What if the "worst thing you do" isn't a moral failure—but a nervous system trying desperately to self-soothe?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Jessie Hannah, the creator of Bare Becoming, who has lived with trichotillomania (a hair-pulling disorder) since she was seven. Jessie describes trichotillomania as a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB)—an irresistible urge to pull out one's hair—categorized under OCD and anxiety-related disorders in the DSM-5. She shares how years of hidden pulling, wigs, and intense shame finally led to one radical act: shaving her head. That moment felt like "losing 500 pounds" and marked the beginning of sharing her story instead of hiding it.

Jessie explains how BFRBs like hair pulling, skin picking, and nail biting are often subconscious nervous system patterns, not conscious choices or character flaws. She breaks down the basics of the nervous system—sensory input, vagus nerve, the brain's response—and how coping behaviors start as self-soothing and then become completion loops the body wants to finish. She also talks about anxiety, perfectionism, and all-or-nothing thinking (catastrophizing), and why shame and judgment block the curiosity we need to understand and change our behavior.

Through Bare Becoming on TikTok and YouTube, Jessie invites people to stop asking "What's wrong with me?" and start asking "What is my behavior trying to protect me from?" She shares tracking tools (like calendar logs of pulling episodes), how that data helped her see patterns (including hormonal cycles), and how small acts of self-awareness can slowly rebuild self-trust. Jessie also speaks candidly about showing up publicly with a shaved head, being asked intrusive questions, dating and relationships while hiding wigs, and the relief of finding community and feeling less alone.

If you live with hair pulling, skin picking, nail biting, or other hidden coping behaviors—especially as an autistic or ADHD person—this episode offers language, validation, and gentle first steps toward seeing yourself as understandable, not broken.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• What trichotillomania and BFRBs are, and how they show up in daily life

• Why coping behaviors are nervous system patterns, not moral failures

• How anxiety, perfectionism, and completion loops interact with pulling and picking

• The difference between automatic, unconscious behaviors and focused, perfectionistic rituals

• Why judgment and shame crowd out the curiosity needed for change

• How tracking episodes (time spent, hairs pulled, triggers) can reveal patterns and progress

• What Jessie's shaved-head journey has taught her about visibility, questions, and self-acceptance

• How hidden BFRBs impact relationships and what happens when you finally show up as your full self

• What's inside her "start here" resource for teens and parents navigating BFRBs

• What it means to become more "understandable to yourself" and set yourself up for success

What if your workplace has been misreading your quiet, focused, neurodivergent brain as a liability—when it's actually one of its greatest assets?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Grant Harris, a dad, husband, Hall of Fame athlete, three-time author, keynote speaker, and human-centered performance strategist. Grant works with HR, L&D, ERGs, and people leaders to help them stop misinterpreting talent by fixing workplace friction, rather than blaming individuals for systemic design problems.

Grant shares his story as a late-diagnosed autistic introvert who once memorized the flags of every country in the world, and how being "unaware" of his neurodivergence but "aware" of his introversion shaped years of misjudgment and misunderstanding in corporate spaces. He explains why differences themselves are not liabilities, how ableist systems and narrow norms construct the idea of "liability," and why neurodiversity belongs at the center of conversations about performance—not just at the margins of DEI.

The conversation dives into meeting norms, camera expectations, performance reviews, and "able-bodied" language; the ways organizations quietly burn out high-performing neurodivergent employees; and Grant's frameworks like his human score assessment and Compliance to Community model. He offers language and tactics for neurodistinct professionals to talk about "how my brain works" without feeling like they're confessing or apologizing, and emphasizes that your job is not your worth—even if you're used to tying your identity to what you do.

If you're autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent and tired of overperforming, masking, or feeling responsible for fixing broken systems, this episode gives you practical ways to honor your brain, set boundaries, and participate in change without burning out.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How Grant's late autism recognition and lifelong introversion shaped his career and misread talent

• Why differences are not liabilities—and how systems create that story

• Common friction points for neurodivergent workers: meeting norms, camera rules, "loudest voice wins" culture

• How to spot genuine neuroinclusion vs. compliance theater in recruiting, onboarding, and day-to-day practices

• The unique pressures on Black neurodivergent professionals around masking, "aggression" stereotypes, and overperformance

• What Compliance to Community means and why fixing processes (not people) is key to true inclusion

• Practical phrases for talking to managers about your brain style without disclosing diagnoses

• How to set boundaries (like email batching and energy windows) that protect your performance and health

• Why you are not responsible for fixing your entire workplace—and what "being part of the solution" realistically looks like

• One belief about work and worth Grant hopes you'll let go: your job title is not your identity

What if your family won the lottery—and instead of solving everything, your life spiraled into addiction, suicide attempts, and near-death experiences?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Peter John Mather, an entrepreneur, professional skydiver, health and life coach, Tony Robbins volunteer, and recent immigrant to the United States. Peter shares the story of his mother winning the lottery and how, rather than "ruining his life," that sudden influx of money amplified choices he was already making as a young man struggling with drugs and alcohol. He's clear: the lottery didn't create his addiction—it simply injected finances into a spiral that had begun around age 17–18.paste.txt

Peter describes multiple attempts at recovery, including a heart attack at 21 from a cocaine overdose where he was brought back to life. Counseling helped temporarily, but without strong role models, personal development, or language for addiction, he repeatedly found himself "going back to the same bar." He explains how, for many years, he didn't even recognize himself as an alcoholic or drug addict until he finally took a hard snapshot of his life and admitted he had a problem.paste.txt

Now over five years into sustained recovery, Peter talks about the mindset shift that allowed him to see his path as a series of choices rather than a curse, and how coaching, community, and intentional work have helped him rebuild: multiple businesses, deep friendships, a strong marriage, and a new life in America. His story offers a nuanced look at sudden wealth, addiction, and neurodivergent resilience—and what it takes to choose a different direction, even after near-death experiences.paste.txt

In this episode, you'll learn:paste.txt

• How lottery winnings intersected with, but didn't "cause," Peter's addiction

• Why sudden money (lottery wins, inheritances) often magnifies existing patterns

• What it was like to have a heart attack at 21 from a cocaine overdose and survive

• Why early counseling helped temporarily but didn't stick without deeper change

• How lack of role models and personal development language kept him stuck

• The moment he finally recognized himself as an alcoholic and drug addict

• What has sustained his recovery for over five years (mindset, support, coaching)

• How he reframed his past from "ruined by money" to "a series of choices"

• The life he's created now: entrepreneurship, skydiving, coaching, and emigrating to the U.S.

What if you spent decades in high-level IT, only got your autism and ADHD diagnoses in your mid-60s—and then realized your "too much" brain is actually your superpower?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Richard Lowe, a former Director of IT at Trader Joe's and VP in multiple tech and consulting companies who walked away from a six-figure corporate career to become a full-time ghostwriter. Richard helped design major water systems in places like Las Vegas and New Haven, lived through intense office politics and introversion, and eventually decided he was "done with corporate," moved to Florida, and built a thriving ghostwriting business from scratch.

Richard shares how his late autism and ADHD diagnoses at age 64 "finally made sense" of a lifetime of hyperfocus, time blindness, face blindness, and a childhood shaped by abusive dynamics and early medications. He describes using books, hobbies, and deep focus as a survival strategy growing up—and how those same traits, when reframed, became the engine behind writing dozens of books, building systems that work for his brain, and turning his "scattershot" ADHD pattern (nothing, nothing, nothing… then everything) into a productive power instead of a shame cycle.

The conversation ranges from his years in IT and the burnout of trying to navigate office politics as an autistic, introverted manager, to his unconventional route into photography, Renaissance fairs, and belly dance communities as a way to work through grief and shyness. Richard explains how he hacked executive functioning with calendars, to-do lists, and tech, and why he believes neurodivergent adults should stop forcing "neurotypical methods" and instead design systems around their actual brains.

If you're autistic or ADHD, stuck in a career or identity that doesn't fit anymore, or trapped in the "nothing, nothing, nothing, then all at once" pattern, Richard's story offers both radical permission and concrete ideas for rebuilding your life on your own terms—even later in life.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How a late autism/ADHD diagnosis can reframe decades of burnout and "weirdness"

• What Richard's "scattershot" ADHD pattern looks like in daily life (113-item to-do lists, marathon hyperfocus sessions)

• How time blindness, face blindness, and childhood coping strategies shaped his career and hobbies

• Why office politics and mandatory socializing in corporate IT were harder than the technical work

• How photography, Renaissance fairs, and belly dance communities helped him dismantle extreme shyness

• Practical ways he uses tech (calendars, lists, notes, photos) to patch executive-function "holes"

• Why he sees ADHD as a superpower, not a disability—and how to leverage it

• What "stop forcing the neurotypical method" means in real-world systems and routines

• His concept of "the box" we build around ourselves—and how to start stepping out of it

• Why it's not too late to leave a well-paid career and reinvent yourself

What if the real problem was never your intelligence—but the way you were taught?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Jess Arce, founder of 3D Learning Experts and author of I Am Not Dumb, I Am Dyslexic. Jess calls herself "America's Dyslexia Expert" for a reason: she's dyslexic, three of her four children are dyslexic, her husband is dyslexic, and she's been working with dyslexic, dysgraphic, and dyscalculic learners since 2012.

Jess shares the story of her daughter, whose profound dyslexia and ADHD were missed for years, and her youngest son, who struggled with speech, early academics, and was finally identified in Texas—where dyslexia services opened up an entirely new path. She explains how traditional tutoring and schools focus on "getting through this grade" or "just doing the homework," while her 3D approach focuses on building lifelong tools so learners become independent, not dependent on someone else to decode every assignment.

She breaks down what the "3Ds" stand for (dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia), why dyslexic people are often 3D, big-picture thinkers, and how standard phonics teaching (like saying "puh" instead of a clean /p/ sound) actually confuses dyslexic brains. Jess also walks listeners through common adult signs of dyslexia and dysgraphia—hating reading, poor spelling, word substitutions, left/right mix-ups, messy handwriting, and trouble getting thoughts onto paper—and why none of those mean you're stupid.

From the staggering statistics on dyslexia and incarceration to the cost and limitations of formal testing, Jess offers practical alternatives: self-assessment checklists, targeted tutoring, creative workarounds for paperwork-heavy adult life, and self-advocacy tools like 504 plans and disability services. Throughout, she keeps returning to one core message: school performance is not the measure of your intelligence.

If you've ever thought, "Maybe I'm just lazy or dumb," because reading, writing, or math feel harder than they "should," this episode will help you see yourself—and your brain—very differently.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why "I am not dumb, I am dyslexic" is more than a book title—it's a needed reframing

• What the 3Ds are: dyslexia, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia

• How dyslexic 3D thinkers see patterns and big pictures that schools often ignore

• Why traditional tutoring (and many teachers) fail dyslexic students

• How sound-based teaching (not just letters) changes everything

• Common adult signs of dyslexia and dysgraphia, beyond school grades

• Why so many dyslexic people end up in the justice system—and what that says about schools

• Practical workarounds for paperwork, emails, and text-heavy apps

• How to start advocating for accommodations at work and school

• One belief about "being smart" Jess hopes you'll throw out forever

What happens when you spend your life caring for everyone else, perform at a "super high" level in mental health or healthcare—and only later realize you're autistic and ADHD?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Becca, a licensed clinical social worker who has done "a little bit of everything" in mental health over the last 15+ years: hospital liaison work, community mental health, corporate managed care, and now full-time private practice with autistic, ADHD, and highly sensitive adults—many of whom are parenting neurodivergent kids themselves.paste.txt

Becca shares how her expertise in ADHD, rejection sensitivity, and neurodivergence grew alongside her own late realization that she's autistic. She describes what that language changed about decades of burnout, self-blame, and "alternate explanations" for her struggles—grief for missed support and time she can never get back, and also freedom in finally knowing which traits are hardwired and not going anywhere. That shift opened space to stop trying to "fix" herself and instead focus on accommodation, creative problem-solving, and working with her brain instead of against it.paste.txt

The conversation then turns to neurodivergence in leadership, especially in healthcare and helping professions. Becca explains the "spiky profile" of being twice-exceptional—having above-average ability in some areas and significant challenges in others—and how special-interest work, high output, and deep passion can make someone an extraordinary subject-matter expert but a chronically overextended leader. She talks about modeling unhealthy overwork, implicit pressure on teams, and reaching an implosion point where she had to step back completely and recalibrate after years of late nights, weekend work, and boundary erosion.paste.txt

This episode is especially valuable for autistic, ADHD, and highly sensitive adults in helping roles—therapists, nurses, social workers, educators, healthcare leaders—who feel guilty for burning out, confused by their own patterns, or scared to admit "I can't keep doing everything."

In this episode, you'll learn:paste.txt

• How Becca moved from "I'm failing" to "I'm autistic" and what that unlocked

• The two-sided coin of late identification: grief and freedom

• What "spiky profiles" and twice-exceptionality can look like in real life

• How special-interest work and high capability set neurodivergent folks up for both success and burnout

• Why being a brilliant subject-matter expert doesn't automatically translate to sustainable leadership

• How overwork in leadership creates unspoken pressure and poor modeling for teams

• What it can mean to step back entirely, recalibrate, and rebuild work on different terms

What if your sexuality has only ever been talked about in diagnosis codes, labels, or shame—and no one ever helped you figure out what actually feels good and safe for you?

In this intimate episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with nurse practitioner and sexologist Lori Davis, who works at the intersection of medicine, somatics, and relationships to help people in long-term partnerships make sex work for the long haul. Lori specializes in mismatched desire—the incredibly common pattern where one partner wants sex more (or differently) than the other—and she explains why that isn't a "broken" libido, but a relational dance that can change.

They unpack what mismatched desire really is, why the higher-desire partner is not the only "normal" one, and how lower desire can be shaped by nervous system states, stress, people-pleasing, trauma, hormones, and never having been asked what you actually want. Lori reframes desire as an emotion and a kind of "internal horse you can learn to ride," rather than a switch you're supposed to turn on or off. She also speaks directly to autistic and ADHD adults about sensory needs in bed, awkwardness, and learning to say both yes and no without guilt.

From hormone shifts (perimenopause, postpartum, SSRIs) to trauma, people-pleasing, and cultural scripts about what sex "should" look like, Lori and April explore how neurodivergent nervous systems experience desire over time—hypersexual, asexual, shut down, or somewhere in between—and how to move from "I'm broken" to "my body is giving me information."

If you've ever felt like you're the problem in your relationship because you want sex more, less, or differently than your partner—or you've wondered whether intimacy is over for you because of sensory issues or trauma—this episode offers both validation and gentle, practical starting points.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• What mismatched desire actually is (and why almost all long-term couples experience it)

• Why "higher desire = normal, lower desire = broken" is a harmful myth

• How neurodivergent sensory needs and nervous-system states shape desire and arousal

• A different way to understand desire—as an emotion you can learn to work with

• Common medical and hormonal factors that affect desire (including SSRIs and menopause)

• Non-shaming ways to talk about touch, sensory preferences, and "yum vs. not-so-yum"

• Why saying and hearing "no" is foundational for safe, satisfying sex

• A simple touch exercise (from the Wheel of Consent) couples can try to reconnect

• What "good sex" can mean beyond porn and movie scripts: co-regulation, choice, and flexibility

• Why your capacity for pleasure and connection isn't gone—even if trauma and pain are part of your story

What if your brain is bright and capable—but your life feels like a mess of missed deadlines, chaotic rooms, and constant overwhelm?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Dr. Norrine Russell, a "quirky mom" of two neurodivergent kids (autism, ADHD, anxiety—"all the A's") and founder of the largest student coaching practice in the U.S. for neurodiverse learners. Dr. Russell specializes in coaching autistic, ADHD, and anxious students and young adults using her Connected Coaching model, and she breaks down what's really going on when bright, "good" kids and young adults struggle to function day-to-day.

Together, they unpack what executive functioning actually is in plain language, how it shows up in real life (messy rooms, missed buses, hygiene struggles, late assignments), and why it's about brain development—not laziness, morality, or "not caring." Dr. Russell explains how anxiety, overwhelm, and masking at school or work drain executive functioning and lead to meltdowns and shutdowns at home, and why expectations must match where someone actually is developmentally—not just their age or test scores.

They also dive into her book Asking the Right Questions About ADHD, why ADHD and autism so often travel together, and what questions teens, young adults, and parents should be asking about diagnosis, support, and long-term planning. From transitions to college, trade school, or work, to realistic time management, scaffolding, and emotional regulation strategies, this conversation offers both validation and concrete next steps.

If you're an autistic or ADHD young adult who feels like you're self-sabotaging, constantly late, or "bad at life"—or a parent trying to support without smothering—this episode will help you see the difference between "I'm bad at this" and "no one taught me how."

In this episode, you'll learn:

• What executive functioning really means (without the jargon)

• Everyday signs EF is the issue: mess, lateness, missed tasks, hygiene struggles

• How anxiety, overwhelm, and masking drain your executive "battery"

• Why capacity for focus, planning, and self-control changes day to day

• How to think in "next rung on the ladder" instead of "top of the ladder" goals

• Key questions from Asking the Right Questions About ADHD that also matter for autism

• What actually changes (and doesn't) when you move from high school to college, trade school, or work

• A practical way to tell "I'm bad at this" from "no one gave me a scaffold"

• Non-shaming ways to handle screens, gaming, and social media in neurodivergent homes

• Concrete strategies for time management, task initiation, and emotional regulation

What if your 70s were more adventurous than your 30s?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Auntie April MS, OT/L talks with Norman Calvo, a longtime mortgage banker who decided "standard success" wasn't enough—and reinvented himself in his 60s and 70s. Norman went from overworked, out of breath on New York subway stairs to running half-marathons, completing the New York City Marathon, perfecting a handstand at 72, singing cabaret, and hosting his own podcast, Against the Norm.

Norman shares how a casual conversation with a marathon-running colleague and a chance meeting with two opera singers accidentally opened the door to an entirely new life. He and April dig into the quiet red flags of burnout and boredom, the "little voice" that tells you there's more to life than your current job, and how ignoring that voice leads to regret. He also explains how he helps people design their "third act" by reconnecting with what they loved as kids and turning those buried passions into experiments, hobbies, or even new careers.

This is a powerful conversation for autistic and neurodivergent adults in their 20s, 30s, and beyond who are already thinking, "Did I pick the wrong field?" or feel trapped in an identity built only on grades, job titles, or performance.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How Norman went from 59, out of shape and overworked, to marathons, cabaret, and handstands

• The subtle signs you've outgrown a version of success (boredom, overwork, "there has to be more than this")

• Why tying your entire identity to school, performance, or a job leads to burnout

• How continuous learning and new neural pathways keep life vibrant at any age

• A simple exercise to uncover what you actually love: listing 10 things you enjoyed as a kid

• How to turn those old loves into small, low-pressure experiments in your current life

• Why obstacles (money, time, age) should be treated as problems to navigate—not full stops

• What Norman wishes his 20-year-old self had known about aging, balance, and possibility

Disappointment is part of life. Unfortunately, nobody teaches autistic people how to deal with it.

Instead, we're handed vague inspirational quotes like "Everything happens for a reason," "Rejection is redirection," and "There's a silver lining." But what happens when the thing you wanted most disappears? What happens when a carefully planned future suddenly falls apart?

In this solo episode, April talks about losing a long-planned trip to Seoul, why autistic people often grieve the future they've already built in their minds, and how to pivot when life doesn't go according to plan.

If you've ever failed a class, lost a relationship, missed an opportunity, been denied accommodations, experienced burnout, or watched a dream disappear, this episode is for you.

Disappointment isn't a verdict. It's information.

The question is: what do you do next?

#Autism #ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent #AdultingWithAutism #AutisticAdults #ADHD #MentalHealth #Disappointment #Resilience #CollegeSuccess