An Evolving Man Podcast

Today I wanted to talk about a recent conversation I had with Nick Duffell the author of Wounded LEaders and The Making of Them.

Nick has been running group workshops for many years. https://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk/events-and-workshops/

He first began offering these 4 day workshops in 1989/90 and has run them every year since.

He offers them for both men and women.

Today I talk about the importance of group work.

I talk about the men’s circles that I run and the benefits I have found from attending these groups.

I share some of the beliefs that we might carry post boarding school - ‘there’s something wrong with me,’ or ‘I’m the only one.’

Because we never share and we never speak to others about what happened these beliefs get cemented inside.

It is time for us to let go of them.

How? By speaking them in a group or working 1-1 with someone we have an opportunity to share what we went through and to hear others’ experiences.

I share today many quotes from the psychiatrist, Dr Judith Herman, from her book Trauma and Recovery.

For groups that you can join as a boarding school survivor please visit:

Women: https://www.theboardingschooltherapist.com/womens-online-group

Men: https://www.piers-cross.com/online-mens-circles 

#grouphealing #groups #nickduffell #boardingschoolsurvivors #judithherman 

Take care,

Piers

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Gabriel Hershman is an author who also publishes under the name of Daniel Kupfermann. He has written 5 books, so far. Four were film biographies and written under the name of Gabriel Hershman. He has also written a memoir called, Don't Be So Sensitive.

“I decided to write the memoir under a pseudonym as a demarkation from my other work but also to shield the work from other living family members.

I grew up in London and then moved to Portugal and then Bulgaria. Writing a memoir is always a work in progress and it was only when I'd finished the book that I realised I'd been dealing with 4 family members who had attended boarding school and the strange effects on their psyche."

Questions for Gabriel:

1. I would love for you to share how you got into writing. What drew you to write your autobiography?
2. What was it like growing up? Could you please share some of your journey growing up?
3. What was it like being a day pupil at a school where there were boarders? What did you make of boarding at that age?
4. Could you please talk about highly sensitive people (HSP)? What is it? P.7
5. Your step-father Gerard's experience of boarding school: He was “sent away” “despatched” “being kicked in the teeth.” P.24 “he'd been through a tough time at boarding school” P.83
6. The physical, mental and emotional treatment you received from Gerard. What was it like growing up with an ex-boarder? P58 – “Gerard criticised me...” and would then.. P.59 “lose his temper.”
7. Even though Gerard had had a tough time at boarding school (your mother saying that he'd had “an emotional hysterectomy”) why did he want to send you away to one? P.83
8. As I was reading the book I could see many of Gerard's traits as symptoms of trauma/ boarding school syndrome: only interested in beautiful women/ weathy people, trying to curry favour with people. He had to win everytime. Very critical of you.
9. Leaving you for most of the winter age 10 with your alcoholic half-brother age 20. How was that for you? P.88 (Your mother leaving the same age her mother died age 10 – P.94)
10. Having no one to validate your feelings and left alone (P.134) How was that for you?
11. The experiences of your half-brothers and your mother's at boarding school (P.144)
12. Your experiences of Dulwich - “Dulwich was remarkably sink or swim.” P.151 Bullying P.160
13. What other aspects are there to these single-sex 'elite' schools that are detrimental to development?
14. Four members of your family went to boarding school and all became problem drinker. Could you please talk to that?
15. Your debilitating speech problem. Where do you think that arose from?
16. How do people find out more about your work and books

To purchase his memoir: https://amzn.eu/d/gR05hc9

To purchase his books on Amazon: https://amzn.eu/d/eTOwAHN

To connect with him on LinkedIn please visit: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabriel-hershman-24955619/?originalSubdomain=bg

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” Albert Einstein

Over the past few months I have over indulged in the news coverage of the troubles in the middle east, the violence on the streets of the UK and the challenges of the world.

And I started to lose perspective.

I started to catastrophize.

In today's video I talk about the research around negativity bias and how as humans we have a preponderance to focus more on the negative than the positive.

I talk about how as trauma survivors, whether that be childhood trauma or boarding school, we are prone to seeing the glass as half full.

We fulfil early childhood beliefs that – the world is not a safe place.

I touch on the work of Stanford's Emma Seppala, the Dalai Lama and I share some tips for how to unplug and move back into stillness and centredness again.

For my latest podcast talking about childhood trauma please visit: https://youtu.be/IFCFl3RccQ0

Take care,

Piers

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Boarding School | Complex PTSD | Peter Cook | Path of Healing AEM #104 Jonathan Hansler

John Brittan is an English actor who actor name is Jonathan Hansler. He has worked in theatre, film, television and is a comedian and director. He was John Cleese's Basil Fawlty in the Edinburgh Festival in 2019.

Questions for Jonathan:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
    
2. Your journey at boarding school. What was it like?
    
3. I would love for you to talk about your connection to Peter Cook. What inspires you about him?
    
4. How has boarding school impacted you as an adult?
    
5. Your relationship to alcohol.
    
6. What has been your path of healing
    
7. Other areas to talk about:

• Spirituality
   
• Complex PTSD
   
• Eckart Tolle and the Power of Now
   
• Buddhism 
   
• The healing power of writing
   
• The inner critic
   

To find out more about Jonathan please visit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Hansler

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jonathan.hansler

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jonhans17/

Twitter: https://www.x.com/johnhans

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

I was listening to ex-Navy Seal Jocko Willink talk about leadership a few days ago. 

In the talk he shared some unethical ways of controlling people. https://youtu.be/qcEiBIuJ5xg?si=cAy6SyJq8hSjJEij

Four things:

1. Enforcing sleep deprivation

2. Isolation from friends and family

3. Inducing guilt

4. Hero Syndrome manipulation.

As I listened I started to think of the biographies I have read, my clients and my own experience of boarding school.

Today I share some stories of King Charles, some words of psychiatrist, Dr Judith Herman, and Nick Duffell among others.

For the Youtube version: https://youtu.be/IDSYoLPDB3w

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 How does trauma affect our leaders? 

International CEO talks about what makes a great leader. 

In today's conversation, Mason Farmani talks about trauma processing and how important it is. 

He also talks about how we change as individuals and leaders. How do we heal?

Mason talks about energy medicine, the work of Joe Dispenza, his journey into shamanism and spending time with Dennis McKenna researching ayahuasca.

He shares his thoughts about command and control leaders and emotionally intelligent leaders.

I really loved this conversation.

---

Mason Farmani is an intuitive personal and corporate coach. He comes from a place of spirituality and works with trauma healing. He is the founder and leader of several thriving companies, both as startups and through acquisitions. Mason now works one-on-one with clients. 

Questions for Mason:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. His own journey in the corporate world and beyond
3. What are the different types of leadership you have seen?
4. What is the importance of heart centred leadership?
5. Would love to hear you talk about how spirituality would play a role in leadership in a holistic way.
6. How do we move through anxiety?
7. What is the path of recovery from anxiety?
8. How do we begin to heal trauma?
9. Other areas to potentially cover:
1. Spirituality
2. Goal Setting: 
3. Career Development: 
4. Time Management: 
5. Stress Management: 
6. Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem: 
7. Personal Growth and Fulfilment: 
8. Health and Wellness: Sleep, as well as mental and emotional well-being. 
9. Decision Making: 
10. Transition and Change: 
11. Creativity and Innovation: 
12. Work-Life Balance: 

#leadership #leadershipdevelopment #leadershipskills #traumahealing #ceo 
To find out more about Mason's work please visit: https://farmanicoaching.com/ 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Touch And Violence

“In the 1960s, anthropologist James Prescott carried out a very large scale study of child rearing and violence across different societies. He foun dthat those societies which gave less touching and affection to young children, had by far the most violence amongst adults.

"It's clear that the more tender and warm are the lives of children, the safer and more loving they will be as adults.” Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys

In the UK at the moment there is a lot of violence on the streets.

I read the above quote today and thought that I would share a few ideas about why this violence might be happening.

Could it have anything to do how we bring our children up?

Could it be that so many of the leaders in the UK in medicine, and politics used to talk about the need for less touch? Leave them to cry? 

I talk about Sarah Ockwell Smith who I interviewed here: https://youtu.be/ijqYaxlXK34

And I talk about Nick Duffell who I interviewed here: https://youtu.be/gJ1MIdS6wiY

Take care,

Piers

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Dr. Cate Howell is a medical doctor, a therapist, an educator and an author, specializing in mental health at every age. With more than 40 years of training and experience in the health arena, her practice and interest focuses on the intersection between physical, emotional, and mental health. She is the author of "The Changing Man: A mental health guide," as well as four other books. "The Changing Man" explores what mental health means for men at every age - from teens to seniors.

Cate was awarded the Order of Australia Medal for services to mental health. Cate currently works as a general practitioner, has a private practice focusing on mental health, and is involved in various teaching activities. Cate has a passion for sharing practical information about mental health through writing, and she has authored five books on mental health and counselling. 

Questions for Dr Howell:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work around men's mental and emotional health?
2. What are the issues that affect men’s emotional health?
3. Why is that men are often left to suffer in silence. What have you seen in your clinical work?
4. Could you please talk about where physical health meets mental health for men?
5. What are some of the unique tools that can help men understand what they are feeling?
6. Could you please talk to women's mental health? What is the best way to help women flourish?
7. Could you please talk about some of the holistic and integrative approaches to mental health?
8. Other areas to talk about:
   1. How to manage stress, worry and anxiety
   2. Listening, learning and caring
   3. Depression
   4. Intuition
   5. Self-compassion – Kristin Neff – Self-Kindness, Common Humanity, Mindfulness
9. How do people find out more about your work?

#mentalhealth #mensmentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters 

To find out more about Cate's work please visit: https://www.drcatehowell.com.au/

To buy her books please visit: https://amzn.eu/d/0eBVKNSR

For men: https://amzn.eu/d/0b97v9Y2

For women: https://amzn.eu/d/00w2Y13H

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I talk about trauma and mental health. 

Many writers have shown the link between childhood trauma and poor mental health.

I talk about how in my own work some of the key symptoms of boarding school survivors are depression, anxiety and worry. 

So what are 5 things you can do to improve your mental health? 

I also talk about my upcoming podcast with medical doctor Dr Cate Howell where we go into more depth about mental health especially with men. 

Take care, 

Piers 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

A simple guided meditation to help you slow down. 

Based on the Quick Coherence Technique from the Heart Math Institute this guided meditation is very easy to do. 

It will help with stress, relaxation and improving your sleep if you do it before bed. 

#meditation #guidedmeditation #heartmath 

Take care,

Piers

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/