Avoidance and Control

What if the reason you keep spiraling isn't simply that you're feeling too much? What if your body is responding to a perceived threat, your mind is trying to make sense of it, and your beliefs are turning uncertainty into certainty?

In this episode we review Education from Season 1, discuss how Safety and Capacity need to be the floor boards for befriending your nervous system and tools that simmer down your spiral.

• Why its hard to practice skills to self regulate
• Spiral Brain, Anxiety Window and Survival Mode are the same
• Expand your capacity for fear with acknowledging truths
• Body Based Regulation Tools

Episodes in This Episode:

What is Trauma?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1lVg9wDuD2INKHdubzb87o?si=Gqy6ySCWQkO-xKCwkXQx1Q

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/avoidance-and-control/id1717846722?i=1000638913987

The Window of Tolerance

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4mTmugoL6wNMrlQ8FFrrfS?si=RvUKfkfVTOCqhJitw5MnkA

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/avoidance-and-control/id1717846722?i=1000641681684

Image Resources from This Episode

(Window of Tolerance, Tools for Avoidance, Tools for Control)

https://dtheal.org/mh-resources#imageresources

Intro Coaching Session:

https://dtheal.org/45-min-introductory-session

My Book

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BMNVVWWS?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_A47JWXQ4SN1A2GQKY4HB&bestFormat=true

Low Ticket and Free Groups

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/47342140343

You cannot come to calm when your body is raging or trying to grief. Peace doesn’t come from escaping the messiness of being human. It comes from learning to stay present with what hurts without turning pain into a diagnosis, an assumption, a punishment, or a spiritual bypass.

You cannot bypass your way out of the grief of being human. You can reframe it, diagnose it, spiritualize it, or stay silent about it.

But unprocessed pain doesn't always disappear. Sometimes it becomes the distance between you and the people you love.

Jana is a Human Systems Strategist, former pastor, founder of Permission to Be, and host of Up Shift’s Creek. Her work sits at the intersection of identity, relationships, religious conditioning, discernment, and emotional integration, helping people recognize the invisible patterns shaping their lives so they can move beyond understanding and begin living differently. She is also the creator of the RAAGD™ Framework and Reality Distortion Index™.

Jana Links:

website

www.permissiontobe.org

Podcast

https://www.youtube.com/@UpShiftsCreek

Reality Distortion Index

https://stan.store/JanaBryant/p/reality-distortion-index

Moniques Links

https://dtheal.org/45-min-introductory-session

Free and low ticket events

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/47342140343

Not The Chancla: How Awareness of Our History & Trauma Create Compassion to Rewrite Our Future

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BMNVVWWS?ref_=pe_3052080_276849420

You weren’t born believing you had to earn love. Somewhere along the way, you learned it. You learned to mistake chaos for chemistry, overgiving for love, and emotional pain for emotional connection. So what happens when you stop asking, “Why do I keep attracting this?” and start asking, “Why does this pattern feel familiar to me?

In This Episode:

• The why behind your patterns
• attracting chaos to choosing calm
• what is a trauma bond

Kristen Constantino is the author of Shattered to Shining and creator of the SHINING Method™, helping women break unhealthy relationship patterns, heal from their past, and rebuild their confidence and identity. Through her own journey of breaking toxic cycles, she now empowers women to move from surviving to truly shining.

Kristens Links:

www.kristen-Constantino.com

https://www.instagram.com/kristenaconstantino/

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H8RKXK87?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_YY8ZNZHNWHMQ3ZX0M5D8&bestFormat=true

Abuse/ Domestic Violence Resources:

** SAVE These phone numbers in your Phone, even if you need to disguise the label**

Crisis Hotline: 988

Domestic Violence National Number: (800) 799- SAFE (7233)

Resources for Victims/survivors:

https://www.justice.gov/ovw/resources-victims-and-survivors

• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: (303) 839-1852 or (303) 839-1681 (TTY)

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) Hotline: National Sexual Assault Hotline. Free. Confidential. 24/7. (800) 656-HOPE (4673)

Terms & Education:

https://www.nsvrc.org/lets-talk-campus/definitions-of-terms/

https://apps.rainn.org/policy/compare/crimes.cfm

Moniques Links:

https://dtheal.org/45-min-introductory-session

Mental Health Resources& Local AZ Therapists/Agencies

https://dtheal.org/mh-resources

My Book (Not The Chancla)

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BMNVVWWS?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_JWNKE5Q87F91DPHAD20A&bestFormat=true

You are not alone. There is help out there. If you (or your loved one) is in immediate danger please call 911 (USA)

What if some of the things you think you want were never actually your desires—they were expectations you learned so early that they started to feel like your identity?

In this conversation with Madisen, we’re unpacking the messages women receive about being “good,” being desirable, getting married, becoming a wife or mother, and knowing our place. And then we’re asking a harder question: Who are you when you stop doing what you’re “just supposed to do”?

In This Episode:

• Seeking Desire, Wants and Needs to explore You
• Loss of Self or ReContrsucting Yourself
• Sometimes it okay Basic Needs Come First

Madisen Rose is a somatic practitioner, and founder of Better Half to Whole, a platform dedicated to supporting individuals through the renegotiation of relational trauma in the nervous system, specializing in divorce recovery. Through one on one sessions, digital resources, self-paced online courses, and group programs, Madisen helps people rebuild after divorce with intention, compassion, grit, and self-trust. Through trauma-trained practices, she bridges the space between science and the sacred.

Madisens links:

Website

www.betterhalftowhole.com

Consult:

https://calendly.com/madisen-betterhalftowhole/20-minute-somatic-consult-free

https://better-half-to-whole.kit.com/93227e3020?utm_id=97760_v0_s00_e0_tv4

Moniques Links

$35 Intro Session

https://dtheal.org/45-min-introductory-session

Free and Low Cost Events

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/monique-dare-to-heal-47342140343

My Book

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BMNVVWWS?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_W2N4XBPBF91KXZNS4FSS&bestFormat=true

This episode is brought to you by my reminders of therapeutic burnout after visiting a therapist community gathering.

Iam no longer burnt out, even when I went back this year as a Behavior Coach for kids. I learned to maintain my nervous system and keep my own life outside work.

Hi, I am Monique Gomez, former Mental Health Clinician, now a Trauma and Resilience Life Coach for 4 years and an Energy and bodyworker for 16.

In This Episode:

- Suppression of my System rage

- Other alternatives to "therapy"

- Theory I made up that I didn't make time to research properly

Episodes mentioned in this one:

-Coaching Flexibility with Jennifer Jakobsen (May 2024- Season 1)

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1IJTOSuN64ziAX65MiZLOf?si=-yQ0q2yOSLispbPNcy1iKg

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/coaching-flexibility-with-jennifer-jakobsen/id1717846722?i=1000654647004

Moniques LINKS

https://dtheal.org/45-min-introductory-session

(intro Session)

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/47342140343

(events- Free and Low Ticket)

https://www.amazon.com/Not-Chancla-Awareness-History-Compassion/dp/B0BPG8BRW5

(my Book)

Trauma and Resilience Life Coaching (TRLC) is NOT therapy. The SAFNET/ Empowerment timeline is for people who feel safe enough in their body to process their past with a safe person.

TRLC is a great complement to therapy and other mental health treatment.

If you would like more details please book an Introductory Session with Monique Gomez, MSW, TRLC ($35 USD)

What happens when you’re given a diagnosis, told what your future will look like, and expected to trust the system without questioning it? Her hyperthyroidism story takes us through fertility fears, suicide, self-forgiveness, lifestyle and environmental changes, and the conversations that happened when she connected with other women living with the same diagnosis. 

Then she asks a question that challenges the entire system: if we stop blindly accepting treatment and start taking ownership of our health, who loses power—and who loses money?

Hi I’m Shelby Poutre, a wife and mom of 2. I’m a busy mom, homeschooling, and homemaking, as well as running businesses alongside my husband. I still feel drawn to help women steward the life God has given them by sharing my story and what has helped me. I believe we all have a story that is meant to be a roadmap for someone else.

In This Episode:

• Tools for evaluating your own health
• Environmental changes and a stress-reduction lifestyle
• Questioning the System and its benefits

Shelby's Links

https://www.instagram.com/shelby_poutre_/

https://www.facebook.com/shelby.blake.35

Moniques Links

Intro Call ($35)

https://dtheal.org/45-min-introductory-session

Events (free and low cost, virtual and in person)

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/monique-dare-to-heal-47342140343

My Book

https://a.co/d/06or4SoS

"You never self-sabotage," my partner said, right before I fell back into an old story.

Even after 3-4 years of consistently working on my money story; in calm of my weeks I started to not feel like I am enough, wanting more, seeking to rid the money I was making.

Monique Gomez is an Integrative Somatic Practitioner and Trauma & Resilience Coach who helps people come back to safety in their bodies and make peace with their past. A former Mental Health Therapist with a Master’s in Social Work, Reiki Master, and Licensed Massage Therapist, she blends exposure-based therapeutics with somatic healing to support deep, lasting change. Monique specializes in working with those who feel unseen, overextend themselves, or struggle with self-worth—guiding them to understand their nervous system, shift patterns, and build capacity for discomfort without overwhelm.

** Building Regulation 3 Month Group coming January 2027**

45 Min Intro

https://dtheal.org/45-min-introductory-session

Free and Low Ticket Events

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/monique-dare-to-heal-47342140343

My Book

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BPG8BRW5?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_AFJ5NWZRV9A3HNSMPNSH&bestFormat=true

That feeling in your body that something is wrong, "I don't feel like myself," is often something that can be solved with these tools.

In this episode:

• personal story of grief processing
• Science-backed evidence
• encouragement to use the information your body is giving you

Monique Gomez is an Integrative Somatic Practitioner and Trauma & Resilience Coach who helps people come back to safety in their bodies and make peace with their past. A former Mental Health Therapist with a Master’s in Social Work, Reiki Master, and Licensed Massage Therapist, she blends exposure-based therapeutics with somatic healing to support deep, lasting change. Monique specializes in working with those who feel unseen, overextend themselves, or struggle with self-worth—guiding them to understand their nervous system, shift patterns, and build capacity for discomfort without overwhelm.

Monique's links:

one on one call ($35)

https://dtheal.org/45-min-introductory-session

Free and Low Ticket Events

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/monique-dare-to-heal-47342140343

My Book

https://www.amazon.com/Not-Chancla-Awareness-History-Compassion/dp/B0BPG8BRW5

In 38 minutes, we go way beyond the Inner Critic. We talk about getting regulated, discovering what you actually want, creating passion and joy, and learning to “fight for peace” until peace becomes easier.

The theme was Inner Critic solutions, but we unpack victim mode—not as something to shame, but as a place where validation can sometimes be necessary before we’re ready to move forward.Because healing isn’t just about reaching the destination. It’s learning how to enjoy the journey.

This Interview went off the Rails in the most beautiful, crazy (human) Train...

Dani Sumner is a successful podcast host, Spiritual Director and Life Transformation Coach, and sober for 15 years. Through her writing, podcast, retreats, coaching, and courses, Dani helps people whose lives look great on the outside but are struggling on the inside.

Dani's Links

A Holy Mess Podcast

https://danisumner.com/

http://calendly.com/danisumner

Moniques Links:

https://dtheal.org/45-min-introductory-session

Events

My Book

If you've never seen strength and growth in your history, you want to try this therapy in a group setting.

The Empowerment Timeline is a group experience that is Salutogenic, meaning I help you use your story to see growth, truth, and inner knowing you didn't know existed.

While training with Dr. Robert Rhoton (Arizona Trauma Institute) and learning in my Trauma and Resilience Life Coaching Certification (with Dr. Logan and other clinicians) helped me master their SAFNET (Salutogenic Asset Focused Narrative Exposure Therapy), I knew I could make more impact as a coach, former therapist (MSW) for those who:

• didn't trust therapists
• who don't have access to quality trauma care
• who have tried many treatments and are searching for something different
• want to get into their history without being retriggered

The Empowerment Timeline is an experience unlike any other. Whether you have significant events in your life or not, this 3-step procedure helps build your confidence and self-trust.

Want to try this one-on-one

https://dtheal.org/45-min-introductory-session

Arizona Group Experience (Scottsdale, Saturday 8/29)

https://tinyurl.com/5e6shpmy

Follow Dare to Heal on Eventbrite (Live and Virtual Groups)

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/monique-dare-to-heal-47342140343?aff=ebdsshcopyurl

Trauma and Resilience Life Coaching (TRLC) is NOT therapy. This experience is a Therapeutic Exposure based timeline. This SAFNET/ Empowerment timeline is for people who feel safe enough in their body to process their past with a safe person.

TRLC is a great compliment to therapy and other mental health treatment.

If you would like more details on this Therapeutic Exposure Timeline, please book an Introductory Session with Monique Gomez, MSW, TRLC ($35 USD)