Adulting with Autism

What if one of the most effective ways to support a neurodivergent child is not starting with the child at all?

What if it starts with the adult learning to regulate themselves first?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with fellow occupational therapist Colleen about self-regulation, co-regulation, sensory processing, meltdowns, shutdowns, boundaries, parent burnout, repair conversations, and helping neurodivergent children build confidence without being punished for nervous-system responses.paste.txt

Colleen shares why every behavior is communication, why meltdowns are not manipulation, why shutdowns can be missed because they are quieter, and why "defiance" is often a poor explanation for what is actually happening.

We also talk about the difference between being firm and being harsh, being flexible and being permissive, holding a boundary and dismissing a feeling, and helping your child develop independence without rescuing them from every hard moment.

This episode is for parents, caregivers, neurodivergent adults, occupational therapists, educators, and anyone who has ever thought:

"I know what I should do, but I am overstimulated, dysregulated, and my kid just pushed every button I have."

• Who Colleen is: pediatric occupational therapist, self-regulation specialist, parent educator, creator of Growing Butterflies OT, and founder of Creations With Colleen.paste.txt

• Why she moved to California—and why good weather was part of the decision.

• The guiding question behind her work: "What if the most effective way to support your child is to regulate yourself first?"paste.txt

• How Colleen's pediatric OT work led her to focus on supporting adults and parents before expecting them to co-regulate a child.

• Self-regulation in ordinary language: feeling as okay as possible while navigating the hard, uncomfortable, stressful, overwhelming, or unexpected parts of life.

• Why emotional regulation is not about never having feelings—it is about understanding feelings, noticing them, and choosing what to do next.

• The difference between self-regulation and co-regulation.

• Self-regulation: how you care for yourself, understand your body, identify your needs, and move through difficult moments.

• Co-regulation: how your regulated nervous system influences and supports another person's nervous system.

• Sensory processing and self-regulation: why hunger, fatigue, transitions, sounds, smells, light, food textures, social demands, and sensory overload can affect behavior.

• Why smell sensitivity, noise sensitivity, light sensitivity, food aversions, movement needs, and sensory preferences can all affect emotional regulation.

• Why some people need more intentional sensory support to feel calm, safe, alert, focused, or organized.

• Why "defiance" may be a misleading label for a child who is overwhelmed, dysregulated, lacking a skill, anxious, sensory overloaded, confused, or feeling powerless.

• Why some children born after COVID may show more intense preferences, stronger opinions, and less willingness to simply "go with the flow."

• How to honor a child's voice while also accepting that some tasks are non-negotiable.

• The balance between accommodating children and helping them learn to do hard things.

• Why a child's meltdown is communication—not proof of bad intentions.

• What meltdowns may communicate: overwhelm, lack of control, sensory overload, frustration, fear, perceived unfairness, exhaustion, lack of communication tools, or a nervous system that has reached capacity.

• Why children often have their biggest meltdowns with parents or caregivers because they feel safest there.

• Why shutdowns are just as important as meltdowns, even when they are quieter and easier to miss.

• Shutdown signs: becoming quiet, withdrawing, disengaging, appearing to "give up," becoming less verbal, avoiding interaction, zoning out, or losing access to previously available skills.

• Why confidence-building can protect against shutdown by helping children feel capable of working through difficult moments.

• Common adult reactions that accidentally increase dysregulation: saying no without explanation, piling on language, arguing, escalating, demanding compliance in the heat of the moment, or ignoring a child's need for control.

• Why children may interpret "no" as permanent unless adults clearly explain the boundary and offer future options.

• Effective co-regulation: adults learning their own triggers, sensory needs, anxiety patterns, exhaustion signals, and capacity limits.

• Why many adults were never taught emotional regulation in childhood and are now expected to teach it to their children.

• Colleen's coffee story: missing a needed second cup of coffee before a demanding preschool observation and then realizing how quickly neglecting her own needs affected her capacity.

• Why taking care of yourself first is not selfish—it allows you to show up with more patience, discernment, flexibility, and emotional room for others.

• Boundaries: the difference between harshness, permissiveness, overgiving, self-abandonment, loving limits, and firm guidance.

• Why setting boundaries is especially difficult when parents are tired, triggered, guilty, people-pleasing, sensory overloaded, or afraid of upsetting their children.

• Why feelings are always valid, but not every behavior is okay.

• A simple core message: "You are allowed to feel angry. You are not allowed to hurt someone because you are angry."

• How to prepare for hard moments before they happen rather than trying to teach new skills at the peak of a meltdown.

• Why a dysregulated child is not ready for a long lesson, reasoning, negotiation, or behavior analysis.

• Why co-regulation with autistic and ADHD teens may look like space, quiet presence, patience, offering options, respecting no-touch preferences, and waiting for communication in its own form.

• Why nonverbal, minimally speaking, or differently communicating children are still communicating constantly through behavior, facial expression, movement, proximity, withdrawal, sensory seeking, and choices.

• How to create sensory-supportive spaces without spending huge amounts of money on specialized equipment.

• Low-cost sensory supports: noise-canceling headphones, spinning chairs, therapy balls, trampolines, movement breaks, jumping, safe pressure, music, massage, fidgets, household items, weighted blankets, and sensory routines.

• Why sensory support does not need to come from expensive products with the word "sensory" printed on the label.

• Why older kids, teens, and adults should be taught to identify their own sensory needs instead of relying on others to identify them forever.

• Why self-awareness is one of the most valuable long-term OT goals.

• What power struggles often communicate: a child needs more autonomy, clarity, predictability, connection, choices, or emotional support.

• Why offering more small choices throughout the day can reduce later power struggles.

• Examples of small choices: red cup or blue cup, shower before or after dinner, homework before or after snack, which shirt, which activity, which order.

• Inner authority: building trust in your own ability to decide whether a strategy is working, whether it needs more time, or whether it is not the right fit for your family.

• Why families need to listen to advice without losing their own discernment.

• Repair after conflict: why it is not enough to just move on after a big feeling moment.

• When to repair: after everyone has settled, not at the peak of distress.

• A repair script: name what happened, acknowledge feelings, identify the behavior, hold the boundary, ask for the child's perspective, and make a plan for next time.

• Why "I'm sorry" alone may not feel meaningful to children without explanation, accountability, connection, and changed behavior.

• How adult children can work toward repair with parents even if they did not grow up in regulation-focused homes.

• Why adult children today are more willing to name past harm, ask hard questions, and refuse to pretend childhood experiences were okay when they were not.

• Why repair requires self-reflection, honest communication, accountability, and willingness from both people.

• Parenting while neurodivergent: sensory sensitivities, trauma, burnout, emotional overwhelm, strong reactions, masking, and the additional pressure of raising a neurodivergent child.

• Why neurodivergence includes strengths: creativity, perception, deep interests, connection-making, unique problem-solving, honesty, building, creating, and understanding what others miss.

• Why neurodivergent parents deserve self-acceptance instead of pressure to appear more neurotypical.

• Colleen's My Feelings Workbook and its body-awareness activities for children and families.

• A simple family regulation practice: pause, breathe, scan your body, and identify how you feel physically—strong, tired, hungry, dreamy, energized, overwhelmed, or needing movement.

• Why helping children name body sensations can make emotions more understandable and manageable.

• Where to find Colleen's parenting book, children's workbook, educational resources, OT content, courses, and social media.paste.txt

Colleen is a pediatric occupational therapist based in California. She specializes in self-regulation, big feelings, sensory processing, transitions, co-regulation, parent support, positive boundaries, and helping children develop emotional awareness and confidence.paste.txt

Through her practice, resources, courses, books, and online content, Colleen helps families understand that behavior is communication. Her approach combines OT-informed sensory strategies, emotional regulation, nervous-system support, parent self-awareness, clear boundaries, repair, and compassionate guidance.paste.txt

She is the creator of Growing Butterflies OT and Creations With Colleen. Her resources include How to Lovingly Set a Firm Boundary, the My Feelings Workbook, parent education tools, sensory supports, and educational materials for children and families.paste.txt

Find Colleen at growingbutterfliesot.com, on Instagram at @growingbutterfliesot, and at creationswithcolleen.com.

• Self-regulation is not about never getting upset. It is about understanding what you feel, what your body needs, and how to navigate difficult moments.

• Co-regulation starts with the adult. Children cannot borrow calm from someone whose nervous system is already on fire.

• Meltdowns, shutdowns, defiance, avoidance, anger, and power struggles are often forms of communication—not evidence of bad intentions.

• A child can be overwhelmed and still need boundaries. Feelings are valid; harmful behavior is not automatically acceptable.

• You do not teach a new regulation skill at the peak of a meltdown. First reduce stimulation, maintain safety, offer space, and wait for everyone to settle.

• Small choices throughout the day can reduce later power struggles because children feel more autonomy and predictability.

• Sensory support does not have to be expensive. Movement, fidgets, quiet, headphones, trampolines, spinning, pressure, music, therapy balls, and household items can all help.

• Parents who ignore their own needs are more likely to become depleted, reactive, resentful, and less able to co-regulate.

• Boundaries are not harsh when they are delivered with clarity, calm, consistency, and respect.

• Repair is one of the most important parent-child skills: name what happened, acknowledge feelings, maintain the boundary, and plan for next time.

• Neurodivergent adults and parents deserve to understand their own sensory needs, nervous-system capacity, trauma patterns, and strengths.

• The goal is not to make every child look neurotypical. The goal is to help them understand themselves, feel supported, and develop the skills they need for their own life.

What if you spent years believing you were lazy, disorganized, not smart enough, too emotional, not trying hard enough, or "not living up to your potential"—only to discover that ADHD, executive-function differences, anxiety, and a learning disability were shaping your experience the entire time?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Marvie Corbett, clinical therapist, social worker, author, ADHD adult, parent of three, and educational advocate in the DC/Virginia area. Marvie shares how postpartum depression and anxiety led to cognitive testing—and how those results gave her language for a lifetime of struggles with focus, math, organization, task initiation, academic pressure, self-doubt, and masking.paste.txt

We talk about bright kids who can compensate until executive-function demands rise, the overlap between ADHD and anxiety, why girls are often labeled anxious or depressed before anyone looks at ADHD, and how families can support neurodivergent children without turning every struggle into a moral failure.

This is a conversation about replacing shame with context, building systems around your actual brain, and learning how to be the boss of your executive functioning instead of feeling controlled by it.

• Who Marvie Corbett is: clinical therapist, social worker, author, parent of three, ADHD adult, educational advocate, and clinician in the DC/Virginia area.paste.txt

• Why "bright but struggling," "lazy," "not trying," "unmotivated," and "not living up to your potential" are harmful labels for ADHD adults and children.

• Executive functioning as a collection of skills or "muscles," not one single ability.

• Different executive-function areas: task initiation, sustained attention, working memory, organization, planning, emotional regulation, impulse control, flexibility, prioritization, and follow-through.

• Why task initiation gets so much attention: people can see that you are not starting the report, assignment, homework, email, or household task—but they cannot see the effort it takes to begin.

• Marvie's late ADHD discovery after postpartum depression and anxiety with her second child.

• How cognitive testing helped separate sleep deprivation, anxiety, depression, focus difficulties, learning differences, and underlying ADHD patterns.

• Why a good assessment can create a "lightbulb moment" for adults who have spent decades blaming themselves.

• The grief and relief of realizing, "I am actually smart. It was just really hard."

• How ADHD and learning differences can remain hidden in academically bright children who compensate through intelligence, perfectionism, people-pleasing, overworking, anxiety, and last-minute effort.

• Why executive-function demands often increase sharply around third and fourth grade, sixth grade, ninth grade, college, parenting, postpartum life, and high-pressure careers.

• Why a child can do well in early grades and then "hit a wall" as organization, multi-step assignments, independent work, social complexity, and workload demands increase.

• Marvie's realization that she also had a math learning disability and how that reframed years of frustration with math homework and academics.

• Why girls are often diagnosed first with anxiety or depression while ADHD goes unseen.

• Why anxiety and ADHD can become intertwined: behavioral feedback, rejection, impulsivity, overstimulation, fast thinking, threat scanning, perfectionism, and fear of disappointing people.

• ADHD and anxiety as "friends nobody asked for."

• Why highly capable ADHD adults may create elaborate systems, lists, reminders, alarms, notes, and organization hacks without realizing they are compensating for executive-function needs.

• Neurodivergent and neurotypical relationships: why people can care deeply about each other while using different "operating systems."

• Why forgetfulness, missed dates, incomplete tasks, topic-switching, and delayed follow-through can hurt loved ones even when they are not intentional.

• Why neurotypical people may need to pause before personalizing executive-function challenges.

• Why neurodivergent people still need to take responsibility for creating systems that help them show up in relationships.

• Batching: pairing a task you need to do with something more enjoyable or rewarding to make it easier to start.

• Why neurotypical people do not always need to understand every neurodivergent brain hack in order to respect it.

• How ADHD masking differs from autistic masking.

• ADHD masking as overworking, people-pleasing, running too hot, striving for approval, overperforming, compensating, and pushing yourself beyond sustainable capacity.

• Autistic masking as navigating social cues, performing expected behavior, modifying communication, managing eye contact, decoding indirect language, and suppressing natural responses.

• Why "doing your best" should include leaving enough energy for home, rest, relationships, hobbies, and life outside work.

• How to distinguish your actual goals from conventional success, prestige, family expectations, income pressure, achievement culture, and "more, more, more."

• Why a sustainable job may matter more than a prestigious job.

• Questions to ask about career fit:

• Will I have energy after work?

• Can I work at a pace that fits my brain?

• Do I have autonomy?

• Is there meaning behind the work?

• Is the environment tolerable?

• Can I build a contented life around this role?

• Time blindness: struggling to estimate time, track time passing, plan ahead, understand duration, or accurately predict how long something will take.

• Why always arriving 15–30 minutes early can actually be a coping strategy for time blindness.

• Visual time tools: analog clocks, visual timers, color-based timers, countdowns, routines, and external time cues.

• Biological time versus clock time: working around hunger, fatigue, energy, interest, and internal rhythm rather than only arbitrary clock expectations.

• Strategic avoidance: avoiding emails, bank accounts, grading, paperwork, difficult conversations, medical appointments, and other emotionally threatening tasks.

• How to tell the difference between avoiding something because it is boring and avoiding it because it triggers shame, rejection sensitivity, fear, guilt, or past negative experiences.

• Why scheduling work and scheduling fun can reduce guilt and make rest more restorative.

• Sensory regulation for ADHD adults: movement, fidgeting, cardiovascular exercise, music, novelty, physical activity, stimulation, and intentional sensory input.

• Why fidgeting may support focus and retention.

• Why ADHD adults may need stimulation to regulate rather than needing only quiet rest.

• Why exercise can help reduce anxiety and improve executive functioning.

• Body doubling as adult parallel play: working near another person, even on different tasks, to support activation, accountability, and focus.

• What supportive relationships with ADHD adults can look like: curiosity, humor, realistic time expectations, reminders, acceptance, communication, and not taking every interruption personally.

• Why ADHD interruptions can be about working memory and connection rather than disrespect.

• How to communicate when interruptions hurt: name the impact without assuming malicious intent.

• Why neurodivergence should not become a moral failure or an excuse.

• How to own your needs while also accepting responsibility for the systems, supports, and strategies that help you participate in relationships and daily life.

• Why newly diagnosed ADHD adults should begin with reflection instead of immediately redesigning their entire lives.

• The importance of looking back at your history with curiosity: school, relationships, work, childhood feedback, academic shifts, anxiety, depression, burnout, and patterns of self-blame.

• Self-compassion versus self-esteem: why worth should not depend on achievement, success, being "good enough," or proving yourself.

• Why you should treat yourself as you would treat a good friend who is struggling.

• Parenting neurodivergent children while neurodivergent yourself: dividing responsibilities based on actual strengths, supporting your own sensory needs, preventing overload, and asking for help.

• Educational advocacy: why parents should not wait until the wheels fall off to ask for evaluation, testing, accommodations, support, or learning-difference screening.

• Why academic decline, school refusal, homework meltdowns, sudden dislike of school, reading avoidance, math distress, writing avoidance, and increased anxiety can all be useful signs that more support is needed.

• How to include young people in IEP, 504, accommodation, and advocacy conversations without making them feel broken or different.

• How to frame supports positively: "Your brain needs this," "This helps you learn," and "You deserve tools that make school workable."

• Why families can laugh about ADHD chaos without becoming mocking, minimizing, or shame-based.

• Marvie's books: a picture book about ADHD and anxiety, plus a therapeutic fantasy novel exploring productive thoughts, perfectionism, trauma, ADHD, learning differences, depression, friendship, and self-understanding.paste.txt

Marvie Corbett is a clinical therapist, social worker, author, parent of three, and ADHD adult based in the DC/Virginia area. She works with neurodivergent children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families around ADHD, anxiety, depression, executive functioning, learning differences, parent coaching, educational advocacy, relationships, and self-understanding.paste.txt

Marvie serves as one of the directors at Rebecca Resnick and Associates, where she supports group programming and educational advocacy. Her work focuses on helping people understand their own cognitive and emotional patterns, reduce shame, build practical strategies, and develop language for needs that may have gone unnamed for years.paste.txt

She is also the creator of Marveling Therapeutic Tools, where she shares therapeutic and educational resources, including books for children, parents, and families navigating ADHD, anxiety, perfectionism, trauma, learning differences, depression, and self-compassion.paste.txt

Find Marvie through resnickpsychology.com and marvelingtherapeutictools.com. Her books are also available through Amazon and Barnes & Noble.paste.txt

• ADHD is not laziness. Executive function affects task initiation, sustained focus, organization, working memory, emotional regulation, impulse control, and follow-through.

• Bright children may compensate through intelligence, anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and extreme effort until executive-function demands become too high.

• Girls are often identified first as anxious or depressed while ADHD and learning differences go unnoticed.

• A child who suddenly hates school, melts down over homework, avoids reading, struggles with math, or becomes more anxious may need more support—not more criticism.

• Anxiety can become an executive-function strategy by creating urgency, but cortisol-driven productivity is not sustainable.

• Neurodivergent people do not need to become good at every weakness. They need systems, support, delegation, accommodations, trade-offs, and opportunities to use their strengths.

• Time blindness can look like chronic lateness, but it can also look like always being excessively early to avoid the risk of lateness.

• A supportive relationship with an ADHD person includes communication, curiosity, humor, realistic expectations, and understanding that interruptions or tangents are not always disrespect.

• Self-compassion is more sustainable than self-esteem built on performance.

• Parents of neurodivergent kids need to support their own regulation, sensory needs, executive-function limits, and overload patterns too.

• Educational advocacy works best when parents notice early signs, document concerns, ask questions, seek evaluation, and include children in understanding their supports.

What if your ADHD, autism, executive dysfunction, sensory sensitivity, sleep issues, burnout, mood shifts, and inability to "keep masking" are not suddenly getting worse because you are failing?

What if your hormones, nervous system, sleep, nutrient status, stress load, and neurodivergent brain are all interacting at the same time?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Dr. Sarah, a board-certified physician and neurodivergent woman in midlife who focuses on precision-guided, personalized care for neurodivergent women through perimenopause, menopause, and beyond.paste.txt

We talk about why neurodivergent women may experience perimenopausal symptoms earlier, why estrogen and testosterone affect executive function, how disrupted sleep amplifies everything, and why standard medical approaches often miss the bigger picture.

Dr. Sarah also explains why ferritin, B vitamins, progesterone, cortisol, circadian rhythm, food aversions, sensory needs, stress, burnout, libido, relationships, and masking can all be part of the same conversation.

This episode is for every neurodivergent woman who has been told, "Your labs are normal," "You're too young for perimenopause," "It's just stress," or "You just need to sleep more"—while internally feeling like a raccoon in a dumpster fire.

• Who Dr. Sarah is: board-certified physician, neurodivergent woman in midlife, and provider focused on precision-guided, personalized care for neurodivergent women.paste.txt

• Why neurodivergent women often face multiple overlapping challenges across the lifespan: PMDD, difficult menstrual cycles, postpartum changes, hormonal shifts, perimenopause, menopause, sensory overload, executive dysfunction, masking, burnout, and medical dismissal.paste.txt

• The difference between menopause and perimenopause.

• Menopause as one point in time: the point after 12 months without a menstrual period, followed by postmenopause.

• Why perimenopausal symptoms can begin years before menopause.

• Why neurodivergent women may notice perimenopausal symptoms much earlier than expected, sometimes in their 30s.

• Why women may be dismissed with: "You're too young for perimenopause."

• Estrogen's wide-ranging role in the body, including the brain, executive function, memory, motivation, mood, and cognition.

• Why fluctuating estrogen can be particularly difficult for neurodivergent brains that are sensitive to unpredictable highs, lows, changes, and internal instability.

• How perimenopause can make autism and ADHD traits feel more intense.

• Why masking, camouflaging, stimming, focus strategies, emotional regulation, and coping systems that once worked may stop working in midlife.

• Dopamine and estrogen: why falling estrogen can affect attention, motivation, executive function, and ADHD symptoms.

• Testosterone and the neurodivergent brain: energy, confidence, drive, executive function, communication, and the ability to show up in a meeting, make a pitch, or advocate for yourself.

• Why testosterone often receives less discussion than estrogen despite its role in women's health and cognition.

• Hormonal birth control, testosterone, and why some women may have low hormone levels earlier than they realize.

• Why hormone treatment for neurodivergent women may need a slower, more individualized approach rather than one standard dose or protocol.

• Why some neurodivergent women may be more sensitive to estrogen, progesterone, hormonal shifts, medication changes, and side effects.

• The role of ferritin, iron, B6, B12, magnesium, nutrient absorption, food aversions, menstrual bleeding, gut health, and mitochondrial function.

• Why low ferritin can affect energy, dopamine pathways, cognition, thyroid function, mood, and executive function.

• Why simply being told to take an iron supplement or receive an infusion may not address the underlying cause of low ferritin.

• The importance of asking why a lab value is low: menstrual bleeding, absorption issues, diet, food aversion, gut issues, hormone changes, or other causes.

• Sleep as the most important foundational system for brain function, nervous-system regulation, mood, executive function, hormones, cellular repair, and chronic illness prevention.

• Why disrupted sleep can worsen ADHD symptoms, emotional regulation, memory, executive dysfunction, anxiety, fatigue, and sensory sensitivity.

• Circadian rhythm support: getting light exposure into the eyes soon after waking to help regulate cortisol, energy, melatonin, and sleep timing.

• Why morning cortisol is not always the enemy—it is part of helping the body wake, activate, and generate energy.

• Sleep latency, rumination, racing thoughts, early waking, deep sleep, REM sleep, and why neurodivergent women may struggle with all of them.

• Progesterone, GABA, and why hormonal shifts can influence calming, rumination, sleep, and nervous-system regulation.

• Long-term masking and chronic stress: the "sympathetic spiral of doom."

• Why neurodivergent brains can feel like Ferrari engines with weak brakes: high output, high sensitivity, and difficulty downshifting.

• How chronic sympathetic activation can affect cortisol, metabolism, insulin sensitivity, weight changes, sleep, burnout, and overall capacity.

• Why "normal" lab ranges are not always the same as optimal functioning for a specific person.

• The limitations of reference ranges that include broad populations across large age spans and different levels of health.

• Why "your labs are normal" can fail to capture how a patient actually feels and functions.

• Subclinical patterns: why a result may technically fall inside a reference range while still warranting a deeper look in context.

• How to advocate at medical appointments without needing to become a hormone, lab, or supplement expert.

• Why it helps to arrive with a written symptom list, specific questions, a brief timeline, and a clear request.

• Useful self-advocacy language:

• "These are the symptoms I am experiencing."

• "This is how they are affecting my daily function."

• "I would like to explore possible causes."

• "If you do not think this is the cause, can you explain what else we should investigate?"

• "If this is outside your area of practice, can you refer me to someone else?"

• How ADHD medications may need adjustments during perimenopause and menopause due to changing estrogen, testosterone, dopamine, sleep, stress, and executive-function needs.

• Why some women may need different medication doses at different points in the menstrual cycle or hormonal transition.

• Why treatment should be individualized rather than assuming every woman needs the same medication, supplement, hormone protocol, diet, workout, or "biohack."

• Why wellness trends can become another source of failure and shame for neurodivergent women.

• The difference between understanding a wellness principle and forcing yourself to use it in a way that does not fit your sensory needs, energy, food preferences, schedule, or nervous system.

• Why "food prep" may be a great concept but still fail if eating food prepared days earlier is a sensory nonstarter.

• Why gym culture may be overwhelming for a neurodivergent person even if movement itself is beneficial.

• Low-hanging-fruit supports: sleep, morning light, nervous-system regulation, nutrient evaluation, realistic food support, and reducing sympathetic overdrive.

• Early signs that your current pace may no longer be sustainable: sleep changes, afternoon crashes, worsening focus, reduced masking capacity, cognitive slowing, more sensory overwhelm, short temper, and feeling unlike yourself.

• Why "I cannot get past 3:30 p.m." can be useful health information, not simply laziness.

• Energy mapping: identifying peak, neutral, and depleted periods in your day.

• How to rearrange tasks around energy instead of forcing executive-function-heavy work into your lowest-capacity hours.

• Why taking a nap, lying down, using a weighted blanket, stimming, breathing, closing the door, or taking a true break may make the rest of the day more manageable.

• Relationships, parenting, communication, libido, sexuality, and how midlife neurodivergence and hormones can affect all of them.

• Why lower libido is not a moral failure and why libido is connected to mood, stress, pain, hormones, safety, exhaustion, and nervous-system capacity.

• Why neurodivergent women may have less capacity to mask in relationships during hormonal changes.

• The importance of community, honest communication, self-understanding, and giving partners concrete language about needs.

• Why loneliness matters for physical and emotional health.

• How to explain your needs to a partner: "I need one hour a day when I am not responsible for anyone or anything."

• Why personalized care matters: no supplement, medication, hormone, exercise plan, diet, or intervention works the same way for every person.

• Where to find Dr. Sarah's writing, courses, resources, and Substack community.paste.txt

Dr. Sarah is a board-certified physician and neurodivergent woman in midlife who focuses on precision-guided, personalized care for women navigating autism, ADHD, hormonal shifts, PMDD, sleep disruption, burnout, perimenopause, menopause, executive dysfunction, and midlife health concerns.paste.txt

Her work bridges conventional medicine, hormone health, functional optimization, nervous-system regulation, lab interpretation, neurodivergence, and the reality that one-size-fits-all care often fails women—especially neurodivergent women.

Dr. Sarah's mission is to help women understand their bodies, gain language for what they are experiencing, advocate for better care, and stop internalizing medical dismissal as personal failure.paste.txt

Find Dr. Sarah's courses and resources at drsarahinternational.com. She also shares weekly free articles and an in-depth paid community through her Substack.

• Perimenopause can begin years before menopause, and neurodivergent women may notice symptoms earlier than expected.

• Hormones do not only affect periods and hot flashes. Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone can influence memory, focus, executive function, mood, motivation, libido, sleep, and the ability to mask.

• If your autism or ADHD suddenly feels "worse" in midlife, you may not be failing. Hormonal shifts, sleep disruption, stress, nutrient issues, and nervous-system overload may all be contributing.

• Sleep is not optional for neurodivergent brain function. Poor sleep can amplify executive dysfunction, anxiety, sensory sensitivity, emotional reactivity, and burnout.

• "Normal" labs are not always the same as optimal function. If you feel terrible, your lived experience deserves further investigation.

• Low ferritin, nutrient issues, heavy menstrual bleeding, food aversions, gut problems, and hormonal shifts can all affect cognition and capacity.

• You do not need to arrive at a medical appointment as an expert. You need a clear symptom list, functional examples, direct questions, and willingness to seek another provider if you are dismissed.

• No wellness strategy is one-size-fits-all. A good idea still has to work with your sensory needs, schedule, food preferences, energy, hormones, and actual life.

• Your body's 3:30 p.m. crash may be information. Energy mapping can help you schedule high-demand work when you have capacity and protect recovery when you do not.

• Midlife changes can affect relationships, parenting, sexuality, communication, and self-image. Community and honest conversations matter.

• You cannot out-supplement chronic stress and poor sleep.

What if a student who appears to be "struggling" is not showing you their full potential because the environment, instruction style, expectations, or support system is not working for their brain?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Joie, Senior Director of Teaching and Learning at Fusion Academy. Joie has spent more than 15 years working in personalized education, including special education, campus leadership, teaching and learning strategy, social-emotional development, and support for neurodivergent students.paste.txt

Fusion Academy uses a one teacher-to-one student model, where teachers serve as both instructors and mentors. Joie explains what educators can learn in that environment that may be invisible in a traditional classroom—and why strong relationships, clear expectations, individualized executive-function support, and high standards can coexist.paste.txt

We discuss adolescence as a complicated but formative time, the hidden curriculum that makes school hard for autistic and ADHD students, why "just use a planner" often fails, how to support self-advocacy, and why parents must gradually move from standing in front of their kids to standing beside them.

• Who Joie is: Senior Director of Teaching and Learning at Fusion Academy, longtime educator, former special education lead, parent, reader, runner, and advocate for personalized education.paste.txt

• Her 15-plus-year journey with Fusion Academy, including campus leadership and national teaching-and-learning work.paste.txt

• Why adolescence is complicated: hormones, identity, peer relationships, brain development, academic expectations, family dynamics, self-discovery, and the transition toward adulthood.

• Fusion Academy's reminder for educators: "We know—we were there. It's our job to remember."paste.txt

• Why every adult in a school should remember what it felt like to be a teenager before assuming a student is just being difficult, disengaged, dramatic, or lazy.

• How a psychology background encourages curiosity: asking "Why is this happening?" instead of making assumptions based on behavior.

• Why behavior is not always a direct reflection of capacity, intelligence, motivation, or future potential.

• The danger of letting a diagnosis, behavior pattern, or school history become a ceiling on what a student can do.

• Why neuroplasticity matters in adolescence: skills, habits, confidence, coping strategies, academic patterns, and self-awareness can still develop significantly.

• Why traditional education sometimes focuses more on performance and compliance than potential, connection, environment, and individualized access.

• Fusion Academy's one teacher-to-one student model and the learning advantages of focused individual attention.paste.txt

• What teachers can discover in a one-to-one setting: interests, goals, sensory needs, learning preferences, motivation, anxiety patterns, barriers to engagement, and the unique ways a student connects with content.

• Why relationship-building can improve academic engagement and willingness to take risks in learning.

• Fusion's "Love, Motivate, Teach" educational approach.paste.txt

• Why supportive learning does not mean reducing expectations or enabling avoidance.

• How one-to-one instruction can make expectations clearer because a student cannot disappear into the back of the classroom or rely on peers to answer every question.

• Why high expectations can be an act of care when they are paired with support, clarity, patience, connection, and belief in the student.

• The hidden curriculum of school: transitions, group work, unclear expectations, ambiguous instructions, reading between the lines, perspective taking, self-management, organization, social performance, and asking for help.

• Why group work can be especially difficult for students who need clear roles, predictable expectations, direct communication, and structured collaboration.

• How ambiguous assignments can trigger anxiety, perfectionism, avoidance, shutdown, or task paralysis.

• Why rubrics, exemplars, models, visual roadmaps, and multiple examples of successful work can reduce anxiety while preserving creativity.

• The difference between showing a student an example and removing their ability to think creatively.

• Executive-function support: identifying whether the core challenge is organization, task initiation, planning, prioritization, time management, working memory, emotional regulation, or following through.

• Why individualized executive-function support starts with observing where frustration actually occurs—not giving every student the same planner, checklist, app, or productivity system.

• How to gradually build skills: work on one routine or tool at a time, practice it long enough to become usable, then add the next support.

• Why "just break it down" fails when a student is already overwhelmed by 10 new systems, planners, calendars, checklists, expectations, and adult pressure.

• How to make executive-function struggles less shameful: "You are not chaos. We may just need support with organization."

• Why self-advocacy needs to be made visible, practiced, named, and explained before students transition to adulthood.

• The difference between adults quietly doing things for students and students understanding what supports they need and how to ask for them.

• Why social-emotional learning is not just a generic curriculum—it should be individualized, explicit, student-directed, skill-based, and connected to real-life goals.

• Fusion's school-wide learner outcomes: inclusivity, resourcefulness, critical thinking, and self-awareness.paste.txt

• Why neurodivergent students should help choose their own social-emotional learning focus, such as communication, perspective taking, connection, self-awareness, advocacy, confidence, or group participation.

• Why teachers should not assume that social-emotional skills are intuitive for every learner.

• Skills that supportive middle and high schools should help neurodivergent students develop before graduation: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, communication, executive function, resilience, advocacy, and practical independence.

• How parents can support growing independence without rescuing, controlling, or removing every obstacle.

• The shift from standing in front of your child to standing beside them.

• Why the parent role may evolve from "I will do it for you" to "I will help you prepare to do it yourself."

• How parents can observe school struggles, communicate with teachers, watch engagement patterns, and seek the right supports.

• Why educational therapists can be especially helpful for neurodivergent students working on executive function, academic skills, cognition, and learning strategies.

• How a student can assess whether they need to leave a school environment or whether they need stronger supports within that environment.

• The first question to ask: "Who are my supports, and have I actually used them?"

• Fusion Academy's in-person and virtual programming, with more than 80 physical campuses across the country and virtual options for families.paste.txt

Joie is the Senior Director of Teaching and Learning at Fusion Academy. She has spent more than 15 years in personalized education, beginning as a special education lead at Fusion's first replication campus in Los Angeles before moving into campus administration and national education leadership.paste.txt

Her work focuses on personalized learning, educator development, neurodivergent student support, executive function, social-emotional learning, mentoring, and helping schools create environments where students feel seen, valued, challenged, and capable.paste.txt

At Fusion Academy, Joie supports an educational model built around one teacher and one student per class. This model allows teachers to develop deeper understanding of a student's learning style, interests, goals, strengths, barriers, and support needs.paste.txt

To learn more about Fusion Academy, its in-person campuses, virtual options, personalized learning model, family resources, and events, visit fusionacademy.com.

• Adolescence is not a problem to survive; it is a complicated, formative period where identity, independence, relationships, learning, and future direction are still developing.

• A diagnosis, behavior pattern, or history of school struggle should never be used as a ceiling on a student's potential.

• A student's behavior may reflect anxiety, unclear expectations, executive-function needs, sensory overload, lack of trust, or an environment mismatch—not lack of intelligence or motivation.

• Strong relationships between teachers and students can create the safety needed for academic risk-taking, honest communication, self-advocacy, and growth.

• Supportive education does not mean lower expectations. It means giving students the structure, clarity, connection, and tools needed to meet meaningful expectations.

• The hidden curriculum can be as difficult as academic content for autistic and ADHD students.

• Rubrics, models, clear examples, visual expectations, and explicit instructions reduce anxiety and help students understand what success looks like.

• Executive-function support must be individualized. One student may need help with organization, another with task initiation, another with prioritization, and another with time awareness.

• "Just use a planner" is not an intervention if the student is already overwhelmed. Start with one small, meaningful system.

• Self-advocacy develops when students know what support they use, why they use it, and how to ask for it.

• Parents support independence by shifting from standing in front of their child to standing beside them.

• A supportive school helps students build capacity for adulthood—not just pass classes or reach graduation.

What if the problem is not that ADHDers are lazy, irresponsible, unmotivated, disorganized, or "not trying hard enough"?

What if the problem is that modern school, work, productivity, and social systems were built around a different type of brain?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Sol Smith returns to talk about his new book, The ADHDer's Guide to Self-Discovery. Sol is an autistic and ADHD life coach, former college professor, author of The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery, and founder of the Neurospicy Community.paste.txt

We talk about ADHD beyond generic productivity advice. This conversation gets into dopamine, cortisol, procrastination, masking, rejection sensitivity, time blindness, sensory regulation, people-pleasing, burnout, body doubling, self-compassion, and why ADHD adults need systems that work with their brains instead of systems designed to make them look more neurotypical.

Sol also explains why ADHD is not always a "superpower," why the "fish climbing a tree" metaphor needs an update, and why a better goal is to lean into your strengths while finding enough support around the things that drain you.

• Who Sol Smith is: autistic and ADHD life coach, former college professor, late-identified AuDHD adult, author, and founder of the Neurospicy Community.paste.txt

• Sol's new book, The ADHDer's Guide to Self-Discovery, and why he wrote a self-understanding book rather than another shame-based guide to "fixing" ADHD behavior.paste.txt

• Why many ADHD resources still focus too much on changing the person to meet external standards instead of changing environments and expectations to reveal ADHD strengths.

• Autism and ADHD overlap: shared executive-function challenges, task initiation difficulties, burnout, masking, rejection sensitivity, and living in systems made for someone else's neurotype.

• Why autism and ADHD statistics remain incomplete, especially when research has historically centered white male participants.

• The high co-occurrence of autism and ADHD, and why many autistic adults are discovering ADHD later in life.

• The difference between autism and ADHD social experiences: overlap in rejection and misunderstanding, but often different patterns of reading social expectations.

• Rejection sensitivity and "lowercase t trauma": repeated small rejections, exclusion, marginalization, being in trouble, disappointing others, and being pushed out of groups.

• The research Sol discusses on early peer rejection and how quickly ADHD children may be excluded or marginalized in group settings.paste.txt

• The Mario-in-a-Sonic-world metaphor: being capable, creative, and valuable while being judged by standards designed for a different neurotype.paste.txt

• ADHD motivation and dopamine: why completing an uninteresting task may not provide the same internal reward it does for a neurotypical person.

• The elephant metaphor for motivation: leading yourself with a carrot, a stick, urgency, meaning, novelty, interest, or emotional stakes.

• Cortisol-driven productivity: procrastinating until urgency floods the system with stress and makes action possible.

• Why last-minute work can sometimes be excellent work, but still come at a physical and emotional cost.

• The hidden costs of relying on stress to make things happen: anxiety, immune-system strain, soft-tissue stress, exhaustion, and burnout.

• People-pleasing as a coping system: doing work for praise, approval, teacher validation, or parental acceptance when the work itself is not rewarding.

• Why people-pleasing can eventually collapse when praise disappears or external validation no longer feels sufficient.

• Why ADHDers often excel in urgent, hands-on, fast-moving work, including emergency medicine, surgery, crisis response, and jobs where needs are immediate and concrete.

• Why "ADHD is a superpower" can be invalidating for people who have not yet found their strengths or are still struggling with disability, shame, and burnout.

• A revised fish metaphor: an ADHDer may be a fish that cannot swim very fast but can climb trees—and fish school never teaches tree climbing.paste.txt

• Why the goal is not to become better at every weakness, but to lean into strengths and create support, delegation, trade-offs, or outsourcing around what drains you.

• How ADHD masking differs from and overlaps with autistic masking.

• Autistic masking as consciously or unconsciously decoding social expectations and trying to perform them correctly.

• ADHD masking as running too hot, overworking, striving for approval, trying to prove worth, and putting in extreme effort to appear neurotypical, competent, and reliable.

• Why the right definition of "doing your best" includes leaving enough energy for your life outside of work.

• How to distinguish between an authentic goal and a performance of conventional success.

• Why ADHD adults may absorb other people's ideas of prestige, success, money, career, productivity, and "more" before identifying what they actually want.

• Why sustainable success is a better question than status: What job, schedule, role, environment, or life lets you remain content and still have energy at the end of the day?

• Time blindness: difficulty estimating how long something will take, sensing the passage of time, being on time, understanding future consequences, or balancing "now" versus "later."

• Why being 15–30 minutes early can be a sophisticated coping strategy for chronic lateness rather than proof that someone "doesn't have time blindness."

• Visual time supports: analog clocks, visual timers, countdowns, color blocks, and timers that make the passage of time more concrete.paste.txt

• Biological time versus clock time: hunger, fatigue, interest, energy, and internal rhythms can be more intuitive than arbitrary clock-based expectations.

• Strategic avoidance: avoiding money, emails, schoolwork, difficult conversations, boss meetings, emotionally loaded tasks, and other areas that trigger stress or rejection sensitivity.

• How to distinguish boring-task avoidance from emotionally threatening avoidance.

• Why scheduling the work and scheduling the fun can reduce guilt and help ADHD adults actually rest.

• Sensory regulation and focus: fidgeting, movement, exercise, music, novelty, stimulation, cardiovascular activity, and intentional sensory input.

• Why fidgeting may improve focus and retention for ADHD learners rather than prove they are "not paying attention."

• Why ADHD adults may need stimulation to regulate instead of needing only quiet downtime.

• Body doubling and autistic "parallel play": working near another person, even on separate tasks, to create structure, support task initiation, and reduce the cognitive load of starting.

• Supportive relationships for ADHD adults: realistic expectations, curiosity, patience, humor, clearer time expectations, and understanding that tangents may be a chain of real associations rather than inattention.

• Why interruptions can signal comfort and connection for ADHDers, while still requiring communication and respect for the other person's feelings.

• The importance of explaining impact: "When you interrupt me, it hurts my feelings," rather than assigning malicious intent.

• The unmasking roadmap in Sol's book, based on Dabrowski's positive disintegration framework.

• Why unmasking and self-discovery can bring grief, sadness, identity disruption, and discomfort before leading to more contentment and control.

• A first step for newly diagnosed or self-recognizing ADHD adults: look back at your history, identify patterns, and replace blame with context before trying to redesign your entire life.

• Self-compassion versus self-esteem: why worth should not depend on productivity, perfection, achievement, or proving yourself.

• Sol's closing message: treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend who was struggling.

Sol Smith is an autistic and ADHD life coach, former college professor, author, speaker, and founder of the Neurospicy Community. After being late identified as autistic and ADHD, Sol focused his psychology studies and coaching work on self-understanding, unmasking, neurodivergent identity, executive function, relationships, and building sustainable systems around the actual needs of autistic and ADHD adults.paste.txt

He is the author of The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery and the newly released The ADHDer's Guide to Self-Discovery. Both books focus on moving away from stigma, shame, self-erasure, and conventional expectations—and toward self-knowledge, self-acceptance, community, autonomy, and strength-based living.paste.txt

Sol's Neurospicy Community provides online support, connection, discussion, resources, and insight for autistic and ADHD adults. He also offers one-on-one coaching through Square Peg Coaching.

Find Sol's books, coaching, community, articles, and resources at professorsol.com. You can find the Neurospicy Community at neurospicycommunity.com.paste.txt

• ADHD is not laziness. Many ADHD adults are working extremely hard to initiate, organize, focus, regulate, remember, mask, and meet expectations that were built for another neurotype.

• Autism and ADHD overlap in executive-function challenges, social rejection, masking, burnout, and nervous-system strain—but each experience also has distinct patterns and needs.

• Rejection sensitivity often comes from repeated experiences of being corrected, excluded, misunderstood, or made to feel like a disappointment.

• Procrastination can be a coping mechanism that creates urgency and cortisol when intrinsic motivation or dopamine are not available—but it is physically and emotionally expensive.

• Hyperfocus can create excellent work, but a system that relies on panic and last-minute pressure is not sustainable.

• Not every ADHD trait should be called a superpower. The goal is to identify strengths without minimizing disability, struggle, or unmet support needs.

• Time blindness does not always look like chronic lateness; it can also look like extreme overcompensation, such as always arriving 30 minutes early.

• Fidgeting, movement, music, novelty, and body doubling are legitimate regulation and focus tools—not evidence that someone is not paying attention.

• Supportive relationships require curiosity: ask how an ADHD brain got from point A to point Z before assuming the person was not listening.

• Newly recognizing ADHD does not require an overnight life overhaul. Start by looking back, understanding your patterns, grieving what needs grief, and replacing shame with context.

• Self-compassion is more sustainable than self-esteem based on achievement. You do not need to prove your worth to deserve care.

What if pacing yourself does not mean doing less, lowering your ambition, quiet quitting, or giving up on the things you care about?

What if it means learning how to keep going without destroying yourself in the process?

In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with science writer Elizabeth Svoboda, author of The Art of Pacing. Elizabeth explores why so many of us get stuck in a cycle of intense effort, overwork, procrastination, anxiety, burnout, collapse, recovery, and then doing the entire thing all over again.simonandschuster+1

We discuss pacing as energy management rather than rigid time management, why your natural rhythms matter, how to recognize your "pulse points," and why rest is not the same as doomscrolling or numbing out. Elizabeth also introduces some of her most useful concepts: rigid flexibility, brief candle moments, selective mediocrity, and the Hero's Journey Restorying Exercise.

This episode is for autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, and neurodivergent adults—as well as anyone else who has ever gone too hard, crashed too hard, and wondered why "just manage your time better" never seems to fix the real issue.

• Who Elizabeth Svoboda is: science writer, contributor to outlets including Scientific American, Greater Good, and Boston Globe Ideas, and author of The Art of Pacing.elizabethsvoboda+1

• The "ping-pong" cycle between intense effort and lethargy, withdrawal, depression, anxiety, burnout, and recovery.

• Why many people learn early that working harder, giving 110 percent, and pushing through are the only acceptable ways to pursue success.

• The absence of cultural messages about protecting health, nervous-system regulation, sleep, sanity, capacity, and sustainable effort.

• Why pacing is not giving up, withdrawal, laziness, quiet quitting, or abandoning meaningful goals.

• Pacing as learning to navigate the full range of possible speeds instead of constantly bouncing between overdrive and collapse.simonandschuster+1

• Why sustainable pacing requires self-knowledge: what is manageable for one person may not work for another.

• The difference between pacing and procrastination.

• Why procrastination often involves avoidance behaviors that drain energy rather than restore it.

• Doomscrolling, social comparison, political stress, endless feeds, and why scrolling can feel like rest while leaving you more depleted.

• Pacing as deliberately scheduling real recovery in advance so you can continue doing the things that matter.

• Early warning signs that you are pushing beyond capacity: sleep changes, insomnia, waking too early, free-floating anxiety, a racing heart, nervous-system activation, inability to nap, and changes in circadian rhythm.

• Why physical warning signs can show up before burnout fully takes over.

• Healthy ambition: staying engaged in purposeful work, creative pursuits, activism, community involvement, and meaningful goals—without turning exhaustion into a status symbol.

• Why purposeful activity can be fulfilling and energizing, while relentless overwork can destroy the ability to stay connected to what you care about.

• Capacity as individual rather than moral: some people recharge through packed weekends, while others need significant quiet recovery time.

• Why needing downtime is not laziness, disengagement, or failure.

• Why rigid time-management systems often fail for neurodivergent adults.

• Energy management: identifying when you naturally have more focus, engagement, capacity, and access to flow.

• Why your best work may happen in the morning, late afternoon, evening, or even late at night—and why your schedule should work with your actual rhythm when possible.

• What "flow" feels like: becoming deeply engaged, losing track of time, feeling pulled forward by meaningful work, and experiencing focus with less forced effort.

• Why working against natural energy rhythms often requires adrenaline and brute force, making work feel heavier and more draining.

• "Pulse points": the natural high-energy moments in your day when demanding tasks, creative work, problem-solving, or important conversations may fit best.elizabethsvoboda

• A low-effort capacity audit: asking yourself whether you can realistically keep your current pace for one year, three years, or five years.

• Why dread about maintaining your current pace can be useful information.

• Incremental pacing: reducing one commitment, one hour, one volunteer responsibility, or one unnecessary demand instead of dropping out of everything.

• "Rigid flexibility," inspired by Olympic middle-distance runner Ajee' Wilson: protecting important non-negotiables while allowing flexible timing around them.

• What elite athletes understand about recovery: intense effort requires equally intentional rest.

• Why recovery is not an indulgence—it is part of maintaining long-term performance.

• Brief candle moments: short but deeply meaningful encounters that can change the trajectory of someone's day, identity, confidence, or future.

• Why giving back does not require taking on a massive, life-consuming commitment.

• How a five- or ten-minute conversation, encouragement, mentorship moment, or act of connection can make a real difference.

• Selective mediocrity: intentionally doing "good enough" work on low-value tasks so you can reserve real energy for the work and people that matter most.elizabethsvoboda

• Why Type A, perfectionistic, high-achieving, and neurodivergent people may need permission to be strategically mediocre.

• The concept of doing something "half-assed on purpose" when it is necessary but not meaningful enough to deserve your best energy.

• Restorative rest versus numbing avoidance.

• Why a good break is often very different from the work you were doing: physical movement after desk work, time outdoors, walking, music, stretching, quiet, or play.

• Why time limits alone may not stop doomscrolling.

• Identity-based screen boundaries: asking what you are actually trying to do online and choosing a restorative alternative when there is no useful answer.

• Why external achievement metrics can signal "success chasing" rather than meaningful work: awards, promotions, praise, titles, likes, and approval.

• How meaningful work may focus more on connection, contribution, legacy, relationships, and impact.

• Why meaningful work can still lead to burnout if you never protect your own needs.

• Healthy selfishness: caring for yourself enough to sustain the work you care about over the long term.

• What to do after burnout: rest enough to think clearly, reconnect with purpose, and use the Hero's Journey Restorying Exercise to identify your values, helpers, obstacles, and legacy.

• Why granular pacing strategies work better after you reconnect with what you actually want your life to stand for.

Elizabeth Svoboda is a science writer, author, speaker, and researcher who translates psychology, neuroscience, behavior, motivation, resilience, selflessness, creativity, and human thriving into accessible language. Her writing has appeared in Scientific American, Greater Good, The Boston Globe, Psychology Today, and The New York Times, among other publications.elizabethsvoboda+1

Her latest book, The Art of Pacing: A Guide to Balancing Short-Term Demands with Long-Term Thriving, blends research, memoir, and interviews with Olympic athletes, coaches, entrepreneurs, performers, and psychologists to explore how people can balance ambition and rest without burning out.simonandschuster

The book introduces tools including energy management, pulse points, modulation, brief candle moments, selective mediocrity, and narrative reflection to help readers make meaningful progress at a sustainable pace.elizabethsvoboda

Find Elizabeth's writing, book information, speaking resources, and newsletter at elizabethsvoboda.com. Follow her on Instagram at @svobodster.elizabethsvoboda

• Pacing is not giving up. It is learning to manage your energy so you can sustain the work, relationships, creative pursuits, and community commitments that matter to you.

• Procrastination usually drains energy; pacing intentionally restores energy before you reach a crisis point.

• Your capacity is individual. A schedule that energizes someone else may overload you.

• Time management is often too rigid for real life; energy management is more responsive to fluctuating focus, nervous-system needs, and natural rhythms.

• Your "pulse points" are the times of day when focus, creativity, and flow come more easily. Use them for your most demanding or meaningful work.

• Burnout frequently gives warning signs: changed sleep, racing heart, anxiety, insomnia, dread, inability to relax, and a body that no longer returns to baseline.

• Healthy ambition includes recovery. Elite athletes do not train at maximum intensity all day, every day.

• Selective mediocrity gives you permission to do the boring, necessary, low-value tasks well enough—without spending your best energy on them.

• Doomscrolling can feel like rest while continuing to drain your nervous system. Restorative breaks should give you something back.

• Meaningful work still needs boundaries. If you overwork yourself in the name of helping others, you may eventually lose access to the work you care about most.

• You do not have to eliminate every commitment. Sometimes reducing, modifying, or dialing back one piece is enough to create a more sustainable pace.

This episode was supposed to come out Monday.

It is not Monday.

Why? Because a cat grooming appointment turned into 90 minutes of furious cat screaming in my car, followed by rehab week at work—meaning unexpected music, decorations, people, activities, changing treatment spaces, and an autistic nervous system quietly asking, "What the fuck are we doing?"

So naturally, we are talking about flexibility.

Not the kind where someone tells autistic people to "go with the flow," smile through chaos, love spontaneity, or stop needing routine. Absolutely not.

Routine is helpful. Predictability is regulating. Visual schedules, alarms, calendars, transition warnings, clear expectations, and knowing what is supposed to happen next can make adult life dramatically easier.

But there is a difference between a routine that supports your life and a routine that becomes so rigid that one unexpected change destroys your ability to function.

In this solo episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk about how to build flexibility without throwing away structure. We cover sick days, schedule changes, noisy roommates, late buses, canceled plans, unavailable grocery items, work disruptions, sensory overload, anger, boundaries, parenting, accommodations, and the most important skill of all:

Not becoming spontaneous.

Becoming recoverable.

Because the goal is not to make yourself love change. The goal is to learn how to say, "This is some bullshit. What do we do now?"—and find a next step.

• Why this episode came out late: cat grooming, sensory overload, rehab week at work, exhaustion, and giving yourself permission not to force productivity when you are at capacity.

• Why unexpected disruptions are not evidence that you are lazy, unreliable, broken, or bad at adulting.

• Routine as a regulating support for autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, and neurodivergent adults.

• Why predictability reduces cognitive load, decision fatigue, stress, executive-function demand, and nervous-system overwhelm.

• The difference between a supportive routine and a restrictive routine.

• Supportive routine: "This structure helps me function."

• Restrictive routine: "If anything interrupts this structure, I cannot function."

• Why adulthood is fundamentally unpredictable, even for highly organized people.

• Why routine should support your ability to function—not trap you every time life changes direction.

• April's example of her son being sick and becoming angrier because illness disrupts his routine, body awareness, sensory tolerance, energy, and ability to feel like himself.

• Why sickness, pain, fatigue, hunger, overload, hormones, poor sleep, and sensory stress can reduce flexibility and increase irritability.

• Everyday adult disruptions:

• A professor changes a deadline

• A bus runs late

• A roommate makes noise

• A coworker calls out

• A client cancels

• Your usual desk is unavailable

• The Wi-Fi fails

• Construction starts outside

• The grocery store is out of your exact preferred item

• Someone changes the plan

• Your car suddenly needs repairs

• Why flexibility does not mean liking change, pretending to enjoy spontaneity, or instantly adapting without emotion.

• What flexibility actually means: "This is not what I wanted. I am annoyed. I can still figure out what happens next."

• Why the "error, error, error" response is not the problem. The important question is what you do after your nervous system signals that something changed.

• How to move from "the day is ruined" toward "What is Plan B?"

• Why workplace accommodations matter: clear communication, predictable scheduling, written instructions, sensory supports, reduced unnecessary last-minute changes, flexible options, and accessible management.

• Why accommodations reduce unnecessary barriers but cannot eliminate every unpredictable event in adult life.

• Why parents can accidentally overprotect autistic children from all disruption because they know change is hard.

• The difference between supporting routine and preventing every manageable experience of change.

• Why young adults need practice with small, survivable disruptions before adulthood hands them bigger ones.

• Small flexibility practice examples:

• Eating lunch 15 minutes later than usual

• Choosing the second-best coffee or grocery option

• Taking a different route

• Sitting in a different seat

• Moving an appointment by an hour

• Choosing another activity when plans are canceled

• Why forcing massive surprise changes is not "building flexibility." It is just being an asshole.

• Why the nervous system learns through lived experience: "I did not like this, but I survived it."

• Scripts for unexpected change:

• "This is not the plan, but I can make another plan."

• "I don't have to like this to handle it."

• "Give me a minute to adjust."

• "What is the next thing I can control?"

• Why identifying what you can still control is one of the fastest ways to reduce overwhelm.

• Options after disruption: changing the order, leaving earlier, asking for clarification, using headphones, taking five minutes somewhere quiet, choosing another option, rescheduling, or deciding something cannot happen today.

• Anger and dysregulation: why irritation is often the first signal that your nervous system is over capacity.

• Why "everyone is annoying me" may sometimes mean "I need food, sleep, quiet, medical care, lower sensory input, rest, or a break."

• The difference between "everyone is an asshole" and "my nervous system is done."

• Why understanding that difference can protect relationships.

• Why autistic adults cannot expect everyone else to arrange themselves perfectly to prevent discomfort.

• Why you are also an unpredictable human who will sometimes be late, sick, distracted, overwhelmed, cancel plans, misunderstand things, or disrupt someone else's routine.

• Why flexibility includes extending grace to other people without excusing disrespect, abuse, boundary violations, or harmful behavior.

• The difference between healthy flexibility and over-masking.

• Why "I can adapt" is different from "I will ignore every signal from my body so nobody else is inconvenienced."

• Why changing a plan because your capacity changed is adaptation—not failure.

• Why rigidity can sometimes disguise itself as productivity: "I said I would do it today, so I must do it today no matter what condition I'm in."

• Why sometimes the healthiest response is: "The conditions changed, so the plan changes."

• Building elasticity into routines through calendars, reminders, preparation, transition warnings, sensory tools, rest, and realistic Plan B options.

• Why flexibility does not have to be graceful, pretty, or calm to count.

• Why the goal is not becoming spontaneous—it is becoming able to return after something changes.

• The closing reminder: routine should be a support, not a cage; flexibility should be a skill, not a demand.

April Ratchford, MS, OT/L, is an autistic occupational therapist, former nurse, parent of an autistic young adult, and host of Adulting with Autism.

April uses a direct, practical, funny, and lived-experience-informed style to talk about autistic adulthood beyond childhood services. Her episodes explore real adult-life topics, including employment, executive function, sensory needs, healthcare, parenting, burnout, relationships, money, transition, identity, self-advocacy, and how to build a life that works with the brain you actually have.

Welcome to Episode 350 of Adulting with Autism.

This episode was supposed to come out Saturday. It is Sunday. I know how calendars work. Life happened, work happened, exhaustion happened, and I decided I would rather give you an episode where I could form complete sentences than force myself to publish something just because it was technically on time.

And honestly? Grace is part of adulting too.

Today, I'm talking about employment—specifically the difference between hating your career and hating your job.

Because those are not always the same thing.

You may love the technical work but hate the workplace culture. You may enjoy helping people but hate the schedule. You may be brilliant in your field but completely depleted by fluorescent lights, open offices, vague expectations, office politics, public-facing demands, constant interruptions, or a manager who believes "you should just know."

For autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, and neurodivergent adults, employment is never only about whether you can perform a job. It is also about whether you can perform that job in that environment, under that schedule, with that workload, with those communication demands, without sacrificing the rest of your life just to remain employed.

I share my own path from nursing to occupational therapy, why I did not stop loving healthcare, and how changing the structure of my work helped me support both my career and my family. We also talk about masking, burnout, sustainable success, career pivots, transferable skills, and why you do not have to wait for a catastrophe before you are allowed to leave something that no longer fits.

• Why this Episode 350 release is a day late—and why rest, grace, and not forcing content are part of sustainable work.

• The disappearance of autistic adults after childhood services end.

• Why autistic adults still need employment support, OT, purpose, executive-function tools, sensory support, relationships, healthcare, rest, and community after age 18.

• Why employment is one of the biggest places where autistic adulthood, sensory needs, executive function, financial pressure, identity, and burnout collide.

• The difference between hating your profession and hating the conditions under which you are expected to do it.

• Questions to ask before blowing up your entire professional life:

• Do I hate the actual work?

• Do I hate this employer?

• Do I hate my boss?

• Do I hate the schedule?

• Do I hate the commute?

• Do I hate productivity pressure?

• Do I hate the sensory environment?

• Do I hate the social performance?

• Do I hate being interrupted all day?

• Do I hate full-time work but enjoy the same work part-time?

• April's nursing story: loving problem-solving, triage, patterns, patient care, and healthcare—but needing a work structure that fit parenting a disabled child.

• Why moving from nursing to occupational therapy was not abandoning healthcare—it was changing the container.

• Why a profession is not a marriage vow.

• Why a career pivot does not mean your previous career was a failure.

• Different versions of the same profession: inpatient, outpatient, remote, in-person, PRN, part-time, management, independent practice, agency work, direct care, consulting, education, and entrepreneurship.

• Why two people with the same job title can have radically different experiences based on manager, schedule, noise level, communication, expectations, flexibility, and culture.

• Environmental job fit: open offices, interruptions, fluorescent lighting, unpredictable schedules, team-building, public-facing work, verbal-only instructions, office politics, and sensory overload.

• Why "Can you do the job?" is not the only employment question.

• The better question: "Under what conditions can this person do their best work without destroying themselves?"

• What occupational therapy means in adult life: employment, self-care, cooking, school, relationships, leisure, rest, household management, community participation, and quality of life.

• Why employment is not sustainable if an eight-hour workday leaves you unable to eat, shower, speak, tolerate another human, or do anything except lie horizontally in silence.

• High masking at work: why showing up, answering emails, and technically maintaining employment does not reveal the real cost.

• Why "You're doing so well" can ignore the energy, recovery, sensory load, anxiety, executive-function demand, and masking required to look functional.

• Burnout as an invoice from the nervous system.

• Signs employment may be costing too much: irritability, sensory sensitivity, numbness, losing interest in hobbies, social withdrawal, exhaustion, weekend recovery, increased anxiety, mask-cracking, shutdown, and fantasizing about quitting.

• Why surviving a job is not necessarily thriving in a job.

• Communication clarity as an accommodation.

• Predictability as an accommodation.

• Written instructions as an accommodation.

• Flexible scheduling as an accommodation.

• Noise reduction and lighting adjustments as accommodations.

• Why accommodations matter—but why even good accommodations cannot turn every workplace into the right workplace.

• Why work is an exchange: labor for compensation—not a cult, family adoption, or entitlement to all remaining hours of your day.

• The danger of rigid employment rules:

• "Don't quit."

• "Finish what you start."

• "Be responsible."

• "Work harder."

• "Do not disappoint people."

• Why those rules need context.

• Why maturity sometimes means leaving, changing direction, reducing hours, changing settings, or pivoting.

• The pivot metaphor: when the road is closed, you do not sit at the barricade for six hours because it was your original route.

• How April's podcast may become the next container for skills she built through nursing, occupational therapy, advocacy, education, problem-solving, and systems navigation.

• Why skills travel from one job, role, industry, or career into another.

• Transferable skills from teaching, nursing, healthcare, food service, retail, technology, caregiving, customer service, and other work.

• Why neurodivergent adults may think too literally about credentials and forget to ask: "What problems can I solve?"

• Why a terrible week is not always proof you need a whole new career.

• The importance of giving yourself enough distance to identify temporary stress versus a persistent pattern.

• Questions to ask when rested:

• Do I still hate this?

• Do I enjoy the technical work?

• Do parts of this job still light me up?

• Would I enjoy this work with reasonable workload and support?

• Do I dislike the profession—or what this employer has turned it into?

• Why it is okay to finish a chapter that was successful.

• Why something does not have to become terrible before you are allowed to leave.

• Why waiting for burnout, illness, firing, or catastrophe is not the only way to get permission to pivot.

• "This no longer fits the life I am building" as a complete and valid reason.

• Why success is not one lifestyle.

• Why a sustainable career may mean 25 hours instead of 40, periods of intense work followed by rest, multiple income streams, independent work, consistent routines, or less public-facing work.

• Why parents should not make "get them a job" the final goal.

• The real goal: sustainable, meaningful work that fits a person's strengths, needs, sensory system, energy, capacity, and desired quality of life.

• Why young adults need permission to experiment with jobs, majors, industries, roles, schedules, and environments.

• Why a first job, first degree, or first career direction does not have to define the next 50 years.

• What April sees her son learning through college: not just coursework, but living, problem-solving, self-advocacy, responsibility, adaptation, and figuring out what fits.

• The closing message: you are allowed to build work around your life—not build your entire life around work.

April Ratchford, MS, OT/L, is an autistic occupational therapist, former nurse, parent of an autistic young adult, and host of Adulting with Autism.

April created the podcast because conversations about autistic adulthood, transition, employment, executive function, relationships, caregiving, healthcare, identity, burnout, independence, and quality of life were not happening enough—especially after autistic young adults turned 18.

Her work combines professional experience in occupational therapy and healthcare with lived experience as a neurodivergent adult and parent. Her approach is practical, direct, funny, occasionally profane, and rooted in the belief that autistic adults deserve more than survival. They deserve information, support, meaningful options, and lives that actually fit.

Find episode links, resources, and social platforms at adultingwithautism.com.

• Hating your job is not always the same as hating your career.

• Before changing everything, get specific about what is actually draining you: manager, schedule, sensory environment, workload, commute, culture, social expectations, productivity demands, or the profession itself.

• A profession is not a marriage vow. You are allowed to renegotiate, reduce, shift, pivot, or leave.

• Two people can hold the same job title and have completely different quality of life because workplace conditions matter.

• Autistic adults can be highly capable at work and still be destroyed by the environment, communication style, sensory load, or masking required to do that work.

• Maintaining employment is not the same as sustainable employment.

• If work consumes so much energy that the rest of your life disappears, the job may no longer be working for you.

• Burnout is not always proof that you chose the wrong career. It may be proof that you have been trying to survive the wrong conditions for too long.

• Skills travel. You can change jobs, industries, and even professions without losing the knowledge and abilities you built along the way.

• You do not have to wait for a catastrophe, firing, illness, or complete collapse to leave something that no longer fits.

• Success is not one schedule, one job title, one income model, one workplace, or one lifestyle.

• The goal is not to impress strangers with your employment life. The goal is to create work you can actually sustain.

Nobody actually teaches you how to become an adult.

We spend 18 years telling kids to go to school, pass their classes, graduate, maybe go to college, maybe get a job—and then suddenly everybody says, "Fly little birdie."

Except adulthood is not a single task. It is one giant group project with invisible rules, unclear expectations, healthcare paperwork, money decisions, grocery lists, transportation plans, insurance, appointments, laundry, subscriptions, and a whole lot of "How the hell was I supposed to know that?"

In this solo episode of Adulting with Autism, I'm talking honestly about what independence actually means for autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, and neurodivergent adults.

Spoiler: independence does not mean doing everything alone.

It means knowing what you can manage, what you need help with, how to build systems around your executive-function challenges, and how to ask for support before your entire life catches fire.

We talk about learning your medical history, handling prescriptions, avoiding credit-card traps, tracking subscriptions, making transportation plans, surviving adult mistakes, and navigating the complicated parent shift from "I do it for you" to "I show you how" to "You've got this."

This episode is for neurodivergent adults figuring it out, parents trying not to rescue their kids forever, and anyone who still feels like everybody else got the adulting syllabus except them.

• Why adulthood feels like one giant group project with hidden rules and no syllabus.

• Why neurodivergent adults often need direct instructions, concrete expectations, visual tools, and systems—not vague "you should know this by now" advice.

• The transition from childhood medical care to adult healthcare responsibility.

• What every young adult should know about their own health:

• Medication names

• Dosages

• Reasons for each medication

• Prescribing providers

• How often medication is taken

• Allergies

• Diagnoses

• Past surgeries

• Medical history

• Why "the little white pill" is not enough information at a doctor's appointment.

• HIPAA and why, after age 18, medical providers may need to speak directly with the adult patient unless appropriate permissions or legal arrangements are in place.

• Why independence is not the same as never asking for help.

• The difference between support, assistance, managing, rescuing, and taking over someone else's life.

• Examples of healthy adult support:

• Making your own appointment but using reminders so you do not forget it

• Grocery shopping with a list so you do not come home with drinks, Oreos, and no dinner

• Using automatic payments because dates, mail, and due dates can disappear from an ADHD brain

• Getting help with complicated medical paperwork or insurance choices

• Why money management is an adulting skill that schools often fail to teach.

• Credit cards: what a credit limit actually means, why it is borrowed money, and why minimum payments can keep debt around much longer than expected.

• Understanding APR, statement balances, pending charges, due dates, automatic payments, and bank-account balances.

• Why subscriptions quietly drain money: $9.99 feels small until 12 recurring charges become $120 every month.

• Why out-of-sight, out-of-mind can make neurodivergent adults especially vulnerable to forgotten subscriptions and surprise charges.

• Transportation as independence: driving, public transit, rideshare, family support, walking, planning ahead, and knowing how you will get where you need to go.

• Why a transportation plan should exist before an appointment becomes someone else's emergency.

• Why mistakes are part of adulthood—and why neurodivergent young adults need room to make survivable mistakes.

• The DoorDash credit-card lesson: emergencies are emergencies, not food delivery when there is a cafeteria or grocery store nearby.

• Why financial consequences can be valuable when they are proportional, clear, and survivable.

• Laundry, cat food, household supplies, forgotten groceries, and the reality that nobody has it together all the time.

• Why the goal is not preventing every mistake; it is noticing what went wrong and building a better system next time.

• The hard parent shift: moving from doing things for your child, to teaching them, to supporting them when they get stuck, to trusting them to manage more of their own life.

• Why some autistic adults will need significant support throughout adulthood, some will need very little, and many will need variable support depending on the task and season of life.

• How someone can be excellent at work and still struggle to call a doctor, clean a room, eat regularly, open mail, manage insurance, or remember appointments.

• Why human ability is not a straight line.

• The truth about "real adults": most people are winging it, using systems, asking questions, making mistakes, and pretending they understand insurance.

• What adulthood really is: building systems around what you are bad at, using your strengths, asking for help, and continuing to learn.

• Your closing message to listeners: you are doing far better than you think you are.

April Ratchford, MS, OT/L, is the host of Adulting with Autism, a podcast created to support autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, and neurodivergent adults as they navigate real life beyond childhood services.

As an autistic occupational therapist and parent of an autistic young adult son, April brings both professional experience and lived experience to conversations about executive function, independence, transition to adulthood, healthcare, money, parenting, work, relationships, self-advocacy, and the unglamorous everyday tasks that make up adult life.

Her approach is direct, practical, compassionate, funny, and realistic: nobody needs to become a perfect adult. They need tools, systems, support, and enough self-awareness to build a life that works with the brain they actually have.

Find the podcast, resources, episode links, and social channels at adultingwithautism.com.

• Independence does not mean doing everything alone. It means knowing what you can manage, what you need help with, and how to access support without giving up control of your own life.

• Adulting is not automatic at 18, 22, 30, 40, or 50. It is learned through information, experience, mistakes, systems, support, and repetition.

• Neurodivergent adults may need direct, practical instruction in healthcare, money, transportation, food, routines, household tasks, and self-advocacy.

• You need to know your own medications, diagnoses, allergies, medical history, providers, and healthcare needs.

• Credit cards are not free money. Subscriptions add up. Pending charges count. Automatic payments can be a helpful executive-function tool.

• Parents cannot prevent every mistake—and young adults cannot learn adulthood without making some mistakes.

• The best mistakes are survivable ones: mistakes that teach a lesson without destroying someone's future.

• Being professionally competent does not mean you will automatically be good at home care, phone calls, healthcare, finances, food, or paperwork.

• Everybody is winging it. Older adults simply have more data, more mistakes, more practice, and more systems.

• Asking for help before everything is on fire is a major adulting skill.