Andrew Petty is Dying

What new things do you have in mind for this new year? Maybe you want to tackle a new professional challenge. Maybe you want to pay more attention to your health. Maybe you want to dial back your intensity at work to make more time for family and friends.

Whatever your new things are this year, how will you make them a reality? At the very least, how will you ensure that you'll be able to say that you gave it your best shot?

All of us are familiar with getting a strong start out of the gate–fueled by fresh inspiration and determination–but then fading somewhere along the way. Our willpower runs out. It's discouraging and can be genuinely perplexing.

"I really wanted to make that change," we reflect regretfully to ourselves. "What happened?!"

Let this be the year that you say goodbye to the demoralizing cycle of abandoned objectives and replace it with a new capacity for focus, perseverance, and tenacity that gets you where you want to go.

Some of the prevailing wisdom out there tells us that we need to create better goals, manage our time more effectively, develop better morning routines, get more sleep, get up earlier, make sure you do a cold plunge and a sauna every day, and keep a journal, to name a few. Those are all well and good and doubtless have their time and place. But they also depend upon our finite reserves of inspiration and determination–resources that haven't been adequate so far. What leads us to believe that our willpower will suddenly be up to the task this go-round?

We need something more primal, more compelling, and more reliable. Something that we just can't get around or ignore, even if we try.

That's what I'm going to give you today by sharing a simple message, a transformational mindset, and the practical means by which to apply the message and the mindset in the real world.

The Message

First, here's the message. It's short and sweet: You are going to die.

Here it is a little differently: You ARE going to die.

And one more time: YOU are going to die.

It's not a matter of IF; it's just a matter of WHEN and HOW.

Wake up.

Say this with me: "I am going to die. It's not a matter of if; it's just a matter of when and how."

Most of us pay little attention to the reality of our Mortality. Some of us aggressively avoid thinking about it. There's something deep inside of us that recoils at the thought and actively resists it. And in the absence of a personal encounter with Mortality, the comforts and conveniences of modern life simply distract us from the reality of our Mortality.

But all of us will one day be forced to confront it.

My experience has convinced me that avoiding the reality of our Mortality does us much more harm than good. It's also convinced me that voluntarily confronting our Mortality is a key to living the life we were made to live with guts, gusto, and abandon and dying with no regrets.

The Mindset

So, the mindset I want to share with you is a way to transform your Mortality from an unpleasant reality that you avoid like the plague into the most powerful motivator you've ever had to create a life you're proud of.

I call it the Mortality Mindset.

First, I'll share a few snapshots from my story to show how this message and this mindset have changed my life. Then I'll explain what the Mortality Mindset is and the practical means by which to apply it in your life.

Snapshot 1: A Descent into Hell

25 years ago, I was a recent college grad, and after years of on-and-off, low-grade anxiety, my psychology had reached a perilous tipping point. I had been a gold-star kid all the way through college, but I now found myself aimless–without a plan, without an overarching purpose, and unable to find a way forward. Depression was beginning to sink its talons into me. Then, I began to experience some vague but persistent physical symptoms.

My doctor wasn't able to provide a clear diagnosis, and I suddenly found myself in the grips of severe, debilitating, and all-consuming anxiety–specifically about catastrophic health events and Mortality. My psychology had been pushed beyond its limits, and I was in a full-blown mental health crisis.

No more a young man with the world as his oyster, I was now a young man clinging to his sanity by the thinnest of threads. At one point, it dawned upon me that I would rather die than go on living if relief from the psychological anguish didn't arrive soon.

Snapshot 2: A New Lease on Life

Fast forward 14 years to 2012.

Over the years, I had slowly and painfully found a way forward. I'd even gotten married, and my wife and I now had two young boys. Unfortunately, though, I'd let myself go physically and had picked up some unhealthy ways of trying to cope. I was 60 lbs. overweight, abusing alcohol, and smoking heavily.

Then, in 2012, my brother-in-law got a bleak cancer diagnosis and began a three-year cancer battle that, sadly, ended in his death in 2015. As I watched him undergo excruciating and ultimately unsuccessful surgeries and treatments, I literally and figuratively looked down at my gut and realized that even though I wasn't in control of when I died, I certainly wasn't doing what I could to stay alive.

I was gripped with a white-hot motivation to do whatever it took to get healthy again so I had a better chance of being around for my family as long as possible.

Staring death in the face through my brother-in-law's experience instantly clarified what was most important to me and supplied the will to act on it.

It was the ultimate status quo-buster.

For the first time, awareness of my Mortality was an asset rather than just a neurotic and crippling liability.

Within a year, I was back to my fighting weight. I was on a completely new path of health and wellness, and the depression that had lurked annoyingly in the back of my mind for so long had vanished. Anxiety was still an unwelcome companion, but I was now a man in motion, not just a deer caught in the headlights.

The momentum created by that tragic involuntary encounter with Mortality ultimately led to a major life renovation, our move out here to CO in 2014, and the professional path that I'm on today. Its effects are still unfolding.

Take a moment to reflect on this question: How has an experience with Mortality impacted you?

Snapshot 3: My Ally, Anxiety

About four years ago, I reached a new level of exasperation with the Anxiety. All my years of trying to make it go away had been unsuccessful. One day, in desperation, in my mind's eye I turned around to face the Anxiety–this unwelcome, uninvited, and tenacious hitchhiker in my psychology. And I said, "If you aren't going to go away, then what are you here for?"

That desperation-driven moment of surrender and acceptance transformed the Anxiety from a hated enemy into an unlikely ally.

I had begun my work as a coach by this point. Thanks to my newfound acceptance of Anxiety's place in my life, I had begun to wonder how my particular fixation on catastrophic health events and Mortality might be of use in my coaching work. I was certainly susceptible to thinking about Mortality too much. But I began to wonder: What if most other people thought about their Mortality too little–and as a result were twiddling their thumbs on the way to a regret-filled grave?

From seemingly out of nowhere, the words "The Graveyard Group" sprang to mind, and I immediately sensed that there was something to it. In January 2019, the first Graveyard Group was formed. Today, Graveyard Groups members courageously and voluntarily tap into the power of their mortality each week to live with guts, gusto, and abandon and escape death-bed regrets. More on Graveyard Groups later.

In 2020, I launched this podcast to share Mortality's unmatched motivational power with a larger audience.

Snapshot 4: My Friend, Mortality

In the 3+ years that Mortality has had a central role in the way that I help people, it's also become clear that it's healing me. My once-bitter enemy, Mortality, has actually become a valued friend. Consistent voluntary consideration of my Mortality through The Graveyard Groups and the podcast has been a sort of exposure therapy. Through consistent, voluntary exposure, I've gotten braver. Today, I'm the boss of the Anxiety more than it is of me.

Nothing has ever given me that much authority over the Anxiety before.

It's more than just an antidote for Anxiety, though, as significant as that is; I'm more alive today than I've ever been before. I'm living more boldly than ever before. I'm more ME than I've ever been before. The things that matter most get more of the attention they deserve than ever before.

If I died today, I would be proud of the life I lived.

And I have Death to thank for it.

This is the Mortality Mindset in action.

Personal Reflection

Here are a couple questions for your own reflection:

• On a scale of 0-10, and you can't pick 5, if you died today, how proud would you be of the life you've lived?
• If you died today, what's one thing you would regret?

But What is the Mortality Mindset, Exactly?

I've described how the Mortality Mindset has become part of my life and how it's impacted me. But what IS the Mortality Mindset, exactly?

Simply put, the Mortality Mindset is the voluntary integration of awareness of your Mortality into your daily life.

It creates the transformational impact of a real encounter with Mortality without the trauma and tragedy of one–and while there's still time left to do something about it. It clarifies what's most important to us and motivates us to give it the attention it deserves NOW, rather than waiting for the ever-elusive "tomorrow" or "someday." It gives us the extra nudge we need to pursue a dream, to take a risk, to have the conversation we know we need to have.

It provides a more compelling and reliable source of motivation than our finite, fickle, and fragile willpower.

The Mortality Mindset is NOT normal. Those who embrace it are swimming upstream against their own innate tendencies and the prevailing tendencies of the culture we live in. It is rare, heroic, and life-affirming work.

How Do I Use the Mortality MIndset in My Own Life?

To use the Mortality Mindset, one must Cultivate it.

Farmers don't plant a seed one day and expect a fully mature crop the next. They plant the seed, water and fertilize it, and manage weeds over weeks and months in order to produce a crop. They cultivate their crop with care and consistency over time. The same is true of the Mortality Mindset. It must be cultivated with care and consistency over time, too.

Each of us is different and has a different pre-existing relationship with Mortality, so there isn't a one-size-fits-all list of steps that each of us has to take to cultivate the Mortality Mindset. There are no shortcuts, either. But here are some examples of things we can do:

• Die on Paper Before You Die for Real: Write your own obituary as if you've lived a life you'd be proud of. Be as specific as possible, and you get to choose when and how you die. Then, ask yourself what needs to change now in order for that obituary to have a chance at becoming a reality. With your Mortality as motivation, summon the courage to take action NOW on at least one of the things that needs to change. Revisit and revise your obituary occasionally, and take new action.
• Set Your Date of Death and Work Backwards from There by asking yourself this question and taking bold action on your answer: If I knew I was going to die 5 years from today, what would I start doing differently today?
• Make this podcast part of your routine, and resolve to do at least one thing in the real world–no matter how small–with a takeaway from each episode you listen to.
• Join a Graveyard Group so that voluntary awareness of your Mortality is built into your calendar each week.
• Create an intentional partnership with a friend, colleague, or coach for the specific purpose of cultivating and using the Mortality Mindset.
• Visit the old and dying to remind yourself of how quickly time flies and glean valuable lessons from their experience.
• Commune With the Dead by making occasional visits to your local cemetery. Read the tombstones, and reflect on the fact that you too will share the same fate as those buried there.

Just like a farmer's crop wilts and dies from neglect, so does the Mortality Mindset. Many of the guests on my podcast who have had extraordinary encounters with Mortality–people for whom you'd think the Mortality Mindset was now hardwired because of their experience–say that their awareness of Mortality fades over time. If it fades for them, how much more will it fade for us who haven't had the same kind of experiences if we don't tend to it diligently?

How Will I Know If I'm Using the Mortality Mindset Effectively?

A soybean farmer knows he's successfully cultivated a soybean crop when soybeans appear on the plants.

Here are some of the ways you'll know you're successfully cultivating the Mortality Mindset:

• You intentionally live in one-day increments, acknowledging that today is all we have.
• You make daily decisions about how to spend your time and energy with your Mortality in mind…
• You give the things that matter most more of the attention that they deserve NOW. For example, you prioritize relationships over tasks and cherish the mundane moments with family and friends.
• You value imperfect action now over "perfect" action tomorrow.
• You find yourself having to summon fresh courage more often in order to open up new personal and professional frontiers for yourself.

What evidence do you find in your life that the Mortality Mindset is already at work?

To Sum Up…

Alright, let's land the plane.

Don't rely on your finite, fickle, and fragile willpower to help you make the new things you have in mind this year a reality. Don't pin all your hopes on today's prevailing wisdom about how to achieve your goals, either. Reliance on willpower and prevailing wisdom just perpetuates the demoralizing cycle of abandoned objectives. Instead, dig deeper for a more primal, more compelling, and more reliable source of motivation: Cultivate the Mortality Mindset to acquire a new capacity for focus, perseverance, and tenacity that gets you where you want to go.

Year after year until the day that you die, the Mortality Mindset will empower you to live with guts, gusto, and abandon and give the things that matter most the attention they deserve before it's too late.

Remember: You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

The Graveyard Group: Exchange Willpower for "We-power"

No matter how compelling the motivation, we still can't do it alone. In the Graveyard Group, you not only have a consistent time and place to cultivate the Mortality Mindset, you also swap out willpower for the vastly superior "we-power." With the support of your very own confidential board of advisors, break free from the status quo, become the person you were made to be, and live the life you were made to live.

New groups for men and women are forming now. To learn more, schedule a free one-hour coaching session with me, or find me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

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If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• 001 | You're Dying: How to Make the Most of It
• 016 | The Question That Changes Everything: The Go-to Tool for Living the Life You Were Made to Live
• 046 | How Death is Bringing Me to Life: The Top 4 Ways That the Mortality Mindset has Changed Me

In episode 070, Forward, Pioneer!: Why the "Frontier" is the Best Place to Be, I asserted that we humans are made for the Frontier and the Frontier is made for us. To shrink back from it is to do ourselves and everyone around us much more harm than good. It's a short solo episode, and if you haven't listened to it yet, hit pause on this one and cue up that one. It's a perfect appetizer for today's main course.

Because today, we get a report from the Frontier from one of my favorite Pioneers, my friend Kris Reeves. This episode is episode 70 with skin on, so to speak, and it will encourage and equip you to take your next steps into the Frontier that's calling to you.

Meet Kris Reeves

I met Kris a couple of years ago in one of those small-world, technology-enabled moments of serendipity. He was researching real estate in my local Steamboat Springs market and came across my wife's Instagram business account. Kris and Charis connected, somehow I got looped in, and it quickly became evident that Kris and I had a lot in common and a lot to talk about. It's been a pleasure to watch his Frontier Story unfold since then. About 5 weeks ago, Kris called on the first weekday in almost two decades that he wasn't reporting to his corporate job. He was calling to celebrate that he'd burned the ships and fully committed to his new professional Frontier. Immediately, I knew I wanted to share his story, and Kris has been kind enough to oblige.

Once you get to know Kris, though, I think you'll agree that he wasn't just doing me a favor. Helping others become Pioneers in their own right is part of his calling in life.

Kris is Birmingham, AL born-and-raised, and his accent is music to my ears as a native Southeasterner myself. After almost 20 years in HVAC distribution and manufacturing, Kris and his wife, Jennifer, responded to the call of their next Frontier to invest in commercial real estate--self-storage, to be exact. They've had remarkable success in a remarkably short period of time. As Kris will attest, though, the apparent "overnight success" of Peak Storage Group, LLC was carried on the shoulders of years of preparation behind the scenes.

Highlights From This Conversation

• How to discover your next Frontier.
• What it takes to break the power of the Status Quo and enter your new Frontier.
• How summoning the courage to enter your new Frontier not only changes you–it changes the world.
• How to cultivate the Pioneer mindset.
• The key to turning your dreams into reality.
• And more…

The Mortality Mindset Will Propel You Into Your New Frontier

In this Chapter of his Story, Kris' Frontier is a new professional path. But Frontiers in our lives come in all shapes and sizes and flavors. Maybe the Frontier calling to you right now has to do with your health or a relationship or a besetting fear. Some of you know exactly what Frontier is beckoning. Others of you aren't sure at all or are actively avoiding even the slightest suggestion of a Frontier. But one thing is true of all of you: There IS a new Frontier with your name on it.

This is where the unmatched status-quo-busting power of the Mortality Mindset shines. If you knew you were going to die exactly 5 years from today, what Frontier would you venture into TODAY? Whatever your answer is, summon the courage right now to take your first steps toward it. "Tomorrow" never comes, but Death is inevitable. Don't die gazing upon your Frontier from afar. Instead, die exploring it with guts, gusto, and abandon.

And if you're already in your new Frontier...keep going!

Trusted Partners for Your Pioneering Journey

Pioneering journeys are best undertaken with trusted, competent companions. That's precisely why I created the Graveyard Group.

With your own confidential board of advisors in a small group setting, you break the power of the status quo and boldly forge ahead into the Frontiers that are important to you. You rob Death of deathbed regrets even as you use it to motivate you.

New groups for men and women are launching in January, led by a fantastic team of facilitators.

Take control of your Destiny. See if the Graveyard Group is right for you. Visit andrewpettycoach.com to learn more.

See You In January, Lord Willin' and the Creek Don't Rise!

I'm taking a creative break in December, so the next episode will air on Monday, January 9--Lord willin' and the creek don't rise. In the meantime, I wish all of you the very best of holiday seasons. In the midst of the hustle and bustle, give the things that matter most the attention they deserve. Hug the ones you love and tell them how much they mean to you.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Let's Connect

I help men and women uncover what they really want in life and go after it with guts, gusto, and abandon. Find me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Connect with Kris

Email | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | Website

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 070 | Forward, Pioneer!: Why the "Frontier" is the Best Place to Be
• Ep. 061 | Have Time, or Time Will Have You: Escape Regret and Create a Life You're Proud Of
• Ep. 054 | Live Life in Full Color: Lessons from the Limits of Human Ability, with Extreme Adventurer Doug Tumminello
• Ep. 005 | How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto

"...So fire cremation, we really think, okay, somebody dies and, poof, they're ash. But what happens is the body gets put in an oven, which is known as a retort. There's an open flame that's at about 1800 degrees. It's got a five-inch pipe that feeds the fuel into the fire. So it has a very high carbon footprint. It uses as much gas as a cross country road trip. And the body's tissues are burned away. Fat is popping, and it's cooking the body. And then after about two hours what's left is bone, which is filled with fossil fuel and burned. So it's devoid of any nutrients. And then it's put through something that's called a cremulator, which is basically a pulverizer. And that's what you get back–pulverized bone that we call ash." -Jamie Sarche, Director of Pre-planning at Feldman Mortuary

How did those words hit you? Were you shocked, a little disgusted or even offended? Did it pique your curiosity? Did it hit close to home because a loved one has recently died? Whatever your first response was, take note of it, and keep reading.

Meet Jamie Sarche

Jamie Sarche helps people create end-of-life plans before the end of their life is actually upon them. Jamie helps us demystify death and dismantle our own residual death denial by taking us behind the scenes of a mortuary, connecting the dots between end-of-life preparedness and grief, making ancient Death and grief traditions relevant again, giving us an end-of-life planning toolkit, and making a compelling case for end-of-life preparations as an essential personal rite of passage.

Highlights From This Conversation

• What actually happens when a body is cremated, and why it's important for you to know
• The vital connection between end-of-life preparedness, grief, and personal empowerment
• What ancient Death and grief traditions have to teach us today
• How to create your own end-of-life planning toolkit
• Why end-of-life preparations are an essential personal rite of passage

How This Episode Affected Me

If you've tuned in much recently, you know that rites of passage are very much on my heart and mind right now. Episodes 60 and 69 tell more of that tale. Among the many things that stuck with me from this conversation with Jamie, the significance of end-of-life preparations as an important personal rite of passage is top of the list. By voluntarily undergoing this rite of passage, we deal a mighty blow to our denial of Death and empower ourselves to live with even more guts, gusto, and abandon, and give the gift of less complicated grief to the loved ones we'll leave behind. I've already set the ball in motion to complete end-of-life plans for me and my wife.

Make This Episode Matter in Your Life

Take a moment and breathe. Allow your heart and mind to bring to your attention the things from today's episode that are especially relevant to you. If it's a welcome Insight, receive it with joy and gratitude. If it's a less welcome Insight, but one that you know you needed nonetheless, receive it with courage and gratitude. Next, determine how you will pair your Insight with Action to move toward Transformation. Insight + Action = Transformation. What's one thing within your ability to control that you're able and willing to do between now and when the next episode of this show drops in two weeks? Whatever that thing is, commit to it, and do everything in your power to fulfill that commitment.

For some extra motivation and inspiration, tune into Ep. 064, End-of-Life Planning: Why You Should Do It Now, and How, with Michelle Mathai. Her story is both tragedy and triumph--a compelling case study in the value of making your plans now, while you still can.

The Graveyard Group: Demystify Death, and Live!

I created The Graveyard Group to give us all a concrete, consistent way to demystify Death, dismantle our death denial, and harness Mortality's incomparable motivational power to live with guts, gusto, and abandon. With your own confidential board of advisors in a small group setting, you give the things that matter most the attention they deserve, before it's too late.

It's easier to stick with the status quo...until suddenly, it isn't, when crisis hits and there's no more time for do-overs. Don't let the status quo get the best of you. Tap into Mortality's status-quo busting power, instead. See if the Graveyard Group is right for you.

New groups for men and women are launching in January, led by a fantastic team of facilitators. Go Here to learn more.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Let's Connect

To learn more about how I can help you live your one-and-only life with even more guts, gusto, and abandon, ind me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Connect with Jamie

Email | LinkedIn | Website

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 052 | What Matters Most: A Transformative Conversation with the Rev. Dr. Nicole McDonald
• Ep. 056 | Ignore at Your Own Risk: How Your Relationship with Death Affects Your Quality of Life, with Dr. Frederic Tate
• Ep. 064 | End-of-Life Planning: Why You Should Do It Now, and How, with Michelle Mathai

What comes to mind when you hear the word "frontier?" Covered wagons? Lewis and Clark? Space–the "final frontier," for all you Trekkies out there? Danger, uncertainty, a place to avoid? Or how about excitement, discovery, a place to seek?

In this modern age, the Frontier is neither an idea nor a reality with much apparent relevance or appeal. Most of us tread well-worn paths that lead to familiar destinations in our day-to-day lives.

That, my friend, is a problem, because we were made for the Frontier, and the Frontier was made for us. We are tapping into the fullness of our humanity when we push into uncharted territory. And whether we like it or not, ALL of us will be forced to encounter new Frontiers in one way or another many times in our lives. We might as well be ready for it.

Let's become seasoned Pioneers.

Divine Intervention

"God, help. I have no idea what to do. Help me. Please."

I was on my knees on the floor in what used to be our home office. I was at my wit's end. A work situation was stretching me well beyond my abilities, and I was stuck and scared. I think I've only prayed a handful of truly honest prayers in my life. Not because I ever intentionally set out to utter dishonest prayers, but rather because until I'm truly hard-pressed, until I really feel like my back is up against the wall, I often utter prayers from the head rather than the heart. A prayer that conveys, in essence, "God, I'm working on this thing, but thought I'd loop you in just in case you have anything to offer." Maybe you can relate to that. On this occasion, though, my prayer was an honest prayer of genuine desperation.

Lest you're tempted to think of me as any more spiritual than is warranted, I have to confess that my phone was on the floor next to me. Because, heaven forbid, what if I missed a game-changing notification of some sort while I was communing with the Divine?! But, as they say, God works in mysterious ways, because as I uttered my desperate prayer, my phone buzzed to announce the arrival of a text. And yes, I checked to see who it was from. "Hang on, God, be right back with you."

It was from my dad who, as it happened, knew I was in the middle of a really challenging situation.

"You will meet God on the frontiers of your own ability," his text began. "That's where He's waiting for you. Not short of that, or out beyond that where you think you "should" be or you wish you were."

"Thx, Dad," I wrote back, with tears of relief rolling down my cheeks and stunned by the way the truth of his words penetrated my heart. "Encouraging and timely. I'm definitely feeling like I'm on the frontier and disoriented. I was on my knees praying when you texted. Thank you."

"Then go with confidence," was his simple response. "God is with you."

The Best Place to Be

Go with confidence?

Go with confidence. God is with you.

Though the terrain wasn't any more familiar or any less menacing than before, and the stakes still felt impossibly high, this Frontier was now the best possible place to be rather than a place from which to escape as soon as possible.

In an instant, my relationship with this particular Frontier was transformed. So was my relationship with the Frontier in general.

On the frontiers of my ability, I now saw more clearly, God comes alongside to help me take the next steps. It's not as if he's not with me when I'm operating within my established zone of competence, exactly; it's just that his intervention isn't needed because I'm already up to the task. And far be it from God to be over-responsible and coddling, as we humans are often tempted to be. So, He waits for us out on the bleeding edges of our ability, eager to supply what we need in order to expand our frontiers even farther. The perfect Father. I want to be where God is bringing all of His mighty power to my aid as often as I can be.

My relationship with the discomfort that the Frontier inevitably brings was overhauled, too. Fear, uncertainty, and disorientation are all normal responses to the Frontier. In fact, they're like indicators on our personal dashboard, notifying us that we're approaching unfamiliar territory. Or, they might be indicating that we're actually approaching a familiar border of Frontier territory into which we've never been willing to venture. We just keep bumping up against its borders and retreating as soon as we make contact. As a result, it has remained hostile and unsettled–a barrier to our forward progress.

Now, though, I'm more able to see fear, uncertainty, and disorientation as potentially positive signs that I'm venturing into growth territory rather than warning signs that there's a deadly waterfall ahead. I can say to myself, "Hey, looks like you're scared and disoriented. You must be operating on the frontiers of your own ability. Good work. Stick with it. And remember: God is with you, so go with confidence."

In short, I'm becoming a more seasoned Pioneer.

If you share a spiritual orientation similar to mine, then you may already have derived some fresh comfort and motivation from what I've shared thus far–especially if my account has helped you realize that YOU are operating on the frontiers of your own ability right now. But even if you don't have a similar spiritual orientation, it's still true that the Frontier–far from a place of peril and woe to be avoided at all costs–is actually the BEST place to be.

What Makes the Frontier the Best Place to Be?

So what makes the Frontier the BEST place to be? Why would we put in the work to become a more seasoned Pioneer?

First, whether you find yourself there voluntarily or involuntarily, operating on the frontiers of our own abilities fortifies us against the many perils of this life. It's the metaphorical weight room of our lives, where we add more weight to the bar. Additional weight adds more resistance, and repeated attempts to overcome that resistance give us greater strength, resilience, and adaptability in the face of life's many perils. By contrast and by definition, the complacency and atrophy that come from only ever operating within our abilities are existential threats. Whenever possible, then, voluntarily open up new Frontiers in your life so that you're better prepared for the involuntary Frontiers that Life will inevitably bring your way.

Secondly, operating on the frontiers of our own abilities helps us find our unique Path in the world. You are on the offensive, deploying a spirit of voluntary exploration, seeing "what's out there," so to speak, rather than hoping that "what's out there" will come find you. You are creating your own storyline within the ancient tale of human exploration and adventure. When we test ourselves on the Frontier, we come to understand more clearly the kind of human we are and what our ideal operating conditions are like. We also come to understand more clearly what kind of human we are NOT and what our adverse operating conditions are like.

As we begin to travel our unique Path in life, we begin to fulfill purposes along that Path that are uniquely ours to fulfill. We take our place in the world and in the grand Story of humankind. You are wind in the sails of the human enterprise rather than an anchor holding it back.

Thirdly, in time, new Frontiers become settled territory. They are no longer the realm of the unknown but get enfolded into the realm of the Known. They define the new borders of your expanded zone of competence. From those new borders, you can venture into new Frontiers that were once well beyond your reach. In addition to greater personal strength and the fulfillment that comes from treading your own Path, you now have more power and influence to wield for the world's good.

Become a Seasoned Pioneer

The Frontier is the best place to be. On the frontiers of our own ability, we get stronger, we find our unique Path in life, and we acquire more power and influence to wield for the world's good.

We were made for the Frontier, and the Frontier was made for us. We are tapping into the fullness of our humanity when we push into uncharted territory. And whether we like it or not, ALL of us will be forced to encounter new Frontiers in one way or another many times in our lives. So we might as well be ready for it.

It's good to become a more seasoned Pioneer?

What's your relationship with the Frontier like? What kind of Pioneer are you? Do you consistently recoil in fear or automatically register the indicators on your dashboard as a signal to turn around? Maybe some Frontiers–at work, for example–are welcome challenges but others–at home, for example–are confusing and anxiety-provoking. Whatever your relationship with the Frontier is like, what's just one way you could upgrade it? Start where you are, summon the courage to venture just a little bit more into the Frontier, and hold that new ground with tenacity–through all of the attending discomfort–until it becomes part of your settled territory. Then, advance again, Pioneer.

And for some extra status-quo-busting motivation, remember: You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

Companions for the Journey

Even seasoned Pioneers need a companion for the journey.

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.. Or, enlist a group of fellow pioneers to support you in your journey by joining a Graveyard Group. New groups are forming now. Visit andrewpettycoach.com to learn more.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

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If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 059 | The Making of The Alpinist's Marc-André Leclerc: A Transformational Conversation with Marc-André's Mom, Michelle Kuipers
• Ep. 054 | Live Life in Full Color: Lessons from the Limits of Human Ability, with Extreme Adventurer Doug Tumminello
• Ep. 012 | How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go: Becoming a Seasoned Sailor on the Seas of Life

A year or so ago, I became captivated by the idea of creating rites of passage experiences for our boys when each of them turned 13--an age that to me represents the transition from childhood to young manhood. I don't remember what first turned me on to the idea. But once it took root in my heart and mind, it didn't let go. I explored the idea further through my own reading about traditional rites of passage and in a conversation with my coach, Amy Musson, in episode 060, called Rites of Passage: How Reviving Neglected Rituals Can Set you Free. I became more and more persuaded of its importance and more and more determined to make it happen for our boys. But I've dreamed big with nothing to show for it before. And in the midst of life's normal everyday demands, it would have been a lot easier NOT to do.

Long-story-short, this episode is a triumphant fist-pump: My wife and I recently pulled off our first rite of passage experience for our older son, Macgray. Today, Macgray shares what it was like for him and what it meant to him.

What's In It For You?

Parents with kids still at home, I hope you'll listen closely to Macgray's words and be persuaded to craft a rite of passage for your kids, too, if you haven't already. Everyone else, broaden your application of this episode to any of life's other major transitions--marriage, mid-life, job changes, the death of a loved one, for example. How can ritual accompany those transitions in ways that acknowledge the incredible energy contained within them and channel it in positive ways? What collateral damage will failure to attach ritual to those transitions cause? What benefits might it bring?

What Did Macgray's Rite of Passage Include?

Before we dive in, some insight into the specifics of Macgray's rite of passage experience will be useful. First, we created a guide that we called The Path to Your Rite of Passage. It shared a bit about the historical precedent for rites of passage and the three traditional phases--preparation, transition, and reintegration--outlined what he could expect for his own rite of passage, and clarified what would be expected of him. In the preparation phase, Macgray was expected to watch and listen to a handful of videos and podcast episodes we handpicked for him and share what he learned with us. In the transition phase--a phase characterized by mental and physical challenge--he was charged with hiking to and successfully crossing the Devil's Causeway, an exposed high-elevation ridge of rock in a nearby wildnerness area. The reintegration phase had two parts: First, a "campfire council of the elders" with me, my dad, and my father-in-law--where we read prepared letters to him of encouragement, exhortation, and instruction, and officially welcomed him into young manhood. Second, upon his return from the campfire council of the elders, a party with the whole family to welcome him back into the family as a young man. Macgray shared some reflections about his rite of passage experience with the family at that gathering, and his mom and two grandmas read their letters to him, too.

I invite you to tune in for the whole candid conversation with my firstborn son, Macgray, recorded in the comfort of his room just a day after the big party with the family, to hear what the rite of passage experience was like for him and what it meant to him. By extension, you'll learn what role rite of passage experiences can play in your life and the lives of those you love.

The Work Has Only Just Begun

Folks, the rite of passage experience was more meaningful and rewarding than either my wife or I expected it to be. The family party was a tearful and joyful exclamation mark on the whole process. I'm SO glad we put in the time and energy to pull it all together.

The truth is, however, that Macgray didn't magically transform into a fully mature, fully responsible young man simply because he had a rite of passage experience. Nor does it insure that he will become such a man. The ritual doesn't create the reality. But it does make way for the reality. Having officially bid farewell to his childhood, intentionally encountered the emotions that come along with that goodbye, and welcomed him into young manhood, we're all reading from the same sheet of music, and the stage is set for his next developmental phase. It will be up to me and my wife to clarify what new responsibilities we expect him to fulfill, to resist the temptation to do for him what he can do for himself, and to provide new freedoms and opportunities as he demonstrates himself to be responsible and trustworthy. It's clearer to me even as I say this that we've got our work cut out for us. In a sense, it really would have been easier NOT to have gone through with the whole thing--not to have set our sights so high for him and for us. But it only would have been easier in the short-term. In the long-term, the unnecessary pain and hardship brought upon Macgray and, by extension, upon ourselves for failing to do our very best to equip him for life on his own would far outweigh the temporary convenience of not creating the rite of passage experience.

What About You?

And so I ask you: Where is ritual missing in your life? What rite of passage awaits that will make way for a new reality for you, your child, or a loved one?

You Don't Have to Reinvent the Wheel; Borrow Mine!

I'm glad to share the rite of passage guide and share more in-depth about rites of passage and the experience we created for Macgray with anyone who's interested. You can find me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

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If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 009 | ​​Awaken Your Inner Kid to Be the Best Grown-up You Can Be: A Lighthearted and Enlightening Conversation With My 10-Year-Old Son
• Ep. 060 | Rites of Passage: How Reviving Neglected Rituals Can Set you Free, with Amy Musson

Just three years ago, in the dark of night on a battlefield in a foreign land, Army Ranger Sergeant First Class Ryan Davis was hanging on to life by the very slimmest of threads.

The tale of heroism, selfless love and courage, and perseverance in the midst of profound physical, emotional, and psychological suffering that unfolded on and after that battlefield incident is nothing short of mindblowing. It's the stuff for which Medals of Honor are awarded. In fact, Medal of Honor petitions have been submitted for individuals involved in Ryan's rescue. It's the stuff out of which new battlefield protocols and medical interventions are developed. In fact, new protocols and interventions have been developed as a result of lessons learned. And it's the stuff on which Hollywood blockbusters and award-winning documentaries are based.

In short, it's the kind of story for which I have absolutely no frame of reference, and neither do most of you, I would imagine. Ryan was pushed to the extremes of human experience and lived to tell the tale. And tell the tale he does--in this episode, for you and me.

It would be easy to spend an entire episode and then-some on the battlefield incident itself and the harrowing ups and downs of his recovery from it. But I did my best to manage my curiosity about those chapters of Ryan's story so that we could also explore what Ryan has learned on the extreme frontiers of human experience that we can integrate into our lives now--before a crisis hits or Mortality makes a surprise appearance. Because those who venture to the outer limits of human experience and return have knowledge that the rest of us need.

Today, in some of the most fundamental ways, 10-year Army Ranger veteran Ryan Davis is literally and figuratively a new man. Precisely how will become clearer as you listen to our conversation.

As you listen, though, don't fail to look for how Ryan's Story has insight that you can put into Action in your own life. Insight + Action = Transformation. Don't overlook the Transformation potential available to you in Ryan's harrowing tale--as different from your own Story as it may be.

Because no matter how different the specific circumstances of each of our Stories may be, we are all caught up in the same Big Story of humans trying to find their way through Life on Planet Earth. That's where Ryan's story and your story converge.

Tune in to the full episode for the whole story and all of Ryan's hard-won wisdom for your life.

Highlights from This Episode

• Ryan shares a blow-by-blow account of the battlefield encounter that changes his life forever
• Ryan shares the two moments that turned the tide in his recovery.
• Ryan shows us how the body follows the mind–for better or for worse. The choice is yours.
• Ryan explains how to use our pain to propel us forward in life.
• How to transform your minutes into "moments"
• Separating your job from your Purpose
• What Ryan knows because of his experience that the rest of us need to know
• What's most important to Ryan now

Redeeming Ryan's Suffering In Your Own Life

"We've stared this in the eye and we've cried at it and we've screamed at it and we've fought with it and we do not fold to it."

Ryan said this in reference to how he and his son have responded to Ryan's new reality. This, my friends, is sometimes what it takes to keep moving forward in life. Resolve. Grit. An unwillingness to give in or give up, no matter what life throws at us. An unwavering determination to keep going. The spirit of a warrior.

Among many, many things, this sticks with me from Ryan's story. I want to embody and exhibit the spirit of a warrior in life--battered and bruised but undefeated to the end, triumphant in death.

What sticks with you? How will Ryan's Story change your Story for the better? Search your heart, be honest, and be specific.

Let Ryan's suffering be redeemed in the fruit that it produces in your life.

May Ryan's sacrifice be redeemed in all of our lives.

The Graveyard Group: Win on the Battlefield of Your Mind and Die With No Regrets

Don't wait to encounter your Mortality until you have to. By then, it's too late to change anything. There's no do-over.

In the Graveyard Group, you intentionally confront the reality of your Mortality to tap into its incomparable power to motivate you to give what matters most the attention it deserves NOW. You do this with the help of your own personal, confidential board of advisors. Along the way, you overcome obstacles, mend relationships, make dreams a reality, become the person you were made to be, and live the life you were made to live with guts, gusto, and abandon. In short, you fulfill your destiny and set the stage to die with no regrets.

New groups for men and women are forming now.

Go Here to learn more, or email me.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Let's Connect

As your personal coach, I can help you win on the battlefield of your mind so you win on the battlefield of Life. Find me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Connect with Ryan

Email | Instagram | Facebook

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

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If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 012 | How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go: Becoming a Seasoned Sailor on the Seas of Life
• Ep. 044 | Lessons from the Chair: Redefining Disability, Avoiding the Victim Cave, and the Path to Personal Power
• Ep. 051 | Risk and Reward: How to Create a Life That You Love, With Andrea Green

Serendipity. According to the Oxford Languages Dictionary, "serendipity" is "the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way."

What if it was possible to harness the power of serendipity rather than leave it all up to chance?

Finding Serendipity in Our Own Story

If we're honest, many of the most pivotal moments of our lives are unscripted, unplanned, and unforeseen. Even if those moments exist within the context of a plan we conceived, they are never just the result of the linear unfolding of that plan according to our conscious input at every turn.

If we're honest, the most pivotal moments rarely appear pivotal at the moment. We only see their significance clearly with the benefit of hindsight. We see in hindsight how one moment led to another and another and another, and how each of those moments led to THIS one.

They are what we call moments of serendipity.

Most importantly, if we're honest, many of our most pivotal moments of serendipity include the unique and often unsolicited contributions of other people.

We know this to be true in movies and books. The main character encounters other characters, and that encounter alters the course of the main character's journey. Of course the main character does things on their own that alter the course of their story, and mishaps befall them that don't involve other people. But the storyline is influenced and advanced most profoundly because of the main characters' interaction with other characters.

We often fail to see that the same is true in our own Story.

Serendipity in My Story

In the early 2000s–2003 to be exact, I think–I was in a season of profound personal and professional dissatisfaction and confusion. My parents were in the loop on my condition. Unsolicited, they gave me the opportunity to take an assessment called the Natural Ability Battery–a key tool I use in the work I do with 1-1 coaching clients today–so I could better understand the innate abilities that I could bring to the table in life. I took the assessment, and the results were enlightening, but I didn't have the will or the wherewithal to operationalize the results in my life at that point. I didn't yet have the ears to hear.

Fast forward to 2011 or thereabouts, and I was in another season of personal and professional dissatisfaction and confusion. Desperate for insights that would help me get unstuck, I dusted off my Natural Ability Battery report. But I needed a refresher on how to use the results, so I called Leslie, who first administered and interpreted the assessment for me back in 2003. I got the refresher I needed, but I got much more than that.

Unsolicited, Leslie offered to introduce me to her husband, Matt, who was a coach with a particular interest in young men like me–i.e. young men in ministry and in formation. Long-story short, Matt became my first coach. That partnership transformed my confidence and competency at home and at work, guided me through the difficult years surrounding our senior leader's departure, and helped me and my wife Charis summon the clarity and courage to close that chapter back East and start writing a new one here in Colorado in 2014.

Fast forward a couple more years and a lot of water under the bridge, I had decided to give this coaching thing a go–-based in no small part on my experience of being coached but also on my deepening insight about the kind of human I am and the kind of work I'm meant to do in the world. Coaching seemed like a good fit.

I cast a pretty wide net at first, coaching just about anybody and everybody who was willing to be a guinea pig. Thankfully, no guinea pigs weren't harmed in the making of this coach.

Then, again unsolicited,Leslie called to ask if I was interested in doing some leadership development work with a consulting company she'd been involved with for many years. She thought I'd be a good fit for the work, and she offered to recommend me to the company. I succeeded in securing work as an independent contractor with the company and learned a TON in the four years that I partnered with them. I also made some great professional connections with fellow independent contractors.

In fact, one of those connections, Beth Romano, tuned in to this podcast in 2021 and got inspired to live with no regrets and help others do the same. She reached out, and it soon became apparent that Beth was a great fit to spearhead the development of The Graveyard Group for women. Suddenly, my original dream of making Graveyard Groups available to everyone–a dream that frankly had dimmed for a year or so–was brought back to life.

The Golden Thread

A shimmering golden thread of serendipity that spans almost 20 years–starting with my parents in 2003 and culminating with Beth's installment as the first facilitator for women's Graveyard Groups. A series of unique and unsolicited contributions from people in my life were the catalysts that made it all possible.

There's much more to the story between the moments of serendipity that stand out like luminous blips on the timeline of my life, of course. As the main character in my story, I was living and learning, succeeding and failing, responding and reacting along the way. But the golden thread of serendipity was connecting my action in the world with others' sovereign input into my life in ways that neither I nor anyone else could ever have scripted.

There's something wonderfully spooky going on here, with this whole serendipity thing. As you may already know if you've tuned in before, I see God's hand in what we call serendipity. But you don't have to see it the way I do to still find threads of serendipity in your own life and recognize their importance.

Pause and reflect. Where do you see a thread of serendipity in the tapestry of your Story?

How to Harness Serendipity's Power

A very valid question at this point, however, is something like this: If serendipity can't be scripted or planned, then how can we develop a "serendipity strategy"? How can we harness the power of serendipity rather than leave it all up to chance?

Our answer lies in the anatomy of serendipity, to spin up another metaphor. When we see more clearly that people are the primary agents of serendipity's activity in our lives, then we can simply resolve to put people first–to prioritize time with people more highly than before.

Accept the invitation for coffee with the new neighbor. EXTEND an invitation for coffee with the new neighbor. Get involved in a civic project in your community. Join a book club.

In short, cross paths with more people on purpose, with purpose.

You probably know by now that I'm a big proponent of solitude, and plenty of it. So I don't mean to suggest that we should frantically fill our days with people all the time. But I DO mean to suggest that if we want to tap into serendipity's benefits even more, then intentionally putting people first on our list of priorities is the way to go.

As you put people first, do so not with a mercenary mindset–merely to get something out of it for yourself–but rather simply with the knowledge that when you put people first, you tap into serendipity's wonderfully spooky workings in ways that can benefit both you and the other person in the days and years to come. Be as fully present with each person as you can be, bringing your best to each magically mundane moment of engagement between two people. There's really no telling what may come of it. Cultivate that sense of wonder and anticipation.

And that, my friends, is the "serendipity strategy."

Remember: You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So harness the power of the serendipity strategy rather than leave it all up to chance, and hang on for the ride!!

Harness Serendipity's Power in a Graveyard Group

The Graveyard Group is a one-of-a-kind way to cross paths with more people on purpose, with purpose.

In a small group setting, motivated by the reality of your Mortality, you and your very own confidential board of advisors spur one another on to live with guts, gusto, and abandon, fulfill your destinies, and die with no regrets.

New groups for men and women are forming now.

Go Here to learn more about joining a Graveyard Group, or email me.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Let's Connect

If this episode helped you, I'd love to know. Find me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 025 | The Contentment Conundrum: Cracking the Code
• Ep. 050 | Seize the Offensive: An Antidote to Fear, Dread, and Timid Living

What do you need to let go of?

It's an easy question to ask, but it can be an awfully tough one to answer. In this episode, I'll share how an answer to this question revealed itself to me recently and the impact it's had. I hope my experience will inspire you to begin seeking answers to this question, too.

Stopped in My Tracks

"I submit."

The words startled me. They were my words, but they hadn't come out of my mouth. They weren't the expression of a thought in my head or from my heart either, exactly.

In hindsight, it seems most accurate to say that the words came from what I might call my spirit.

Somewhere deeper within me than I'm able to access consciously, from some part of me that interacts with the transcendent.

I was on one of my habitual walks down County Road 44 here in Steamboat Springs, CO. It's a stretch of road by a river running through ranch land. It's a stretch of road that has a meditative quality to me–not too much scenery to distract but not so little as to make it uninteresting. Few cars, very few people. Just me, the road, the breeze, the river, occasional cows, and sometimes the eerily prehistoric call of the sandhill crane couple that frequents the fields along the road.

On this particular walk, I was listening to the final cut of episode 63, Suffering, Surrender, and the Leap of Faith: How to Find Freedom on the Other Side of Letting Go to make sure it was ready to release in a few days. Carrie Chown's astounding tale of three seismic surrenders and the freedom she's found on the other side of letting go was washing over me when my spirit uttered those unexpected words, as if in response to Carrie's story, and stopped me in my tracks.

"I submit."

Submit to…?

I knew in that moment that something profound had shifted within me. In that instant, I also knew why my spirit spoke those words, specifically.

For a number of weeks leading up to that experience on County Road 44 among the cows and cranes and gurgles of the river, I'd begun to be aware of a tight-fisted, clinchy feeling–like I had a death-grip on something. I was unwilling or unable to let go of it. I wasn't at all clear on what the "it" was that I was clinging to so tenaciously. Judging simply by the negative quality of the emotions that it produced, though, it WAS clear that clinging to it wasn't doing me any good.

So, I'd begun to ask God a simple question: What do I need to let go of?

I repeated the question whenever it came to mind, holding the lines of communication open, so to speak, and awaiting a response.

"I submit" was my spirit's response to the answer I received as Carrie's story washed over me.

The answer? It was time to submit to the Author of my Story and to my place within the larger Story that surrounds me. It was time to let go of the idea that it was all up to me. The deep-seated belief that I had to get it just right, or else, was causing me to hold on too tightly to each moment, each decision, each action. It was causing me to attribute too much significance to each moment, decision, and action and keeping me from just living.

It was a call to faith–faith in God and in the structure of existence. It was a call to surrender. It was a call to let go.

I'm a Fan

That was a couple of months ago. True to form, I instinctively got nervous that the effects of that transcendent moment would wear off.

But I'm glad to report that truly transcendent moments don't wear off that easily.

I am calmer, more at peace, and more comfortable being myself than prior to that "letting go." I'm better able to peer into the mists of the future with curiosity and wonder than anxiety and fear because the future holds twists and turns in my Story that–even though some of them will be painful–will nevertheless contribute to the Story that God is writing with my life and in which I'm an active co-creator. I'm emboldened by the knowledge that I'm not alone and it's not all up to me. I'm taking initiative on things in my life that I was shrinking back from before.

I'm even able to see my ongoing blood sugar challenge and its life-altering impact as a portal to new possibilities and discoveries rather than just a hurdle to clear. I share more about the blood sugar issue in Ep. 057: What to Do When Life Throws You a Curveball if you want to know more.

In short, I'm a huge fan of this whole letting go thing!

Transferable Lessons for All of Us

My story is descriptive of my experience rather than prescriptive of what yours should be, as a mentor of mine used to say. You may or may not relate to the way that I conceive of and interact with the Transcendent.

My Story serves a purpose illustratively, nonetheless.

Namely, it is good to let go of whatever is holding us back. And, if we don't know what's holding us back, then all we have to do is ask.

Even though my story isn't prescriptive of yours, there are a few transferable lessons that you can put into action right away.

First, pay attention to any areas of tightness or constriction in your life. Pockets of negative and intense energy, places where there's an underlying insistence that things be a certain way.

Next, simply pose the question, "What do I need to let go of?" and keep the lines of communication with the all-wise Transcendent open.

Finally, create space within which the answer to your question can emerge. We moderns rarely prioritize solitude. We often falsely equate it with unproductive time or label it a luxury. In fact, though, it's the fertile soil out of which our most transformational revelations can spring. So don't neglect it. In holding the space for solitude sacred in your life, you'll be among the giants of humanity who did the same–the Benjamin Franklins, the Albert Einsteins, the Gandhis, the Jesus' of Nazareth–and not among the countless hordes who hurl themselves headlong through life without much thought or reflection and have little to show for it beyond filling their time.

But if you listen to this podcast, then you're not interested in just filling whatever time you're allotted on this planet. Instead, you want to give life everything you've got.

So, pay attention, pose the question, create space, and await your answer.

Your results won't be like mine, but they will be just what you need, just when you need it.

The Help You Need for Letting Go

A healthy dose of objectivity goes a long way when we're trying to discover what we need to let go of.

That's one of the reasons why I created The Graveyard Group. In a small group setting, you and your very own confidential board of advisors discern what you need to let go of and help you take the steps necessary to let go of it so you can live YOUR one and only life with even more guts, gusto, and abandon.

A new women's Graveyard Group is forming now, with my colleague, the amazing Beth Romano, serving as its facilitator. Beth pioneered the first women's Graveyard Group this past January, and now she's inviting more women to benefit from the experience.

Go here to learn more about joining a women's Graveyard Group, or email me.

Remember: You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

Let's Connect

Could a coaching partnership with me be just the thing you need right now? Find me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 011 | Embracing Mystery, When to Call It a Day, and What Matters Most: Lessons from an Astonishing Life-After-Death Story
• Ep. 013 | Two Death Sentences and Still Surfing: An Assumption-busting Conversation About Letting Go, the Sneaky Downside of Hope, and Embracing Life's Necessary "Little Deaths"
• Ep. 063 | Suffering, Surrender, and the Leap of Faith: How to Find Freedom on the Other Side of Letting Go, with Carrie Chown

Pam Blackburn loves to climb mountains.

Pam is also dying.

In this episode, Pam shares what the view is like from her lonely mountaintop of terminal illness. This is her final word to the world, prepared courageously and graciously to serve all of us who don't have access to the same view.

There are things we need to hear and things we need to know that only those, like Pam, inhabiting the sacred and surreal space between life and death can convey to us. And there are things we need to do as a result of the insight we gain.

I feel so fortunate to have met Pam and to count her as a new friend. She is full of life and warmth and mischief--more vibrantly alive in the midst of her suffering than most people I know. She is so clearly being transformed by her ongoing dance with Death, and I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that there are ways in which her encounter with Mortality has actually saved her life.

This episode doesn't follow the usual conversational interview format you've become accustomed to on this show. Instead, if you tune in, you'll hear only from Pam--reading her final word to the world that she poured her heart and soul into preparing for you and me.

Also, about 11 minutes in, Pam mentions "the glittery little children" that cancer leaves behind just waiting to come to life. She's referring to cancerous cells that are undetectable by scans but inevitably cause trouble down the road.

Some Highlights from Pam's Message for the Living

• How Pam's terminal diagnosis has been a gift and given her tremendous newfound freedom.
• How Death has brought Pam to life.
• Pam's top 10 tips for how to live well.
• Pam offers her final words to her husband and five kids.
• Tune in for all of Pam's message for the living!

Making It Matter in YOUR Life

In this episode, we were welcomed into the heart of a fellow human who is staring her Mortality squarely in the eyes. We ascended briefly to the lonely mountaintop that Pam stands on and shared her view from there. What an astounding gift. Thank you, Pam.

What will you do with Pam's gift to you?

Don't wait until Death comes knocking on your door to WAKE UP and acknowledge the reality of your Mortality. Instead, courageously and voluntarily confront your Mortality to harness its incomparable motivational power and live YOUR one and only life with guts, gusto, and abandon.

You can start today.

What lessons will you take to heart from Pam's report from the frontlines? What's just one thing you are willing and able to change today--the only day we've got--as a result of what stuck with you?

I'm Motivated to Let My Mortality Motivate Me! What Do I Do Next??

It's one thing to tap into Mortality's motivation to live YOUR one-and-only life with guts, gusto, and abandon. But it's another thing entirely to sustain it and act on it day-in and day-out, week-in and week-out, over the course of your lifetime. It's a discipline and a practice, and it happens best with the support of others who are on the same path.

That's why I created The Graveyard Group. In small group settings, you and your very own confidential board of advisors help each other leave it all out on the field of life. You clear obstacles, mend relationships, summon the courage to pursue your dreams, and give the things that matter most the attention they deserve--before it's too late. You become the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live

I'm excited to share that a new women's Graveyard Group is forming after Labor Day, with my colleague, the amazing Beth Romano, serving as its facilitator. Beth pioneered the first women's Graveyard Group this past January, and she's ready to welcome more women into the experience.

Go Here to learn more about joining a women's Graveyard Group, or email me.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Remember: You ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

Let's Connect

If this episode helped you, I'd love to know. Find me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Connect with Pam

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Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

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If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 006 | The Nine Lives of Lise Leroux: One Woman's Mind-blowing Tale of Living With a Terminal Diagnosis
• Ep. 011 | Embracing Mystery, When to Call It a Day, and What Matters Most: Lessons from an Astonishing Life-After-Death Story
• Ep. 013 | Two Death Sentences and Still Surfing: An Assumption-busting Conversation About Letting Go, the Sneaky Downside of Hope, and Embracing Life's Necessary "Little Deaths"

Do you have a plan for when you die? Do you have a plan for when your loved ones die?

In 2001, Michelle Mathai was just two years into her first foreign service post as vice consul in Auckland, NZ. She and her parents were on a farewell trip around the island in anticipation of Michelle's imminent departure for a new post in El Salvador. In the blink of an eye, the trip turned tragic when their car, with her dad at the wheel and her mom in the back seat, careened off the road and into the mercilessly icy current of a glacial river. As water rushed in, Michelle was able to kick out the windshield to escape the car, but her desperate attempts to save her parents were unsuccessful.

In this episode, Michelle shares how the complete lack of preparation for her parents' deaths impacted her and her brother. She shares how painful lessons learned from that experience helped her create a very different ending for her brother when he died in 2017 after almost a 20-year battle with brain cancer. And she shares how to have the tough end-of-life conversations with our loved ones NOW--before end-of-life issues become a reality--and what exactly needs to be covered.

Highlights From the Conversation

• The hardships that failure to have an end-of-life plan causes when a loved one dies, and the benefits of having a plan
• How the grieving process is impacted by lack of end-of-life plans
• How to create end-of-life plans with your loved ones
• What an end-of-life plan contains
• The value of simplifying your life materially so that there's not so much stuff for loved ones to sort through when you die.
• How beauty can be found in the "tough stuff"
• Why Michelle has no tolerance for "all the bullshit" anymore, and why you shouldn't either

Making It Matter In YOUR Life

Dying well starts now. It starts with acknowledging the inevitability of our death, allowing that awareness to keep us present in THIS moment, and taking concrete steps today to plan for our ultimate demise. It requires making our Death part of our Life, here and now. It's a formidable and beastly tension to tangle with, but tangle with it we must if we are to depart this life with grace and peace. As I've discovered in the three-plus years that I've been actively cultivating this Mortality Mindset, if we persist in tangling with this tension, it becomes a powerful catalyst for giving the things that matter most the attention they deserve NOW and living the life we were uniquely made to live. Paradoxically, it becomes a friend and ally rather than a detestable and repugnant enemy to be avoided at all costs. As my then-10-year-old son, Macgray, said one night at the dinner table, much to our surprise and amazement, "Death brings meaning to life." When we estrange ourselves from our Mortality, we estrange ourselves from our very Life.

And so we conclude where we began: Do you have a plan for when you die? Do you have a plan for when your loved ones die? If not, what's just one thing you're willing and able to do today to begin assembling a plan?

Let Me Know!

What stuck with YOU from this episode? Message me on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn @AndrewPettyCoach, or email me at [email protected].

Be sure to tune in to the next episode--a sort of mirror image of this episode. Terminal brain cancer warrior, Pam Blackburn, will offer her final word from the sacred space she now inhabits between life and death. It is both heartrending and intensely clarifying in the most useful of ways.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Let's Connect

Find me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Connect with Michelle

Email | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | Website | Podcast

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 056 | ​​Ignore at Your Own Risk: How Your Relationship with Death Affects Your Quality of Life, with Dr. Frederic Tate
• Ep. 052 | ​​What Matters Most: A Transformative Conversation with the Rev. Dr. Nicole McDonald
• Ep. 005 | How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto