How does childhood trauma impact our relationships? How might these symptoms of childhood trauma show up in our lives?

On today's podcast I am speaking with a leading counsellor and psychotherapist about just this topic. Wendy Capewell shares some of her own experiences and stories to help illuminate how impactful trauma is in our lives and how it effects your relationships.

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Wendy Capewell is a fully qualified BACP Accredited Counsellor and Psychotherapist, with over 18 years of professional experience. She specialises in helping people with childhood trauma, anxiety, stress and relationships and was a volunteer Counsellor at a Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre for 5 years. She is the author of the book Surviving to Thriving in Relationships.

Questions to ask:

1. I would love for you to share how you got into the work that you now do?
2. Could you please talk about childhood trauma. What is it and how does it impact firstly a child and then the adult they become?
3. How does trauma show up in relationships?
4. If we are struggling in relationships what are some of the things that you teach your clients to improve their relationships?
5. How do we improve communication in a relationship? What are some of the keys to good communication?
6. What can we do if we struggle to connect to our emotions in relationships? How do we learn to reconnect to our emotional household?
7. Could you please speak to anxiety. What is the underlying cause of anxiety? What are some of the key ways you teach others to help them to manage their anxiety?
8. Could you please talk to strategies to protect ourselves from being vulnerable?
9. How do people find out more about your work?

#relationships #trauma #childhoodtrauma

To reach out to Wendy please visit her website: https://www.wendycapewell.co.uk/

To buy her book please visit: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Surviving-Thriving-Romantic-Relationship-Reignite-ebook/dp/B01MRZDEJB/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2Z6O93C7XGH4M&keywords=wendy+capewell&qid=1686745415&sprefix=wendy+capewell%2Caps%2C636&sr=8-2

And to listen to her podcast please go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Listen-Talk-Repeat-Podcast-with-Wendy-Capewell/dp/B08JK2D3NL/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Wendy+Capewell&qid=1686745457&sr=8-1

For the Feeling Wheel: https://allthefeelz.app/feeling-wheel/  

And the Ted X Talk with Jane Evans: https://youtu.be/qKlzd-H2X9w

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

If you have been through trauma the chances are that you have a very powerful and often negative inner critic.

This is one of the ways that we cope with trauma.

Our inner critic comes online to protect us.

And on one level it did protect us.

The question is does it protect us still or does it keep us in our trauma?

This same voice can be so hateful, cricitcal and blaming of ourselves.

Especially when we are triggered, tired, unwell or someone is criticising us.

So today I wanted to share some of the teachings of Pete Walker in his book Complex PTSD or CPTSD and how he recommends that we challenge the inner critic.

These are techniques that I have used for many decades to great effect.

Any questions please do let me know,

Warm regards,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Today I offer some reflections about slowing down and taking a break. 

If you have been through some form of trauma then the chances are you are pretty hard on yourself. 

You work hard and you are often giving yourelf a hard time. 

Today I suggest that what is really useful is to slow down and to stop. 

To take a break and sit in your garden. 

Time to be still, meditate and take care of yourself. 

Bless you, you are amazing, 

Warm regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

 Today I wanted to offer some reflections about my time as a Novice Buddhist monk.

 Why on earth did I go from working in the finance sector of London to becoming a Buddhist monk? 

What was it like? What are the daily routine like for a Buddhist monk? 

Why did monastic life seem so simliar to boarding school but in a good way? 

What were some of the good things about being a Buddhist monk? 

And what about some of the negatives? 

What were my struggles and my aha moments?

 In this video I talk about what it was like to live as a monastic for 3 years. I talk about my mental health problems and how I tried to commit suicide while I was there. 

I also talk about how healing it was and how it transformed my life. 

Any questions please do let me know. Warm regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Trauma and relationships. How does trauma impact your relationship? And what can you do?

Today I am speaking with one of the world's leading teachers in the world of relationships, sexuality and trauma. 

Shashi Solluna is the author of Tantra Made Easy and teaches around the world at festivals and on retreats. 

What a fascinating discussion with a woman who studied psychology at Oxford University and went to boarding school at sixth form. How does trauma affect our relationships and what can we do to heal?

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Shashi Solluna is the author of "Tantra Made Easy" published by Hay House. She has been teaching for nearly two decades and runs teacher trainings as well as being part of a team creating international tantra festivals. She is currently making a feature documentary Sex to Spirit following one man on his life-changing journey into Tantra. 

She originally trained in psychology at Oxford University and offers training courses globally about trauma, tantra and relationships.

Some areas to talk about:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please talk a little about Tantra. What is it?
3. Why is the topic of trauma in relationships so important?
4. What do you define trauma as?
5. How can a couple work through trauma?
6. How might trauma reveal itself in intimacy?
7. Could our intimate relationships be one of the best places to heal our trauma?
8. Can you please explain why it is that we get triggered by the people we're closest to?
9. How do you know if you've had a trauma if you don't remember it?
10. How can you tell the difference between the freeze response and surrender?
11. I've noticed that a lot of people with trauma/ complex trauma struggle to stay present. How does someone who has been trained to not be present, become present again, especially in sex?
12. Could you speak a little about dissociation as well please? What can we do if we are often dissociated? How to move back into the body?
13. How do people learn more about your work or reach out?

To learn more about Shashi's work please visit: https://www.shashi-solluna.com

Or to learn more about her couples work with her partner Shahid Van Helden (who I interviewed here: ) please visit: https://www.thetantriccouple.com/ or https://www.livetantra.com/

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Today I wanted to share some reflections about Boris Johnson. 

With the resignation of Boris Johnson last week I wanted to share some thoughts from a psychological perspective.

Why is Boris the way he is?

Could any of his behaviours be due to childhood trauma and specifically Boarding School Syndrome? 

Here I quote from the likes of Prof Joy Schaverien, Dr Judith Herman, Nick Duffell, Peter Levine PhD, Jennifer Freyd PhD and Richard Grannon. 

What is Narcisstic Personality Disorder (NPD)? And is Boris a narcissist? 

And what can we do to find leaders who are there to support us? 

Any questions please do let me know, Best regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Today's episode we ask the question, "Is it time to abolish boarding schools? 

Psychotherapist, Richard Hughes talks about his own experience of boarding school and working with clients.

Why have boarding schools not changed?

Why do boarding schools not offer “the love and care a child needs?”

What can we do to start changing the system?

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Richard Hughes is a qualified and accredited psychotherapist with the UK Council for Psychotherapy. He specialises in helping people in many areas. Some of these include: relationships, anxiety, depression, stress, and boarding school issues.

Some areas to talk about:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please talk a little about attachment. What is good enough attachment?
3. You wrote an amazing article called Time to Abolish Boarding Schools on your blog. I would love you to talk more about that. What drew you to writing it?
4. What is the importance of the first day and night at boarding school, especially from an attachment lens? How was your first day/ night?
5. What were some of the survival methods that you employed at school? How did you start to undo these patterns and begin the healing journey?
6. How does boarding school impact our relationships with women? Could you describe a bit of how the school responded to the girls in the school?
7. “Boarding schools do not offer the love and care a child needs” Could you talk more about that please?
8. Boarding schools claim to be a safe and secure environment. What do you feel?
9. How does boarding school effect people later in adult life? What are some of the symptoms that you have seen?
10. So many of our leaders have been to boarding school. How might this effect how they run their businesses or government? What can we do to change this?
11. Could you please talk about food and nourishment? What was the food like for you at Prep school and how did that impact you?
12. How do people find out more about you?

To find out more about Richard please visit: https://www.richardhughestherapy.com/

To read Richard's blog please visit: https://www.richardhughestherapy.com/post/time-to-end-boarding-schools

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Today I am looking at betrayal trauma and the work of Jennifer Freyd PhD. 

What is betrayal trauma? 

And why is betrayal the key element that makes an experience become traumatic especially in childhood? 

I read some of the words of Joy Schaverien PhD and Nick Duffell from his book Wounded Leaders.

 They talk about how for some boarding school is a betrayal. 

So if it is a betrayal is it then a trauma? 

Some exploration of betrayal trauma and the journal article: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0886260511421672 Any thoughts or reflections please do let me know. 

Warm regards, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

On today's show I am talking about prisons, men managing distress, boarding schools and our leaders with one of the UK's leading forensic clinical psychologists.

It's a fascinating discussion about Dr Murphy's work in the UK's secure prison units working with some of the most dangerous men. What did she learn? How did she teach these men to move from anger and violence to grief and healing? How did help these men to feel again?

We also talk about trauma and its relationship to violence and the prison system. We also talk about boarding school and how prison offers similarities to boarding school life and boarding school syndrome. We talk about how our leaders have been to boarding school and the impact that might have on the people they serve.

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Dr Naomi Murphy is one of the UK’s most respected forensic clinical psychologists. Recently appointed Honorary Professor of Psychology at Nottingham Trent University, she qualified as a clinical psychologist in 1997 and as a consultant clinical psychologist in 2003. 

She is also an accredited sensorimotor psychotherapist, NeurOptimal brain trainer and Safe & Sound Provider. She is also the co-editor of Treating Personality Disorder and co-host of the podcast The Locked Up Living Podcast.

Some of the areas that we talk about:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you arrive at the work that you now do?
2. I would love for you to speak about trauma. What is it and how does it impact us psychologically?
3. What about trust? Do men trust? How do we cultivate more trust in our lives as men?
4. Women seem to be engaged in change whereas men seem to be more relectant to change. Could you please talk about that?
5. Vulnerability. Could you talk about how the prisoners changed once they started to be vulnerable?
6. Trauma informed society. We can't be trauma informed if we don't feel safe. Please speak to that?
7. The importance of sharing emotions
8. Could you please talk about what you understand about boarding school and how it might impact people. What if these people were the leaders of the country?
9. What's the research about boys being more needy than girls? How might this impact them if they are separated at a young age and put into an institution?
10. Why do men struggle so much?
11. Could the prison system in the UK and US be the way it is because the leaders of the country spent years in similar institutions? Whereas where there are few boarding schools like Finland or Sweden, the prison system is very kind and generative.
12. Where do people find out more about your work?

To find out more about Dr Murphy's work please visit: https://octopuspsychology.com

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

On Saturday last weekend I went back to the site of my childhood trauma.

I went back to my boarding school.

It was the first time that I have been back inside the school for 25 years.

Today I offer some reflections for how it was.

How did I find it? Was it really hard? Or was it harder than I was expecting?

I talk about visiting the dining hall, the chapel, the site of the death of my friend, and the old boarding house.

What had changed? And what seemed to still be the same?

I also talk about what I learned about going back. 

To be honest it brought old patterns up for me. What were they and what would I do differently if I went again?

Any questions please do let me know,

Warm regards,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/