Audio Tidbits

Simon says, Let's get a couple of things out in the open so you can get them behind you. Yes, it is possible to strike it rich, to have an inspiration for an invention making you famous while it makes your fortune, and maybe even to have a sudden insight leading you to the right end of the rainbow, pot of gold and all.

 

Sure, some lucky ducks were born with silver spoons in their mouths. In life's great poker game, some people get better cards than others. It is enough to make you just sit down and cry.

 

Before you drown in your tears, though, remember your good friend Simon did say instant success is possible, if all you want is money, status, or a free ride. The odds are not in your favor but it might happen. Hanging your future on it is a bit risky; but a possibility is still a possibility. If instead, you would rather hang your future on something a little more substantial, Simon has a suggestion for your thoughtful consideration:

 

Cultivate your success.

 

Give me more credit than that, Simon, you say. Like you, I didn't just come into town on a load of logs. I've been there too. I know success isn't going to just drop into my lap out of the blue. I have to work for it and am certainly willing to do whatever it takes; but where do I start? How do I cultivate success?

 

Good News! Click on the play button and find the answer.

When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself. -- Louis Nizer

 

You know to deal with people and problems directly and assertively. However, you also know that many people in positions of authority like pointing out that they always place the blame squarely on the person who did not get the job done. This is, from your point of view, a sure sign that the person in authority knows nothing about people. When a job doesn't get done or doesn't get done as well as expected, it's obvious that someone didn't get the job done. It's also frequently easy to see who didn't get it done. At that point, the authority junkie is quick to point a finger, The job didn't get done and you are the one who didn't get it done.

 

Here is the glitch. The authority junkie's approach usually appears to work. The problem doesn't recur, performance improves, the job gets done the next time. At the same time, people become more cautious, less creative, and more concerned about avoiding the authority junkie's ire than in developing better ways to do the job and continuously improving their performance. Good enough becomes the standard, good enough to avoid the pointing finger of the authority junkie.

 

For you, the alternative to blaming and finger pointing is automatic. This is disappointing. You must be at least as frustrated as I am about it. Can we see if we can figure out how to get a better outcome next time? What would help? How can I help? Sure, enough is enough at times, even for you. People need to be held accountable and deal with the consequences of poor performance. The point is that this is a down-the-road eventuality and never where you start.

Faultfinders do not have much faith in people

 

Management and psychology texts argue that people will do as well as they can under the specific circumstances. They only need to accept the underlying values, understand the problem, and receive support and encouragement. Faultfinders do not buy into that. It is only necessary for them to look around to see the absurdity in the people-are-good-and-want-to-do-the-right-thing hypothesis. These players can look at almost any behavior, activity, or project and point out things that should have worked out better or faster. They can point to people who should have been smarter or sharper. They also call attention to events or circumstances that someone should have handled more smoothly or efficiently.

 

They always do better, they believe, so it is reasonable for them to expect others to do the same. Faultfinders reason thusly:

 

If things were done right the first time, we would not have to waste our time straightening out messes other people are causing

 

There is no excuse for that - whatever that happens to be

 

If you can't do the job, we'll find someone who can - and that will be easy to do

 

The trick is to Faultfind about something, anything, and then criticize someone, anyone. The result is that the spotlight never gets turned on the player. If the heat does turn on him, he only needs to escalate his criticism and self-righteous indignation.

 

Faultfinders are intolerant of others

 

Intolerance is to faultfinding as a lack of reason is to dogma. Remove the intolerance and this frustrating behavior must stand the test of reality and the close examination of others. It is this type of scrutiny the player wants to avoid whenever possible.

 

The faultfinder is always looking for the different, the negative, or the problematic in others. If the player shows any real tolerance, he runs the risk of overlooking these negative aspects. Attention must not shift to people's strengths, abilities, or areas of special competence. This is a risk that must be avoided. Maintaining a high level of intolerance is safe and guarantees there will always be room for faultfinding.

 

Faultfinders expect others to foul up

 

This principle joins with intolerance and the next principle to form a closed triad. Simply expecting others to foul up enables the player to predict the behavior of people with 100 percent accuracy. Sooner or later everyone will handle something less than perfectly. The player's intolerance makes it easy to see the negative or problematic. Assuming that the foul up will happen leads to his being sharper and quicker to pounce on it.

 

It is a variant of Murphy's law. Sooner or later things will go wrong, and it is likely to be sooner. When it happens, the player is not surprised. He and Murphy predicted it.

 

It is easy for the player to spot and respond to what he expects. If everyone thinks a member of the family will foul up, they will be more alert, more on guard, and quicker to blame. When people expect the worst, there is seldom any surprise. Even if things are going well, Just you wait!

 

Faultfinders do not accept people as they are

 

Now the triad is complete. There is intolerance. There is the expectation others will foul up. Now, however people are, they should change.

 

The player says, I do not like the way you handled that project.

 

The staff member watches the player for a while to see how projects should be handled and then uses the player's approach for the next project.

 

The faultfinder then says, I do not like the way you handled this project.

 

The staff member says, But it is the same way you do things.

 

The player then says, I might have expected you to be someone who would try to take someone else's techniques. You need to be original.

 

Here is the triad in another context.

 

Mike works beside Ralph on the assembly line. Mike says, Ralph, you are going to drive me crazy if you don't stop moving yo...

A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations. -- Patricia Neal

 

Expecting others to do as well as they sometimes do is both unreasonable and counterproductive. It's like a twelve-year-old hitting a homerun and then being told, I knew you could do it. Now let's have another one. You are a homerun hitter.

 

The problem is, of course, that there won't be a homerun every time and now a single is sub-standard performance. The unspoken or perhaps spoken message is, You aren't giving it your best effort. You should have gotten a homerun.

 

This applies to a sales person making an unusually big sale, a scientist making a new discovery, a team winning the big game, and so on but also applies to less consequential events and activities. It's appropriate to expect excellent performance but you know that expecting exceptional or perfect performance every time is a sure way to demoralize and frustrate any person.

B-t-B (By The Book) players are slow to deal with problems or conflicts

 

Once you understand the motivations behind the technique, its use becomes straightforward. First, if the player starts to deal with the issue, he is accepting some degree of responsibility for it. Next, others may hold him accountable for the existence of the difficulties or at least for how things turn out. Playing B-t-B requires someone or something on which to dump the responsibility and the blame, if things go sour. For the player dealing with anything lessens his ability to point the finger anywhere but toward himself.

 

B-t-B players play it safe

 

Using this technique is not as easy as you might first think. The trick is to see that it is a very complex play. First, the player must be able to see when there is a risk of any kind. Next, the successful player uses all his options.

Option one is to avoid doing anything that could turn out badly. Option two is to have a backup or a cut-and-run plan.

 

Rich is another master with the technique. His main play is to do things the same way he always does them. What has worked before is likely to work again. He knows people seldom find fault with his handling things in the usual way, whether it works or not.

 

Next, Rich always looks at how things can go sour and little at how they can succeed. He asks, What are the three strongest reasons for not doing this? His motto is nothing ventured, nothing lost.

 

Finally, any time he has to do something that has some risk, he spends most of his time figuring out what to say if it goes sour. Of course, the best thing to be able to say is, I was uneasy about this but went along reluctantly. I handled it the same way we always handle things. I did it By The Book. I can only say I held up my end. Someone dropped the ball.

 

Rich's play calls for doing things the same way he always does them. He avoids all risk as much as possible and has an explanation for failure made up ahead of time. Sure, there is a more simple version of Rich's play. Do not do anything new or innovative and try hard to keep others from making that mistake. When in doubt, do nothing and there is always room for doubt.

 

B-t-B players put most time and energy into worrying and keeping things the same.

 

For the B-t-B player, any change is a risky business. Any time there is change, there is some degree of uncertainty. This uncertainty makes it unclear how to cover one's self and could require some change in the game plan. For the B-t-B player, the old ways are always the best ways because they are familiar and usually work. Risk to the player is minimal - the player's bottom line. Any change is risky and must be avoided.

 

B-t-B players never do anything quickly

 

Timing is everything. For the successful player, timing is the only thing. Those who are aspiring but not yet accomplished B-t-B players think timing has to do with making the right move at the right time. The experienced player knows better. Timing has to do with nothing but not making the wrong move. Better safe than sorry is the motto of the expert B-t-B player. It is a simple truth that one seldom receives criticism for what he does not do. It is also true things usually work out in a non-negative way so long as no one interferes. It does not matter what positive outcomes have been precluded so long as things do not get worse. Put this wisdom together and you can easily see why the player figures that it is best to put off decisions and actions as long as possible. The logic is sound. You only need to accept the premise that calls for the safety and no risk life of the B-t-B player.

 

The key to using the technique is knowing how to postpone everything. Having a few tricks will be helpful. Here are some things to say if push comes to shove:

 

•           Let me get back to you on this one

 

•           Get me some more hard data

 

•           Give me a couple of days to give this one a closer look...

"Respect a man, and he will do all the more." -- John Wooden

 

Demonstrate your respect for and pleasure with the successes and accomplishments of other people. The key here is twofold. You respect the achievements of others and actively demonstrate that respect and the pleasure you experience when they do well. Respect in this context includes holding the other person and the action or accomplishment in high esteem, feeling delighted, and actively expressing approval.

This is a special episode of How To Matter. If it had its own title, I would call it Moving On. It has a very useful message for April Fool's Day. Click the play button and decide for yourself.

"Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow." -- Dorothy Thompson

 

Resist the temptation to either focus on what is not going well or on what is. It may be a function of human nature to attend mostly to the negative or to the positive, depending on one's personality; but you understand that this is not a simple matter of choice or personal preference. The key to success is seeing that neither focusing on the positive nor on the negative is advisable.

 

At a more fundamental level, the reality is that things are continuously transitioning from a past state to a future state. Your primary responsibility is to affect the transition so as to actualize the desired future state. To do this, the task is to reduce and eliminate the disparity between the present and future states, without redefining or compromising the desired future state. Your focus then needs to be on the cluster of elements that affect the future state either as contributors or as detractors, understanding that neither is more or less important than the other. Focus must be on the gestalt.

"We must exchange the philosophy of excuse for the philosophy of responsibility." -- Barbara Jordan

 

Holding people responsible and accountable on the one hand and blaming and accusing them on the other are not the same. Holding someone responsible is a performance standard. Holding them accountable is a performance expectation. Alternatively, blaming and accusing imply negative opinions and perceptions of the individual.

To blame someone or accuse them represents a pejorative assessment of them. Blaming and accusing are always subjective and personal while responsibility and accountability are performance elements that can be objectively evaluated and, if necessary, adjusted. Since other people are accountable for their performance, the level of responsibility extended to them may be increased or decreased, depending on their performance. To blame or accuse are counterproductive. Holding people responsible and accountable are key elements in your approach with people. It starts with holding yourself responsible and accountable and then simply extending the principle to other people.

"Praise out of season, or tactlessly bestowed, can freeze the heart as much as blame." -- Pearl S. Buck

 

You aren't stingy with praise nor are you lavish with it. You are quick to recognize and acknowledge the successes and accomplishments of others but don't confuse praise with simple good manners. Please and thank you and noting that someone did a good job or was helpful are not examples of praise. They are, rather, merely examples of good manners and are integral to your habitual deportment. Alternatively, praise is an intentional and thoughtful action which privately or publicly acknowledges and commends excellence. You reserve praise for exceptional or extraordinary performance, never missing an opportunity to praise when anyone meets that standard.