Audio Tidbits

In episode 69 of How To Matter, I discuss the question of whether we play the game or the game plays us. It can be tough sometimes just getting along, dealing with people and circumstances. The issue for us is how we think about all that and how we manage it. The article below serves as the taking off point for the discussion.

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them. -- George Bernard Shaw

You don't typically take things personally. Of course, occasionally things are intended to be personal and should be taken personally. Normally, though, you separate the event from the motivations of the people. Even though the event may have a negative effect for you, you understand that this seldom means that anyone intended that effect specifically for you. The payoff for you is twofold. First, you accurately understand what happened. Second, you are more likely to accurately understand why it happened the way it did. Avoiding inaccurate and complex motivation-based explanations enables you to focus maximum attention on those circumstances that most likely account for what actually happened.

In episode 67 of How To Matter, I imagine episode 100 and am sorry to say that episode 66 - the last episode - falls a tad short, maybe even more than a tad short. Episode 100 is terrific and shows that I have corrected the graphics shortcomings, the website deficiencies, the audio issues, and all of that pesky RSS bungling. How was that amazing improvement accomplished? Think team. In the podcast, I expand some on the problems and challenges and settle on team as the key to my success and perhaps to yours.

In episode 66 of How To Matter, I share a couple of perspectives about how forthcoming we should be with others about our plans and the associated risks. The article below is the handout for the episode and includes the popular perspectives. In the podcast, I suggest another perspective we should consider and take care to keep in mind.

Keep your fears to yourself, but share your inspiration with others. -- Robert Louis Stevenson

Stevenson's advice sounds like wise council but isn't. He would have benefited from Thomas Jefferson's observation, Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. Sir Walter Scott's caution would have also been helpful, Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive! The suggestion, either explicit or implied, that intentional dishonesty is appropriate or correct is silly and – well – dishonest.

Inspiration is the product of one's creative thinking and work, a sudden intuition about a situation or problem. It pops into reality partially or fully formed, without supporting analysis or carefully considered explanation. Assuming that the fears Stevenson suggested that you keep to yourself are associated with the inspiration you share with others, the problem is this. The inspiration is the I think part of the sudden intuition. The fears you aren't sharing are the I feel part. Stevenson suggests that you share the I think part but not the I feel part. That seems to promote a half truth as the way to go.

Suppose instead that Stevenson didn't intend that the fears and inspiration were associated. Your fears relate to X and your inspiration relates to Y, with X and Y being unrelated. You should share your inspiration about Y but not your fears about X. The advice would still be debatable but trivial. He is merely counseling people to share their inspirations with others but keep their unrelated fears to themselves. That would make concurrently sharing, I have discovered a cure for cancer but am deathly afraid of snakes, inappropriate. Is that profound advice or did you, perhaps, already know that?

No, Stevenson advised that you share your inspirations but not your related fears. That makes his advice unacceptable. People need and are entitled to the full truth, not half truth. It also makes what you share more credible. This is especially true for leaders. People want to know what you think, want you to share your vision, your inspiration. They also need to know what you fear, what the risk is for you and for them. Go with the whole truth, inspiration, fears, and all.

In episode 65 of How To Matter, the topic is gossip. I have always thought about gossip as a slightly to seriously negative kind of activity. As such, gossip is something to avoid, I thought. I was listening to a podcast that changed my perspective, completely changed my mind. In this episode I share what I discovered and posit a tip you may find helpful as you continue gossiping along with the rest of us.

In episode 64 of How To Matter, I discuss conversations and conversing. Most of us most of the time are only interested in what other people are saying to the extent that they are interested in what we have to say. That works just fine except when the conversation is truly important, when the conversation really matters. Then, we need to change our approach. The excerpt below serves as the handout for the episode and is an example of how not to proceed.

Companion none is like unto the mind alone; for many have been harmed by speech; through thinking, few or none. -- Sir Thomas Vaux

You are slow to share your ideas and opinions. You certainly have a wide range of ideas and opinions on most everything of interest to you. Nonetheless, you usually only share your thoughts and perspectives when specifically asked to do so. Even then, you are frequently reluctant to verbalize your thoughts. Instead, you prefer continuing to scan and process what other people are saying. This is because your intuitive processes are continuously assimilating and interpreting the content and adjusting and reconsidering its meaning. You are just too busy listening to interrupt the process by talking. To convert what you think to conscious thought would require stopping and trying to find something to say. That would simply be too disruptive.

In episode 63 of How To Matter, I suggest a strategy you may want to use to increase your Make A Difference quotient. There is of course the traditional strategy for making a difference as illustrated in the handout for the episode included below. The strategy suggested in the podcast is unrelated to the traditional strategy and is guaranteed to raise your Make A Difference quotient along with making your days more enjoyable.

Look up and not down. Look forward and not back. Look out and not in, and lend a hand. -- Edward Everett Hale

You are seldom too busy or stressed to lend a hand, pitch in, to help others succeed. This does not mean that you let others intrude on your personal space or time. Rather, it means that you are usually able and willing to assist, help when there is an immediate need, do what you can for others, deal with what needs dealt with.

In episode 62 of How To Matter, I consider not whether we need to change (We do.) but rather how much change is needed (Not much). Once we discover the sweet spot for us, we just need to stay mostly within our range; we need to keep our balance. The key is to keep our balance while being sure we don't cause anyone else to lose his or her balance.

Episode 61 of How To Matter is the third of three episodes where I share the audio from an experiment I ran a while back. The idea was to make three important and related points in three minutes. In this the final episode of the three, focus is on dealing with people who are angry and upset. I conclude the experiment with one tip you may find helpful as you deal with people who are agitated and difficult to respond to reasonably and in a civil manor.

In episode 60 of How To Matter, I share another tidbit from the three tips experiment I mentioned in episode 59. This time the three tips focus on good manors. Ok, I know that may sound pretty boring but it definitely isn't as ho hum as it may at first sound. I think there is something in there that we all may want to take to heart, especially if we are serious about our careers and our success.

In episode 59 of How To Matter, I recover a test game I played, trying to make three useful points in three minutes. The first pass at the game focuses on the best strategy for making your point when you have something important to say.