Ask My Daddy

Double time rapid fire bishes; Tall hot blondes THB brunettes redheads - aka Ariel or gingers or wtf or Bette Midler, hold on what was her name again?? We be edu-tainment with dangerous answers now that we are 10 minutes in at least!!! I don’t know what is behind us but sounds scary! Has daddy ever ridden in an Uber - he don’t know, I know and now you’ll know but I won’t spoil it… sip sip gulp gulp. What was the first goddamn question again? We go into so many RAPID questions, we can’t keep up with who’s mooooooth (mouth) it came from! Eating crusts gets  you curly hair, is that a truth or a lie? Cheers y’all hopefully with a Papa Joel Margarita, let’s get to drinkin’ for this bull shit roller coaster.

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It feels GOOD to be back in the podcast lab with my Daddy! Back from vacay all refreshed and shit. And man is this a gut BUSTER!! We are talking about the big scary boxes on the interstate and why they have to be weighed in public (briefly). You all know how we do with stupid fucking tangents - we love them! Horn and air pressure tanks that can fuck up the brakes - what the actual fuck? Can’t waste a honk on non-topless crazy woman! Apparently flashing titties is hard work - but that ain’t for me, I’m driving - no flashing and driving per Daddy. Buckle up bitches, this is a crazy ride. Email us and you can now find us on Facebook!

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Starting off on a tangent - Happy Birthday bro! Plus, daddy data, tattoos and stanky pheromones! However, this episode is not about any of that, duh.. Who knew that daddy was hip to what G.O.A.T. means? Not this daughter, but we get into some of the greatest of all time scientists - some facts, some funnies and a lot of entertainment including Ubers and Ubers of goobers! Some mishaps and mispronunciations, which is on brand for our shenanigans. Let’s drink!!

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Does the angle of the dangle have anything to do with three hands and the boom of the Hindenburg? We shall see, but my guess is no… We dive right in to an OG question - why did the Hindenburg go BOOM? Not sure we get a firm answer but we definitely get an “Ask My Daddy” answer! We eventually talk about how/why/wtf happened to the Hindenburg, so stick with us. Should the next question be, are Droids lighter than Helium and/or Hydrogen??? There's biavalent and diatoms all over the place. It only took 40 years for my daddy to take my advice - I don’t trust it.. Superfluous is the word of a lifetime for Daddy. Catalytic cell and atom splitters - which one is real? The bag house is the ONLY thing that is real in this episode other than the looming storm that is caught on audio, we don’t get electrocuted so I’ll cheers to that!!

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Ooooh the reversi sursi is a true rapid fire question session that is at Papa Joel’s speed so is it really rapid fire? No, BUT this is going to get us back on track with some opposite of speed bumps, whatever that may be.  Gotta listen to find out.  BUT we do some shoutouts and call outs cuz I’m the data digger - HENRY. Do airline attendants still offer: “Coffee tea or me?” What the?! There’s real questions and funny questions that address what happens to thousands of hormones everyday. We talk about being German wastey pants = shwastey pants and when was that you ask? Who the fuck knows, not us! Follow us into the rabbit hole of Fe and He, Iron and Helium. BUT apparently FE is a slut BUT no judgment here, do yo thang Fe!! According to daddy in relation to death - later is bater BUT then there's… SANTA!!!! And damned if we can’t go an episode without the epic DROID. PS - I am not good at keeping us on the fucking straight and arrow BUT we never figure out the atoms sitch- spoiler alert!

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This episode was slated to be a rapid fire question episode BUT you never know how shit is gonna go down - so it is NOT a Joel speed inquiry. Instead, this non-rapid(-ish) fire question episode takes a hard left turn to just ONE question: How many tractors and cars has my daddy driven? Well, how many tractors are there in the world because it seems like that’s the answer. We get all confused going back 70 years, whoa! Hmmm, let’s name some: Ferguson; International Harvester; Clee Track 501 Monster; John Deere B1 and a second John Deere named blah blah blah M1 maybe.. All tools of child labor or death traps, if you ask me. And then we take a hard right turn to milking cows and dangerous cars and BACK to tractors, lordy… So we answer half (or possibly a little more than half) of this one un-rapid question, enjoy our discussion about tractors and how they could be like boats or bicycles (stop go and fuck off Droid)!

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Rock Hard Crabs somehow instigate a conversation about invisible rainbows and vibration parties. We learn dot gov websites are legit cuz that is the interwebs.. Duh! Crabs are gross shedding their eyeballs but how do they replenish what they molt.. And did you know that crabs have gills, wtf? We all know now. Crabs are little calcium factories - what in the world?! We explore calcium carbonate and how it's not related to teeth - click click. We touch on phallic, nope, the fallacy of green energy people who be hatin’ on carbon dioxide, hashtag shrug just go with it. Trees and crabs need to live in unity so that humans can breathe. Don’t worry, be happy in this episode - you’re welcome for putting that Bobby McFarren (spelling??) song in your head. Chemistry is too much math, my momma taught me double negatives are wrong - but are they?? Let’s drink to crab farms!

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LISTENER QUESTION! Yes, we do take questions from our listeners so keep sending them in!! Why the fuck are yawns contagious? Just talking about yawns makes us yawn - the human brain is cray, y’all. We take this question with mouths open wide - for alcohol, lots of alcohol. We figure out we are the opposite of psychopaths because we yawn so much and there’s no psycho kitties in this household! There may be some zen-ness and mispronunciations, that’s just how we roll… Do we figure out why we yawn when some stranger yawns or your daddy or a kitty or if we’re all just yawning assholes? That’s debatable, we will have to consult with the finger meter from the neuroethicist. We could just be nutty ballies. But, let us know what you think!

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Alright y’all we got a battle of veshies or veggies, wtf ever, it really doesn’t matter. We go DEEP (exaggeration) into beets (aka vulgar betas) and radishes (aka rap anus). And then the unexpected happens -  XYZ, PQR - er mah gawd who doesn’t know what XYZ means? Probably someone who grew up in the 50’s and 60’s *shrug emoji* I have never grown either, maybe ate one or the other, but daddy comes out as the expert in this convo! Of course we go on tangents but do we go on what is opposite of a tangent - central low-kiy, I don’t know the letters of that word so there’s that.. Spoiler alert - that may not be real. I do like an alliteration - bash on beets and veggies and radishes (rad-eye for plural?) We can’t remember what the fuck we are talking about half the time, but that isn’t anything new for this crew. $hout out to those who know Latin - this will be a very enjoyable episode. Beat us hilarium, beta vulgaris - not Barabas.. Radishes are too linguistic for me, don’t at me - same root; different endings. HARRY POTTER with accuension (SP??) What is the conversion between days and weeks? I’ll take a sip (or several) to this convo, hopefully with the little magic boy!

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My daddy has too many of his intelligables in this episode, but he’s still funny as shit. We address a listener question weaved in with tips of cars, tricks in cars? What? Kids are cheap, at least when it comes to bleeding brakes and doing other mundane car maintenance. How many miles can you go between oil changes, tire changes, brake changes. What’s a hubby’s purpose? Car shit per daddy- guess it’s a man’s world, lame. Candy coated dip sticks sound good, but not when it comes to oil and engines, gross.. Full self serve is a thing, I think, but what do I know? I know there are baby checking oil machines and now I know when to call in the professionals - never cuz I don’t have clutches. Avoid ditches and keep the shiny side up, no Textin’ and Weavin’ either, ha! Too many invisible trailers on the road too.. Lort help us. I’ll drink to all of this with the Russian Volvo Man, of course.

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