it like? 

If I hated boarding school so much why did I go and work in another boarding school? 

I explore institutionalisation and I share not being liked, being called names and caning among other things. 

Take care, Piers 

#boardingschool #teaching #teacher

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

How does drama therapy help people who have been through trauma?

And what about people in prisons? How does drama help those struggling with addictions or spending time incarcerated?

Today I am speaking with Mark MacNicol who has worked with over 5,000 people through his workshops and 1-1 work.

We talk about drama therapy and its benefits. And he explores how he uses AI for self-development.

Thank you Mark.

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Mark MacNicol is an accomplished mind coach, writer, and creator of _Anonymous Drama_, a unique form of drama therapy designed for individuals who typically have no interest in drama or therapy. With a background in writing for screen and theatre, Mark holds a Master’s degree in Television Drama Writing. His work is particularly focused on using the arts to support vulnerable and marginalized communities, especially within the recovery and justice sectors.   

Questions for Mark:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. I would love for you to talk about Anonymous Drama. What is it and how does it help process trauma?
3. How did your own personal journey shape the development of Anonymous Drama?
4. Could you please talk about addiction and recovery. What is the power of creative expression and self-awareness in addressing addiction?
5. What are some of the innovative approaches to rehabilitation in the justice system?
6. I would love for you to talk about mental health. What have you found to be the most effective way of facing and healing mental conditions?
7. Could you please talk about mental health and creativity? Why do these seem to work so well together?
8. What have been some of the challenges in getting this message out there into rehab centres and prisons?
9. What link to trauma have you found in your work to childhood trauma?
10. What is the importance of safety and support in your work?

To find out more about Mark: https://www.youtube.com/@markmacnicol

His book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/stores/Mark-MacNicol/author/B005FCH3KS?ref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

For LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/markmacnicol?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app

 Media Profile: https://podfol.io/profile/mark-macnicol

 Website: www.markmacnicol.com

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Food at Boarding School | Freddie Mercury "The World's Worst" Food | Piers Cross 

What was food like at boarding school?

And how did that impact us as adults?

Today I draw upon the biography of Freddie Mercury who went to boarding school in India from 8 through to 16.

From Leslie-Ann Jones' biography of Freddie, Love of My Life, she shares some of his stories from his boarding school time.

She shares the story of one of Freddie's girlfriends in the girls' section of Freddie's school: “Oh my goodness, the food at my school was God-awful. And at St Peter's (Freddie's school) it was even worse. The 'world's worst', Bucky (Freddie's nickname at school) used to say. We had no choice but to eat it, we would have starved otherwise. There was nothing else.” 

I also talk about David Cameron who shares in his autobiography, “The food was spartan. I lost a stone in weight.”

I share stories from Eddie Izzard and how he struggled with food at boarding school.

And I also share some of my diary entries from my time at boarding school and what I thought of the food.

What about you? What was your food like at boarding school?

#food #freddiemercury #boardingschool #neglect

Take care,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this video I reference an article from the Times by Marina and Ben Fogle: https://archive.ph/ximP5 

What if you child really wants to go to boarding school?

What do you need to know as a parent?

#boardingschool #boardingschoolsyndrome 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why does the British establishment seem so addicted to cover up? 

In 2024 alone we have seen the Post Office, Mohammed al Fayed, NHS and the blood scandal, Justin Welby and the Church involved in cover-ups. 

Why do we cover up so much in the UK? 

Today I explore some of the historical cover ups in British history from the Boer War to the Mau Mau rebellion in Kenya and the British cover up in India during partition. 

I also talk about the psychology of why we cover up. 

And I link it to power and money. 

I draw upon the work of Caroline Elkins and the Legacy of Violence, Prof Joy Schaverien and Boarding School Syndrome, CG Jung and Oliver Bullough's Butler to The World. 

Take care, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Liz Entin is an entrepreneur living in NYC and LA. She originally began her career in fashion in both New York and London and now is the founder of Why Get Wasted, a company that helps events, businesses, fashion shows, conferences, and any gathering eliminate waste and be climate friendly. (www.whygetwasted.com)

She is also author and podcast host of WTF Just Happened?! which, inspired by a loss, examines scientific evidence of spirituality and an afterlife from a non-woo perspective. (www.wtfjusthappened.net)

Liz grew up in NYC, where she was sent to the “top” NYC private (the equivalent of what is called public in the UK) schools, from kindergarten through high school (5 - 18 years old). She always thought of her time there as brutal and knew she was unhappy, but believed the schools were something to get through, in exchange for the huge payoff at the end. Recently, as podcasts on trauma and cults have become popular,  discovering Charles Spencer's book, and this podcast, she has realized how traumatic they were and understood the lifelong damage they caused that she is now working to overcome. She has also come to realize how the NYC private schools idealize and base themselves on the British boarding schools.. She is in the middle of writing a book on her time in these schools titled The Marshmallow Castle - The false promises of the best schools. (www.marshmallowcastle.com / www.schooltrauma.com. Instagram: @the_marshmallow_castle)

10 Questions / Talking Points 

1 - Specifics I related to from reading Charles Spencer's book.

2 - These schools are like cults.

3 - Politicians and leaders attend these schools, are damaged, as well as unexposed to the needs of the average person and then bring this lack of empathy and trauma to the country

4 - Direct imitation of British accents (unintentionally) and discussing how we are getting as good an education as anyone who attends Eton.

5 - Combination of very strict rules, that are meaningless, and complete lawlessness when it comes to cruelty , safety, bullying. Shaming for breaking rules.

6 - Insulation from the real world, learning nothing that is useful in the real world, and insulation from other social classes.

7 - As a girl, femininity was looked down upon 

8 - Gaslighting. Constantly being told how lucky you are to attend. A gaslighting of you and your parents from the school and society.

9 - Constantly feeling as if you have to be accomplishing something. Being taught to always strive and not to listen to your needs or body. You are doing something wrong if you are not achieving at every second.  

10 - The good of the school and image of the school comes above all else. Treated as a “class traitor” for saying something negative. 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What happened with the church last week? 

Why did the Archbishop of Canterbury not disclose what happened with the sexual abuse? 

Today I wanted to offer a hypothesis through the lens of boarding school syndrome and trauma work. 

What possible reasons did Justin Welby cover up the abuse? 

Today I offer 5 possible reasons that Justin Welby covered up the abuse by John Smyth at the Iwerne Trust. 

And here is my first video from last week: https://youtu.be/apVMm3FG0hs 

To sign up to become an Ambassador of the documentary, Boarding on Insanity: https://www.piers-cross.com/boarding-school-film 

Justin Welby was a “dormitory officer” for the Iwerne Trust: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/aug/13/justin-welby-church-scrutiny-sadistic-christian-camp?bcmt=1 

Did Justin Welby already know about John Smythe in the 1980s? https://news.sky.com/story/why-has-archbishop-of-canterbury-justin-welby-resigned-and-what-happens-next-13253198 

Take care, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/