Adulting with Autism

"You're in graduate school." "You're in a long-term relationship." "You can carry a conversation."

Okay—but at what cost?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Ryn Rising, a queer, trans, neurodivergent counselor and coach who supports adults navigating late autism and ADHD identification, burnout, masking, identity, and relationships. Their practice offers counseling for Oregon residents and coaching for clients worldwide.

Ryn shares how burnout during graduate school led them to seek an autism assessment and reconsider an earlier bipolar diagnosis. We explore why being able to perform, achieve, or connect socially does not reveal how much effort that performance requires.

Ryn also introduces GRAVY: Gentleness, Rest and recovery, Accommodations, Vital needs, and Your joy. It is their personal framework for bringing more compassion, practical support, and recovery into a life where work, finances, and caregiving cannot simply disappear.

We talk about small changes, rebuilding self-trust, welcoming a client's "no," different processing needs in relationships, and Ryn's experience of moving abroad.

This conversation is for anyone who has finally found language for their experience—and is now asking, "How do I build a life that actually makes room for me?"

Content note: Discussion of mental-health misdiagnosis, medical harm, identity-related stress, and political concerns.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Ryn's experience of burnout in high school and graduate school.

• Moving from understimulation and extra commitments into overload.

• Why they sought an autism assessment after an earlier diagnosis they describe as incorrect.

• How late identification brought clarity and closure.

• High masking and the hidden cost of appearing capable.

• Why academic success and relationships do not tell the whole story of someone's support needs.

• Exploring gendered expectations without reducing trans and nonbinary people to assumptions.

• What self-erasure can look like in everyday decisions.

• Rebuilding self-trust after years of overriding discomfort.

• Accepting real constraints while identifying demands that can change.

• The five parts of Ryn's GRAVY framework.

• Taking micro-steps when a complete lifestyle overhaul is not possible.

• Responding to the inner critic when a small step feels "not enough."

• What lived experience can add to professional support.

• Why no identity group is a monolith.

• Making room for skepticism, disagreement, and refusal in therapy.

• How Ryn distinguishes the emphasis of their therapy and coaching work.

• Moving to the Netherlands and navigating identity across cultures.

• Burnout during major life transitions.

• Different processing times in relationships.

• Pausing a difficult conversation without abandoning it.

• Making room for joy after late-identification grief.

The GRAVY Framework

Ryn describes GRAVY as their own organizing framework, informed by approaches they use in therapy and coaching. It is not presented here as a separately validated treatment protocol.

:not([hidden])~:not([hidden]))]:border-soft"> :not([hidden])~:not([hidden]))]:border-soft bg-raised"> Letter Meaning Focus in the conversation G Gentleness Self-compassion, perfectionism, internalized ableism, and the inner critic R Rest and recovery Sleep, restorative rest, sensory recovery, and reducing demands A Accommodations Accessible routines, executive-function supports, sensory needs, and unmasking when safe V Vital needs Nutrition, hydration, and movement Y Your joy Special interests, play, connection, pleasure, and enjoyment About the Guest

Ryn Rising, they/them, is a queer, trans, neurodivergent counselor and coach whose work focuses on late identification, burnout, masking exhaustion, identity exploration, life transitions, and relationships. Their approach combines professional training with lived experience and emphasizes collaboration, compassion, curiosity, and practical support.:not([hidden])~:not([hidden]))]:border-soft bg-soft">innerrising+1

Ryn's practice, Inner Rising Counseling and Coaching, offers online counseling for Oregon residents and coaching worldwide.

In this interview, they also discuss their move to the Netherlands and their planned podcast, The Human Therapist Rising, which they describe as a project about the humans behind therapeutic work.

Resources:

• Inner Rising Counseling and Coaching.

• Ryn's professional profile.psychologytoday

Publishing note: The interview names an earlier website, innerrisingwellness.com. The current site found for their practice is innerrising.nl.

Key Takeaways

• Being able to do something does not reveal its emotional, sensory, or recovery cost.

• Late identification can bring relief while also opening new questions about identity and daily life.

• Self-trust can develop through noticing needs and responding to them in manageable ways.

• Small changes deserve attention without being presented as a substitute for adequate resources or systemic support.

• Joy belongs in a conversation about recovery—not only productivity and symptom management.

• A client's disagreement is useful information, not automatically resistance.

• Shared lived experience can support understanding without making two people's experiences identical.

• Relationship conversations can make room for different processing needs without forcing an immediate agreement.

What does helpful therapy look like when the goal is not simply more eye contact, fewer autistic traits, or appearing more comfortable than you actually feel?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with autistic psychotherapist and author Sean Inderbitzen about feeling stuck, rumination, body awareness, connection, and the importance of having a real voice in your own care.

Sean introduces the approach he calls applied neural exercises: practices that invite curiosity and nonjudgmental attention to bodily experience. We discuss his use of polyvagal theory as a therapeutic framework, while exploring a broader question: what does this particular person want help with, and how will we know whether the support is working?

We also talk about masking in context, sensory environments, basic needs, and why an approach that helps one person may not fit another. During the conversation, I demonstrate the movement I use while interviewing—and we notice what happens when I pay attention to how it feels.

One of the most useful questions from the episode is one you can bring to a prospective therapist:

"How do you respond when a client tells you that you're wrong?"

Because support should include room to disagree, correct a misunderstanding, change direction, and say when something is not helping.

Content note: This conversation includes grief, trauma, and brief discussion of suicidal thoughts and a potentially distressing clinical example.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Sean's experience as an autistic psychotherapist and author.

• Why he wishes autism had been discussed more openly earlier in his life.

• The personal vulnerability involved in writing about his own experience.

• What he means by "neural exercises."

• Flexibility and connection as individualized goals—not universal demands.

• Looking at wellbeing across a person's relationship with themselves, close relationships, wider social life, and life overall.

• Why the context of masking matters to the person making that choice.

• Sean's explanation of polyvagal theory and how he applies it in therapy.

• Exploring both internal distress and external conditions rather than assuming one explanation.

• Food, sleep, shelter, sensory needs, and readiness for therapeutic work.

• Approaching body awareness gradually when it feels difficult or overwhelming.

• Stimming and movement as possible resources for noticing comfort, relaxation, or joy.

• April's standing-and-swiveling interview setup.

• Discussing rumination as an experience someone wants help with—not simply as a diagnostic label.

• Feedback-informed treatment and asking whether sessions address the client's priorities.

• What happens when a therapist's interpretation misses the mark.

• Apologizing, repairing misunderstandings, and adjusting the work.

• Questions to ask a prospective therapist about disagreement and feedback.

• Supporting someone's regulation without trying to manage every aspect of their experience.

• Using workbook exercises selectively while recognizing the role of their wider context.

About the Guest

Sean Inderbitzen is an autistic psychotherapist and author who writes for W. W. Norton about autism and applications of polyvagal theory. In this interview, he discusses Neural Exercises for Autism, his earlier work, and how personal experience has informed his approach to therapy.

His discussion emphasizes curiosity, the therapeutic relationship, client feedback, and exploring what supports a person's wellbeing in their own circumstances. He describes applied neural exercises as tools for bringing mindful attention to bodily experience and exploring flexibility and connection.

Sean directs listeners to his books through major retailers and to Instagram and LinkedIn to follow his work or ask questions. Search his name as Sean Inderbitzen; confirm exact profile links before adding them to the published show notes.

Key Takeaways

• Progress should relate to the person's own goals—not automatically to appearing less autistic.

• A supportive therapeutic relationship leaves room for correction and disagreement.

• Body-awareness practices should be approached with attention to comfort, choice, and pacing.

• Movement someone already enjoys can be a starting point for noticing what feels helpful.

• Sensory conditions and basic needs belong in conversations about distress.

• A therapist's personal experience is not a substitute for understanding the client's experience.

• Repair includes acknowledging when an interpretation was invalidating and changing course.

• Tools are possibilities to explore—not promises that every person will respond the same way

Connect with Gary Coulton

Continue the conversation about neurodivergence, self-understanding, and everyday wisdom:

• The Positive Echo on Substack — Gary's weekly essays on making wiser decisions a little more often.

• Gary on LinkedIn — Writing and conversations about wisdom, neurodivergence, clarity, and purpose.

• Gary's author website — His background, memoir, and reader reflections.

Gary's Books Wisdomize: See Clearly. Decide Wisely. Live Fully.

"A self-help book for people who hate being told what to do."

Gary describes Wisdomize as a concise, practical guide for reflective adults who want to think more clearly, connect with their values, and make decisions with greater purpose and integrity.

Rather than prescribing one correct way to live, the book offers invitations to reflect, notice, and explore your own responses.

Available for preorder from October 12, 2026, according to Gary's supplied promotional information.

Explore or preorder Wisdomize

Reader endorsement supplied by Gary:

"What I really like about Wisdomize is that it's not just another book telling you how to improve yourself. It actually gives you practical tools and exercises to help you reflect, make better decisions and take ownership of your own personal development."

— Owen Williams, Co-Founder of Six Red Squares

Demons to Champions: How I Fell in Love with My Neurodivergent Maverick Mind

Gary's memoir explores his internal and external worlds: professional achievement, feeling different, self-criticism, relationships, and learning to understand his neurodivergent mind. He describes it as a book for misfits and left-field thinkers—and for the people who love, work with, or lead them.garycoulton.co

Explore Demons to Champions

A reader's reflection:

"A compelling read, a beautifully written book which made me laugh and cry."

— Reader review featured on Gary's author website.garycoulton.co

Updated Episode Description Closing

Continue exploring the ideas from this conversation through Gary's memoir, Demons to Champions: How I Fell in Love with My Neurodivergent Maverick Mind, and his practical guide, Wisdomize: See Clearly. Decide Wisely. Live Fully.

For weekly reflections on making wiser decisions, visit The Positive Echo on Substack. Direct links to Gary's books, website, and LinkedIn are in the show notes.

You do not need another voice telling you everything you should be doing.

Gary Coulton's Wisdomize takes a different approach: practical reflection, everyday noticing, and questions that help you explore what matters to you.

His memoir, Demons to Champions, shares the personal journey behind that work—from self-criticism toward a kinder relationship with his neurodivergent mind.

📖 Wisdomize: https://mybook.to/wisdomize 📖 Demons to Champions: https://mybook.to/demonstochampions ✍️ The Positive Echo: https://garycoulton.substack.com/

What does helpful therapy look like when the goal is not simply more eye contact, fewer autistic traits, or appearing more comfortable than you actually feel?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with autistic psychotherapist and author Sean Inderbitzen about feeling stuck, rumination, body awareness, connection, and the importance of having a real voice in your own care.

Sean introduces the approach he calls applied neural exercises: practices that invite curiosity and nonjudgmental attention to bodily experience. We discuss his use of polyvagal theory as a therapeutic framework, while exploring a broader question: what does this particular person want help with, and how will we know whether the support is working?

We also talk about masking in context, sensory environments, basic needs, and why an approach that helps one person may not fit another. During the conversation, I demonstrate the movement I use while interviewing—and we notice what happens when I pay attention to how it feels.

One of the most useful questions from the episode is one you can bring to a prospective therapist:

"How do you respond when a client tells you that you're wrong?"

Because support should include room to disagree, correct a misunderstanding, change direction, and say when something is not helping.

Content note: This conversation includes grief, trauma, and brief discussion of suicidal thoughts and a potentially distressing clinical example.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Sean's experience as an autistic psychotherapist and author.

• Why he wishes autism had been discussed more openly earlier in his life.

• The personal vulnerability involved in writing about his own experience.

• What he means by "neural exercises."

• Flexibility and connection as individualized goals—not universal demands.

• Looking at wellbeing across a person's relationship with themselves, close relationships, wider social life, and life overall.

• Why the context of masking matters to the person making that choice.

• Sean's explanation of polyvagal theory and how he applies it in therapy.

• Exploring both internal distress and external conditions rather than assuming one explanation.

• Food, sleep, shelter, sensory needs, and readiness for therapeutic work.

• Approaching body awareness gradually when it feels difficult or overwhelming.

• Stimming and movement as possible resources for noticing comfort, relaxation, or joy.

• April's standing-and-swiveling interview setup.

• Discussing rumination as an experience someone wants help with—not simply as a diagnostic label.

• Feedback-informed treatment and asking whether sessions address the client's priorities.

• What happens when a therapist's interpretation misses the mark.

• Apologizing, repairing misunderstandings, and adjusting the work.

• Questions to ask a prospective therapist about disagreement and feedback.

• Supporting someone's regulation without trying to manage every aspect of their experience.

• Using workbook exercises selectively while recognizing the role of their wider context.

About the Guest

Sean Inderbitzen is an autistic psychotherapist and author who writes for W. W. Norton about autism and applications of polyvagal theory. In this interview, he discusses Neural Exercises for Autism, his earlier work, and how personal experience has informed his approach to therapy.

His discussion emphasizes curiosity, the therapeutic relationship, client feedback, and exploring what supports a person's wellbeing in their own circumstances. He describes applied neural exercises as tools for bringing mindful attention to bodily experience and exploring flexibility and connection.

Sean directs listeners to his books through major retailers and to Instagram and LinkedIn to follow his work or ask questions. Search his name as Sean Inderbitzen; confirm exact profile links before adding them to the published show notes.

Key Takeaways

• Progress should relate to the person's own goals—not automatically to appearing less autistic.

• A supportive therapeutic relationship leaves room for correction and disagreement.

• Body-awareness practices should be approached with attention to comfort, choice, and pacing.

• Movement someone already enjoys can be a starting point for noticing what feels helpful.

• Sensory conditions and basic needs belong in conversations about distress.

• A therapist's personal experience is not a substitute for understanding the client's experience.

• Repair includes acknowledging when an interpretation was invalidating and changing course.

• Tools are possibilities to explore—not promises that every person will respond the same wa

I thought I would spend my career treating patients, become a director of rehab, and eventually retire.

Apparently, life had other plans.

In this solo episode of Adulting with Autism, I'm sharing what I have learned about becoming an entrepreneur while working full-time as an occupational therapist—and why you do not need a business degree or a perfect plan before you explore an idea.

I started this podcast because I was frustrated by the lack of resources for my autistic son as he entered adulthood. I knew the problem I wanted to address. Running a podcast as a business? That part I had to learn.

We're talking about doing too much, trying to be on every platform, buying equipment before you need it, comparing yourself to established creators, setting interview boundaries, and figuring out which services are actually worth paying for.

I also share how I use ChatGPT—yes, her name is Shonda—to organize ideas and support my workflow, along with the deeply unfortunate moment I copied our entire conversation into a professional email.

Including the profanity.

This is not a blueprint for overnight success. It is an honest look at starting small, making mistakes, protecting your capacity, asking questions, and building systems that help you function instead of just making you look productive.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Why my original career plan did not include becoming a podcast entrepreneur.

• Starting Adulting with Autism to address a need I experienced as a parent.

• Learning business skills after launching rather than waiting to know everything.

• Why publishing a podcast and helping people discover it are different jobs.

• Building an episode catalog and improving through practice.

• Figuring out where your audience spends time.

• Trying Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, blogs—and handmade T-shirts—while working full-time.

• How doing too much can turn meaningful work into another obligation.

• Starting with available equipment and upgrading within your budget.

• Comparing your early-stage project with someone else's established platform.

• Rejection, guest outreach, connections, and opportunities that take time.

• How I use AI for guest research, interview preparation, organization, and brainstorming.

• Why AI output still needs review and verification.

• The copy-and-paste email mistake I will never forget.

• Interview limits, weekend boundaries, and protecting my social battery.

• Recognizing that loving the work does not make it cost-free.

• Changing systems when they stop working.

• Learning about business expenses, cash flow, taxes, contracts, and paid support.

• Asking questions and choosing learning methods you can actually use.

• Giving yourself permission to build something imperfect.

About the Host

April Ratchford, MS, OT/L, is an autistic occupational therapist, parent of an autistic young adult, and host of Adulting with Autism.

She launched the podcast on January 1, 2024, after struggling to find relevant resources for her son's transition into adulthood. Through interviews and solo episodes, April shares conversations about work, healthcare, relationships, executive function, self-advocacy, community, and everyday adult life.

In this episode, she discusses the business side of that work: building an audience, managing a growing workload, using tools, making financial decisions, and developing more sustainable boundaries while continuing in direct patient care.

Connect:

• Website: adultingwithautism.com

• Email: [email protected]

• Social links and direct messages: available through the website.

Key Takeaways

• You can begin exploring a business idea without knowing every part of business management.

• Knowing who you want to serve gives you a useful starting point.

• A limited budget is a reason to make deliberate choices—not to buy a professional-looking setup before testing the idea.

• Being everywhere can become more work than your capacity allows.

• AI can support a workflow, but reviewing its output remains your responsibility.

• Business income and money available for personal spending are not the same thing.

• Enjoying your work does not eliminate your need for rest.

• Systems can change as your responsibilities, capacity, and business change.

• Mistakes can become lessons without becoming a permanent judgment about your ability.

• Starting small and asking questions count as doing the work.

Autistic children become autistic adults.

But who explains friendship, attraction, changing relationships, consent, sensory preferences, and boundaries when so much support still focuses on childhood?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Trishta Villalta, a Board Certified Behavior Analyst and creator of Capable Hearts, a friendship and dating platform for adults with optional coaching support. The platform describes its mission as helping adults connect while maintaining choice over who they speak with and what they share.

Trishta shares how supporting a client from childhood into adulthood revealed gaps in relationship education. We discuss direct ways to express interest, ask whether someone wants to meet again, communicate touch preferences, and clarify misunderstandings without assuming every interaction should follow a neurotypical script.

We also explore ongoing consent, pressure versus disappointment, protecting alone time, and what it means for adult coaching to follow the person's own goals—including their right to change direction or stop.

This episode is for autistic adults seeking friendship or dating, partners, families, and professionals who want relationship support to respect autonomy rather than reward compliance.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Why Trishta chose to develop support for adults alongside her work with children.

• The problem with viewing autistic people as "forever children."

• Relationship questions that can remain unanswered when adults assume someone already understands.

• Why withholding information about sexual health and boundaries is not the same as protecting someone.

• Adult-directed coaching: working on the goals a person chooses.

• The difference between communication support and pressure to perform a different social identity.

• Asking directly whether someone wants to keep talking or meet again.

• Expressing romantic interest without relying only on hints.

• Clarifying meaning and apologizing after an unintended hurtful comment.

• Navigating uncertainty without repeatedly seeking reassurance.

• Choosing meeting locations around both people's sensory preferences.

• Discussing touch, textures, sounds, and personal space.

• Consent as an ongoing conversation—not permanent permission.

• Recognizing discomfort and pausing when someone appears unsure.

• Pressure, guilt, fear of losing a relationship, and the right to refuse.

• Capable Hearts' friendship/dating features and separate coaching options.

• Trishta's description of reporting and blocking within the app.

• Respecting an adult's right to decline coaching or change their goals.

• Communicating a need for alone time and recovery after work or school.

About the Guest

Trishta Villalta is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst who says she has held the credential since approximately 2018. In this interview, she describes how her experience supporting clients into adulthood led her to create Capable Hearts.

Capable Hearts is an adults-only friendship and dating platform with optional BCBA coaching. Its website describes features including profiles, accessibility preferences, reporting, privacy controls, and opportunities to develop social connections.

Trishta's stated approach to adult coaching centers on what the individual wants to work on, rather than having the professional choose goals on their behalf.

Find the platform and contact information at capablehearts.com.

Contact email listed on the website: [email protected].

Key Takeaways

• Autistic adults deserve clear, respectful relationship education—not assumptions that they are uninterested or already know everything.

• Direct questions can make intentions clearer, although another person may still respond ambiguously.

• Friendship, dating, physical affection, and coaching are separate choices.

• Someone can enjoy your company without wanting touch, romance, or sexual contact.

• A boundary does not need an elaborate explanation to deserve respect.

• Consent can change. Silence, freezing, or uncertainty should not be treated as permission.

• Another person's disappointment does not create an obligation to agree.

• Adult support should leave room for refusal, revised goals, and stopping.

• Needing quiet or time alone is compatible with wanting connection.

What if healthy living did not require following the latest trend, tolerating someone else's workout music, or pretending every day comes with the same amount of energy?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Jimmy Clare, an autistic keynote speaker, autism advocate, podcaster, livestream host, and founder of CrazyFitnessGuy. He created the platform to share healthy living through autistic eyes, with an emphasis on practical support rather than pressure or perfection.:not([hidden])~:not([hidden]))]:border-soft bg-soft">crazyfitnessguy+1

Jimmy shares how exercise became part of his response to years of bullying, why sensory details matter in movement, and how he uses reminders, distraction blockers, and his most productive hours to structure his work.

He also gets honest about what he has not figured out yet: adapting to pain, changing capacity, medication side effects, and difficult days. We discuss reducing expectations when you are unwell, finding enjoyable activities, communicating concerns to healthcare professionals, and stepping away from comparison.

Jimmy speaks from lived experience—not as a certified fitness professional. This episode explores his personal approach to wellness, not an exercise prescription or individualized medical advice.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Jimmy's work as a speaker, advocate, podcast host, and founder of CrazyFitnessGuy.

• How years of bullying shaped his relationship with exercise, stress, and belonging.

• What "healthy living your way" means to him.

• Why one exercise modification may not meet everyone's needs.

• His approach to trying products before endorsing them.

• To-do apps, persistent reminders, and reducing reliance on other people's prompts.

• Blocking distracting websites during his most productive hours.

• Designing a workspace around attention rather than other people's preferences.

• Why Jimmy prefers control over workout music and volume.

• Adapting routines while dealing with a protruding disc and fluctuating wellbeing.

• His prediction about AI and personalized fitness—and the distinction between speculation and current professional guidance.

• Why he separates lived-experience advice from fitness qualifications.

• Recording symptoms and communicating with clinicians through patient portals.

• Convenience, food planning, and the tools he personally uses.

• Reducing a difficult day to one manageable priority.

• Why rest does not need to be earned through constant productivity.

• Learning from podcast guests without assuming every suggestion applies to him.

• Starting with activities you enjoy.

• Replacing business comparison with attention to his own progress.

About the Guest

Jimmy Clare is an autistic professional keynote speaker, autism advocate, podcaster, and livestream host. He founded CrazyFitnessGuy in 2017 to share healthy living through autistic eyes and encourage sustainable habits rooted in lived experience.

Through his platform and The CrazyFitnessGuy Show, he explores autism, sensory needs, routines, mental health, burnout, and everyday wellbeing. His speaking work addresses inclusion, resilience, and realistic self-care.:not([hidden])~:not([hidden]))]:border-soft bg-soft">jimmyclarespeaks+1

In this interview, Jimmy explicitly states that he is not a certified fitness professional or personal trainer. His contribution is his own experience of finding tools and approaches that work for him.

Resources:

• CrazyFitnessGuy: podcast and wellness resources.crazyfitnessguy

• Jimmy Clare's speaking services.jimmyclarespeaks

Key Takeaways

• A wellness routine can account for sensory preferences, access, enjoyment, and changing capacity.

• A tool that helps one person is an option to explore—not a rule for everyone.

• Jimmy's routine includes reducing distractions and matching demanding work to his better-focus hours.

• He does not present himself as having every difficult day figured out.

• Rest can be part of looking after yourself rather than a prize awarded after completing a task list.

• Sharing lived experience and providing professional exercise or medical guidance are different roles.

• Comparison can become another demand that takes attention away from your own needs and progress.

Hey squad—it's Throwback Tuesday.

Monday came, I was exhausted, and I decided not to force an episode when my brain had already clocked out. Instead, we're revisiting a conversation many of you will appreciate after Professor Sol Smith's recent return to the podcast: his very first interview on Adulting with Autism.

In this original conversation, Sol discusses his journey to an autism diagnosis, his experience as a college professor, and the thinking behind The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery. We explore masking, rumination, burnout, individualized support, community, and the question so many late-identified autistic adults face: "Now that I understand this about myself, what happens next?"paste.txt

We also talk about supporting strengths instead of spending every moment correcting weaknesses, how parents can move from guilt toward repair, and why special interests can open unexpected doors to confidence and connection. Sol shares a memorable story about his child discovering speedcubing—and how that interest became a pathway into a supportive community.paste.txt

If you enjoyed his recent episode about ADHD self-discovery, this is your chance to hear where our conversation began.

Grab your drink of choice—absolutely no judgment—and welcome back Professor Sol.

Archive note: This is a replay of an earlier interview. References to ages, book-release timing, community offerings, and personal circumstances reflect when the original conversation was recorded.

In This Episode

• Why a clearly defined teaching role felt more comfortable for Sol than unstructured social interaction.

• His path to an autism assessment and the assumptions he had about what an autistic adult could look like.

• Why "we're all a little autistic" can miss the meaning of the autism spectrum.

• How rumination can feel like solving a problem while repeatedly returning to a painful experience.

• Sol's discussion of immediate coping tools and longer-term support.

• Why he wanted to create a self-discovery roadmap for late-identified autistic adults.

• The gap between receiving a diagnosis and finding useful adult support.

• Why individualized support matters when strengths and difficulties are uneven.

• Coaching that responds to the person rather than following a fixed weekly formula.

• Seeking help with draining tasks while making more room for strengths.

• The importance of cultural fit, access, and recognizing that one coach will not suit everyone.

• Community as a place to explore identity, unmasking, and belonging.

• Why autism education should involve people around autistic adults—not only autistic adults themselves.

• Moving beyond parental guilt toward accountability and changed support.

• Sol's family story about speedcubing, friendship, confidence, and special interests.paste.txt

About Professor Sol

Sol Smith is an autistic and ADHD coach, author, and educator. In this first interview, he shares his experience as a longtime college professor, his late autism diagnosis, and his work creating resources for autistic self-understanding.

His book, The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery, is the focus of this archive conversation. He also discusses individualized coaching and the Neurospicy Community, which he developed as a more accessible way for people to find support and connection.

You can direct listeners to the resource links included with his recent return episode for updated information about his books, coaching, and community.

Key Takeaways

• A clear role can make one kind of social interaction feel very different from another.

• A diagnosis can provide context without automatically supplying the support someone needs next.

• Repeatedly revisiting a painful event is not always the same as making progress on it.

• Support should respond to a person's actual strengths, needs, circumstances, and preferences.

• Needing help with one area of life does not erase competence in another.

• Parents can acknowledge what they did not understand and change how they support their child now.

• Special interests can be meaningful routes into connection—not simply distractions to remove.

• Self-discovery does not have to happen alone.

The promotions were there. The pay was good. The team was successful.

So why didn't it feel like success?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with executive coach and author Chad Betz about the moment he sat in a parking garage after work and realized that the life he had built no longer matched what success meant to him.

We explore the difference between pursuing something you genuinely want and following expectations inherited from family, coworkers, social media, or an earlier version of yourself. Chad shares how informational interviews, small experiments, trusted support, and reflection can help you explore a new direction without immediately quitting your job or taking on another degree.

For autistic, ADHD, and other neurodivergent adults reassessing life after late identification, this conversation makes room for an important possibility: learning more about yourself can change your goals—and changing direction does not erase everything you have already accomplished.

We also discuss Chad's 20-goal exercise, his use of the OODA loop—Observe, Orient, Decide, Act—and why coaching should help you identify your own direction rather than hand you another person's definition of success.

In This Episode, We Cover

• Chad's parking-garage realization: professional achievement did not automatically create personal fulfillment.

• The shift from reacting to circumstances toward identifying choices within his control.

• Why success does not have to happen by a particular age.

• How experience can provide useful skills while also making it harder to change direction.

• Exploring whether difficult work still connects with your sense of purpose.

• Why leaving a field does not mean your education and experience were wasted.

• A criminal-justice graduate's exploration of banking, legal support, and alternative career paths.

• Informational interviews: learning what a role actually involves before committing.

• Coaches, mentors, and trusted advisers as outside perspectives.

• Testing an idea through a hobby, volunteer opportunity, or side project.

• Fear of uncertainty versus the feeling that leaving means losing your past investment.

• Building confidence through manageable action and learning.

• Coaching that draws out your goals instead of imposing new ones.

• The 20-goal exercise: identifying recurring interests and priorities.

• Reassessing work after learning something significant about yourself.

• Distinguishing genuine ambition from pressure to prove yourself.

• Why protection and support are not always the same thing.

• Accountability, habits, and giving yourself room for difficult days.

• Using Observe, Orient, Decide, Act to revisit your direction.

• Questions to ask before accepting a promotion or new responsibility.

• Allowing your definition of success to evolve.

About the Guest

Chad Betz is an executive coach and author who helps people explore success that is personally meaningful to them. He works with individuals who feel stuck, uncertain about their next step, or disconnected from a career that may appear successful from the outside.

In this episode, Chad shares how his own professional dissatisfaction led him to reconsider his values, goals, and relationship with work. His approach emphasizes reflection, practical exploration, informational interviews, and small steps toward change.

Find Chad's coaching information, books, social links, and free content through the website he names in the interview: An Authentic Success.

Publishing note: The spoken website address sounds like "an authentic success dot com." Confirm the exact URL with Chad before adding a clickable link. The transcript also does not identify a specific book title.

Key Takeaways

• External achievement and personal fulfillment are not necessarily the same thing.

• Your education and experience remain part of your skill set even if you change direction.

• A new chapter can begin with an experiment—not an immediate resignation.

• Informational interviews can help replace an imagined career with a clearer picture of daily work.

• Coaching should support your choices rather than create another set of expectations to satisfy.

• Confidence can grow through small actions; it does not have to arrive before you begin.

• A promotion deserves evaluation, not automatic acceptance.

• Your goals can change as your needs, priorities, and self-understanding change.

• A hard period is a reason to investigate—not proof that your whole career was a mistake.

A company can celebrate neurodiversity, hire neurodivergent employees, and still create a workplace where those employees burn out trying to stay.

So what does inclusion look like after the interview?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Nat Hawley, founder of Divergent Thinking, a UK-based workplace neuroinclusion consultancy. Nat combines lived experience of autism, dyslexia, and dyspraxia with professional experience and a master's degree in applied neuroscience. His organization supports workplaces through training, coaching, needs assessments, and reviews of recruitment, communication, policies, and everyday practice.

We discuss the difference between awareness and embedded inclusion, why accessible recruitment must lead to sustainable employment, and how workplaces can remove unnecessary barriers before employees have to ask.

Nat also shares a practical approach to feedback: describe what happened, avoid assuming the worst, explain the impact, and work together on a way forward. We explore disclosure as a personal decision, asking for support, workplace needs passports, and why promotion should recognize results—not require everyone to follow one narrow path.

This episode is for neurodivergent employees, job seekers, managers, HR teams, parents supporting young adults, and anyone tired of hearing "read the room" instead of receiving clear instructions.

In this episode

• Nat's journey from understanding himself through limitations to recognizing his strengths.

• Combining lived experience, professional practice, and neuroscience.

• Universal design: starting with how people work rather than requiring people to fit existing processes.

• Why celebrating neurodiversity is different from embedding inclusion into everyday decisions.

• Moving from reactive support toward proactive, sustainable workplace practices.

• The difference between getting someone hired and helping them stay without exhausting themselves.

• Recruitment processes that reward familiarity and social performance rather than revealing talent.

• Written communication, quiet spaces, and accessible onboarding as everyday design choices.

• Checking staffing, training, workload, and time expectations before blaming an employee.

• Questions job seekers can ask about policies, employee networks, and leadership.

• Nat's explanation of double empathy as a two-way effort to understand different communication styles.

• Why "be more proactive," "it's obvious," and "read the room" can leave employees guessing.

• A feedback approach built around observation, impact, curiosity, and collaboration.

• Framing support requests around what helps you contribute effectively.

• Why disclosure is personal—not a requirement to become the office's neurodiversity spokesperson.

• Workplace needs assessments and passports as ways to document practical support.

• Recognizing when repeated unmet needs may indicate a workplace mismatch.

• Career progression through different methods, including assistive technology.

• Nat's example of using audio to improve his understanding and retention of written material.

About Nat Hawley

Nat Hawley is the founder of Divergent Thinking, a UK-based workplace neuroinclusion consultancy. In this conversation, he shares his lived experience of autism, dyslexia, and dyspraxia and describes a decade of supporting neurodivergent people with employment, purpose, and self-understanding.

A TEDx speaker with an MSc in Applied Neuroscience, Nat brings together personal experience and workplace expertise. Divergent Thinking offers consultancy, workplace needs assessments, strengths-based coaching, audits, manager training, workshops, and speaking services.

Find Nat's resources, training, coaching, workshops, and contact information at divergentthinking.uk—not ".co.uk."

Key takeaways

• An accessible interview is a beginning, not the end of inclusion.

• Sustainable employment matters as much as recruitment.

• Before judging performance, investigate the instructions, training, workload, environment, and available support.

• Clear feedback describes behavior and impact rather than assigning a negative personality label.

• Understanding communication differences should be a shared effort.

• People can discuss work preferences without making their whole identity available for public discussion.

• Different methods can lead to the same valuable outcome.

• Workplace inclusion should be built into everyday systems—not restarted every awareness week.

What if understanding your energy, attention, and daily struggles does not require another expensive wearable—or tracking every 15 minutes of your life?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with science writer Gary Wolf, co-founder of the Quantified Self movement and author of The Quantified Self: Learning to Observe. His work explores how people can use their own observations and data to answer questions that matter in their everyday lives.:not([hidden])~:not([hidden]))]:border-soft bg-soft">workman+1

We discuss how to start with one concrete question: Do I have energy left after work? When do I crash? What makes me late? What helps me recover?

Gary explains why personal observations matter, how wearables can provide context without telling the whole story, and why an experiment that does not work is information—not proof that you failed. We also walk through my hypothetical work-crash pattern and explore how to investigate it without immediately turning my entire life upside down.

This conversation is for autistic, ADHD, and neurodivergent adults who want to understand themselves without creating another overwhelming productivity system.

In this episode

• How a gathering organized by Gary and Kevin Kelly became a worldwide self-research community.

• The three Quantified Self show-and-tell questions: "What did I do? How did I do it? What did I learn?"

• Why tracking attention or energy does not have to mean recording every moment.

• Starting with one daily observation rather than a complicated dashboard.

• Gary's practical starting suggestion of approximately six weeks of daily observations—not a universal threshold for proving a result.

• Why "I had energy left after work" is a meaningful observation.

• Refining vague measures into something easier to notice.

• Investigating specific difficulties instead of trying to measure "executive function" as one giant concept.

• Foreground data: the question or experience you actually care about.

• Background data: context from wearables, calendars, messages, and other existing records.

• The difference between noticing a useful personal pattern and proving an intervention works for everyone.

• When tracking becomes more burdensome than useful.

• The role of clinician collaboration when questions involve symptoms, medication, or health decisions.

• April's hypothetical question: "Why do I crash every third workday?"

• Observing a pattern before choosing a change.

• Using what you learn to select a small, relevant experiment.

• Why curiosity can help replace the story "This system failed, so I'm a failure."

• Learning from other people's self-research without assuming their solution will fit your life.

About Gary

Gary Wolf is a science and technology writer based in Berkeley, California. A former executive editor of Wired Digital and contributing editor at Wired, he co-founded the Quantified Self movement in 2008.workman

He now works with the Personal Science Research Group to develop methods, tools, and case studies that support small-scale empirical research. His book, The Quantified Self: Learning to Observe, brings together personal stories and scientific reasoning methods for exploring questions about mood, cognition, sleep, pain, digestion, and other areas of life.:not([hidden])~:not([hidden]))]:border-soft bg-soft">workman+1

Resources:

• Gary's website.antephase

• Quantified Self and book information.quantifiedself

• Publisher's book page.workman

Release note: The publisher lists October 6, 2026, as the book's release date. Use "available for preorder" if the episode publishes before then, and "available now" afterward.workman

Key takeaways

• Start with a question that matters to you—not whatever your device happens to measure.

• One useful observation can be more manageable than a complicated tracking system.

• Your experience belongs in the picture; a wearable score is not the whole story.

• Personal patterns can guide questions and decisions without establishing universal cause and effect.

• Tracking should serve your life. Reassess when its burden exceeds its usefulness.

• An unsuccessful experiment can still teach you something.

• Health-related tracking can support a clinical conversation; it is not a substitute for medical evaluation or guidance on medication changes.