In part 3 of our Exodus series, God lays down some laws, rules, and one heck of a honey-do list for his people. Once they know what to do about animal theft (and...misuse), we find out about the Almighty's fondness for embroidery, and his favorite fabrics and colors. He picks out a couple of skilled craftsmen to carry out the deeds, and sends Moses on his way with a tablet or two. So, if you've ever wondered about the set price of a virgin, check it out -- enjoy!

 

Check out our filthy memes on Instagram @atheistbs, Twitter updates @atheist_bs, and please send thoughts, prayers, and hatemail to [email protected] -- thanks to J.T. Garfield for engineering, editing, and for performing our theme song! Find him at @jamestruman on Instagram. This program and affiliated artwork is brought to you by Homeschool Hero Mr. Emmet @shazbotthetimekeeper and Halfolic Harlot Ali McLeod @alilytho

In this episode, we are pleased to present the book of Tobit! All he wants to do is give alms and bury the dead, but Tobit’s dreams get shit on and his wife brings home a suspicious goat. So, naturally, he prays for death. Meanwhile in Media, Sarah is having suicidal prayers of her own. Her garden is a graveyard of grooms, and it’s all due to her pesky pet demon. God brings them together with the help of his angel, Raphael, who joins forces Tobit’s son, Tobias, and… the dog. Wedding bells soon ring out, and the sweet smell of incense and day-old fish is in the air. In the end, Sarah forgets her troubles, and Tobit gets the greeting of a lifetime, and his eyes are opened. Gird up and enjoy!

 

Hosted by Ali McLeod and Mr. Emmet

Edited and engineered by J.T. Garfield

Theme song by @jamestruman

Art by @alilytho and @shazbotthetimekeeper

In this episode, we conclude our Maccabees series, but not in time to save our last scraps of sensitivity to violence. For example, we speculate about the most effective way to shove several families off a boat. (What is the best ratio of shovers to drowners? Are the children wearing overalls?) Later, we recount the Case of Maccabee and the Obviously Planted Evidence. You know what they say -- there are no coincidences in pagan homicide. Will we survive Maccabees, or will we die in agony like EVERYONE ELSE? Listen and find out!

 

Hosted by Ali McLeod and Mr. Emmet

Edited and engineered by J.T. Garfield

Theme song by J.T. Garfield @jamestruman

Art by: @alilytho and @shazbotthetimekeeper

Rachel does some catching up in the child-bearing department. Jacob decides to slip away from Laban's labors. He ultimately gets away it, has a wrestling match with the Almighty, and then a brotherly reunion. Dinah has an unfortunate incident in the kitchen, and her brothers extract revenge through unscrupulous means. Rachel dies, and Jacob promptly disobeys her dying wish. Shortly thereafter he has to bury dear old dad in the family plot. After that, we meet Joseph and hear all about his big dreams and his fancy coat. His brothers don't like it very much. We end with Tamar and Judah, who keep it all in the family. Way too in.

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Hosted by Ali McLeod and Mr. Emmet

Engineered and edited by J.T. Garfield

Emmet and Ali finish the Minor Prophets series in Part 4! In Zephaniah, God describes his big special gloomy day and invites his people to join him in a game of terrifyingly futile hide and seek. In Malachi, God uses circular logic and half-assed rhetoric to convince his people that they are robbing him with their pitiful tithes and their poopy sacrifices. And, naturally, God gets butt naked in Micah and has a good wail. And if you think the bible doesn't address morning jerk off sessions, you're wrong. Check it out.

 

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Twitter: @atheist_bs

Engineered, edited, and theme song'd by: J.T. Garfield @jamestruman

Art by: @alilytho and @shazbotthetimekeeper

Ali and Emmet are reading the Minor Prophets of the Old Testament! In the first of this four-part series, they’ll discuss Jonah and Hosea. Jonah is best known for being swallowed by a whale, but his lesser-known exploits include napping, shirking responsibility, and caring about a shrub more than he values human life! As for Hosea, God brings a family together only to break them apart. He then negs His followers into submission. The word “harlot” shows up 18 times!

 

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Hosted by: Ali McLeod and Mr. Emmet! 

Produced and engineered by: James Garfield! 

Art by: @alilytho and @shazbotthetimekeeper 

Theme song performed by: @jamestruman of @truman.official

In this episode, Ali and Emmet cover chapters 1-10 of The Second Book of Kings. This one is a real wHirlwind. We'll discuss the Shunemite Sugar Mama, Elijah's prophet pad, and a hilariously uncomfortable moment wherein the prophet Elisha incites murder. God might even send a she-bear or two to gobble up some bratty kids. Gird up!!

 

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Hosted by Ali McLeod and Mr. Emmet

Produced and engineered by J.T. Garfield

Theme song performed by @jamestruman

Art by @alilytho