when did you all ever hear me say the n word. did i ever say it online?   

i just learned today that the entire continent of africa and african americans take offense to the n word    i dont think people realize they are fighting africa too 

you probably wont understand what i mean.  but it seems like the u.s. is about nothing but post slavery.   if i were to think about like someone dying because of the struggles of people dealing with post slavery.  i would think that is a worthless existence.   if you or your son died becuase some guy standing next to you was dealing with consequences of post slavery.   i would not be sure if your death was worth it. 

how can i erase that.   it could even be a made up story.   but would you be interested in turning a made up story that i told you in to a dog whistle.

it really is mental illness i think.  i didnt have to say anything about it. especially since i dont know what they said.   and no one has ever said that me before.  so it is possible   that still even right now, currently, it is possible that no one has ever said it to me before.  because i could not hear what he said.

i dont think you realize how much i self owned by saying something about the n word.  when i think back on that day, i dont even know what that guy said.  even if he did insult me, which i am not sure if he did. he said something very low to himself with his face turned away,  i had the choice to keep it to myself.  i didnt have to say it online.  that was a self own.  it was just some person i have never seen before. probably will never see them again. dont even remember what they look like. 

i hate to tell you this mamdani. but this kind of thing is a dog whistle. this also leads to murder. kind of pre murder. these are dark times. he just built free grocery stores too. like the whole time ive just been trying to keep people from triangulating.  https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/mamdani-s-wife-apologises-for-using-the-n-word/ar-AA210pXA?ocid=msedgntp&pc=U531&cvid=69e0dc9020d142d19a5b1dfebfd67ca8&ei=14

if my father is still around, and if he is advising donald trump. i wonder if my father is donald trumps daddy now. i also wonder if my brother kept up with my father all those years too. because someone told me that my brother saw him like a father figure.  if all of those things are true, that my father is advising donald trump, and that my father kept up with my brother all those years. i wouldnt know what to think about it. 

it is true. they arranged meetings for me to meet with him because we were estranged. but what wound up happening is he basically told me that his other children and spouses or whatever were more important. it did happen that way.     i now wonder why they arranged the meetings.  because it derailed my life a bit i think.

i do remember meeting a girlfriend that he had. he had a daughter with her.  it was when i met them he made it pretty clear he was like, these people are more important than you, kind of thing.   i remember the girlfriend wanted to become a plumber.  so crazy.