What if your "behavior," "attention," and "mental health" struggles were all just different ways the same brain was trying—and failing—to regulate itself?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Erin Badour, a speech pathologist turned neurotherapist who now runs Neurozone clinics in the Los Angeles area. She started in medical speech pathology (stroke, brain injury, brain cancer) and moved into neurofeedback, working with brains from age three through geriatric years.

We explore her bottom-up approach to the brain, how QEEG maps reveal lifelong patterns, and why regulation in a 30-year-old autistic or ADHD adult is both similar to—and very different from—regulation in a child. Erin explains sensory integration, the downstairs/upstairs brain, and why she sees ADHD traits as potential superpowers rather than defects, while still offering concrete tools for people whose systems have been rattled for decades.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Who Erin is: speech pathologist, neurotherapist, and neurofeedback clinician with multiple clinics in California.

• Her path from speech to neurofeedback: choosing hospital-based training, working with stroke and brain injuries, and becoming deeply familiar with neuroanatomy and neurophysiology before discovering neurofeedback.

• The "same brain, different ages" idea: behavior, attention, and mental health as different expressions of the same underlying circuitry across development.

• Attention deficit across the lifespan: how ADHD-like patterns look at 10, 19, 28, and 45—and how untreated learning issues often morph into anxiety and depression.

• Overlabeling and what she sees instead: describing brain physiology, connecting it to behavior, and working from the inside out instead of only doing external behavior mod.

• ADHD traits as superpowers: skills punished in childhood but often linked to entrepreneurial, creative, high-impact adult lives.

• Regulation and the downstairs/upstairs brain:

  • Downstairs (regulation, fight/flight, panic)

  • Upstairs (thinking, planning, organizing, inhibiting impulses)

  • Why dysregulated adults may show aggression, poor choices, addiction, and emotional swings.

• Tracing problems back to regulation: how anxiety, depression, trauma responses, and "bad decisions" often start as low-brain dysregulation.

• Bottom-up practice: starting with QEEG brain maps to see patterns in frontal, parietal, temporal, and occipital regions and linking them to real-life functions (attention, organization, auditory processing, etc.).

• Frontal cortex issues: how problems in the "brain CEO" show up as poor motivation, weak organization, impulsivity, and executive dysfunction.

• What neurofeedback actually is:

  • Non-invasive brain training using operant conditioning, Hebbian learning, and neuroplasticity

  • Brainwaves as electrical patterns, rewarded millisecond by millisecond when they move toward healthier targets

  • Clients sitting with sensors while games or videos respond to their brain's performance, creating tens of thousands of learning opportunities over ~25 sessions.

• Common misconception: neurofeedback as "something going into the brain" versus training the brain to do what it naturally wants to do but hasn't been able to.

• Working with 30-year-old autistic/ADHD adults: validating "I should have figured this out by now," offering brain-based explanations, and giving them active control over change.

• Why she doesn't reject other therapies: using neurofeedback to "open Pandora's box" so trauma work, EMDR, and talk therapy can move again; seeing herself as ground-level support rather than a silo.

• Integrated interventions: attention work, sensory integration, visual-motor tools, executive function exercises, plus calming inputs like weighted blankets, vibroacoustics, sound therapy, and entrainment.

• Adult-onset sensory awareness: recent waves of adults recognizing sensory integration issues, feeling relief at having language for lifelong stress patterns.

• Everyday regulation practices:

  • Short, daily breath work with eyes closed and phone away

  • Body scanning from feet to head to learn what the system feels like

  • Weighted blankets or low-sensory spaces for sensory seekers vs avoiders.

• Her core hope: almost any brain that walks into her clinic can change, with the person in the driver's seat and her role as facilitator.

About the Guest

Erin Badour is a speech pathologist turned neurotherapist and neurofeedback clinician. With a background in hospital-based medical speech pathology, she spent years working with stroke, traumatic brain injury, and brain cancer before founding Neurozone, a network of clinics in Culver City, Manhattan Beach, and Irvine, California.

She focuses on brain-based assessments and interventions (QEEG, neurofeedback) for attention, regulation, sensory integration, and cognitive issues, working with clients from early childhood to older adulthood, including Alzheimer's and dementia prevention. Her work blends neuroscience with practical regulation tools and a strong belief in clients' ability to direct their own brain changes.

You can find her at neurozonewave.com and on Instagram at @neurozone, where she shares "brain hacks" and quick education for neurodivergent and neurotypical brains alike.

Key Takeaways

• ADHD, anxiety, and depression often share the same underlying regulatory issues; they're different chapters of the same brain story.

• The "downstairs brain" (regulation) must be stable before the "upstairs brain" (planning, inhibition, organization) can do its job.

• Neurofeedback uses learning principles and neuroplasticity to help the brain discover more efficient patterns, not force it with external stimulation.

• Adult sensory integration issues are real and increasingly recognized; they can explain decades of feeling rattled and exhausted by everyday input.

• Simple daily practices—brief breath work, body scanning, weighted blankets, and dedicated low-sensory spaces—can support regulation between sessions.

• After decades of struggle, brains can still change; the most powerful shift is putting the person in control of that change instead of only managing symptoms.

What does it really feel like to step into a neurotypical industry with an autistic brain and try to make a room full of strangers laugh?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with LA-based stand-up comedian Ian Ira Russo, who was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at age 12 and only started speaking openly about it in recent years. He shares how he moved from fronting punk bands to doing stand-up, how he manages emotional regulation while constantly switching stages and spaces, and what it's like to build a comedy career while embracing what his niece jokingly calls "the TISM."

We dive into how Ian writes his sets, navigates unwritten social rules, and relaunches The Ian Ira Russo Show to blend comedy, film, sports, and mental health without turning it into "just" a neurodiversity podcast. He also talks frankly about LA's social scene, representation in media and sports, and what he'd say to a 23-year-old autistic creative staring at the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Who Ian is: LA-based stand-up comedian, diagnosed autistic since 1999, and host of The Ian Ira Russo Show.

• His path to comedy: years in punk bands, cracking hacky street jokes between songs, and realizing stand-up meant no more lugging drum kits or gear.

• Managing emotional regulation on stage: learning to get out of his head, treat the audience as a scene partner, play off the laughs, and not take off-nights too personally.

• How being on stage compares to everyday social situations: finding people who "get" his struggle, running into audience members with personal autism stories and tattoos, and feeling seen through jokes about representation.

• Writing sets with an autistic brain: capturing every dumb idea in notes, fleshing it out on stage, respecting unwritten social rules without over-policing himself, and letting the laughs decide what stays.

• The reality of comedy as a career: loving the art form while acknowledging it's a "miserable business," and why hard work and a rock-solid act matter as much as relationships.

• Relaunching The Ian Ira Russo Show: wanting it to be a hang about comedy, film, sports, and "shooting the shit," with more mental health and self-help woven in as he grows comfortable talking about neurodivergence.

• Balancing identity and content: being a neurodivergent comedian who hosts a show that isn't strictly a neurodiversity podcast, and feeling more like a learner than an expert.

• Ian's experience of LA: crowds, noise, social circles that sometimes treat people differently depending on who's watching, and the importance of friends who defend his character when he leaves the room.

• Autism and media futures: hope around shows like Love on the Spectrum, Atypical, and fans analyzing athletes' mannerisms (like OG Anunoby and Victor Wembanyama) instead of only TV nerd archetypes.

• Advice to a 23-year-old autistic creative: find your "autism superpower," the thing you're truly passionate about, accept the risks and investment, and aim to be the greatest version of yourself in that lane.

• How to start in stand-up: go to open mics, accept that the first sets (and many after) will be bad, bring a friend, treat every set as a learning experience, and use podcasts and conversations from working comics as free education.

About the Guest

Ian Ira Russo is an LA-based stand-up comedian and host of The Ian Ira Russo Show. Diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at age 12, he spent his teens and early twenties fronting punk bands before transitioning into comedy, where he now performs across clubs and rooms in Los Angeles and beyond. His work often touches on autism representation in Hollywood and sports, the realities of the comedy grind, and the oddities of LA social life.

His debut comedy album "Sorry Again" (titled in his own self-deprecating style) is available on major platforms, and new episodes of The Ian Ira Russo Show drop weekly on YouTube.

Key Takeaways

• Comedy is relationship-driven, but there's no substitute for a strong act—people pay with their time, not just their tickets.

• Emotional regulation on stage comes from presence, breath, and treating the audience as a partner instead of a threat.

• Neurodivergent identity can be part of your creative work without defining every topic or making you "the expert."

• LA's social ecosystem can be harsh and two-faced, which makes genuine friendships and defenders even more crucial.

• Autistic futures in media look brighter as representation expands beyond stereotyped "nerds" to athletes, siblings, and real-life personalities.

• For autistic creatives, the next step starts by naming your "superpower" and taking low-barrier risks like open mics, small projects, and collaborations.

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What if your "bad sleep" isn't a personal failure—but a predictable clash between your brain, your schedule, and a few stubborn myths?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with licensed clinical psychologist and optimal performance consultant Dr. Melissa Milanak, who specializes in sleep, stress, anxiety, and workplace effectiveness. She travels globally teaching people how to sleep better, stress less, and perform at their best while actually enjoying life.

We dig into why good sleep feels impossible, how REM sleep specifically regulates emotions and attention, and what's happening when a neurodivergent brain "doesn't just shut off." Dr. Melissa walks through common harmful strategies (catching up on weekends, going to bed early after a bad night, doom scrolling in bed, overusing melatonin), and explains her "sleep window" approach drawn from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), the gold-standard treatment for chronic insomnia.

You'll hear practical, non-perfectionist sleep tools designed for high-pressure jobs, neurodivergent adults, and anyone stuck in burnout and brain fog.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Who Dr. Melissa is: licensed clinical psychologist, keynote speaker, coach, consultant, and founder of MIND Impact Consulting.

• Why "good sleep" feels impossible: cultural pressure ("you snooze, you lose"), stress from positive and negative changes, and the belief that poor sleep is purely genetic.

• How sleep stages work: deep sleep for body repair and REM sleep for brain repair, emotion regulation, learning, and memory.

• The sponge analogy: sleep "squeezes out" the day's information so the brain has capacity to learn and focus tomorrow.

• Why neurodivergent adults (ADHD, autism, etc.) often struggle with insomnia, circadian rhythm disruption, and frequent night waking—up to ~80% in some groups.

• Melatonin's role in circadian rhythm, and how atypical production and cortisol timing make falling asleep harder.

• Teaching the brain to shut off: why you don't want your bed to be the place where your mind finally processes the whole day.

• Debunking sleep myths:

  • "I'll catch up on sleep on the weekend" vs research that it can take up to 4 days to recover 1 hour of lost sleep.

  • "I'll go to bed early after a bad night" and why that confuses the body's timing signals.

  • Using the bed for everything (scrolling, studying, eating) vs the "movies popcorn" association (bed = sleep).

• The 15–20 minute pre-bed "brain offload": writing down to-dos and racing thoughts before bed, getting out of bed to write more if needed, and retraining the bed as a sleep trigger.

• Sleep window basics:

  • Averaging actual sleep (not just time in bed),

  • Setting a fixed wake time,

  • Working backward to define a tight window,

  • Expanding in 15-minute increments as sleep becomes more efficient.

• How to experiment with your own sleep window without making life miserable.

• Sleep triggers: light, darkness, routine, and pre-bed behaviors that cue "now it's time to sleep" vs "now it's time to doom scroll."

• Workplace stress and burnout: demands exceeding resources, phone battery analogy, and why sleep is a "secret superpower" for performance and safety.

• Work underload and underutilization: how lack of meaning can fuel anxiety and rumination.

• Patterns in high performers and neurodivergent adults: hiding differences, forcing neurotypical expectations, and not giving themselves permission to work differently.

• PMR (progressive muscle relaxation): tightening and releasing muscles head-to-toe to reduce body tension and signal safety to the brain.

• Sleep support for "crazy schedules": consistent wake times, hotel room tweaks (cold, dark, quiet), night mode on devices, and why snooze is "sleep Skittles" instead of real rest.

• What she wishes employers, schools, and health systems understood: sleep as a productivity and safety issue; school start times vs adolescent circadian shifts; billions lost to poor sleep.

• Her core message for foggy-brain days: "If not today, tomorrow"—and the idea that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.

About the Guest

Dr. Melissa Milanak is a licensed clinical psychologist, executive consultant, and keynote speaker specializing in improving workplace effectiveness and quality of life through better sleep and stress management. She founded MIND Impact Consulting and has extensive clinical and research experience in anxiety, trauma, and sleep, including federally funded research and work at MUSC. Her TEDxCharleston talk "Sleep: NOT the Impossible Dream" introduces the sleep window as a practical, research-backed tool for improving sleep.

You can find her guides, videos, and resources at melissamilanak.com. She's also on Instagram at @drmelissamilanak.

What if your career is struggling not because you're broken—but because the job market was never designed for your brain?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Jeanna Malines, founder of Trajecta and a career transition coach / development strategist for neurodivergent professionals. With 25 years of recruiter experience and her own story of losing a "dream job" over communication style, Jeanna brings insider knowledge from the other side of the hiring table.

We dig into what day-to-day life looks like for neurodivergent professionals, the mental health toll of ghosting and rejection, and the concrete difference between building a career that works with your brain versus constantly fighting against it. Jeanna also shares practical strategies for self-advocacy, accommodations, salary negotiation, and deciding when to leave versus when to renegotiate expectations.

This episode is especially for listeners who feel stuck, undervalued, or exhausted by the current job market.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Who Jeanna is: founder of Trajecta, career transition coach, and strategist for neurodivergent professionals

• Her story: losing an executive recruiter role over "communication style," late-diagnosed ADHD friend Brian, and why she pivoted to neurodivergent clients

• What day-to-day work can look like: job search while working, growth in place, conflict, communication, leadership, and self-advocacy

• How the job market was not built for neurodivergent brains: rejection sensitivity, executive dysfunction, task paralysis, overwhelm

• Concrete meaning of a career that works with your brain: aligning tasks with strengths, using accommodations and tech, and reducing mismatch

• How to request supports without necessarily disclosing diagnoses (framing needs around productivity and clarity)

• The mental health impact of ghosting and auto-rejection systems—from Jeanna's recruiter perspective

• Reframing rejection: external factors (budget, internal candidates, timing) vs "I'm the problem"

• Protecting confidence: grounding exercises, question frameworks, "brag books," and tracking wins

• Promotion and performance reviews: why late-diagnosed professionals struggle, grief and bargaining, and inventorying natural strengths

• Increasing visibility without becoming a constant self-promoter (70/30 rule: 70% value for others, 30% asking/positioning)

• Deciding whether to leave or renegotiate: mental harm vs monetary benefit, and how to frame accommodation requests

• ADHD-informed systems: task design, alarms, AI helpers, and regulating the nervous system throughout the day

• Resume / LinkedIn pitfalls: one-page myths, oversharing, repetition, and tying worth to opaque algorithms

• Interview tools: STAR method (Situation, Task, Action, Result) to keep answers clear without suppressing thinking style

• Scripts for saying no and avoiding burnout when you say yes too much

• Gina's neurodivergent cost calculator and why staying too long or under-negotiating is expensive over time

• What she wants people to remember after a rejection email or rough review: "It's not you; it's an email" and the importance of calling your person

About the Guest

Jeanna Malines is a career transition coach and career development strategist for neurodivergent professionals, and founder of Trajecta. After 25 years in recruitment and an abrupt exit from a dream executive recruiting job due to communication style, she saw firsthand how the system treats neurodivergent workers. Combined with the loss of her late-diagnosed ADHD friend Brian, Gina shifted her practice to focus on neurodivergent professionals in the US, where specialized support is still rare compared to the UK.

She helps clients with job search, promotion, performance reviews, leadership positioning, self-advocacy, and ADHD-informed systems for sustainable work.

Find her at Trajecta.net and on LinkedIn under her unique name, Jeanna Malines.

Key Takeaways

• The job market and hiring systems weren't built for neurodivergent brains—and that's a systems problem, not a personal failing.

• A "career that fits your brain" means aligning tasks with strengths, adjusting environment, and using accommodations/tech, not just changing jobs.

• Rejection emails and performance reviews are data points, not identity statements.

• Visibility can be built with a 70/30 rule: mostly value-sharing, partly strategic asks—without feeling like you're constantly self-promoting.

• It's okay to say no; measure mental and physical energy before agreeing, and practice scripts that set boundaries kindly.

• After a hard rejection, contacting your person and hearing affirmations out loud can be protective against spiraling.

What if the real problem isn't laziness—but an emotional wall between you and the thing you need to do?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with ADHD coach, consultant, and speaker Brendan Mahan, creator of the "Wall of Awful" model and host of ADHD Essentials. Brendan has been a teacher, mental health clinician, principal, and is a dad of identical twin sons with OCD, so he's lived these concepts in real life—not just on paper.

We explore how anxiety creates avoidance loops, why "just try harder" and "use a planner" often backfire for neurodivergent adults, and what distinguishes neurodivergent burnout from "normal" stress. Brendan breaks down the Wall of Awful as a way to talk about emotions without shame and explains why habits for ADHD/autistic folks have to be framed differently to actually stick.

This episode is for anyone who's tried every tip list, feels like they "got nothing done," and is ready for a more honest, compassionate lens on starting.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Who Brendan is: ADHD coach, former educator/clinician, dad of twins, author of Overcoming the Wall of Awful

• The Wall of Awful: the emotional barrier built from repeated struggles (email, chores, relationships, trauma)

• How anxiety creates avoidance loops and shrinks your world over time

• Why "just do it" and "try harder" are sometimes useful—but often a last resort that burns anxiety for fuel and leads to burnout

• What most productivity advice misses about executive function and why neurodivergent brains are the "canaries in the coal mine"

• Neurodivergent burnout vs normal stress: when anxiety stops motivating and you can't activate at all

• Masking and performance: playing "above your head" to look neurotypical at work or socially

• How the Wall of Awful makes invisible struggles visible and gives language beyond "I'm lazy"

• The five responses to the Wall: staring, going around, Hulk smash, climbing, and putting a door in it

• Brendan's reframing of habits (including "habits of not doing") and the morning routine example with the gym

• A gentle reframe for "I got zero done today" and how to track what you actually did plus what matters tomorrow

About the Guest

Brendan Mahan is an ADHD coach, consultant, and speaker who works with ADHD, autism, anxiety, and broader neurodiversity. He's a former teacher, mental health clinician, and principal, and host of the ADHD Essentials podcast. Brendan created the "Wall of Awful" model to help people understand the emotional barriers around starting tasks and has spent over a decade teaching it to families, schools, and organizations.

Find him and his work at wallofawful.com (and ADHD Essentials via the same hub).

Key Takeaways

• The Wall of Awful is a way to name and work with the emotional barrier between you and the task—not proof that you're lazy.

• Anxiety can become avoidance fuel; left unchecked, avoidance shrinks your world and feeds clinical anxiety.

• "Just try harder" often means burning anxiety as fuel, which increases anxiety and accelerates burnout.

• Neurodivergent burnout shows up when masking and performing like the dominant culture are no longer sustainable.

• Habits include "habits of not doing"; changing the surrounding routine can open paths to better habits.

• Sometimes "getting nothing done" is actually rest—and naming it as rest makes tomorrow easier.

What if intimacy and loneliness are just as important to your health as water, sleep, and nutrition?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Dr. Diane Mueller—known as both "the libido doc" and "the Lyme doc"—about shame-free intimacy, neurodivergent adults, and how long-term relationships can stay connected instead of turning into roommate status. Dr. Diane works both in chronic illness (Lyme, mold, complex root causes) and in sex, intimacy, and relationship communication.

We explore why the medical world often ignores loneliness, how shame shows up around sex and desire, and what autistic and neurodivergent adults are not being taught about consent, communication, and eroticism. Dr. Diane also shares how monogamous couples can bring curiosity and variety back into their intimate lives without abandoning safety or commitment.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Who Dr. Diane is: "libido doc" and "Lyme doc," working at the intersection of chronic illness and intimacy

• Harvard's 75-year finding that loneliness is the #1 factor affecting happiness and longevity—and why intimacy matters for health

• What "shame-free" actually means in practice (not shaming shame, but learning from it and moving forward)

• How shame around sexuality (desire, toys, non-missionary positions, self-pleasure) gets pushed into shadow and gets louder over time

• The huge gaps in how we teach sex and relationships, especially for autistic and neurodivergent adults (linear, heteronormative, P-in-V-only scripts)

• Bioindividuality in eroticism: why there is no one "normal" way to experience intimacy or desire

• The three threats in conflict and why sex conversations uniquely maximize "threat to self" and ego protection

• Using Gottman-style positivity ratios in intimacy talks—building a "bank" of specific positive feedback before introducing changes

• Common vs normal patterns in monogamous relationships: dwindling sex, roommate dynamics, boredom, stress, erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness

• The guitar metaphor: why practicing intimacy for decades doesn't have to make you worse, and how to add "notes" and variety over time

About the Guest

Dr. Diane Mueller is known as both the "libido doc" and the "Lyme doc," with dual specialties in chronic illness (Lyme, mold, multi-root causes) and in sex, intimacy, and relationships. She focuses on shame-free, holistic conversations that integrate health, emotional wellbeing, and deep connection between partners. Her work emphasizes the importance of intimacy and loneliness as central factors in happiness and longevity, not just side topics.

Key Takeaways

• Loneliness and intimacy are core health variables, not optional extras.

• Shame can be a helpful flag when harm occurs—but chronic, circular shame around desire keeps people stuck and silent.

• Neurodivergent adults are rarely taught about consent, communication, and erotic variety in ways that respect their processing styles.

• Intimacy talks are high-ego-threat conversations; building a strong positive "bank" first makes change discussions safer.

• Common patterns (roommate vibes, dwindling sex) are not the same as "normal" or inevitable.

Why does so much self-help sound good… and then disappear when life gets hard?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Josh Davis, PhD—neuroscientist, former Barnard College professor, and NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) trainer—about practical tools for real change in messy, everyday life. Josh has spent decades teaching neuroscience and psychology, and now focuses on bringing NLP tools to parents, especially dads, who want to show up differently for their kids without getting lost in guilt and overwhelm.

We dig into why the brain clings to old habits, what "manage attention, not time" looks like for distractible and executive-function-challenged brains, and why joining someone's reality (instead of trying to fix them) can dissolve conflict in seconds.This episode is perfect for neurodivergent adults, parents, and anyone tired of advice that doesn't stick.

In This Episode, We Cover

• What NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) actually is—and what makes it different from typical self-help

• How outcome-oriented therapies and NLP grew out of psychotherapy's most effective tools

• Why wanting change isn't enough if different "parts" of you disagree (internal conflict)

• "Manage attention, not time" as a realistic frame for overloaded, ADHD-style brains

• Why you will never "catch up" on your to-do list, and why that's freeing, not hopeless

• Practical prioritization when your brain can only hold a few important things at once

• Real examples of using NLP with kids—joining their energy and positive intentions instead of lecturing

• How separating facts from interpretations helps with triggers (chapter "Just the Facts" in his book)

• Why dads often lack support networks, and how these tools can help them feel less alone

About the Guest

Josh Davis, PhD, is a teacher, author, and trainer of Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). He has taught high school, college, and adults, completed a doctorate in psychology and neuroscience, and served as a professor at Barnard College, part of Columbia University. His work focuses on making powerful change tools from psychotherapy and NLP accessible to everyday people, especially parents and fathers.

His recent book translates complex NLP methods into simple, usable tools and has become a USA Today bestseller.

What if burnout isn't a personal failure—but a system failure?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with technologist Michael Eskenasy, creator of Human Cognitive Infrastructure, about why our current app-driven, fragmented world pushes humans to be the "integration layer" for everything—and how that crushes executive function, especially for neurodivergent people.

We explore what happens when technology forgets context and intent, why adding more tools often increases cognitive load, and what a "breathable life" could look like if infrastructure actually protected human capacity.

This one is especially for listeners who feel like they're bad at adulting, constantly overwhelmed by apps, or stuck in burnout despite "optimizing" themselves.

In This Episode, We Cover

• What Human Cognitive Infrastructure is (and why context/intent matter)

• Burnout as a continuity failure, not a personal weakness

• How fragmented systems and open loops strain executive functioning

• Why "more tools" can make neurodivergent life harder, not easier

• The coordination layer: incentives, politics, and why systems don't get fixed

• Designing tech that remembers context for you instead of demanding more from you

• Governance, trust, and safeguarding data when tech knows your life

• What a "breathable life" looks like after burnout and structural exhaustion

• How clinicians, educators, and employers can think about infrastructure in support plans

About the Guest

Michael Eskenasy is the creator of Human Cognitive Infrastructure, a technology concept designed to let systems carry context and intent instead of forcing humans to do all the integration themselves. His work looks at burnout, executive function, and coordination through the lens of incentives, governance, and trust, with a special relevance for neurodivergent households and support environments.

Find Michael on X (formerly Twitter): @ITSChefreyOS

Why do so many neurodivergent couples say, "We love each other—but we can't communicate"?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I sit down with couples therapist Lisa Rabinowitz, who specializes in ADHD and neurodiverse relationships, to break down why communication breaks down—and what actually works.

We talk about the real-life patterns showing up in relationships: constant arguments over small things, interrupting, time blindness, emotional overwhelm, and the exhausting "parent vs partner" dynamic.

Lisa shares practical, shame-free strategies to help couples understand each other, regulate emotions, and rebuild connection—even if it feels like things are too far gone.

If you've ever felt misunderstood in a relationship—or like you're trying your best but it's still not working—this episode is for you.

What We Cover

• Why couples fight over "small" things (and why they're not actually small)

• ADHD symptoms in relationships: impulsivity, time blindness, forgetfulness

• The truth about interrupting (it's not disrespect)

• How neurodivergent vs neurotypical communication differs

• Emotional regulation and nervous system awareness

• Attachment styles and how past wounds replay in relationships

• Breaking the "parent/child" dynamic

• What to do if your partner won't go to therapy

• Why "trying harder" doesn't fix relationship issues

• How real repair and change actually happens

About the Guest

Lisa Rabinowitz is a couples therapist specializing in neurodiverse relationships. She is trained in both the Gottman Method and PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy) and works with couples internationally to improve communication, emotional regulation, and connection.

Website: counselorforcouples.com Book: Why Won't You Stop Interrupting Me? Simple Solutions for ADHD Couples (Audiobook coming soon)

Key Takeaways

• Love alone isn't enough—couples need skills and systems

• Many "conflicts" are actually misunderstandings of neurodivergence

• Interrupting is often about processing, not disrespect

• Systems (alarms, notes, structure) reduce relationship stress

• You don't fix relationships by trying harder—you fix them by doing things differently

Call to Action

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it and leave a review to help more people find the show.

What if years of "anxiety and laziness" were really undiagnosed ADHD and autism—and therapy kept missing it?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Robert Rackley, an Irish psychotherapist who practices in a sensory-based, neurodivergent-only clinic and specializes in autism and ADHD in adults. Robert first trained in traditional psychotherapy, then shifted his entire practice toward neurodivergence after realizing how often adults are missed or misdiagnosed, especially when they show up with jobs, houses, and families that don't fit stereotypical images of ADHD or autism.

Robert shares insights from his master's research on why adult ADHD goes unnoticed: masking, narrow stereotypes (e.g., "you can't have ADHD if you're successful"), and professionals who stop at anxiety or depression rather than looking deeper. He explains how labels like "lazy," "disorganized," or "dramatic" are often nervous-system freeze responses to chronic overwhelm, trauma, and catastrophizing—not character flaws—and why so many neurodivergent adults internalize those words for decades.

The conversation dives into common misdiagnoses (anxiety disorders, depression, personality labels) and how inattentive ADHD—especially in women—gets misread as "just anxiety." Robert talks about masking as a lifelong survival strategy that starts in childhood ("sit still, stop that") and leads to traumatized nervous systems, identity confusion, and severe mental health consequences, including self-harm and suicidality. He also explains rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) in everyday language: the brain searching for criticism, misreading tone and facial cues, and feeling one offhand comment as physical pain that lingers for years.

From autistic burnout and sensory processing differences to relationships, communication breakdowns, and alexithymia (having no words for emotions), Robert offers a clear picture of what neurodiversity-affirming therapy can look like—and how neurodivergent adults can safely try therapy again.

If you're an autistic/ADHD adult who's been told you're "lazy," "too sensitive," or "too much," or you've left therapy feeling blamed and unseen, this episode will help you see your nervous system, your emotions, and your story in a different light.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why adult ADHD and autism are so often missed or misdiagnosed as anxiety or depression

• How "lazy" and "disorganized" are often freeze responses and chronic overwhelm, not moral failures

• What masking does to a nervous system over decades, and why it leads to burnout and identity confusion

• How rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) feels and why one comment can hurt for years

• Practical ways to respond differently to perceived criticism and reduce mind-reading spirals

• What makes neurodivergent burnout different from typical stress or depression

• Early warning signs of burnout (withdrawal, irritability, food changes, constant overwhelm)

• What neurodiversity-affirming therapy can look like: sensory rooms, stimming, visual tools, and no pressure to "sit still"

• How alexithymia ("no words for emotion") complicates talk therapy—and what to do instead

• Questions to ask potential therapists to check if they really understand ADHD and autism

• Common autistic stereotypes ("you can't be autistic if you make eye contact") and how they harm adults

• Relationship patterns between neurodivergent and non-neurodivergent partners, especially around change and predictability

• Concrete self-regulation strategies (fidgets, sensory resets, noise management) and rebuilding self-esteem with kindness

• Gentle first steps for adults who suspect they're autistic/ADHD but feel overwhelmed by the search