“What brought me to meditation was a desire to essentially eradicate my own neurosis. But the instruction to focus on not just what's happening inside allowed me to realize I was a part of an ecosystem, like a drop in the sea and less like the whole ocean.” - Tanya Orlov
 
Tanya generously shares her personal practice story of riding the hamster wheel of personal development through anxiety and neuroses, the practices that work to fight it, and the existential ease of dipping your toes in the ocean of everything that is happy to hold your best and worst moments. Is it possible to fight the fire of anxiety with the fire of focus? Why should we stick around if these Zen talks aren’t making any sense? Is there any freedom to be found in the rigidity of the forms?? Find out here!

Anxious Epiphanies (What Am I Doing here??) w/ Tanya Orlov

Weekly public talks recorded live at the Angel City Zen Center

Religion & Spirituality

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“I've seen too much, man. I know what's out there. And it's not all bad. And it's also not all good.” - Sara Campbell
 
Sara revels in the nightmare of a beautiful spring evening, the fragility of the daffodils, the darkness of the rain, and the five powers that can turn that nightmare into a perfectly present dream. How do we remember to notice the cool breeze of a deep blue twilight when all we feel is dark? Can we include fear and pessimism in our all inclusiveness, or are they the absence of all inclusiveness? And will anyone remember to bring light and laughter to the bodhisattva of light and laughter? Find out here!

The Shadow of Happiness (The 5 Powers) w/ Sara Campbell

“When the problem is a part of you, there is no problem, because you are the problem itself.” - Shunryu Suzuki
 
Emily brings us a meditation on problems, problem solving, and all the machinations, rationalizations, and somersaults we do to try to prove that our problems are somewhere outside of ourselves, and then what happens when we start to point that finger right back where it came from. When is the problem actually other people? Have we earned that sense of superiority we get from meditating while our partners are sleeping in? Are our thoughts pulling us away from ourselves, and is that even possible?? Find out here!

You Are the Problem w/ Emily Eslami

“It’s not an attainment, it’s a lament.” - Dave Cuomo
 
Dave tries to figure out his purpose and articulate what meaning in Zen is while trying to give a talk in a park with threatening geese and impending rain on a retreat not going entirely to plan. What are the stages of meaning making and how do we rate? Is Dave’s level as off the charts as he claims? And what are the secret criteria for trustworthy lay leaders and Zen teachers?? Find out here!

Lost & Found (Meaning & Purpose) w/ Dave Cuomo

“The biggest change for me is to stop feeling like I should have it all figured out. And stop believing that anyone else does; and finding it a deep red flag if they claim to.” - Sara Campbell
 
Sara marks her five year anniversary with ACZC by taking stock and admitting how maybe all this goalless practice has changed her for the better, while the sangha takes the opportunity to get personal and share what’s working, what’s not, and how those kind of assessments may or may not be working out for them. Will we ever be able to untangle the big ball of yarn that is ourselves? Will the sangha exhaust the limits of that metaphor? (absolutely... knot!) Find out here!

An Awesome Group of Weirdos (The Fruits of Zazen) w/ Sara Campbell

“If somebody is an a-hole, they must be going through something tough. And they’re making it as bad or worse for themselves as they are for anyone they're hurting. So they deserve just as much care as anybody else suffering from the what they're dealing out. That's a hard truth I want to wrestle with. Because I believe it, but I'm not always instinctively there yet.” - Dave Cuomo
 
Dave takes us on a historical, literary,  and autobiographical tour of the Heart Sutra to see what exactly it has to say that’s so important we’ve been belting it out every morning for a couple thousand years. Is there a practical meaning behind the nonsense of it all? How do we wish love to the dead in a way that enlivens everyone? Are we ultimately existentially alone? Is emptiness a yawning chasm of despair or the gate of liberation standing wide open and just waiting for us to walk through? Find out here!

Anxious Epiphanies (What Am I Doing here??) w/ Tanya Orlov

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