An Evolving Man Podcast

 Today I wanted to share some of the experiences of John F Kennedy at boarding school. 

I share from his biography called Kennedy, An Unfinished Life. 

Kennedy went to boarding school from age 13 to Canterbury in the US.

And then age 14 he went to Choate School. 

I share his experiences of homesickness, being a rebel and being close to being expelled and having a family which had very high expectations of him. 

I also talk about some of the illnesses he struggled with at boarding school. 

Taken from the biography by Robert Dallek called Kennedy, An Unfiinished Life: https://amzn.eu/d/61Zn6DL 

Take care, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

At just 13-years-old, Connor was burned over 90% of his body with third degree burns and given less than a 1% chance of survival after a backyard explosion. After three months in a medically induced coma, nearly two years of painful rehabilitation, and more than 100 surgeries over a decade, Connor emerged triumphantly; not only to walk again, but to live his best life. 

Despite his physical and emotional trauma, Connor went on to pursue his dreams of playing Division I lacrosse and then worked as a lacrosse coach for an elite program. His deep passion for sports and coaching youth inspired him to create the “MAC Mentality”, his approach in navigating life confidently and authentically. Connor is now a motivational speaker and published author of the book “Life Ignited: A Hopeful Journey, Sparked By Fire”. 

Questions for Connor:

1. I would love for you to share your journey. It sounds heart-breaking and inspiring. What happened?
2. What was your personal experience of navigating life after your accident?
3. For people who have been through challenging childhoods, what advice would you share?
4. If you were to teach a class on overcoming childhood trauma what would you teach?
5. How did you develop mental resilience?
6. What is the Mac Mentality?
7. Could you please talk about courage. How do we cultivate it?
8. What advice could you share share on how to maintain confidence?
9. Many teenagers seem to be struggling at the moment with their mental and emotional health, what advice would you give them?
10. How has your approach to life has changed the lives of many? 
11. How do people find out more about you?

To reach out to Connor or to learn more: https://macmentality.com/

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What are the 5 basic components of great leadership? 

Last week I talked about why boarding school doesn't create good leaders drawing upon the work of Nick Duffell's Wounded Leaders and Kouzes and Posner's The Leadership Challenge: https://youtu.be/VNMQpTyO1h8 

Today I wanted to explore the work of Warren Benis in his book on Becoming A Leader. 

What are the 5 key ingredients that all good leaders have? 

I also share some of the work of Simon Sinek in his book Leaders Eat Last. 

What helps you become a great leader? 

Warm regards, Piers 

#leadershipdevelopment #leadership #warrenbenis #simonsinek 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

A fascinating discussion today with an ER medical doctor about her time in boarding school and how that affected her mental health. 

She shares how she spent time in mental hospitals and was tried on 35 different medications.

Eventually she was given brain surgery for her depression.

She talks about the impact trauma had on her and the path of healing.

A very inspiring and heart breaking story.

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Cathy Wield was born into a British Diplomatic Service family in India in 1959. She spent most of her childhood overseas in different locations until she commenced training to become a doctor in London, UK. 

Most of her medical career was spent as an Emergency Physician with a short period working as a Psychiatrist. She started her post graduate training late, having decided to make family a priority, but this was interrupted twice by depression. The first episode was prolonged and severe and culminated in brain surgery. Her sudden, complete and miraculous recovery astonished the medical profession and is documented in her first book, Life After Darkness (Radcliffe 2006).

But in fact that was not the end of it, and within a year of publication she was re-admitted to a mental hospital during another emotional crisis. It is from this point on that she started to question her psychiatric treatment and look at the real reasons behind her mental health problems. The sequel and re-write to the first memoir: 

 ‘Unshackled Mind; a doctor’s journey of trauma, liberation & healing’ will be published in February 2025, and available for pre-order from The Book Guild this autumn. 

Questions for Cathy:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please talk us through your boarding school experiences. How were they for you?
3. Could you please talk to your experiences of psychiatry? What happened?
4. Could you please talk about emotional neglect. Why do you feel boarding school is emotional neglect?
5. Other areas to talk about:

• Severe depression
• The link between mental health and trauma
• Mental health in this country
• Self-harm and suicide
• The path of recovery
• The experience of the Coming Home retreat
• Your experiences with the church as outlined in Thorn in my Mind

For more information please visit: https://cathywield.com/

To purchase her books: https://amzn.eu/d/7kH174Z

And a powerful article about her journey with mental health: https://www.madintheuk.com/2021/11/labels-that-stick/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I draw upon the work of leadership experts James Kouzes and Barry Posner in their book The Leadership Challenge and Nick Duffell in his book Wounded Leaders. 

What are 5 reasons according to science that those who go to boarding school make bad leaders? 

Based on the article by Nick Duffell in the Guardian in 2014: https://www.theguardian.com/education/2014/jun/09/boarding-schools-bad-leaders-politicians-bullies-bumblers 

I talk about the lack of love, emotional intelligence, flexibility of the brain, not being able to interpret facial signals and others. 

Any questions please do let me know. 

#leadershipdevelopment #leaders #boardingschoolsyndrome #boardingschool 

Warm regards, 

Piers 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What is emotional neglect? And how might that link to boarding schools?

Today I am speaking with psychotherapist and author, Graham Music, who attended boarding school from age 9.

He talks about what trauma is, dissociation and neglect.

And he dives deep into emotional neglect. What is it and how might it show up in a boarding school setting? Why might neglect go unnoticed?

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Graham Music is a psychotherapist, trainer, author and supervisor. He is a Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist at the Tavistock Centre where he has worked for over 20 years, and he has been an adult Psychotherapist for about 35 years. He supervises and teaches nationally and internationally and has a particular interest in linking cutting-edge developmental findings with therapeutic practice.

Formerly Associate Clinical Director of the Tavistock Clinic’s Child and Family Department, he has developed many innovative programs, including setting up services in over 40 schools and a range of services working with the aftermath of child maltreatment and neglect. His clinical specialty for decades been understanding and working with trauma. 

#neglect #emotionalneglect #boardingschoolsyndrome #boardingschool

Some questions for Graham:

1. I would love for you to share about how you got into the work you now do?
2. I would love to hear about your boarding school experiences
3. How can we re-spark hope and joy after being through trauma?
4. Your thoughts on dissociation
5. The importance of emotional development. What happens to a child when we are not emotionally nurtured?
6. Your thoughts on neglect - what it is and how does it impact children?
7. Could you please speak to emotional neglect. Why is it so damanging?
8. The importance of the body in therapeutic work. The work of Wilhelm Reich and somatic healing.
9. Anger and trauma. What to do when anger starts to arise in us. Why is that a hopeful sign?
10. How do we cultivate resilience?
11. How to people learn more about you?

To find out more about Graham and his work: http://www.nurturingnatures.co.uk/

sign-up for newsletter https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/sign-up/

twitter  @grahammusic1

linkedin www.linkedin.com/in/

Books https://amzn.eu/d/c5hNFtg 

Journal articles https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/publications/journals/ 

Book chapters https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/publications/book-chapters/ 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

I often hear from people who went to boarding school – “Nothing happened to me.”

What they mean is that they weren't abused, beaten or sexually abused.

I then ask, did you see or hear beatings, violence, bullying or abuse?

Most reply, yes.

So the research around mirror neurons is now showing that the person who witnesses violence whether that be at home or at school will feel it, mirror it in their own brains.

Today I draw upon the work of psychiatrists, Dr Judith Herman in her book Trauma and Recovery, Dr Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps The Score and Dr Paul Miller.

What are mirror neurons?

What happens to us when we witness other people being hurt?

I also quote from Boris Johnson's biography, Just Boris by Sonia Purnell about he felt when he heard younger boys being beaten at his boarding school Ashdown House and David Cameron's For The Record.

#mirrorneurons #boardingschooltrauma #boardingschool #childhoodtrauma

Take care,

Piers

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Is it possible to heal from childhood trauma?.

What if we had a really tough upbringing which included abuse, neglect and possibly even boarding school.

Can we heal?

What if we've tried everything but nothing is really working. 

What can we do?

In today's conversation I am speaking with the founder of Realm Theory, Roslyn Snyder.

We talk about her work helping those that have been through trauma heal.

A really engaging and thought-provoking conversation.

Thank you Roslyn.

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RoslynSnyder is the creator of books, experiential trainings and a practising psychologist. After a career in applied medical science, Roslyn Snyder graduated with first class honours in psychology in 1995 focussed on psycho-neurobiology and psychometrics. In 2017 she published Realm Theory and is now in the process of operationalising Realm Theory.

Questions for Roslyn:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. What was your childhood like and how did that impact your line of work?
2. I would love for you to talk about realm theory. What is it?
3. Could you please speak to the path of healing. Can we heal? What is the path of healing?
4. I would love you to talk about the Aboriginal culture. How does it differ from the Western school of thought? What can we learn from them?
5. Other areas to talk about:

• Aboriginal boarding schools
• The Map
• Nature, place and purpose
• The nature of patterns
• The importance of elders
• The Aboriginal way of bringing up children
• Leadership – what you teach leaders

#childhoodtrauma #trauma #traumaandrecovery #recoveryfromtrauma

To find out more about Rosylyn's work: https://wisdominyourlife.com.au

Or here: https://roslynsnyder.com/

To connect with her on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/roslyn-snyder-5552a15b/

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Leaders and Burnout. What are the symptoms of burnout?

In my 20s, I had a breakdown and burnt out. I was working in London. 

I had a job in sales and essentially lost motivation and drive. 

I was selling big ticket items in the financial sector.

Some weeks I only sold one product a week. It felt exhausting.

Eventually it got so bad, I couldn't even get out of bed. 

So I went through a period of a few years of burnout. 

And I see in the work I do with my clients, a lot of my clients have come to me with burnout.

They're struggling. They are really chronically stressed. 

The common theme for my clients is that they also went to boarding school as well. 

And I find that this is a common overlap, this burnout for ex-boarders.

Why? We struggle to stop. 

So what are the symptoms according to Emma Seppala PhD in her book The Happiness Track?

• being cynical,
• critical at work, 
• dragging yourself to work, and having a hard time motivating yourself once there
• becoming irritable or impatient with colleagues or clients, 
• lacking the energy needed to be productive, 
• lacking satisfaction when you achieve something, 
• and feeling disillusioned with your work. 

Do you resonate with any of these?

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why is group work so important for boarding school survivors on the path to recovery?

If being seen was dangerous as a child at these public schools why is it so helpful to be seen in a group setting as we heal?

Today Nick Duffell who is one of the founding voices in the Boarding School Survivors movement talks about group work.

He talks about why we heal in group settings and how the group dynamics works.

He explores the process of surviving at boarding schools and the process of how we learn to thrive again.

Our wounding came from a group so it makes sense that our healing can come from the same setting.

A fascinating podcast.

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Nick Duffell is a psychotherapist and trainer in private practice who pioneered therapeutic work with ex-boarders and specialist training for psychotherapists. He is the author of The Making of Them, Trauma, Abandonment and Privilege and Wounded Leaders.

Questions for Nick

1. I would love for you to talk about the importance of group work
2. What is it about being in a group of 'survivors' be that boarding school, childhood trauma or addiction that helps us to heal?
3. What makes the BSS workshops so unique, powerful and effective?
4. Why we learn to survive at boarding schools? 
5. What might surviving look like as an adult?
6. How we start to thrive in our lives again?
7. Other areas to talk about:

• Dissociation
• Problems with intimacy
• Workaholism
• Addictions
• Why were boarding schools set up?
• What was the purpose of them?
• What is the link between boarding schools, and colonialism
• What is the impact of boarding school on children?
• How might a boarding school education show up in adult life?

       8. How do people find out more about your work? 

#nickduffell #boardingschoolsurvivors #boardingschoolsyndrome #workshops #groupwork

To book on one of Nick's workshops (Men's Workshop September 2024/ Women's October 2024): https://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk/events-and-workshops/

For more information please visit: https://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk/ 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/