Hi listeners—in our conversation today, we will be discussing suicide. If you or someone you know needs mental health help, please text STRENGTH to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or visit crisistextline.org to be connected to a certified crisis counselor. You are not alone.

On the morning of Sunday, January 30, 2022, April Simpkins woke to a text from her daughter Cheslie Kryst that read “First, I’m sorry. By the time you get this, I won’t be alive anymore, and it makes me even more sad to write this, because I know it will hurt you the most.” That day Cheslie took her own life, and on her Instagram had, just hours before, written a final message: “May this day bring you rest and peace.”

Cheslie was Miss USA 2019, made the top 10 at the Miss Universe competition, was a complex civil litigation attorney, a correspondent for Extra and nominated for two Daytime Emmy Awards, creator of the blog White Collar Glam, a graduate of the University of South Carolina and Wake Forest School of Law with both a JD and an MBA, beautiful, intelligent, successful. But when you have depression—even high-functioning depression, which Cheslie’s mother, April, will explain in this episode—accomplishments don’t mean much, and oftentimes all that you can see is your perceived inadequacies. From the outside looking in, Cheslie appeared to have it all, but like with so many, there was inner turmoil beneath the surface. Cheslie said that she had imposter syndrome and a “constant inner voice repeating ‘never enough.’” She wrote it herself in a manuscript, which she left behind at her death, which shares the story of Cheslie’s life—the high highs, and the low lows. Her final wish was that her manuscript be published, and this week, on April 23, just over two years after her death, her mother April took the book across the finish line and put it out into the world. The first two-thirds of the book are Cheslie’s words; April comes in and finishes the book, allowing readers to meet not just one but two powerful women. That book—the fulfillment of a promise to her daughter—is called By the Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie’s Smile and Mental Illness—Her Story in Her Own Words, and it is a must-read.

I have dealt with suicide in my immediate family, but I have never lost a child. I cannot fathom and I cannot comprehend all that April has gone through in the two-plus years since losing Cheslie. April has turned her pain into purpose, becoming a mental health advocate and launching the Cheslie C. Kryst Foundation, which is being founded in Cheslie’s honor. Net proceeds from the book will be used to support the work of this foundation, and that thrills me to no end.

Today, April 28, is Cheslie’s birthday; she was born on this day 33 years ago. Stay tuned to hear how you can join in on Cheslie’s birthday party happening later today—where we can all join together to honor the life of someone who made an enormous difference in this world.

By the Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie’s

Join the birthday party live on Instagram at 3:30 p.m. EST on Sunday, April 28! April’s Instagram handle is @aprils_hr.