November 12, 2025

Autistic Couples Communication: Repair Tips | Raffi Bilek

32 minutes

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Autistic couples arguing? Raffi Bilek (marriage coach, The Couples Communication Handbook author) shares game-changers: Talk/listen turns (no simultaneous fights), reflect back to track feelings, I-statements for impact (not blame—"I feel hurt when..."), and split convos (explore problem first, solve later)—to avoid fight-or-flight spirals. For autistic/ND partners decoding body language/flat affect, allies learning patience, or anyone building bonds without insults, this convo's your toolkit—repair over perfection ("Relationships thrive on repair, not zero conflict").

Timestamps:

0:00 - Intro: Raffi's Mission for Awesome Marriages

0:15 - Why Communication Matters in Disagreements

1:32 - Game-Changer: Talk/Listen & Reflect

2:50 - Listening Without Planning Rebuttal

4:09 - Humor/Laughter in Arguments (or Not?)

5:36 - Schedule Pauses to Avoid Escalation

7:02 - Right vs. Wrong Ways to Argue

8:27 - Active Listening: Chunk & Reflect

9:57 - Unresolved Issues Keep Coming Up

11:19 - Body Language Challenges for Autistics

12:10 - Insults: Speak About Yourself, Not Them

13:25 - When to Seek Counseling (Before Big Problems)

14:48 - Book Couples Communication Handbook

16:39 - Individual Therapy Alongside Couples Work

18:15 - Dating: Disclose Autism Early

19:44 - Argument Styles & Basics to Fix

21:26 - Self-Soothing Before Heated Moments

23:21 - Walking Away: Break vs. Brush-Off

24:48 - Teach Kids to Argue? (Interpersonal Ed)

27:17 - Book Details & Bigger Audience Reach

28:37 - Red Flags: When Counseling Won't Fix

30:23 - Where to Find Raffi (Site/Book/Coaching)

Subscribe on Apple/Spotify for weekly neurodivergent adulting tools—rate/review if tips bridged a gap! Resources/book in notes. Squad, share w/ a communicator (tag 'em below—let's connect!). Merch: 'Dynamite' tees for convo days (Linktree in notes). #AutisticCouplesCommunication #NeurodivergentRepair #AdultingWithAutism #BTSNeurodivergent #PodMatch

Struggling with autistic couples communication? Raffi Bilek unpacks frameworks: Over 10 years coaching, his Couples Communication Handbook teaches talk/listen turns (one speaks, other reflects—no overlap), I-statements ("I feel..." vs. accusations), and dual convos (understand problem before solving)—for ND mismatches like flat affect/body language gaps. Repair essentials: Pause for calm (schedule returns, no dish-throwing emergencies), self-soothe (breathing/exercise before fight-or-flight), and active listening (chunk/reflect to confirm understanding). For autistic young adults dating/decoding signals, partners practicing validation, or allies fostering bonds, Raffi's "defense isn't helpful—impact motivates change" flips blame to connection. Why counsel early? Cheaper than divorce; individual therapy for personal issues (e.g., trauma/OCD) alongside couples work. From Adulting with Autism podcast: OT-aligned for sensory/verbal styles, argument repair, healthy dating.

Links:

Full Episode: Buzzsprout/Apple/Spotify (subscribe!)

Raffi's Site: thecommunicationbook.com (book, free chapters, coaching)

Book: The Couples Communication Handbook (Amazon/audio)

Socials: @raffibilek (IG/FB—DM consultations)

Merch: Linktree in notes ('Dynamite' tees for relationship reminders)

Your reviews/shares amplify the squad—tag a bridge-builder! #AutisticIStatements #NeurodivergentArgumentTips #CouplesRepairAutism #PodcastCommunication #MentalHealthValidation #UnmaskedBonds #ADHDListening #HandbookMarri

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