As It Occurs To Me

Real Andrew Collings has banned any of the Tiny Andrew Collings family from appearing on the show. Will there be anything funny in it? And will they pay any attention anyway? Richard is angry with Dettol and their plans to destroy the world and ITV HD for making him miss the one moment where England looked like they might win the World Cup. But everyone deserves a second chance whether it's fumbling goal keepers or shit broadcasters. Emma is in trouble on Twitter as usual and Dan has joined the iPhone revolution at the most ridiculous time possible. Tam Dalyell is on hand to congratulate the English and Kriss Akabussi gets a booty call. The audience are the filthiest and most depraved thus far, but into the 'As It Occurs To Me concept'. And I wouldn't like to be Matthew the Gospel writer once this has gone out. It's revenge time for him making King Herod look like a dick. And who has Richard been mistaken for? Antony Worrall Thompson? Oh for fuck's sake. Push me in a river now. And leave me with my rats. Or bats. Or cats.

It's As It Occurs to Tiny Andrew Collings Show 1 and the start of a new world order. But will Rich escape from Northampton and his responsibilities with his new child? Well if he does then he will be discussing the temporary immortality of Betty White, gun laws and how to deal with cold callers. Dan has been eavesdropping on strangers and Emma has been trying to work out what a blowjob is, whilst Christian has been manipulating those who won't do what anyone tells them. But we haven't won any BAFTAs even if half of Lionel Nimrod's Inexplicable World have done so. Maybe it's cos we want to throw toddlers into ponds. If nothing else you're about to find out who Tiny Mrs Collings is. And hopefully the furious back pedaling will save The Collings & Herrin Podcast. Or make the tension much worse. Please tweet Rich and make sure he hasn't been crucified in a basement though!

It's the 13th instalment of AIOTM, but that doesn't stop Tiny Andrew Collings appearing on the show, even if his mum would think that was a bad omen. Rich is in deep water for having sworn live on air on 6Music and Emma is showing off about her iPad, whilst Dan would almost certainly prefer to have a baby. Almost certainly. Meanwhile, Christian is up to his ears in rice worries. It's time to find out what Richard's mum makes of his book, to take a good look at Creationism and to daydream about what it might be like to pretend to be Tam Dalyell. And if you don't like any of this stuff then it's Sue's fault. Always best to blame your peers.

Richard Herring audaciously attempts to rename five of the seven days of the week, in a way that will make for an easy rhyme to remember them by, but which might make it hard to arrange any actual meetings. His power struggle with double act partners past and present continues, but the real secrets are reserved for those brave souls who endured the heat and missed the football to pay to see the show live. Emma has a story that combines her love of celebrities and her love of poo, Dan wishes he was in Flight Of The Conchords and Christian takes on Billy Bragg and Gil Scott-Heron ensuring that the Venn Diagram of who understands which jokes in the show gets ever more complicated. Meanwhile Rich is a victim of more crime and is hoping elves will write the script so he can sit out in the sun, finally, just once before he dies. It's all post-post-post-post-post modern, which actually makes it quite old-fashioned in places. England won 3-1 by the way.

Each week at the live show of AIOTM, Richard 'Merring' Herring performed an exclusive (usually) unbroadcast set of stand-up material, with as much brand new (or obscure stuff) as it's possible to fit in given the time constraints. This week only, as a super special surprise extra podcast we're releasing the set for FREE! Hear about the sniffing man on the train to Birmingham, how Richard dealt with the oldest heckler he had every encountered, his work on the 1990 West London phone book and Jesus' least successful parable about how birds don't need tables. With special appearances by the Reverend Peter Organ, the potentially incestuous twins, the blue-tit trapping care worker and Royston Vasey. It's surprisingly good given Richard went on stage with little or no idea how he was going to fill the time.

Sony nominated AIOTM (AIOTM) returns for its second series. In show one, 'Richard Merring' forms an uneasy coalition and progressive alliance with Dan Tetsell and Emma Kennedy in the hope that they can curb his worst excesses. But it's a spring clean and all the old favourites are being purged. No cumpkins, no Quantum Leap and definitely NO Tiny Andrew Collings (aside: not unless he can somehow sneak his way in). You'll have to listen to find out if Richard made his flight back from the island of Cornwall in time for the show (aside: he did), if the show won any awards (aside: it didn't), and if anything amusing has happened to Tetsell in the last five months (aside: it hasn't, though he does nearly fall asleep at one point in the show, due to the rigours of being a father to a young baby). Is Richard super famous in Liverpool? What is worse than finding five men's sperm in your jack o' lantern? And can a man ever truly be in love with a lift if they are speaking different languages? And what will happen if we say we're going to blow Robin Hood Airport sky high? We might have to wait to find out about that last one. Who cares anyway when Christian Reilly is on an impossible mission to sort out the Greek economy? It's brilliant (aside: it's not. It's shit).

The final episode of AIOTM, but will it be the last ever? Rich is being haunted by ghosts of podcasts past and future and wondering if he has had a wonderful life. Dan is aiming for a Christmas number 1 and Emma is walking a marathon. Plus it's sold out, so there should be some sexy action or revealing of genital assemblages. And thank God that people are getting cathedrals slammed into their face and people are stealing our 8 and a half week old material. Will Andrew Collings finally be in the show? Of course he fracking won't! But every slightly successful character from the series will certainly be back!

Podcast #9 and Richard is conflicted about whether he should be happy or sad that AIOTM has been nominated for a Loaded Lafta and what this means about his relationship with Jesus. Dan gets an unexpected gift from a stranger, whilst Emma is living in a cold and flooded flat, and Christian's mental breakdown seems to be surpassing that of even Herring himself. But while our musician rails against love, Rich is moving in with his girlfriend in order to replace his broken dishwasher and trying to sabotage Andrew Collings' career, even if success will only be a Pyrrhic victory. The world meanwhile goes crazy about Kay, Subo and the death of a rat and all we can do is quote Matthew 6 at it and hope that makes things better. All this is made harder by having to follow Stewart Lee who is clearly superior to us in every way. But has he been nominated for a Loaded Lafta? No, he hasn't. There's another reason for him being the best.

AIOTM 8 and Richard's mental balance is about as good as Spike Milligan's after ten times as many Goon Shows, Emma has more tales of actresses shitting, Dan has had his child indoctrinated into the Catholic Church, and Christian has taken up acting. After a week of just watching Battlestar Galactica and playing Countdown will Richard have anything new to say, or will he rely on ever more ancient callbacks? And what's Scott Bakula up to after his week deep inside a short, fat, Somerset man? Oh grow up. Luckily the 9 year-old Herring comes to the rescue with tales of The Thriling Three and we're going to rip Andrew Collings a new arsehole (or "a hole" as he might insist on calling it). Him and anyone else we suspect of being a Cylon. Death to Tiny Tim!

Show 7 of AIOTM and Richard seems a bit stressed and overworked. Is he OK or is he on a spiralling descent to madness and death? Emma reveals more secrets about mad actresses and Dan worries about the imprint of his boot ending up on his baby's face. Christian encourages Richard to take his own life. Or are those just the voices in Herring's head competing with Carol Vorderman and Richard Whiteley? Rich also meets Neve Campbell and DJ Ironik and considers his life via his video game purchases. And he's competing with Peter Kay in the charity / self promotion interface. And that's just the half of it. Stop reading this and listen to the bloody thing. Oh boy!