An Evolving Man Podcast

In today's video I talk about how important it was for us to be liked at boarding school.

If we weren't liked, we were often sent to coventry. We were banished.

Richard Beard in his book Sad Little Men, talks about how on any given year group there was alway one 'custos' - the outcast.

If you couldn't see the 'custos' then it was you.

I talk about compliers and people pleasers.

And how dangerous it was not to be liked at boarding school.

We couldn't just go home at the end of the day. If we weren't liked it followed us everywhere.

I talk about how controlling we can become as adults, following the rules that we learned at school.

If we are in politics or the bar or the corporate this often works as these systems were modelled on the boarding school world.

But in family life this can cause chaos.

I talk about what you can do to heal this.

Take care,

Piers

To support the new film: https://www.piers-cross.com/boarding-school-film 

For the last podcast #96 about Trauma and Illness and the path to recovery: https://youtu.be/Uda5CTZTn1Q 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In today's episode I talk about fear and boarding school.

I talk about some of my own experiences of school and how I felt that I was in fear a lot of my time.

I talk about some of the fear-based beliefs I left boarding school  with:
-  Fear of making mistakes
- Fear of getting close to others
- Fear of being ostacized
- Fear of failure

I share some of Bear Gryll's experiences of fear at boarding school.

#trauma #hypervigilance #fear #beargrylls

Take care,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today's fascinating episode is with Keith Day exploring trauma and how trauma can impact us physically. 

Keith struggled with trauma as a child and got a diagnosis of neuropathy as an adult after suffering painful symptoms. 

In this podcast Keith explores some of his journey through these physical illnesses and how he started to recover. 

We also talk about mental resilience and how to cultivate mental strength. 

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Keith Day is a dedicated thought leader with two decades of personal experience battling peripheral neuropathy. He is the founder of Neuropathy Truth and has spent ten years as a speaker, educating and consulting with medical providers and patients alike. He is an expert in trauma and how we recover.

Questions for Keith:

1. Could you please talk about how you got into the work you are now doing?
2. What is trauma? How does it effect us symptomatically?
3. How does trauma impact health?
4. Could you please talk about your own journey toward healing and growth?
5. How did you develop mental strength and mental resilience?
6. Anything you would like to share about trauma recovery?
7. Could you please speak to post-traumatic growth?

#neuropathy #physicalillness #trauma #postraumaticgrowth

To find out more about Keith please visit: https://www.linkedin.com/in/keith-day-b8a803279/

And his website: www.neuropathywarrior.com

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

I have felt pretty shocked listening to reports about the Blood Scandal.

I was horrified to hear what had happened at the boarding school, Treloar's where many people died.

It is another cover up.

Grenfell Tower, Windrush, Post Office Enquiry, Hillsborough...

Repeated calls for justice and recognition were ignored for years.

In today's podcast I talk about cover ups and the psychology of where many of our leaders learned to cover up, to hide, to mask the truth.

I draw upon the briliant work of Caroline Elkins and her book Legacy of Violence, about the British Empire, Nick Duffell's Wounded Leaders and Will Hutton.

Take care, Piers

hashtag#bloodscandal hashtag#coverup hashtag#boardingschool hashtag#colonialism

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What is the government doing regarding mandatory sexual reporting? 

After £200 million spent on IICSA, Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse, what has been the outcome?

Today's conversation is with two of the leading voices campaigning against child sexual abuse.

Lawyer and partner, Dino Nocivelli and author, Alex Renton. 

What does this new amendment mean? 

And what can you do? 

To find out more about Voices Unbound please visit: https://voicesunbound.org.uk/ 
And Mandate Now: https://mandatenow.org.uk/ 
For the lastest article from Mandate Now about the new legislation: https://mandatenow.org.uk/the-governments-useless-child-sexual-abuse-reporting-law/ 
And this is the letter/ press release that you can send to your local MP: https://voicesunbound.org.uk/current-campaigns/ 

Alex Renton is a writer and journalist whose career has ranged from arts and food writing to politics and the investigation of child abuse. His career as a war reporter and development worker took him to the Middle East, Africa, East Asia and the Balkans. He has worked for The Independent, The Times, Newsweek, and the London Evening Standard and contributed to a host of other newspapers and magazines. He is also the author of the e-book Planet Carnivore: how cheap meat costs the earth (Guardian Shorts, 2015). 

Dino Nocivelli is a partner in the abuse department at Leigh Day law firm and joined the company in 2022. Dino specialises in actions for child sexual abuse survivors. Dino has appeared in a significant number of media publications providing his expert opinion and commentary, including among others the BBC, ITV and the Guardian. He has also provided evidence to the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse (IICSA). 

Questions for Alex and Dino:

What's happening with regards the mandatory reporting, IICSA and the Criminal Justice Bill?

1. The government came out with the latest ruling regarding mandatory reporting last week. What was changed?
2. Alexis Jay, the head of IICSA said that she was deeply disappointment by the new bill. Do you agree. If so why?
3. “The measures are a sham – worse than useless: this legislation will put back the cause of getting good law in place to protect children today in any institution, from schools and care homes to hospitals and sports clubs.” Voices Unbound 
4. What can we do to turn this around? Who can we contact or speak to?

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What does a trauma-informed healthcare system look like? Do we currently have that in the UK? And if not what can we do to start to implement this?

Today I am speaking with award winning clinical psychologist, Dr Karen Treisman about becoming trauma-informed not just in healthcare but also in the education system.

We talk candidly about her work with looked after children in care and fostering and the cross over to boarding school.

And how do we heal?

A fascinating and inspiring conversation.

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Dr Karen Treisman, MBE, is an award winning highly specialist clinical psychologist, organizational consultant, trainer, author, and trauma specialist who has worked in the NHS (National Health System) and children’s social services for several years. 

Karen has also worked cross-culturally in both Africa and Asia with groups ranging from former child soldiers, asylum-seeking young people, to those living with HIV/AIDS, and to survivors of the Rwandan Genocide. She also is the bestselling author of several books and workbooks, 

Questions for Dr Treisman:

1. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please talk us through your new book about trauma-informed health care? What did you learn in writing it?
3. Do you feel we currently have a trauma-informed health care system?
4. And if not what do you feel needs to happen?
5. In your book you talk about how “every interaction is an intervention”. Could you please explain what you mean? 
6. Could you please talk about parenting and caring for children. What are some of the traumas and attachment difficulties within educational settings?
7. I would love to hear your clinical view of boarding schools?
8. “The parent child connection is the most powerful mental health intervention known to mankind.” Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk. Could you please talk about some case studies where you have seen this.
9. “What children really need is that they need to be held in safe hands, held in thinking minds and they need to be held in regulating bodies.” Could you please talk to this?
10. Other potential areas to talk about:

• Parenting/caring, 
• Self care
• Relational trauma requires relational repair
• Organisational trauma and betrayal trauma
• Culturally/adversity/trauma-informed and responsive organisations.
• Working in Africa and Asia and what you have learned
• It takes a village to raise a child

#traumainformed #childhoodtrauma #childparentconnection #boardingschooltrauma

To find out more about Dr Treisman's work please visit: http://www.safehandsthinkingminds.co.uk/

And to find her on social media: Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-karen-treisman-38aa8678/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/dr_treisman

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What is good leadership? What makes a great leader? What is a servant leader? And how does boarding school impact our leaders?

Today I am speaking with leadership expert, Zena Me who has worked for decades with CEOs and senior leaders.

She talks about the keys of great leadership: the importance of emotional and spiritual intelligence, humility and serving the wider system.

A really fascinating conversation.

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Zena works with senior leaders, coaches and constellators who want to transform social systems, making them more just, equitable and eco-conscious.

She is an experienced teacher, coach and constellator in the lost art of eldership and leads an online elders community, offering programmes for those who are trapped in mid-life and want to find their unique Eldership niche.

Questions for Zena:

1. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. In your eyes what is good leadership?
3. Could you please talk about eldership? What does that look like?
4. What is the importance of service, humility, and vision in leadership?
5. Could you please talk about the importance of emotional and spiritual intelligence in leadership?
6. You have worked with many leaders who have been to boarding school. What is their leadership like?
7. What does the future of leadership look like?
8. Could you please talk about telling the truth. Why is this so important in leadership?
9. Could you talk about how ancestral trauma/ the colonial system links into leadership?
10. The importance of accountability.
11. Can we change our leaders?
12. Other areas to talk about:

• Community
• Rites of passage
• Vision

13. How do people find out more about you?

#leadership #trauma #elders #wisdom #ritesofpassage #greatleadership #jackwelsh #GE

To find out more about Zena's work please visit: https://zename.co.uk/

And to find her on social media: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/zename/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Zenamee

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

A video exploring why it is so important to explore our inner world.

What happens when we explore this unexamined life?

I talk about Pete Walker and his book Complex PTSD, and Robert Bly's Iron John.

Our wound becomes our gift.

Warm regards,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Following on from last week's video I thought that I would share some of the practices and exercises that bring me joy. 

A subscriber commented on my last podcast: https://youtu.be/NGa-UoRhHWg 

They mentioned that for some people thinking about what makes them joyful is stressful. 

So today I share some of the practices that I have learned that have helped me to cultivate joy and happiness.

Warm regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Today I talk about the importance of joy. 

When we begin on the journey of childhood trauma healing it can become all consuming. 

Life can become really hard - lots of tears, feeling pain. 

It can feel overwhelming. 

But part of the healing is to remember the joy. 

So today I talk about the importance of remembering happiness, gratitude and joy. 

Warm regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/