An Evolving Man Podcast

Jay Marshall is a design engineer who after working across, Formula 1, film, sound and human performance has been motivated to help stop child exploitation due to friends, and his own experiences. He is the co-founder of Safe Kids Spaces www.sks.fyi a 51% parent owned community company building AI technologies to secure children’s online safety, wellbeing and digital sovereignty. 

Questions for Jay:

1. I would love for you to share a little of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. How technologies and online companies are harming our children but also how we can develop our way out of these problems using the same tech to protect children. For example, a conversation around how our Ai-Parent http://qrco.de/SKS-Ai-Parent could help children that boarded, (remembering the Alexa on your child’s phone is swapped out for an all seeing virtual Ai CC version of the child’s parent).
3. The IICSA report, the flawed online safety bill, and the “Children’s Digital Sovereignty” bill we are working towards partitioning.
4. We should have the VPOC portal (the verified-parent-only-community company forum) in a couple of weeks, it would be nice to steer people there. This community effectively owns 51% of SKS Ltd and its technologies in perpetuity, the community regulates the company and R&D’s the tech, will in the future onboard best fit staff throughout the portal, negate moral questions around our mission combatting CSA (because eventually we will polygraph everyone) and leave a sizeable 49% stake for investment and to help the organisation remain financially agile / independent.
5. How the governments lack in direction and the ability act around CSA is affecting groups like ours.
6. My and my families encounters with CSA.
7. Homicidal ideation 
8. Promoting / restricting the child’s agency / responsibility during abuse conformation and perpetrator confrontation ie pre / 0 judicial intervention of the child’s abuse ie “You don’t have to worry about a thing its all taken care of, to, what do you want to do about what’s happened your in control?).
9. Public School / school reform in general
10. His public school experience
11. His career in F1 and the music industry and how school, family and CSA experiences effected that journey.

To find out more about Jay's work please visit: www.sks.fyi

Petition:https://www.change.org/p/mandate-a-children-s-digital-sovereignty-bill-for-safe-online-interactions

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

James Blunt has a new documentary out on Netflix at the moment called, One Brit Wonder.

It is excellent.

I was really touched by some of his reflections about his boarding school experiences.

There is footage of James' sister being driven to meet him to play a gig. She says, "I've never really met him before." She's asked, "Is that because of boarding school?" She replies, "Yes."

I also link in boarding school syndrome to many of the topics James talks about: workoholism, struggling with emotions, eating food fast, bullying.

It is really worth a watch: https://youtu.be/2MQG7u9Nwbs?si=cH5XP62lnyfQ_CXJ

Take care,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Conflict often shows up in relationships. Especially for those who have been through some form of childhood trauma or been at boarding school.

We weren't taught how to resolve conflict in a heart-centred way. Instead we learned to avoid conflict at all costs. For many it was seen as dangerous.

But there is a positive and life affirming way to resolve difficulties in relationships with others.

And today's guest, Kimberly Best, who is an expert in this field leads us through the key principles of conflict management.

A really fascinating conversation.

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Kimberly Best is a civil mediator and is currently serving her second term on the board of the Tennessee Association of Professional Mediators as Chair/President. She also have over 4 decades as a licensed registered nurse and an MA from the Institute of Conflict Management, Lipscomb University.

Areas to talk about:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Men and interpersonal conflict. 
3. Why do men keep so much stored up inside themselves?
4. What are some of the of rules and expectations that we put on men?
5. What do we need to do instead of instilling rules and expectations?
6. How important is it to be heard without judgement and validated, so much locked emotion comes out. It is sacred to share those moments. 
7. Can you please share some tips on conflict management, the emotional experience and/or why we do conflict like we do?
8. Can you please talk about how conflict is normal.
9. It’s a sign of a problem to solve and just because people don’t agree with us doesn’t mean they’re against us - it means they’re different from us. 
10. I talk about the cost of right/wrong, win/lose; the stories we tell ourselves about the other person; the uselessness of blame. 
11. One of the most common for men is trying to mitigate for someone else’s feelings - a commitment to “not upset.”
12. I talk about being honest about what goes on with us and letting the other person feel however they need to.  Conflict resolution is about the “what next?”   
13. I also really like to talk about using mediation as a tool for conflict resolution - at work and with interpersonal relationships. 

#conflictmanagement #conflictresolution #boardingschooltrauma #complexptsd

To find out more about her please visit: https://www.bestconflictsolutions.com/mediation-practice

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What is the path of recovery from childhood trauma, abuse and boarding school syndrome?

What does it look like? 

Today I am talking with Bryn Edwards about his journey of recovery. Bryn went to boarding school from age 8-18. He was a complier. 1st XV Rugby, and sportsman.

He also talks about colonisation and how that links to boarding school.

He talks about the difference between trauma and abuse. And he shares his ideas around the inner indigenous (a subject Nick Duffell explores in Wounded Leaders) and what we can do to reconnect to it.

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Bryn Edwards has worked in the dynamic field of organisational and cultural psychology, solving problems at the intersection of culture, team performance, and individual mental and emotional health for many years. He hosted the WA Real Podcast for 4 years hosting over 200 episodes. And he has completed a three-year mentorship to become a practitioner of Roslyn Snyder’s Realm Theory, the comprehensive psychology framework revealing the universal principles shaping our lives. 

Some areas to talk about:

1. Your journey to get where you are today?
2. Actual dynamics of colonisation and the process of assimilating into it (and out).
3. Being British and linking it to boarding school as a fractal of this. 
4. Looking at the history of Britain not just as a coloniser but also as a colonised state.
5. Britain was colonised in 40AD and had been ever since by different European elements. 
6. Britannia was its first given colonised name (think Bombay-Mumbai or Ceylon-Sir Lanka), it had another before - Albion. So everytime we sing Rule Britannia, we are celebrating our own colonisation; and for me celebrating our collective trauma and servitude. 
7. Intergenerational trauma: the cycle of abuser/abusee flowing from generation to generation. 
8. This collective trauma invoked from within himself as part of my own bigger healing journey.
9. The well-honed ‘capacity to bear’ something he almost celebrated, something drilled into him not just at school but also by merely being British. 
10. Colonisation and boarding school and other such inhumane artefacts as acceptable. 

To find out more about Bryn and the work of Roslyn:

•  His linkedin profile - https://www.linkedin.com/in/bryn-edwards-29a906/
•  Company link - https://wisdominyourlife.com.au/
•  Bryn's podcast with Roz - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8m7zLmT_S8

#trauma #traumaandrecovery #boardingschoolsyndrome #colonisation 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 "Love Is More Important Than Food" | And The Lack of Love At Boarding School | Piers Cross 

Drawing upon the ideas of Julia Samuel in her interview with Charles Spencer from minute 13.30: https://youtu.be/R7YZHcLhrF8?si=GSoMoLqMKjBYPEvO&t=780 

And from this article from George Monbiot about boarding schools: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/nov/07/boarding-schools-boris-johnson-bullies 

Love is more important than food and as Charles points out "There was no shadow of feminine care in the school." 

Take care, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

A leading clinical psychologist shares his thoughts about boarding school and compassion.

Some of the words Prof Paul Gilbert uses for boarding school are “nonsense”, “a ridiculous psychology”.

Professor Gilbert attended boarding school from age 11 through to 18 and shares what his experiences were like.

He also talks about his main work – Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT). He talk about what it is and how it differs from psychotherapy.

A brilliant and passionate episode...

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Prof Paul Gilbert, OBE is a Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Derby and the founder of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT). He is also the bestselling author of Overcoming Depression and The Compassionate Mind. Professor Gilbert has published 23 books and over 300 academic papers and book chapters. As a leading researcher and practitioner, Paul’s groundbreaking work has provided compelling evidence for the role of compassion in understanding and alleviating our own suffering and that of others. 

Questions for Paul:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. I would love for you to share about your childhood. What were your boarding school experiences like?
3. Did your childhood impact the work you went into?
4. Could you please talk us through Compassion Focused Therapy. What is it? And how does it differ from regular therapy?
5. I see that Nicola Petrocchi has done extensive research on CFT. What were the findings?
6. I also see that you have had conversations with Matthieu Ricard, the Buddhist monk (I love his book Happiness). What did you learn from these conversations?
7. What is the power of compassion?
8. Other areas to talk about:
   1. Understanding shame and self-criticism
   2. How Buddhist psychology influenced your work
   3. The science of compassion.
   4. The future of psychology

For more information about Paul's work: https://www.compassionatemind.co.uk/

Or to purchase his books: https://amzn.eu/d/c3N4Oib

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What is the outer critic especially in terms of childhood trauma, complex PTSD and boarding school syndrome?

How does the outer critic come to the fore? And what is the outer critic's link to the inner aspect?

Today I wanted to offer some reflections about how this part of our psyche plays out.

I quote from Pete Walker and his book, Complex PTSD and also from Nick Duffell's Wounded Leaders and his take on dissociation.

If you have learned to dissociate from the unwanted parts of yourself you will have a tendency to project them onto others. “I am not the vulnerable, needy, wounded one, you are...”

Here is the podcast from last week about repressing emotions: https://youtu.be/qDmX4FfSF3U

And looking forward to the podcast with Professor Paul Gilbert going live this Friday.

Take care,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Repressing emotions is abuse. 

Speaking with clinical psychologist Dr Nathan Baumann today we have a fascinating conversation about the psychology of emotions especially with men and boys.

He talks about how most emotions are not allowed and how that impacts society.

He also talks about what he feels about having no space for emotions like in a lot of boarding schools.

He feels it is emotional abuse.

A fascinating conversation. Very enlightening.

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Dr. Nathan Baumann is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist in Colorado. He has advanced specialization in integrated health care, health psychology, sleep disorders, substance abuse, and sports psychology. His research efforts have focused on health behavior changes over the lifespan and has advanced training in the interplay between physical health, mental health, and environmental factors. 

Question for Nathan:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. The "boys will be boys" way of thinking about the behavior of young boys is holding them to a bar that is too low for them to grow. What needs to happen?
3. Processing and expressing emotions. What can we do to start processing and expressing in a healthier way?
    Learning how to process and express emotions is an important part of development - when we reduce boys to only a few emotions, this not only hurts their ability to get their needs met but also makes them less likely to be able to effectively participate in relationships and meet the needs of others. 
4. What if these children were told that no emotions were okay? 
5. What can we do as men to support boys?
    Men are often the worst offenders when it comes to setting and maintaining low expectations for boys - traditional masculine values do not include emotional intelligence or empathy as cornerstones of manhood, so they are often seen as a bonus rather than a requirement. 
6. How do we hold men to a higher standard?
    Holding men to a higher standard is not erasing masculinity - it is correcting it. It allows for a wider experience of emotions, fewer demonstrations of intimidating anger displays due to a higher tolerance for unpleasant emotions, and overall fewer instances of isolation and improved mental health. 
7. Other areas to talk about:
   1. Fathers
   2. PTSD and Complex PTSD
   3. Anxiety
   4. Stress management
   5. Depression
   6. Mood disturbances.

#mentalhealth #emotionalintelligence

For more information about Dr Baumann please visit: https://www.southpsychology.com/team/nathan-baumann%2C-phd

or email [email protected]

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I talk about our relationships to emotions at boarding school.

I talk about how we repress them. And the cost of this on our psyches.

I quote from the interview I did a couple of days ago with a clinical psychologist and Nick Duffell.

I also quote from Daniel Kupfermann's book Don't Be So Senstive.

The Emotion Feeling Wheel: https://www.davidhodder.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Emotion-Feeling-Wheel-1-1.jpg 

Podcast #97 with Dr Nathan Baumann goes live on Friday 21st June: https://youtu.be/qDmX4FfSF3U 

Men's Circle: https://www.piers-cross.com/online-mens-circles 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Today I wanted to offer some reflections about emotional flashbacks.

Pete Walker talks about how these emotional triggers and reactions are a symptom of complext PTSD.

I used to struggle with emotional flashbacks regularly.

Today I talk about some of the examples from my own life.

I also talk about how to deal with these flashbacks and I link it to Pete Walker's 13 Ways of Dealing With Flashbacks:

http://pete-walker.com/pdf/13StepsManageFlashbacks.pdf

I also talk about Dr Claudia Gold's interview here: 

https://youtu.be/3m2ZM5T0P_8?si=JWmL6MVm7IHrepXv

Take care,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/