"I was quite protective of the parent reader while I was editing this. I feel that so many of the books out there on the shelf have a real kind of finger wagging quality to parents. They kind of tell parents what to do, what not to do, mostly what they're doing wrong. I  felt like I wanted to create a resource that empathized with the parents' position, and that protected them, because this is literally the hardest thing in the world. So the protectiveness felt important to me, and it was one of the things that was really quite important that we always held the parent in mind, which is why every letter starts with ‘Dear Parent’.” 

 

Episode Description: We begin with acknowledging the 'profound ordinariness' of the parenting experiences that these thirty-nine psychoanalysts share with the reader.  They openly reveal their vulnerabilities, childishness, ambivalences and sorrows.  They also share their delights, pleasures and feelings of accomplishment. The letters that we read include those on parental protectionism, feelings of being excluded, rivalries and erotic feelings. All the contributors acknowledge the presence of their pasts in their parenting present. Andy speaks of her journey as a mother and how vital her finding psychoanalysis was for both her and her family. She concludes the book "I hope that you close this book with a deep sense of respect for yourself, a healthy curiosity and a few more questions than answers."

 

Our Guest: Andy Cohen is a psychoanalyst with the South African Psychoanalytical Association (SAPA). Her TEDx Talk, "A Mom Can’t Always Act Like a Grown-Up – Here’s Why", explores the unconscious forces between mother and child. She holds an MA Fine Art and has worked as an Art Counsellor using psychodynamic art-based interventions in at-risk communities. She currently lives and works in Johannesburg, South Africa.

 

Recommended Readings:

• TED Talk by Andy Cohen: “A mom can’t always act like a grown up - here’s why”

• When Mothers Talk - Magical Moments and Everyday Challenges from Birth to Three Years by Ilene S. Lefcourt

• Doing Psychoanalysis in Tehran by Gohar Homayounpour

• Psychoanalysis from the Inside Out by Lena Ehrlich

• Intimacy and Separateness by Warren Poland

• Dear Candidate: Analysts from around the World Offer Personal Reflections on Psychoanalytic Training, Education, and the Profession by Fred Busch