Is there another sandwich that rides the line of great/gross like the BLT? Throw these three ingredients together with care and precision and you’ve got a masterpiece. Fresh, hot bacon, crisp lettuce, ripe, thin-sliced tomato: boom. Epic. Ever bought one at a diner or somewhere where the effort put into this sandwich was subpar at best? Wilted lettuce, maybe, or a too fat slimy tomato? Ugh, no - it’s the worst sandwich ever. Not even the bacon can save it. Not enough Mayo or too much? Now you’ve got a dry bread lettuce disaster or a mushy tomato custard. I believe the only way to go about it is at home. I’m sure you can go to some fancy lunch spot and pay $20 and you’ll get a decent BLT but the cost sinks the enjoyment returns. Home is best, with a fresh loaf of sourdough that you slice yourself. It should take about 45 minutes to make, as lightly toasting the buttered bread on the stove can take some time and care. Romaine hearts are nice. Buttered lettuce from TJ’s also works. Bacon is crispy, just to the left of burnt. Tomato. This is the secret…. THIN-SLICED heirloom. Or a roma will work. If you slice to thick, you got too much skin in your bite, plus it makes your sandwich fall apart. You want the taste of the tomato juice more than the actual texture of the tomato. Mayo?

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Somewhere in the whirlpool of humankind’s collective conscience there is a slipstream that spirals down into the dream sinkhole. Somewhere to the left of an alphajerk, some swirling memories and energy and past life regressions congregate in a room where we dream separately together.

If you’ve also had a dream that took place in the upstairs corner of the garage northwest flea market, e-mail us at [email protected] and tell us about it.

What a momentous occasion. Celebrate this double-digit pod with your friends and family and a nice Greek rosé, won’t you?

As we present the eve pod to double-digits we reflect on where we’ve been, where we’re at, and where we’re going. We were but two kids with a dream, reviewing anything we wanted with no strings attached. Now, present-day, we still review anything we want, but with the added pressure of media speculation and critique of our critique which adds pressure and stress to our once pleasant pastime. As with anything, once money gets involved, things get complicated. Several of our family members had to be cut out of our lives. It’s sad. Tragic, even. But they wouldn’t stop asking us to review Barbasol shaving cream with the Jurassic Park themes on em.

I won’t tell you again: it’s the same stuff, just has dinos on the label. Doesn’t “smell like t-Rex”, or “foam up like a brontosaurus”. That last one doesn’t even make sense? How does one foam up like a brontosaurus? Look: it doesn’t even matter and thanksgiving is cancelled. Now then, bow your heads, thank your gods, as we bring you more “anything you want” pods…

“What do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, I’m gonna walk out into traffic real quick.” “What do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “What do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, I’m gonna scream into the void real quick.” “What do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “What do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, I’m gonna stare into the sun real quick.” “What do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, What do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, I’m gonna sit still and ponder the vast universe and all it’s wonders real quick.” “What do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?” “Idk, what do you want for dinner?”

IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY THAT MEDIOCRITY CAN PAY TO GREATNESS. - OSCAR WILDE

We’ve reached an upper echelon of this pod game where you start to wonder who your friends are. Like, are you really our friend or are you tryin’ to get your mom’s boyfriend’s band reviewed on the pod? We’re all just squirrels trying to get a nut but stay away from our massive nut, ok?

Have I noticed an uptick in review podcasts since our own went hyperbolic? You bet. Whole lotta apin’ goin’ on. But can you nail our precise delivery? Our unparalleled sponcon? The love we have for our mothers? Prob not. Idk. Maybe. Who’s to say?

Anyway, on with the show. In today’s ep we tackle some pop culture in the form of a current audio recording. I’m gonna be honest with you, I had plenty of time to listen to the record in question before reviewing, but, and I’m being honest here, I didn’t want to. Maybe time will tell and circumstances will warrant a review of the review, a recant or even a double-down. I’m not above admitting mistakes or greatness, whichever comes first. We are but humble servants of public service.

The sweet spot of speed lives between 25-30 mph. This is scientifically known as cruising altitude. The A.Y.Dub Crew, aka FBB, aka Mingo’s Dingos, aka Eeyore’s Sad Plants, aka The HomeAways, refer to this space in time as the cruising attitude. It’s not for the feint of heart. It’s not for the weak of spirit. It’s not for those with a poor constitution. It requires a rare finesse of skillful deliberateness of the sort few can manage, and those that do lean towards Greek rosé. Is this pod description just a brag-fest about some cool bros bike gang? Yeah. ‘Sup?

Today’s review comes via request from listener Justin Shoemaker who, incidentally, is the last and greatest known cobbler in the Pacific Northwest. A lost art in these modern times, Justin was taught cobbling by his great great grandfather, who, after the war of 1812, settled in the greater Vancouver area to have babies and make shoes. After several babies and even more shoes, Grandpa Maker-a-shoe began codifying his shoe-making style and eventually shortened his surname to Shoe-a-Maker. His pointy-toed style were all the rage in the roaring ‘20s, as bootleggers and flappers alike flocked to the flamboyant trend. Baby Shoe was a quick study, his first word being “brannock”. He was first in his class at S.H.I.T. (Shoe Horn Institute of Technology) and quickly made his own name in the shoe game with his invention of the sole. Hard to believe folks wore shoes without them for so long, but this revolution in footwear proved Shoemaker’s genius and he promptly retired and raises alpacas in Battlecreek and makes beer out of their milk. It’s quite gross.

Raise your IPAlpaca to Shoe with this dedicated ep of A.Y.W.

There’s no heroes in this game. No caped crusaders, no capes, no crépes, even. Even the best intentions pave the road to hell. Even the good die young. Even the best of us spill rosé on the couch and great-Grammy’s afghan. Nobody’s perfect. Communication is a tricky business. That’s why, in todays ep, we review slight miscommunications between spouses. We discuss the differences in shades of blue. Is light blue only “light” in relation to a darker blue? If Cobalt squared up against Cerulean would we kick it out of bed for eatin’ crackers?

We go deep on sink sides: what is “right” and what is “left”? My left or your left? Our left or the sink’s left? We discuss the intricacies of:

Have worse things happened? No. But could they?? Probably not. Some things in life are unforgivable.