Cindy is a mother, a wife, a friend, a writer, and a daughter. Cindy was “just your average kid”. She has wonderful memories of her childhood, including Sunday night dinners with her family, playing barbies and kickball in the cul-de-sac, doing chores, and participating in sports.
Although typical in many ways, Cindy’s childhood was scarred by sexual abuse at the hands of her father. He began abusing Cindy when she was just five years old. Manipulative and controlling, Cindy’s father prevented her from talking about the abuse by threatening to harm her mom and sister. Cindy kept quiet. Initially.
With time, Cindy started to find her voice. “No more, ” she said. Her father's response? Physical and emotional abuse. Although she tried rebelling, this young girl was unable to make the abuse stop. Eventually Cindy became numb. She longer feared her father. Although she wanted to say something, Cindy was terrified that her mom and sister would be harmed.
When Cindy was ten years old, she found the courage to fight back against the physical abuse. Standing up to the physical abuse, the sexual abuse stopped as well. Likely, a contributing factor was that Cindy was going through puberty. Her father was only attracted to prepubescent children.
Abuse taught Cindy about hiding, shame, fear, secrecy, and sex. It wasn’t until later in life that Cindy began to appreciate the adverse impact the sexual, verbal and physical abuse exacted.
Sexual abuse harmed her self-esteem, silenced her voice, and made her cautious. It impacted how she raised her four children. The sexual abuse impacted her intimacy with her husband.
Wanting to live her healthiest life, Cindy sought therapy at the age of 19 and began the most crucial part of her healing. It was incredibly painful, hard work, and a long process. Most helpful were trauma therapists.
A few years ago, Cindy shared her story of abuse with a group of women. Their responses, from shock, to compassion, to anger, and to disbelief, compelled Cindy to write her memoir, Under the Orange Blossoms.
She wanted to break the cycle of silence and knew other victims would benefit from hearing her story. During the process of writing her memoir, Cindy was re-traumatized as she recounted the details. No matter how painful it was to recall and relive those memories, she pushed forward thinking “I am doing this for me and someone else, and hopefully this makes a difference.”
Family, her husband, her children, and friends were Cindy’s strength as she continued the healing process. Inspiration came in many forms: surrounding herself with people who feel like sunshine, finding her tribe, mantras, nature, exercise, and reading stories of others who have been through adversity. Cindy meditates daily and gives thanks, focusing on the beauty present in her life.
“Forgiveness is key to living your higher self.”
Cindy is most proud of finding her voice. The voice that was trapped inside of that little girl. After being programmed to be silent and master secrecy, it was counterintuitive for Cindy to start talking. Brutally shy and not wanting to be seen, her mantra as a young girl was, “Be the wallpaper.” Cindy is proud that little girl is finding her voice.
“Everybody has history, some kind of trauma. That is part of being human. If you hold onto this trauma, it can bind you and lead to anger, shame, and loss of control.”
We try to shake it off by ignoring it. There’s no secret formula to releasing pain and anger, but letting go is freeing. When Cindy found the words to rewrite her script, it changed her outcome. It took a long time, but it was the beginning of her healing process.