Andrew Petty is Dying

Are you giving the things that matter most the attention they deserve?

On this podcast, I try to equip us all with the mindset and the means to live with even more guts, gusto, and abandon. Today's episode emphasizes means more than mindset and gives you a simple tool that will help you outsmart the part of you that, for whatever reason, may be dragging its feet on something that you know is important but you're finding hard to do. With consistent use over time, this tool will help you give the things that matter most the attention they deserve.

A New Frontier

It was a crisp fall day, and my client and I were strolling along the path next to the river as we often did, engrossed in conversation. On this occasion, my client–who I'll call Lisa–was working hard to get herself over the starting line of a project that was very dear to her heart but involved an unprecedented level of personal vulnerability. She was about to take her first steps into a new personal and professional frontier, so to speak. She had already established sufficient conviction that she wanted to explore that frontier. She was committed in her head and in her heart. Now, she was faced with the daunting challenge of actually entering the frontier that until this point she had only gazed at from afar. All of the hard personal work she'd done to this point now hinged on her ability to commit to real action in the real world–a step that would almost immediately begin to give her real-world feedback about the actual value of her project compared to the value she hoped it had.

Maybe You Can Relate?

Some of you can relate to this experience–the moment when you're about to present your metaphorical baby to the world for the first time, hoping that the world will like it, deathly afraid that they won't.

Complicating things for Lisa was the fact that she didn't have to undertake this project, strictly speaking. She didn't HAVE to present this baby to the world. No one would know if she didn't. No lives were at stake–at least not in any obvious or direct way. Lisa was voluntarily entering a new personal and professional frontier, with all of the unknowns that it contained, because she had come to realize deep in her heart that even though no one was watching, she had to do it. It was clear to her that it was somehow part of what she was made to do in the world. So she was choosing to forge ahead because she had resolved that the cost to her of NOT doing so was higher than the cost of doing it and failing. For Lisa, the greater failure was shrinking back in the face of fear and uncertainty and regretting down the road that she didn't respond to the call in her heart.

Some of you can relate to that cost / benefit arithmetic, too. Maybe somewhere in the recent or distant past, you faced a similar moment of truth and stopped short of entering a new frontier. And you have the regret to show for it. You can even trace a slow decline in your experience of life and your opinion of yourself back to that moment. Or maybe you successfully summoned the courage to move forward, and you have the deep personal satisfaction and real-world consequences from that experience to show for it. Some of the consequences were unequivocally great, some of them were hard–but ALL of them were useful and helped you become the person you are today. You can trace a clear improvement in your experience of life and your opinion of yourself back to that moment.

If we're honest, I think all of us can recall at least one of each of those kinds of moments in our Stories.

Spontaneous Tool Fabrication

In Lisa's case, the specific, real-world step that would signify her entrance into her new frontier was setting a start date for the first event in a series to which she would invite others to sign up. And right then and there, in that conversation on that crisp fall day, we fabricated the tool I want to share with you today. I'm not sure why this tool came together in that precise moment, to be honest. But it's one of the collateral benefits of engaging in purposeful, meaningful conversations with someone over time: Every once in a while, something new and significant and unexpected emerges from the fertile soil of the partnership right when it's needed. Something immediately useful and actionable. This was one of those times.

The tool is a simple way to commit yourself to concrete action in the real world when you're on the verge of entering a new frontier but find yourself holding back. We'll call it the "No Time Like the Present" tool–or NTLP. Not a very sexy name. Got any better ideas? While I await your suggestions, here's how to use the NTLP…

How to Use the Tool

First, remind yourself that "there's no time like the present." After all, today is all we've ever got. Tomorrow never comes.

Then, in light of the fact that there's no time like the present, ask yourself, "why not now?" Give this question real consideration. What legitimate factors or variables might make taking action at a different time more advisable? The key word here is "legitimate." Maybe your target audience will be more available after the upcoming holiday, for example, so waiting to engage them until then makes actual sense. Maybe the person with whom you need to have the hard conversation will be out of town for another week, and an in-person conversation is what's needed. But be on the lookout for factors or variables that you concoct to avoid the discomfort of crossing over the threshold of your new frontier–factors or variables that are figments of Resistance at work within you rather than genuine, real-world obstacles. It can be tricky to distinguish between them–especially when fear is in the mix–so take your time here.

If no legitimate things come to mind, then take that first real-world step into your new frontier right then and there. There's no time like the present!

If something legitimate does come up, though, that makes taking action later more advisable, then move on to the third and final step: Ask yourself, "if not now, when?" Set the date and time when or by which you will do the thing that needs to be done. Put it on your calendar to put yourself on the hook.

Back to Lisa's Story…

Lisa put this newly-forged tool to good use right then and there and set the start date for her event series. With that decision, she crossed the threshold into her new personal and professional frontier. And that one decision set in motion a string of other decisions and actions that needed attention in order to actually start on the date that she set. Lisa was moving forward and picking up momentum. She was on her way.

Lisa's relief and exhilaration was obvious and immediate as we continued our walk along the river on that crisp fall day. It's like that isn't it–when we haul ourselves over a starting line, sometimes kicking and screaming on the outside, but knowing deep down that it's not only what we truly want, it's also what's best for us. We feel better, and we actually get stronger. We move forward with more purpose and resolve and clarity. We are more the person we were made to be, living more of the life we were made to live.

Lisa ran that first event series, and she learned a lot from the real-world results of that experience that she can plow back into the soil for an even better harvest next time. Some of the lessons were enjoyable, and others were less so. But as we mentioned earlier, ALL of them were useful. Lisa wouldn't have gotten the benefit of those lessons and the internal growth that went along with them if she hadn't used the tool we created together to put herself on the hook.

Now, you can use it, too.

Recap

Let's recap. The "No Time Like the Present" tool is a simple way to commit yourself to concrete action in the real world when you're on the verge of entering a new frontier but find yourself holding back. It's a way to help you give the things that matter most the attention they deserve TODAY rather than continuing to wait until the ever-elusive "tomorrow."

First, remind yourself that there's no time like the present.

Then, ask yourself, "why not now?" If you can't come up with any legitimate reasons to wait, then take action NOW.

If you do come up with a legitimate reason or two, though, then ask yourself, "if not now, when?" And put it on the calendar to put yourself on the hook.

There you have it, the NTLP.

And please…rescue this tool from it's deathly boring acronym. Send me your suggestions!

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

I Want to Know…

How will you use the NTLP to give something in your life more of the attention that it deserves?

Message me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 005 | How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto
• Ep. 016 | The Question That Changes Everything: The Go-to Tool for Living the Life You Were Made to Live

When push comes to shove, what really matters most to you in this life?

That may be the most important question any of us can ask ourselves. And getting the answer right may be more important than almost anything else on this side of the grave.

My guest on this episode shares a perspective on what matters most that she's acquired from almost two decades on the front lines of end-of-life care. I think ALL of us need to hear what she has to say so we can evaluate and calibrate our priorities before the grim reaper comes a'calling.

Fair warning: My guest's message to us is delivered in the context of stories from her experiences serving those who are dying. Some of her stories are inherently heartwarming, but one story in particular is harder to hear. I think BOTH kinds of stories are invaluable in their ability to help us truly and courageously confront our own Mortality so that we're motivated to live with guts, gusto, and abandon right NOW. So that we don't keep putting off the things that matter most until the ever-elusive "tomorrow."

I personally hope that you'll tune into the full episode. This conversation impacted me deeply. But I wanted you to know in advance what to expect so you can make your own decision.

Meet Rev. Dr. Nicole McDonald

The Reverend Dr. Nicole McDonald is a native of Hampton, VA, and she's by far the most highly-educated guest I've ever had on this show. She earned a Bachelor of Science in Civil Engineering, a Master of Divinity degree, a Master of Science in Patient Counseling, and a Doctor of Ministry degree. Currently, Nicole is a PhD student in African American Preaching and Sacred Rhetoric. And somehow, in the midst of all of that academic work, Nicole was also able to serve as a hospice chaplain for 13 years--providing emotional and spiritual support to patients living with terminal illnesses. Today, she serves as a Bereavement Coordinator & Chaplain for Sentara Hospice in Newport News, VA.

Nicole's degrees and experience certainly lend her a certain kind of credibility right out of the gate. But behind all of the impressive academic accomplishments and professional experience is a woman deeply interested in the human condition, in what it truly means to live and die well, in helping the dying transition well, and a woman deeply committed to not only imparting what she's learned to others but embodying it in her own life, too. And I think you'll agree that, in the final analysis, those qualities are a form of credibility that rival any other.

Highlights From This Episode

We hit on a lot of big topics in a relatively short conversation, including:

• The intrinsic value of every human life
• The surprising reality of how many "religious" people relate to Death
• The difference between a "good death" and a "bad death"
• You hardwired relationship between how we live and how we die
• How to be honest with ourselves about our health
• The importance of life insurance
• And what matters most in this life, in the final analysis: our relationships. According to Nicole, "Your relationships are your biggest asset, so treat them as such."

Making the Most of What Matters Most

"Your relationships are your biggest asset, so treat them as such."

That's how Nicole summed up the one thing that she hopes we take away from her Story and her experience.

Our relationships are the most important thing in life and the only thing left when we die.

You can envision your relationships as a series of concentric circles. Think of it as your Relationship Radar screen. At the very center is you. Circles closer to the center represent relationships that are more important to you, and circles farther from the center represent relationships that are less important to you, relatively speaking. Plot the initials of the person with whom you have your most important relationship on the first circle. For some of you, that will be a spouse or partner or maybe your closest friend. For others of you, that might be a parent or child. Whoever it is, though, force yourself to pick just one relationship for that first circle. Then, plot more initials on the other circles moving outward from the center, from more to less importance, relatively speaking.

Next, consider the condition of the relationship that occupies the first circle on your Relationship Radar Screen. What shape is it in? Where is it thriving? Where is it languishing? And what can you do about it? Give this relationship absolute top priority in terms of how you focus your time, energy, and attention. Continue your evaluation of the relationships in each circle moving outward from there. What condition are they in, and what time, energy, and attention are you willing and able to give to those relationships?

When it's our turn to die, it will be abundantly clear how well we tended to our most important relationships. We can't cram for that exam. We reap then what we're sowing today.

Your relationships are your biggest asset. Are you treating them as such?

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

I'd Love to Know…

How did this episode impact your perspective on your relationships?

Message me on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn @AndrewPettyCoach, or email me at [email protected].

Connect with Nicole: Email

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

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If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 011 | Embracing Mystery, When to Call It a Day, and What Matters Most: Lessons from an Astonishing Life-After-Death Story
• Ep. 031 | How's the Conversation Going? Improving Your Most Important Relationships One Conversation at a Time

What do you consider risky?

A harrowing late-night brush with Death in 2018 changed Andrea Green's life forever. Since then, she's related to risk very differently and lives with even more guts, gusto, and abandon as a result.

This episode will challenge your relationship with risk. And I hope it will encourage you to change your relationship with it, too.

Meet Andrea

Andrea lives in Truckee, California, where her life and work reflect her passion for adventure, travel, and the outdoors. She works for Jones snowboards and owns a freelance marketing and graphic design business on the side. With her Australian Shepherd adventure buddy, Chip, Andrea loves snowboarding, mountain biking, split-boarding, hiking, running, and anything else that allows her to explore new places.

This episode is dedicated to Theo, Andrea's best friend and beloved canine companion who didn't survive that fateful night back in 2018--which is where we picked up the story…

Life Changes Forever

To avoid traffic and get there more quickly, Andrea decided to drive through the night to Oregon from Steamboat Springs, CO to visit her family. Around 1:00am, a drunk driver swerved into her lane and hit her head-on.

Andrea was trapped in the car for two hours as EMS personnel worked to extricate her. At one point, the car burst into flames. Another driver had a fire extinguisher in his car and saved Andrea from the inferno.

As Andrea waited to be freed from the car, she listened as Theo took his last breath next to her.

Andrea broke her ankle, femur, tailbone, back, wrist, and collarbone, and she lost four of six total pints of blood volume due to lacerations. She went into surgery that night, spent 4 days in ICU, two weeks in the hospital, and nine months recovering at home with her family. She's since had 5 more surgeries–the most recent just weeks before we recorded this episode. Four years later, the accident is still very much with her.

Highlights from Our Conversation

• How to resist the temptation to play the Victim card
• The personal power that comes from focusing only on what you can control and leaving the rest alone
• The perils of staying in your comfort zone
• Rethinking risk to gain the reward of a life that you love

Making it Matter for You

Pause for a moment. I mean really pause. Let the swirl of life continue to swirl around as you quiet your heart and mind. Now, search within yourself for something that you want to do or even know you need to do that feels risky to you. I'm confident that ALL of us can come up with something. How risky is it, really? With the hard-won perspective born of a close personal encounter with Mortality, the loss of her best friend, and the physical and emotional trial that ensued, Andrea challenged us all to not let fear be the thing that gets in the way of what we want or need to do. Are you willing to borrow a page from Andrea's playbook and go for it?

I am. In fact, after recording this episode, I decided to declare 2022 a year of boldness. A year to pull the trigger on the things I've been dragging my feet on or shrinking back in fear from. A year to experience the real-world consequences of risks taken rather than suffer the diminishment that occurs when I don't take the risk and can only wonder what might have happened if I had. You heard it here, and you can hold me to it.

Back to you and the risk you have in mind. What's just one thing you're willing and able to do TODAY in the direction of that risk? Whatever your answer is...do it.

Life is SHORT. There is no Tomorrow--only Today.

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

How are you changing your relationship with risk? Shoot me a note on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Connect with Andrea

Email | Instagram | Website

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 005 | How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto
• Ep. 006 | The Nine Lives of Lise Leroux: One Woman's Mind-blowing Tale of Living With a Terminal Diagnosis
• Ep. 016 | The Question That Changes Everything: The Go-to Tool for Living the Life You Were Made to Live
• Ep. 047 | Victim to Victor: How to Take Responsibility for Your Own Happiness
• Ep. 050 | Seize the Offensive: An Antidote to Fear, Dread, and Timid Living

Have you ever frozen in the face of fear? Have you ever dreaded the prospect of the day ahead or a difficult conversation you have to have?

Me, too. A couple of times just recently, in fact.

Maybe you're glad 2021 is in the rearview mirror but dreading what 2022 might bring? You're back on your heels, wary and anxious, waiting for the next catastrophe.

In this episode, I share a simple but powerful strategy for mastering your fear, combating dread, and going from back on your heels to leaning forward into life. This strategy comes to you compliments of my 9-year-old son, Marshall, who recently brought it to life for me in a whole new way.

The Challenge

I stood at the top of the hill, looking down towards my 9-year-old son, Marshall, and his 15-year-old cousin, Jeremiah. Beyond them, our house sat tucked between other houses across the street at the bottom of the hill. To my right stretched the Yampa Valley in its march westward with the flow of the Yampa River. In front of me, from my perch on the hill, I could see over the rest of our little neighborhood to where the Yampa Valley curved east and south against the mountains that Steamboat Ski Resort calls home.

Finally, the view all around was mostly white instead of the persistent brown of a longer-than-usual fall. It was a beautiful bluebird winter day in Colorado–one of the first in a winter that had been stubbornly slow to get going.

The season's first snows had provided just enough cover to make sledding worthwhile, and Marshall and a few of his cousins were milking it for all it was worth. Marshall was at the top of the hill near me, and Jeremiah was trudging back up the hill after his run. As we watched Jeremiah ascend, he paused for a moment and pronounced to all that he would give them three tries to hit him with a snowball as he closed the distance between where he stood and the top of the hill.

Challenge accepted!

The Plot Thickens

I began to lob high, arcing mortar rounds from my position. And Marshall started launching high-velocity snowballs from his. We may or may not have exceeded the three-snowball limit Jeremiah specified; history is so hard to recall accurately, sometimes, especially when it's shrouded in the fog of war. You understand.

One thing was certain though: When the snowballs had stopped flying and the snow dust had cleared, a grim scene remained. Jeremiah was on his knees, stunned, slowly beginning to clear a massive, newly-deposited clump of snow from the center of his face. It was so big that just his eyes and ears were clearly visible. I wasn't sure who was responsible for the direct hit, but I did know it wasn't me. What kind of animal do you take me for, anyway?

It didn't take long though–as I glanced over and saw the panic-stricken look on his face–to realize that Marshall was the marksman who'd delivered the devastating blow.

"Oh man," I thought to myself, "this could get interesting."

The Twist

Jeremiah continued slowly clearing the snow from his face, taking a moment both to recover from the blow and consider his next move. Then, understandably, according to the unwritten but universally-accepted rules of snowball warfare, he began to assemble a snowball of significant proportions from the snow right around him. Marshall had it coming to him.

And in an instant, Marshall, seeing Jeremiah's snowball-of-unusual-size, or SOUS, taking shape, went from frozen still and panic-stricken to wildly motivated, and sent himself hurtling at Jeremiah with a battle cry unlike any I'd ever heard from him before. It was precisely the opposite of what I'd expected.

The scene mesmerized me, and it seemed to play out almost in slow motion. Here was my much smaller 9-year-old charging hell bent for leather at his much bigger 15-year-old cousin, apparently with some idea that it made sense to do so. At first, it seemed sort of like Don Quixote charging a windmill. What possible chance did Marshall have of succeeding?

But you know what? It worked.

Marshall barreled into Jeremiah before he was able to prepare his weapon of mass destruction, and they both went down in a tangle of limbs and flying snow.

I don't even think Marshall took any direct hits of consequence in the scuffle that ensued. By taking the offensive, Marshall required his opponent to be on the defensive, and prevented him from being able to unleash the barrage that might otherwise have followed.

Well-played, Marshall, well-played. And thanks for the life lesson.

The Moral of the Story

Whether it's paralyzing fear, debilitating dread, preoccupation with the future, or anything else that threatens to immobilize you or take you out of the game…be Marshall.

Seize the advantage. Face your fear and advance courageously toward its source. Put your fear on its heels as you press forward into the fray. Don't give it a chance to overwhelm you or convince you to run away.

Be Marshall.

Harness the fear and channel it into a new kind of energy that propels you into action. Start your day. Have the conversation. Face the bad news. Take the first steps toward your audacious goal.

Be Marshall.

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

Seize the Offensive…STAY on the Offensive!

Marshall motivated himself to go on the offensive in the story I shared today. But staying on the offensive in life over the long haul–amidst all of the challenges that come our way–requires more guts and gusto than any of us can muster on our own. We need help from others who are committed to our wellbeing and success.

That's why I created the Graveyard Group, a mastermind designed to help you become the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live with guts, gusto, and abandon. We tap into the power of our Mortality to motivate us to leave it all out on the field of life and eliminate deathbed regrets. I'm forming another in-person group locally here in Steamboat Springs, and my colleague Beth Romano is forming the first-ever group for women. Beth's group will also be the first-ever virtual group.

Go Here to learn more, including how to join a Graveyard Group. You can also connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 005 | How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto
• Ep. 006 | The Nine Lives of Lise Leroux: One Woman's Mind-blowing Tale of Living With a Terminal Diagnosis
• Ep. 016 | The Question That Changes Everything: The Go-to Tool for Living the Life You Were Made to Live

Holiday Reboot Intro

This episode is the second of two holiday reboots, specifically selected from the archive with the unique complexities of the holiday season in mind. I sliced and diced here and there and added a smidge, too, in an effort to make this episode as engaging and useful as possible.

This episode happens to be an all-time listener favorite. I picked it for a holiday reboot especially because of its emphasis on the priority of people, the magical mundane moments simply passing time with those we love, and–as a new year approaches–the importance of making the changes we know we need to make NOW.

One note before we jump in: My guest in this episode, Tony Gonzalez, mentions Rob Ryg several times. Rob is the coroner in our little corner of Colorado, and he was my guest on episode 018, Life's 3 Big Questions: A Conversation with the Coroner. That episode was another listener favorite, and if you haven't tuned in to that one yet, it's well worth the listen.

Death on a Daily Basis

When harrowing encounters with Death are a routine part of your job, how does it change the way you live?

On today's episode, my friend Tony Gonzalez helps us answer that question based on his 25 years of service as a firefighter and put the lessons he's learned to work in OUR lives right now.

Meet Tony Gonzalez

At the peak of his career as a big city firefighter, in 2017 Tony traded in his badge, uniform, and hard-won seniority for a "mundane" life in the small mountain town where he grew up. After 25 years of almost daily encounters with trauma and Mortality in the line of duty, one particular encounter with Mortality finally convinced Tony that enough was enough. His peers and colleagues scratched their heads in disbelief when he made the decision. But he's never looked back.

Tony is a native of Steamboat Springs, and after 25 years in the city, in 2018 he moved back to Steamboat with his wife and two boys to begin writing a new chapter in their story. Since 2001, concurrent with his fire service career, Tony has been co-owner of Garage Composites--the nation's largest consulting firm to the powersports industry, and that is his primary professional focus today.

I met Tony through a mutual friend, and he soon became a member of one of the Graveyard Group masterminds I lead. In that setting, on a weekly basis, Tony and his fellow Graveyard Group members remember that they ARE going to die, but they're not dead yet--and they work on the things that matter most in their lives. Today. Because "tomorrow" never comes. And Death always does. We talk a bit about Tony's experience in the Graveyard Group in this episode--about how consciously keeping Mortality in mind with the confidential, compassionate, no BS support of 5 other guys helps him leave it all out on the field of life.

It's been a personal pleasure to get to know Tony over the past year, and it's a special pleasure to introduce you to him so you can integrate his life lessons and hard-won wisdom into your own life.

Highlights from the Conversation

• Tony compares the camaraderie he gained and treasured in the fire service with the camaraderie he's gained as a member of a Graveyard Group mastermind. A trait that both the fire service and The Graveyard Group share is that each has a common, unifying purpose--in the fire service, to save lives, and in the The Graveyard Group, to leave it all out on the field of life. When there's a shared, compelling purpose, there's an opportunity for deep and meaningful camaraderie.
• Tony shares how repeated exposure to trauma and death in the line of duty changes you in ways that are both useful and harmful. We explore how our reaction to Death is both understandable on the one hand AND counter-productive on the other when we try too hard to avoid Death's inevitability.
• Tony's best friend in the fire service died tragically in the line of duty. The worst thing Tony saw in all his years of service was the look on his friend's 13-year-old son's face when he learned his dad had died. The worst thing Tony heard in his years of service was the same young man's scream when he heard the news. Tony was somehow able to reconcile all of the other civilian and firefighter deaths he'd experienced. But he wasn't able to reconcile his best friend's death and the reaction of his son. Remarkably, Tony says that his friend's death was even more painful than the recent death of his father and the loss of his first child at birth, a stillborn daughter. This was the tipping point that led Tony to take the off-ramp to a new life with his family.
• In his work with Garage Composites post-fire service, Tony went from anywhere between 40-50 weeks a year on the road to none in 2020 as a result of COVID. That forced change in this new chapter of his family's story has led to a new commitment to dramatically reduce his time away from home once travel is once again

Some Key Takeaways

• Keep the date you set with friends to get together.
• Do the "mundane" stuff with the people you love.
• Show up with your ski gear on when you pick your kid up from ski school, and take a few laps with him or her. It'll make their day.
• If you see an "off-ramp" to a different and better way of life, take it!
• When Death shows up in your life, be shocked, grieve like there's no tomorrow, allow yourself to feel the pain and loss. Then, keep moving.

Tune In!

There's a LOT more in this episode than these shownotes can hope to capture. Tony's warmth and wisdom abound in this conversation.

Change is Simple

I have a simple formula for change: Insight + Action = Transformation. Which is not the same as to say that change is always easy. But the anatomy of change is, in fact, simple. And you can take the first steps toward the change you want in your life today.

What Insight emerged for you from this conversation with Tony? What's just one thing--no matter how small--you could do today to put that Insight into Action? Don't worry about all of the steps that might be necessary after the first one. Just be sure to take that first one today.

A thousand different reasons will pop up why taking that Action today is unreasonable or unnecessary, or why it might be better to think about it a bit more first or get others' opinions or do some more research. This is the voice of inertia, though, the voice of the status quo--whispering to you that it's not that big a deal to hold off on taking that step. That, in fact, it might even be prudent to let your Insight marinate a bit more first.

And that voice in this moment is the enemy of the life you know you were made to live. If you listen to it, It will keep you right where you are--stuck in whatever unsatisfactory state you find yourself.

Because it's less about the specific Action you decide to take than it is about your steadfast commitment to ACT. Your resolve to do what you can right now to move toward what you want.

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

Something NEW! Is it for you?

Tony shared a bit about the impact The Graveyard Group has had in his life. I'm excited to share that the first-ever women's Graveyard Group is starting in January 2022. It's also the first-ever virtual group, so it's location-neutral, and my amazing colleague, Beth Romano, will lead it. In this setting, with your personal advisory board of 5 other women and Beth as your coach, you make time each week to invest in your life's most important work and eliminate deathbed regrets.

Go here to learn more, including how to join. You can also connect with me directly on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn @AndrewPettyCoach, or email me.

Connect with Tony

Email | Website | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, Check Out These, Too

• Ep. 010 | Life is a House With Many Rooms: Would Your House Pass Inspection?
• Ep. 016 | The Question That Changes Everything: The Go-to Tool for Living the Life You Were Made to Live

As I looked ahead to podcast production around the holidays, I realized my creative juices were running low and my desire for more discretionary time was running high.

So, I cut myself some slack, and I've got something different cooked up for you.

This episode is the first of two holiday reboots of previous episodes, chosen specifically with the unique complexities of this time of year in mind and with some adjustments here and there to make it even more relevant to the season.

And perhaps no time of year reveals the health of our relationships better than the holidays. This episode provides insights and tools for improving your most important relationships, derived from my own observations, personal experience, and work with clients. If you're willing to apply what sticks with you from this episode, it might just help you have the best holiday season you've ever had.

The results are up to you.

How's the Conversation Going?

When is the last time a conversation didn't go well between you and someone especially important to you? Or, when was the last time you avoided a conversation that you knew you needed to have--only to have it turn into a bigger and more intense conversation later when the proverbial shit hit the fan? If you're anything like me and most of the other humans inhabiting Planet Earth, you don't have to go back very far in your mental files to recall that conversation that went badly or the one you avoided that came back around to haunt you.

Some of the deepest regrets people experience in their last days or after losing someone they love come from wishing they'd never said that one thing or had been brave enough to say that other thing.

We ARE going to die. But we're not dead yet. Let's take a look at how we can improve our conversations with those we love and cherish most while we still have the chance.

Our Relationships = A Conversation

In my line of work, the relationship between my client and someone else important to them--like a spouse, partner, parent, or child--comes up frequently as a matter of concern, hurt, stress, or disappointment. And more often than not, in those situations the quality of the capitol-C Conversation in their relationship is suffering.

In fact, our most important relationships are like one big capitol-C Conversation made up of thousands and thousands of smaller conversations over the years.

That capital-C Conversation is of course made up of the words we do say. But it's also made up of the words we decide NOT to say and the little conversations we avoid because they're too inconvenient or uncomfortable in the moment. What we say matters, and what we don't say matters, too. Sometimes, there are way too many words, and sometimes there are way too few.

Make It Personal (Part 1)

Pause for a moment: Look back right now on the capitol-C Conversation you've had over the years with someone close to you. What's it been like, overall? Full of honesty--sometimes to the point of doing harm? Contentious? Riddled with suspicion and one-ups-manship? Maybe it's been playful and adventurous but sometimes lacked the gravity that it needed in order to navigate challenging seasons. Maybe one person in the relationship always "wins" and the other one always "loses." Maybe you can honestly say that even though there have been lapses, overall the conversation has been maturing through the years.

Whatever it's been like, though, I think we can all acknowledge that there is room for growth somewhere. We're not in pursuit of perfection. But we are in pursuit of even more substance and meaning and joy and satisfaction in the conversations that matter most, in the relationships that matter most. So that when either they or we breathe our last, we can say with conviction that we gave it everything we had.

Let's look first at common barriers to improving the Conversation in the relationships that matter most to us. Then, we'll explore a few ways to begin improving those conversations right away.

2 Common Barriers to Improving the Conversation

Here are two of the most common barriers to improving the Conversation that I've observed:

1. Our Own Stuff: Obviously, this is a big one. Maybe we dislike conflict and just expect that any attempt to improve the capital-C Conversation will create conflict. Maybe we don't assign enough value to what we see, think, want, or need. Or maybe we're overwhelmed by our sense of how much time and energy it will take to turn things in a better direction. We might doubt that anything we do will make much of a difference, so why try? Past attempts to improve the conversation haven't yielded much, so what's the point? Those are just a few of the ways in which our own stuff can stand in the way, but there are many more, and we each have our favorite flavors.
2. The Status Quo: We get so accustomed to relating to each other in a certain way that it's simply easier day-to-day to just stay on the well-worn path that we know--even though that well-worn path often doesn't lead to good destinations in your relationship. And over time, it becomes a deeply rutted path with steep sides that make getting out of it seem even more challenging. Ladies and gents, the status quo is not benign. The status quo can be a mortal enemy standing between us and the best things in life. We'll touch on this more when we get to how to improve the conversation.

Make It Personal (part 2)

Let's pull over to the side of the road for a minute, so to speak, before we go any farther. With whom in your life is the Conversation not going as well as you'd like? More than one person may come to mind, but for now, just think of one. While you're at it, that person might as well be someone important to you--someone with whom improving the Conversation would be a big win. After all, among other things on Andrew Petty is Dying, we're intent on eliminating deathbed regrets. And which regrets are most painful if not those that have to do with the most important people in our lives?

Reflect for a moment on your part in the "capital C" Conversation with the person you have in mind. Which barriers to improving the Conversation are within your ability to influence or change? Is your own stuff getting in the way, and it's time to step up and take responsibility for it more completely than you have been? Or have the well-worn Conversational paths become so deeply rutted that it's easier to stay in them than create new ones? What power do YOU have in the relationship to forge new paths?

It takes two to tango, as they say, so acknowledging how we can do better in a Conversation doesn't absolve the other person of their responsibility. But we can't take responsibility for the other person's conduct in the conversation. Only our own. So stay laser-focused on doing the best you can on your end.

Keep your part in the capital "C" Conversation with this person in mind now as we pull back onto the road and explore this topic further.

How to Improve the Conversation

Alright, so we've touched on two of the most common barriers to improving the capital-C Conversation with the most important people in our lives--our own stuff and the power of the Status Quo.

Now, let's turn our attention to how to improve the Conversation--things we can do starting today. This won't be a comprehensive list, but I think the following things are high bang-for-buck and can get us all a lot further down the road.

1. First, take responsibility for your own stuff. Do your own work. And get help if you need it. We usually lack sufficient objectivity on our own stuff to see it clearly enough to do much about it. A mentor, a therapist, a coach, or a trusted friend can help you get clearer on what's preventing you from taking the next step in improving the Conversation and find ways to address it.
2. Next, motivate yourself. This is critical if we're going to shrug off the smothering influence of the status quo and create a new way forward. Envision the good things on the other side of the awkwardness and challenge of improving the Conversation. Also, allow yourself to feel the pain and regret you'd experience if you didn't do your part to improve the Conversation when you still had the chance. And revisit the reality and inevitability of your Mortality to give you that last bit of resolve to get moving in a new direction.
3. Then, have the little conversation now. We can pay a little now--in awkwardness, difficult emotions, etc.--or a lot later. It may feel easier to skip it for now, but that bill will come due eventually, with compounded interest. For example, maybe you feel like your spouse doesn't communicate family calendar items to you very well. Since you're working harder now to first take responsibility for your own stuff, you realize you're feeling increasingly resentful about this because it can create a lot of inconvenience for you. You're also taking new responsibility for the fact that you've never actually brought it up. So, the next time it happens, you break free of the Status Quo and risk having a little conversation about it in the moment instead of letting it slide by unaddressed again. One way that my wife and I have the little conversations now before they become big, hairy conversations is by having lunch together once a week. Sometimes one of us has something specific to discuss. But often, there's no specific agenda other than creating a regular time for the little conversations to occur as needed. When we're in this habit, the quality of our capital-C Conversation is usually much better. When we fall out of this habit, the quality typically declines, slowly but surely. Experiment with what works for you. But whatever you do, don't put off having the little conversation now before you're forced to have the big, hairy conversation later.

Recap

Creating a capital-C Conversation with those closest to us that we'll be proud of in hindsight is the ongoing work of a lifetime. This work compounds over time, so the investment we make in it today matters.

Let's recap the key points we've covered.

We first discussed two of the most common barriers to improving the Conversation, namely, our own stuff and the Status Quo. Then, we turned our attention to how to improve the Conversation--things we can do starting today. First, we take responsibility for our own stuff that's getting in the way of a better conversation. Next, we motivate ourselves so we can shrug off the smothering influence of the status quo and create a new way forward. Then, we resolve to have the little conversation now.

Just One Thing

New conversations bring new results. Sometimes, those new results are immediate and amazing. But they're not always super enjoyable, especially at the beginning, as the other person adjusts to the new conversation, too. That's ok. Be patient, and extend grace and the benefit of the doubt to yourself and the other person. And sometimes, it's useful to have a professional help the two of you learn how to have the conversation more productively. That's a smart move if you're not finding a good way forward on your own, despite your best efforts.

The goal, BTW, is not to manipulate or change the other person. The goal is to do our part to create a higher-quality, healthier, more honest, and more enjoyable capital-C Conversation overall. That Conversation is made of thousands of other little conversations over the years. And you can begin to improve it today.

So resolve today to give a mighty heave and shrug off the smothering influence of the status quo, choose courage in the face of fear, doubts, and uncertainty, and resolve to do just one thing differently today. What will that one thing be for you?

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

Make It Personal (part 3)

Bring to mind again the person you thought of earlier--the one with whom the Conversation isn't going as well as you'd like. What gift will you give them this holiday season to demonstrate your desire to improve your relationship? What investment will you make in the creation of an even better Conversation? Are you willing to be the one to break free of the old deeply rutted path and start carving out a new one?

Make no mistake: Opening up new frontiers in our most important relationships is not for the faint of heart. In my opinion, it's some of the hardest, most important, and most heroic work we can do in our lifetimes.

I help people just like you have better conversations with the most important people in their lives. Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. I hope you and yours have a fantastic holiday season. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

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If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 012 | How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go: Becoming a Seasoned Sailor on the Seas of Life
• Ep. 016 | The Question That Changes Everything: The Go-to Tool for Living the Life You Were Made to Live
• Ep. 039 | How to Change the World: An Antidote to Apathy and Despair in an Age of Doom and Gloom

It's not a question of WHETHER we'll experience hardship and tragedy in Life; rather, it's a matter of when, what it'll be, and how we'll respond to it.

When hardship and tragedy entered Erica Adams' life, she had a choice to remain a Victim or become a Victor. Her courageous choice to become a Victor has produced hard-won wisdom in Erica that all of us can benefit from.

On this podcast, with Mortality in mind, my goal is to equip you with the mindset and the means to live with guts, gusto, and abandon. The determination to be a Victor rather than a Victim is one of the most important aspects of a mindset that will empower you to live that way. Erica's Story embodies the Victor spirit, and shows us how to embrace it ourselves.

A word of warning before we go any farther: Erica's Story includes domestic abuse. She doesn't go into detail, but for some of you, this subject matter might hit especially close to home. I hope you'll tune in to the full episode because there's so much gold for all of us in Erica's Story, whether or not abuse is part of your experience. But of course that's a decision you'll have to make for yourself.

Meet Erica Adams

Erica Adams is a "mountain-raised, globally-inspired" CO native, mom, and entrepreneur. She started Mountain Girl Creative to create quality content that touches its reader. Her background as an artist and photographer with years of marketing and sales experience allows her to help businesses see the big picture. She started the Mountain Girl Creative blog to share her voice, insights, and experiences, express what matters to her, and help others grow, too. In Erica's own words, "it takes vulnerability, courage, and strength to share our journey, and I hope my lessons touch and inspire others."

Erica's Story

Erica has had two experiences with domestic abuse, each at the hands of two different men. What began as loving, meaningful relationships gradually devolved into psychological manipulation and acts of violence upon her and her daughter. Erica doesn't go into detail, but she shares enough for us to appreciate how emotionally and physically destructive the abuse was. Her recounting of those chapters in her story sets the stage for sharing what she learned from the experiences--both about the origins and nature of domestic abuse and about herself.

3 Lessons

Erica shared 3 big lessons she's learned through her ordeals. In her own words:

1. Get professional help, the earlier in life the better, so you become aware of negative patterns, tendencies you might have, dysfunction you need to acknowledge, and of course tools that help us not only to cope, but to make changes.
2. Don't settle for just surviving your life, whether it be in a marriage, a job, where you live, your health. If you're not living your best life, then work at making it what you want. Life is too short to play it so safe that you end up with too many should've's and not enough bravery to build a life you can be proud of.
3. Sometimes you have to lose it all or start completely from scratch to find your passion. Whether it be sticking with life-consuming marketing jobs to long because it's "safe" and a steady paycheck, but dreading going to work each day.

Other Takeaways

Embedded in Erica's story are themes that I try to emphasize regularly on this show.

• Take responsibility for yourself. There's always something we can do to improve our situation, even if we've truly been the victim of another's ill-will. This mindset allows us to move from Victim to Victor, stay in our personal power, and find a way forward no matter the situation we're in.
• Our Story and our Purpose in the world are inseparable. In Erica's case, her ordeal led her to discover a passion for writing and a purpose for her Story. How is your Story pointing to your unique Purpose in the world in ways that you're not yet acknowledging.

Tune in to the full episode for all of the gold that Erica brings for taking responsibility for our own happiness. It's a good 'un!

The 2 Most Important Questions

Here are the two most important questions of this whole episode, so listen carefully: What stuck with you, and what are you going to do with it? Take a few slow, deep breaths, and search your heart and mind for your most truthful answers to those questions. What's bubbling up from within you? Now, write your answers down. Commit them to paper to make them just a bit more real, to increase your level of self-accountability just a bit more. Remember, it's not necessary or even always useful to take huge, sweeping action on your insight. Instead, commit to taking just the next step--whatever you're genuinely willing and able to do. Take one of those "micro actions" that Erica mentioned. Over time, consistent micro actions yield big results.

Next, envision in your mind's eye the difference it will make if you actually do the thing you're considering doing as a result of listening to this episode. Be specific. How will your life and your world improve?

Finally, invite the Mortality Mindset into the equation--the reality that you ARE going to die, and it could even be one day very soon. How does that reality influence your motivation to put your insights from this episode into action?

"Tomorrow" never comes, my friends.

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So, like Erica, get after it!

I Can Help You Take Complete Responsibility for Your Own Happiness

A powerful, confidential 1-1 coaching partnership or participation in a Graveyard Group can help you live even more courageously and kill deathbed regrets. And the first-ever women's Graveyard Group is forming now. Connect with me to learn more.

Find me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

I'm so glad you tuned in today. Don't forget to follow this show, and I'll see you next time on Andrew Petty is Dying.

Connect with Erica

Email | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | Twitter | Website | Blog | Google Business

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

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If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 008 | More Alive Than Ever: How Pain Points the Way to Purpose
• Ep. 012 | How to Harness the Winds of Discomfort to Get Where You Want to Go: Becoming a Seasoned Sailor on the Seas of Life
• Ep. 019 | The Cockpit is Yours: From Passenger to Pilot

Can the Mortality Mindset actually change your life?

If my life is any indication, then the answer is a resounding yes.

I practice what I preach--not perfectly, of course, but with genuine intent. All this Mortality Mindset stuff isn't just academic or an angle for me; it's personal. This episode was an attempt to articulate and celebrate how the consistent practice of the Mortality Mindset has changed me. Because as I reflect on the past three years and observe who I am today and how I operate in the world, I see some clear improvements.

Aaaaand right now some of you who know me well might be chuckling a bit as my many obvious deficiencies spring to mind. And fair enough. But my goal is to compare myself to who I was yesterday, not to who someone else is today--to quote my favorite distance mentor, Jordan Peterson. I've got a long way to go still. But I'm grateful for how far I've come. And I'm beyond grateful for how Mortality has propelled me forward.

I hope that the results I'm seeing in my own life will encourage you and motivate you to double-down on this life-changing way of living--with Mortality in mind.

Setting the Stage

Before we dive into the results I'm experiencing, a couple preliminary thoughts are in order.

First, a disclaimer...I don't mean to imply that the observations I share today and call "improvements" in my own life are irrefutably "improvements". You may disagree with me in categorizing some or all of the changes as changes in a positive direction. And you might be right, partially or completely. But I do unapologetically assert that the changes I'll share have created a qualitatively better experience of life for me. I feel better and, I think, operate better in the world because of them. And based upon these early results, I think it's very likely that persisting in the Mortality Mindset will allow me to look back on my life with greater pride and satisfaction and fewer regrets whenever the grim reaper comes a-callin'. As ER doc David Talbott said in episode 045, "from the day we're born, we're all a statistic waiting to happen. We just haven't been introduced to the lethal details yet."

And second, let's define the Mortality Mindset so we're on the same page to start with. Simply put, the Mortality Mindset is the habit and practice of living each day with your Mortality in mind and making real-world decisions based upon that awareness. Choosing this instead of that, prioritizing this over that, summoning the courage right here and now to do the hard thing, tackle the big thing, and give attention to what matters most. Living today as if it's the only day you've got because, in fact, it IS!

The Top 4 Ways that the Mortality Mindset had Improved My Life

Now, without further ado, here are top 4 ways that the Mortality Mindset has improved my life.

First, I'm braver. Fear and anxiety have less power in my life.

If you tune in to this show regularly, then you know that the longest and most intense battle of my life so far has been with anxiety. A big turning point came a few years ago when, in desperation, I began to accept the anxiety rather than fight it. That acceptance transformed the anxiety into something useful in my life and revolutionized my self-confidence. I won't go into that transformation any more here, but if you're interested in hearing more, tune into episode 003, How to Turn Your Imperfections into Superpowers: The Key to Unlocking Your Unique Purpose.

As awesome as that transformation was--and it truly was--the anxiety still created pain and chaos in my heart and mind on a regular basis. But it dawned on me recently that I'm anxiety's boss today more than I've ever been before. And that I have the Mortality Mindset to thank for it. When I'm tempted to get stuck in an anxious thought pattern, the Mortality Mindset is right there, reminding me that life is short, and I can either waste some of it by getting sidelined by anxiety or I can get on with living. And more often than not, I'm able to choose to get on with living.

What a strange and wonderful reversal this has been for me: Where Mortality was once a source of crippling anxiety, it has now become a source of healing and liberation.

You don't have to suffer from anxiety to be able to appreciate how useful it is to have greater mastery over fear. The Mortality Mindset is a powerful antidote to fear--if not possibly the MOST powerful antidote there is.

Next, contemplating my future demise has helped me be more "present" today.

If the idea of being "present" isn't overused and worn-out, then I don't know what is. It seems like everyone's trying to be more present these days. And I suppose for good reason. But I get annoyed with terms like that that get hijacked by the mainstream narrative and then converted into something that all of us ought to be doing more of. So I hesitated to use it. But I realized that it really does describe what I mean.

And what I mean is that the here-and-now has more significance to me today than ever before.

A few examples to make the point...When my boys beg me to wrestle with them after a long day, I'm more likely to do it. When we're enjoying a good meal and good company, I'm more likely to enjoy the food and drink heartily and less likely to be concerned about the impact on my waistline. In moments of conflict or tension with my wife, I'm more likely to see her as the wonderful human that she is, let down my defenses, and hug her than continue to press the attack. I'm less likely to work long hours and more likely to say, "It'll still be there tomorrow; I'll come back to it then, with fresh eyes." I have my friend Joe Harsel from episode 011--who was clinically dead for 30 minutes before coming back to life--to thank for helping me with that particular perspective.

Overall, maybe it's accurate to say that I bring more heartiness to living than ever before.

The Mortality Mindset has created this shift in me because when I fast forward to my demise, I'm persuaded that being HERE, NOW with my family and friends will be something I'm immensely proud of as I approach my last breath.

Third, I have more clarity and conviction about how to spend my time and energy.

I'm gonna let that one stand on its own without a lot of unpacking. Because it's as simple as that. And I think it's something that a lot of us could use more of.

And here's the last change I'll highlight today: I'm more willing to speak the truth, to myself and to others.

By most conventional standards, I'm an honest guy. I pay my taxes, I pay my bills, I show up when I say I'm gonna show up. But there's a kind of honesty that can elude me and, I know, many of you, too. It's that truth deep within us that we fail to acknowledge and the truth about another that we fail to express. It's the thing we hide because we're afraid of what will happen if it becomes known. It's the thing we fail to say because we're afraid of the consequences if we do. I'm finding that I have much less tolerance for dishonesty in those areas than before and much more willingness to acknowledge and speak the truth--at least in so far as I'm able to discern it. Life is simply too short to deal in half-truths and shrink away from necessary conflict. And the truth is--the absence of visible conflict may not truly be the absence of conflict. It may just be the avoidance of underground conflict that needs to be brought to the surface in order for new growth to be possible.

My coach, Amy Musson, gave me an awesome tool for truth-telling. It's been revolutionary in my own life, and I deploy it often with my own clients. In any area where you're seeking to discern your personal truth, simply complete the sentence that starts with, "the truth is…" It's simple, but it's often far from easy because many of us have gotten really good at avoiding the truth--and often for very compelling reasons. But if we can't be honest with ourselves, then we have very little chance of truly being honest with anyone else. And our relationships with ourselves and others suffer because they're built on an incomplete or cracked foundation.

So there you have it: the top four ways that the Mortality Mindset has changed me so far.

HOW I Use the Mortality Mindset

You might be wondering how I've deployed the Mortality Mindset in a way that has produced these results. What have my actual habits and practices been?

First, my practice of the Mortality Mindset has included The Graveyard Group, or TGG. I started the first-ever TGG in January 2019, when my new awareness about the potential power of the Mortality Mindset was emerging, and I've been a player-coach in that original group ever since. Since then, I've started two more TGGs, and the first-ever women's group is forming now under the leadership of my friend and colleague, Beth Romano. In that setting on a weekly basis, we tap into the power of our Mortality to motivate us to become the people we were made to be and live the lives we were made to live with guts, gusto, and abandon. So, for almost three years in the original TGG, I've had a dedicated day and time during which my Mortality is front-and-center, and I make real-world decisions in light of it on the most important parts of my life. And for almost two years, I've led two other TGGs in that same undertaking.

In addition, since April of 2020, I've produced episodes of this podcast every two weeks. Through my guests' stories and the creation of original solo content, I've been trying to equip us all with the mindset and the means to leave it all out on the field of life--to maximize our one-and-only lives. That consistent focus and regular interaction with remarkable people and their stories has impacted me a lot.

And lastly, supported by my TGG and podcast experiences, I've simply made it a point to keep my Mortality in mind. And it is on my mind, every day, influencing my thinking and my decisions and my actions, big and small. I'm living, laughing, and loving with more guts, gusto, and abandon than ever before.

Now you might be thinking, "that's great, Andrew, but not all of us can lead three TGGs a week and publish a mortality-themed podcast on a regular basis." And you'd be right, but only partially. Here's why. First, you can join a Graveyard Group! Secondly, I'm actively looking for more men and women to start new Graveyard Groups so that as many people as possible can embrace the Mortality Mindset. If you're interested in either of those two options, connect with me via any one of the channels I'll share at the end of this episode. Thirdly, you can tune into this podcast consistently to refresh your Mortality Mindset and keep yourself sharp.

If none of these options work for you, then come up with your own ways of making the Mortality Mindset part of your daily and weekly calendar. It has to take up actual real estate on your calendar. Read the obituaries regularly, and write your own. Take walks in your local cemetery. Befriend someone at a retirement community and learn from their perspective in their twilight years. But whatever you do, don't ignore your Mortality. As Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, "...death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart."

I think this is the underlying transferable lesson: We don't have to wait for an actual encounter with Mortality to approximate the impact of one in our lives. We can embrace habits and practices that keep the pressure of our Mortality in our conscious awareness on a daily basis. And that pressure can motivate us to live with more guts, gusto, and abandon NOW. My experience testifies to this fact.

Remember, you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

How is the Mortality Mindset changing you?

Let me know! I'd love to hear from you. Message me on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Let's Build Your Best Life Together

When I'm not producing Andrew Petty is Dying, I'm having conversations with people about their lives that transform their lives. Sometimes, that's in the context of a 1-1 coaching partnership, and sometimes that's in the context of The Graveyard Group mastermind. Contact me to learn more.

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• You're Dying: How to Make the Most of It
• The Question That Changes Everything: The Go-to Tool for Living the Life You Were Made to Live
• My Top 5 Takeaways from 2020: How Conversations with My Guests Changed Me

Life and Death exist side-by-side every day in the ER. Veteran ER physician and life philosopher, David Talbott, has spent almost 30 years in those trenches.

In this episode, David shares what he's learned about how to live well, how to die well, and how to use Mortality to your advantage.

But it's not just his time in the ER that has taught David what he shares with us today. His personal life has had its fair share of heartache and tragedy, and David draws vulnerably from those experiences, too, as he exhorts us to make the most of our one-and-only lives.

MY exhortation to you? Tune in to the full episode, and don't let it go in one ear and out the other or simply entertain your curiosity about what it's like to do the work that David does. It's more than dramatic stories from the frontlines of medicine. It's a study in the human condition derived from one man's encounters with thousands of people staring Death in the face. Someday, maybe even some day soon, YOU will stare death in the face. Paint yourself into these stories. Imagine that it's YOU approaching your final breath. Pull Mortality CLOSE and accept its inevitability. Let David's hard-won wisdom sink deep into your soul and show up in the way you live so that when it's your time to die, you can die courageously, graciously, and free of regrets.

Remembering Dennis Franks, My Guest on Episode 034

I pushed pause on the interview to bring listeners some sad news.

Dennis Franks, my guest on episode 034, died suddenly on Saturday, October 16, at the age of 68. He leaves behind his wife, Nancy--who played a life-saving role in Dennis' life-changing encounter with Mortality many years ago--two grown daughters, and three grandkids.

I didn't know Dennis well, but the time I did spend with him for the podcast made it clear to me that he had a huge heart and a voracious appetite for life. He was laser-focused on making every day count and making his life matter. He loved his family deeply. And he served thousands in their pursuit of financial independence through his work at Market America--which he saw as more of a mission than a profession. And one thing's for certain: Dennis had a lot more living he wanted to do.

If you haven't tuned in to Dennis' episode, I hope you will. After you listen, take a minute to share what his Story meant to you on one of my social media posts created in his honor on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn.

Life is short, folks.

Memorable Quotes from David Talbott

• I think that when you look at life, you can say why me, but the reality is, why not you?
• The reality is from the day we're born, we're all a statistic waiting to happen. We just haven't been introduced to the lethal details.
• Did you live, did you love, did you matter?
• Too many of us focus on longevity and we forget the quality of our lives.
• The quality of our life is predicated so much on what we focus on.
• I think the most important conversations are the ones you have with yourself in the mirror every day.
• There is no growth without friction.
• So many times we as humans put ourselves in our own prison, and we're the only one with the key, and we don't even realize it.
• That which is gained with little effort is esteemed of little value.
• You can come to the ER in a Lamborghini or a taxi, but we all eventually leave in a hearse.
• In life it's not so much when and how you die; it's how you live.
• It's a courageous thing to allow somebody to die with dignity and grace.
• Discipline is weighed in ounces, but regret is weighed in pounds.

Making It Matter in Your Life Today

What will it take for you to take the reality of your Mortality even more seriously and let it begin to change your life today?

Don't let it take an actual crisis.

Instead, create a life-saving crisis within yourself today by courageously embracing the Mortality Mindset. Commit to it as a discipline. With practice, we can approximate the impact of a real encounter with Mortality by continually reminding ourselves of its inevitability and making day-to-day real-world decisions in light of it. As David said, "discipline is weighed in ounces, but regret is weighed in pounds."

Here's one simple exercise to get you started: Read at least 10 obituaries from various sources. Mix it up: read a few from the New York Times, a few from your local paper, and a few from small-town papers, too. What sticks out to you? How does it affect you to read about other people's deaths and the lives they lived? Next, write your own obituary as if you'd lived the best life you can imagine, a life you are immensely proud of. Then, begin to make adjustments in your life RIGHT NOW that will increase the likelihood that THAT obituary will become a reality.

This is your one and only life. Make it count.

Your Opinion Matters

If this show has been meaningful to you, please rate it and leave a review on your favorite podcast app. Your feedback encourages others to tune in to this life-affirming, world-changing message. Thank you!

Let's Create Your Best Life Together

Connect with me to learn more about how a powerful, confidential 1-1 coaching partnership or participation in a Graveyard Group can help you live even more courageously and die regret-free.

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If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 034 | Lessons from the Chair: Redefining Disability, Avoiding the Victim Cave, and the Path to Personal Power
• Ep. 018 | Life's 3 Big Questions: A Conversation with the Coroner

For all of us intent on becoming the person we were made to be and living the lives we were made to live with guts, gusto, and abandon, this episode is a must-listen.

30 years ago, Ryan Baker died a "little death"--little only in the sense that it didn't signify his final departure from this life. In every other sense, though, it was a death indeed, and it permanently divided his life into before and after.

Ryan lives every day now with the physical results of that "little death" and the emotional pain that goes with it. And it's from that crucible that Ryan has acquired insights for living that all of us need to hear.

Through the lens of his story, Ryan blows up conventional notions of "disability" to help us diagnose and treat our own disabilities more clearly, teaches us how to avoid victimy frames of mind and stay in the driver's seat of our lives, reveals the danger of expectations, and a whole lot more.

Introducing Ryan Baker

Ryan is a native of California and, with his wife, Kelly, now splits time between California and Steamboat Springs, CO. He is a lifelong athlete, an innovator, a podcaster, coach, and mentor.

30 year ago, at the age of 19, he suffered an injury of his 6th thoracic vertebrae in a relatively mild car accident. Though the accident was mild, the consequences for Ryan were anything but: He was instantly paralyzed from the sternum down, retaining function from his pecs up. He's now lived much more of his life in a wheelchair than on his feet, and the lessons from that chair that he shares in this conversation are important for all of us to hear.

Thankfully, we don't have to go where Ryan has gone to benefit from the lessons he's learned. This conversation challenged and encouraged me big-time, and without a doubt, there's something in this episode that can change your life, too, if you'll let it.

Highlights & Takeaways

To get the full benefit and your own personal takeaways, tune in to the full episode. In the meantime, though, here are a few highlights and takeaways that stuck out to me:

• Do for yourself what you're capable of doing for yourself. Lean on others for help with the rest. When we insist on assuming full responsibility for what we can do, "it will build self-confidence. It will be edifying to your soul." When we succumb to self-pity and let others do for us things that we're capable of doing for ourselves, we diminish ourselves and rob ourselves of the personal power that we're meant to wield in the world.
• The danger of unmet expectations: "The biggest form of disappointment is unmet expectations...when you perceive your life as a series of unmet expectations, you're setting yourself up for incredible disappointment. If we can respond differently to those unmet expectations and figure out how to turn them into something else or understand that the unmet expectation is really just a part of the plan and not hang on to it again…"
• Don't try to drive farther than your headlights will illuminate. Be content to travel the part of the path that you're able to see, and as you do, more of the path will be revealed.
• Disabilities come in all shapes and sizes, and the most destructive ones reside within our hearts and minds. You may be physically mobile, but in what ways are you mentally or emotionally disabled through a failure of personal responsibility??
• Life is hard and tragic. Press on courageously anyway.

A few notable / quotable quotes:

• One man's floor is another man's roof.
• You have to be a disaster before you become the master. (T. Harv Eker)
• Life isn't happening to us; it's responding to us...It's all about our response.
• I don't want to walk again. (Wow.)
• Every little step should be considered a small victory.

Making It Matter in Your Life Today

Ryan can't walk, but if you have ears to hear, he's more fully-functioning and alive than many of us that can walk. How's that for mind-blowing?

Into what nooks and crannies of your heart and mind has Ryan's story shone the light of revelation? What victimy tendencies or lifelong patterns have been exposed?

Your heart is speaking to you, calling to you to step out of the shadows of victimhood and complacency and into the bright light of the full weight of your existence. To step courageously onto the path uniquely suited to you so you can achieve the purposes uniquely available to you.

Today is all you've got. What are you waiting for?

Remember: you ARE going to die. But you're not dead yet. So get after it!

New to Andrew Petty is Dying?

If you're new to this show, visit andrewpettyisdying.com to browse the archive of past interviews with fascinating people and short, topical solo episodes--all designed to equip you with the mindset and the means to become the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live with guts, gusto, and abandon. We flip the script by inviting our ancient foe, Death, to become an unlikely ally in our heroic journey to leave it all out on the field of life. Turns out, Mortality might just be the most potent motivator available--blasting us out of our ambivalence and complacency and into the fullness of our potential.

Connect with me to learn more about how a powerful, confidential 1-1 coaching partnership or participation in a Graveyard Group can help you live even more courageously and die regret-free. And I'm excited to share that the first-ever women's Graveyard Group is launching soon, too!

Find me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, visit my website, or email me.

Connect with Ryan Baker

Email | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | Website

Check out Wheelchair Lacrosse!

Follow Andrew Petty is Dying & Leave a Review

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher

If You Liked This Episode, I Think You'll Like These, Too

• Ep. 013 | Two Death Sentences and Still Surfing: An Assumption-busting Conversation About Letting Go, the Sneaky Downside of Hope, and Embracing Life's Necessary "Little Deaths"
• Ep. 019 | The Cockpit is Yours: From Passenger to Pilot