Ask My Daddy

Shit fire in the first minute, we are in for a WILD ride! This is the second installment of crazy kiddo questions. As I get our equipment settled, daddy makes a “that’s what she said joke” which just sets the tone! Post microphone impressions, microphone tickles, jee willikers, some bloopers AND the Happy Whistler by Don Robertson (no relation and don’t sue us), we get to the meat of the questions. We don’t remember the questions, so don’t ask.. Although I bring the ANSWERS and Daddy pulls a Deanna - definitely a switch-a-roo. I make it known that I’m the star, cheers to everyone! This episode calls for LICK HER - hell I just met her so says Howdy Doody aka Josh in cowboy boots. Yee haw bitches!

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Guess who’s back? This is an epic episode with a long ass intro - but I don’t think that is new. We did a switch-a-roo on the set up that fucks us all up, could make us funnier?? We start off with pings, submarines and squeaks!! Excuse the realism in the episode… The question today is, you definitely have to wait for it, at like 10 MINUTES plus some - how does one tell time by the shadows of objects? We are backwards, we love sunsets, sunrises, and clocks are taken for granted - FOR SURE! Plus the sun doesn’t move which apparently you learn in Cub Scouts and NOT in the Brownies (pre-Girl Scout mode). Daddy is allergic to podcasts :( The outro is just as long as the intro - you’re welcome. 

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Low key shout out to Mary, you know who you are! Even though the title seems like it could be a kid friendly episode - IT’S NOT! Of course we start out with a WORDLE count - but we can’t count, never claimed we could - no judging! Daddy follows the Scotch, do as he does not as he says… We don’t even know what episode it is - dirty thirty or thirty one where nothing rhymes… Can you believe that hall tott blondes come up in the intro, I can cuz we are re-drunk-ulous! High key shout out to the hall tott blonde we know - hashtag Heidi!! We get excited from inner circle emails! Then there’s a Droid and a bunch of kid question vomit from real kids and adult kids. You're only as old as you feel OR young as you feel - could be a glass half full or half empty situation, whatever. We cover ozone assholes, murderous onions and a Wordle word. Cheers bishes, drink with us, it’ll make us funnier and sound smarter!

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We are still trying to get our equipment right and not inverted after seven whole months - wow! Yeah, we get an E for effort. Starting off with a Dear Joel email regarding whatever the fuck I asked for in the last episode but we got tunnels and gray hair and a long ass intro. Then we get to the MEAT of the episode finally where nothing computes - What are the seven wonders of the world? We find out there are SO many listicles (not lesticle)  and no we don’t know what they are. But I get to school Daddy on all of it! Don’t mind the slurring and improper English, just a byproduct of our alcohol intake that makes this podcast so fun…We review the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, Seven Wonders of the New (Modern) World (?) and Seven Wonders of the Natural World. I’ve seen one, Daddy has seen none and I believe ZERO are on his bucket list, I see where I get my (non) geography skills from, phew! I now know what I'm going to put on my Santa list for Christmas - a non-clicky chair cuz that’s me y’all. Cups up and let’s chug and then maybe play POKEMAN (Deanna’s a dumbass) while Daddy talks kitty!

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Does daddy sound like Jon Voight in the intro? I think so but what do I know.. Do any of you know two brothers named Fred? Then we figure out this is going to be a RAPID FIRE QUESTION episode that will be at Papa Joel speed - you’re welcome! So the questions cover kids, unplanned surprise babies, belly buttons, high school, childhood dreams, tv shows and Irish car bombs. Take what you will (hopefully a pickle torture story) but there’s definitely some knowledge in this rapid bitch, cheers!!!

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Daddy is back with some Scotch gulping starting out with a good bit o' banter about nothing... This intro may be a bit long but I had to take advantage of Mr Schwastey pants so there’s no way we go into poop nuggets, hmmm… Daddy is “hot to trot” tonight, yay! Then we (finally) get to the nitty gritty of the question which is a DOOZY - but it is a choose your own adventure. Daddy chooses - drum roll please - the question that is on every normie’s mind (not a labbie’s or labbo’s mind), what in the fuck is a flame ionization detector and a deep dive into chromatography shit. What what! Hang on to your toot factories cuz I lie while being a brat debating about black and white, we are going on a wet-n-wild ride with no knowledge. Grab a ping and join us, we’d love to hear some feedback!

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We are twinsies in this episode (check out our Facebook page to see why!), so hope y’all are ready for double the trouble! I think it may be my turn to be schwastey pants. Woo doggy - I slur a little and find it hard to say expiration date BUT I had lots more questions about the shit you don’t think would expire and shit that has expiration dates that don’t need ‘em. What’s all the verbiage about - best by/sell by/use by/freeze by etc. etc. Are there cute kitty meows in the background or not - I’m a crazy cat lady and hear kitty voices in my sleep but I digress… We talk about potting soil expiring, warning tangents ahead: kitty balls drifting around, throat gurgles (gross!), Hilton Head and then back on track for moist dirt and how expiration dates should be a question for food ONLY per daddy plus conundrums and Wordle, of course… And now we know why I procrastinate in my research - so I can remember wtf I researched (SMH) which for this episode is about rejuvenating dirt, ugh. Armageddon prep, moldy cheese and why are we saying MOIST so much?! Gross foody diseases do come up, don’t eat whilst listening please - hear me now but believe me later. I’ll drink to that and look forward to many more research hours

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The intro is LONG but necessary because my Daddy is in RARE form for this episode and I need y’all to be a witness to this schwastey mess… He gets so off the rails, I have to take away his bourbon, which NEVER happens because he’s a professional, ya know? We eventually get right into the origin or history (maybe both) of Mike Lindell, better known as the Pillow Guy! But is he full of shit (farts and fiction) or another white dude white collar story? This question was fate because Mike’s first claim to shame shitty infomercial was aired on my daddy’s birthday - so how could we NOT ask the question about where the fuck he came from?! I’m going to reiterate that everything we say is for entertainment purposes and I can’t be responsible for what comes out of this episode. I mean the dude was besties with Trump - take it however you want… We swear a lot and drink to excess, sticking to what we do best! Enjoy, bitches and drink with us, I swear it’ll help.

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It may take a minute to get through the Wordle trauma BUT we be talking about hot men wearing fire panties! Phew, I am trying to cool down and my daddy is just warming up… Firehouse stations and firehouse subs - what is the difference? The smell cuz we love pickle bucket smells, mmmm good! OMG I have no idea if BC comes before AD - history is NOT my thang. ACBC or ACDC WTF ever in Antarctica… There's some whispers about curmudgeons or stone age people and maybe apes.. We need long worms near water apparently, things that make you go hmmmm. No fire prevention HERE bruh! What I want to know the MOST - when were hot men invented to fight fires? Maybe the fire house pole was the beginning of the stripper pole - whatchu think? What kind of panties do they wear? Curious minds want to know!! AKA me :)

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Y’all might not be ready for the LEVEL of excitement from my daddy, but we are diving right into WORDLE! Or it may take a minute for us to get there… Shoes optional.. And apparently Wordle ain’t woke - say what?? We are going into the love story of Wordle, its birth and evolution to the game A LOT of Wordle Nerdlers enjoy playing every single fucking day. How many total five letter words are in our language, turns out to be finite - who knew? BUT how many words are on the Wordle list and how long will it sustain our addiction??? Daddy schools us on the value of used up Wordle words - which I think the value is zero but WTF do I know… We do find out that my daddy is amaze balls at Wordle, but he’s amaze balls at everything pretty much (TBD). Vowels be fluid or fake - the fluidest (or fakiest) of them all is W - surprised? If you enjoy this game, get ready to take NOTES cuz we spill all the tea! Which is ok with me as long as it’s not our liquor, salud amigos! 

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