This & next week are two episodes on money & finances as a follow up to last week's interview (more from Hyperfocus here).

Justice sensitivity can highlight the unfairness we often feel between our financial situations and those of people who haven't struggled to find and keep work. For example, AuDHDers often experience conflict with bosses who think we ask too many questions or have a bad "vibe."

For me, acknowledging and soothing that unfairness with things beyond just spending has been important.

The episode also touches on comparison with others, consumerism, and why I just buy things directly from China now (via AliExpress, and that link gives me a whopping $1 coupon if you end up making a purchase ;)

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Thanks again to Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson for sharing this interview with financial therapist Christine Hargrove.

She shares ADHD-focused advice that is useful for AuDHD folks as well! And the next two weeks will touch on other financial topics from this foundation.

I especially love the line, "The best budget is one you can follow on your worst day"

Learn more about Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson here!

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I just started using a paper planner again for the first time in many years, and the coolest thing is noticing that calendared blocks of time feel more "real" to my brain when I've written them by hand. That tangibility in turn seems to be making it easier to stick with things.

Caveat that it can always be the initial dopamine surge of any new system! That said, if it's working, I say try new tools anyway, even if they only work for a few months ;)

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Sometimes... a process is happening, internally. It can be integration, change, growth, positive disintegration... and sometimes it's unclear. Either way, the uncertainty can be disconcerting and frustrating!

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With an interest-based nervous system + AuDHD cyclical energy, the hardest tasks for us are

Boring

Annoying

High Stakes and/or

Difficult

The episode covers how and why they're difficult, and some starting points for each one.

The steps from later in the episode:

1. If you're struggling to start something, identify if it's Boring, Annoying, High Stakes, or Difficult.
2. Give yourself compassion for why that makes this task hard to do right now, and tell yourself that you don't actually have to do it right now (this eases up some demand avoidance potentially)
3. If your mind-body system offers a suggestion or solution, feel free to go for it! Otherwise, it's okay to set this aside for now and let your unconscious mind chew it over.
4. If this is a time-sensitive or urgent task, do what you need to do to remind yourself to check back in in time: a timer, a calendar reminder, a prominent post it note etc.
5. Now let your unconscious and your weird and creative brain work on this in the background while you rest or work on something easier. I love keeping a list of actually easy tasks for this purpose (which for me means the thing is straightforward and physically easy to do with a clear done point).

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If you're feeling angry lately, that makes a lot of sense! It's not a bad emotion. In fact, it can feel quite motivating to create change.

But what if you are feeling isolated and/or don't have capacity to directly create that change right now?

That's where nourishing and care work come in, even if they're only for you (for now).

While I don't use the word self-care in the episode, that's in part the kind of nourishing I mean.

Once your capacity is higher, you'll be able to build more. And the people doing the literal feeding and care work are just as much a part of the movement!

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Sometimes I mix up true desires with interests and hyperfocus. But what about the persistent and even lifelong interests? Where do they fit in?

This episode is for anyone who wants to throw their life out the window and start over when in the throes of a new interest ;) You're not broken!

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This goes along with the interview about Embodied Exercise. For many people, the other side of that coin is eating. And rates of disordered eating are higher among Autistics, ADHDers (especially women), and trans and gender non-conforming folks.

The episode only briefly touches on ARFID, an eating disorder more likely to affect autistic people for multiple reasons. If you know someone who could be an expert interview on ARFID, please send them my way.

Oh another fun fact I didn't mention... it's possible that the "obesity epidemic" (unscientific nonsense) was literally caused by dieting. Yes, that's correlation, but damn it makes a compelling chart. (from Anti-Diet, book below)

Mentioned in episode:

• Book Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating by Christy Harrison MPH RD*
• ep. 129 Embodied Exercise with Martha Munroe

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*affiliate link

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Most people have one or two core self-care needs that, if they're met, everything else feels easier. This episode is about how to figure out yours... and what to look out for when you hear people preaching about their own!

There's also acknowledgment that your neurodivergent body and brain may process things in different ways, so the following questions may not be that useful for you.

Figuring out your core self-care need or needs (just a jumping-off point!):

1. Thinking back to times in your life when things felt the easiest, what was your life like? Which of your needs were being met fairly well?
2. When life has been a bit easier or better, did you notice any particular ups and downs based on particular needs being met? For example, if you were overall feeling pretty good compared to your baseline, was there anything that particularly threw you off? Or something that could bring you back to that feeling better pretty quickly?
3. Tuning into your body right now, is there anything your body is asking for? This won't necessarily be a core need, it's more a check-in to see what messages your body is already good at giving you.
4. Thinking about the past few days, weeks, or months, are there any messages your body has been consistently giving you? For example, when you've felt tired, does it feel more like you need sleep, or more like you need food, or more like you need to be around another person to recharge? Again, this isn't a perfect metric, just noticing how your body talks to you.
5. Is there any form of self-care that feels like it REALLY fixes a bad day?

Resources mentioned:

1. Takedown of Why We Sleep: https://guzey.com/books/why-we-sleep/
2. Commentary on the above post: https://statmodeling.stat.columbia.edu/2019/11/18/is-matthew-walkers-why-we-sleep-riddled-with-scientific-and-factual-errors/
3. Transcript Doc

And one more link someone sent taking down the book Why We Sleep (I haven’t listened to this episode but the links alone look great): https://open.spotify.com/episode/4r0Vawq8xAfnsnKbYVUNhc?si=n7t-koeuS2GXQ2QnA8j4dQ

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Repost of ep 11, originally published Aug 18 2023

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it is what it is

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