Join Robert and Dave as they take a deep dive into the process of containment. Many misunderstand the word. Containment is not suppression. It is feeling as fully as possible in a safe place where it does not hurt anyone, including ourselves. It helps us not to become paralyzed in withdrawal or lost in a wide realm of expressing feelings that have fight as an element inside them. Containment requires us to have the self-control to pause in the midst of uncomfortable feelings. Anger, for example, if we do not misuse it by dumping it on others, or by suppressing it, can have a great vital energy. It gives us passion. It gives us intensity. It gives us juice to live our lives. To move into a state of containment we must break free from being trapped in conditioned reactions that each of us has to automatically express or repress.

If we can remove ourselves from the situation and let ourselves really be present with our intense feelings we can learn to use them in positive ways. While we are feeling raw emotion we can also ask ourselves some inquiring questions. What vulnerable feelings do I have that are also underneath this? What is it that I really need that this anger is showing me? What is it that we need to do to best take care of ourselves and the significant others with us while we are in this state of anger? Containment is the 3rd step of a 7 step process. Stay tuned as Robert will be covering each step in future episodes.

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In this episode, Robert and Dave wrap up their focus on the key practices. They continue to illuminate the link between our most challenging feelings, the situations we face each day, and how to identify the needs to guide us toward healing and wellbeing.

It is important not to get this path confused with being a seeker of perfection. That seeker is really a form of rejection, rather than genuinely making our best efforts in a natural way. We are looking to hold two ideas at the same time. One is being aware of our greatest challenges at any given point in time. The other is moving in a direction that our needs will guide us. This may sound simple enough, but these are major grounded and inspirational steps together. We will virtually never fully arrive, especially if the issue we are facing is not superficial, and that is okay. It is not a realistic aspiration to extinguish these kinds of challenging feelings completely.   

We are being encouraged to ask ourselves, what challenging emotion(s) are you facing right now?  Which are the most significant? As you look to identify them, see which need(s) is going to be most healing and supportive of your well-being. It is vital to be aware of our inner tone to have additional trust and strength that you are going to support whatever needs to be activated both inside and outside. We can learn how to be best friends with ourselves by experiencing our challenging emotions consciously and responding by following through with our most helpful needs. As we can take some steps in that direction we can also help those we love to do the same as we bring this process and awareness into our lives.

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This week Robert focuses on a different set of needs called chronic needs or chronic feelings. These situations can be identified as when you are compromised due to serious things like your health or your partner's health, hormones, trauma, or chemistry. Other examples of these chronic needs can show up in serious gaps in communication with people that are important to you, or in dealing with yourself when you are in your worst mood. Accompanying emotions like shame, inadequacy, or withdrawal are common. We all know at least someone that is in one of these states on an ongoing basis. We ourselves are going to go in and out of these emotional valleys. Robert begins to guide us through the conundrum of how we can best deal when we are in deep.

It is all too easy to think, this is not a mood. This is not a feeling. It is who I am. Being able to see that we have a tendency to identify as our moods and feelings, especially these chronic ones, as who we are is crucial. For example, if someone were to ask you how you were doing today? You may say, this is how I am. Rather, you could identify with your awareness and say, this is how I feel and this is how I’m doing my best to take care of it. The shift is nuanced but can create tremendous space for healing.  If we are able to allow some acceptance, this will lead us to be able to keep inquiring as to how we can support ourselves and will help guide us to suggestions for a new direction. Robert has often referred to this as wisdom guidance which shows us how not to be dominated in a one-dimensional way by our feelings. For many of us, there will be that inner part of us that is driven towards achievement or simply feeling deep anxiety, grief, anger or alone. The best we can do is to keep guiding ourselves. This is not a consolation prize, as it is the peak of wisdom.  What is the maximum we can do for ourselves today?

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Life is full of conflicting information.  We are constantly managing and doing our best to hold opposing emotions and conditioning at the same time. On the one hand, we have feelings that are the least desirable. Alternatively, we have the most desirable qualities of trust, love, and compassion. It is not only important to see these as opposites but to recognize that we are taught to work hard, be disciplined, be successful, be attractive, and have financial means. As we process and wrestle with our conditioning as well as our emotional extremes the paradox emerges. Robert helps us start with the most difficult feelings so we have the best chance to discover what we need. Therefore, giving us the best chance to feel good.

It is never too late to go back and realize that you have been judging yourself or that you have been shut down.  From this awareness, a pivot can occur.  That intention to care can begin to become a definition that you identify with more than what you do or how young you are, or how wealthy you are because that intention to care will help you in all directions, no matter where you are. Join Robert and Dave as they continue to deeply delve into these key practices highlighting moving from internal awareness to communicating with our partners and those we are close to. This includes using the right tone, asking for your needs more than once, and reassessing how important this need is to you.

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This week Robert focuses on the second to last chapter of his book. This step entails moving from feelings to needs. There are many foundational steps required to get to this point. Robert takes some time to review. From these precursor steps, we can make a distinct connection between identifying our most challenging feelings and what needs could be supported that would most help us in any given situation. Each situation is always unique. Every challenging feeling can be supported by a need or perhaps more than one. This really is a formula for caring for ourselves and others. Later in the episode, Robert switches gears from our relationship with self to our relationship with others. 

A good relationship does not mean that all of our needs are going to be met. The key is that you see the comprehensive good nature and love that you share over the years and see it in a balanced perspective. Being the best of friends or in a relationship doesn't mean agreeing on everything. The balance is when you have had enough beneficial times together that you can absorb those disagreements with grace and put it in the context of the whole relationship.  It is important to see if you are someone who is overly critical and perfectionistic or are too tolerant of relationships that aren’t serving your well-being as a whole. It is important to ask yourself on an ongoing basis, What is your greatest need? How is it not being fulfilled? What thoughts, qualities and actions are needed to find greater peace and well-being? Ask these questions together with Robert and Dave as they go through a variety of examples to help model balance in relationships with yourself and others enhanced by in-depth communication.

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This week Robert continues to delve deeply into using life’s challenges as a springboard to living a more authentic and joyful life. It is a normal human reaction to blame others or wish they were different, but wishing someone was different can only get you so far. If we suppress our most difficult feelings or act them out, we are in a kind of compulsive repeating of wounded history. It is a source of alienation, warfare, divorce or isolation. It takes awareness, honesty, humility and accountability to begin to respond differently to a reoccurring challenge.

Join us, as we focus on clarifying how to create external and internal boundaries to best take care of ourselves and others. Perhaps you need to set up a boundary within the context of a relationship. Perhaps you need to set a boundary within yourself to not act out. Perhaps you must decide to no longer participate in certain things because you need to take care of yourself. It is an art to ask “Which type of  boundary can best take care of me in each challenging situation?” When we recognize that we need to become aware of our challenging feelings and combine them with an intention to heal, that is the way that we can set up the conditions for being guided toward internal and external peace.

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The Awareness that Heals is a never-ending cycle of self-inquiry. Even as you may feel you have reached  development of several levels in one area of your life, you may begin to recognize that you, and all of us. are rookies in another. Identifying yet unseen aspects of your life with awareness need to be met with compassion and a sense of appreciation. It takes great humility and courage to look at what areas aren’t yet developed. You are opening vulnerable areas that many of us avoid! Yet, we are being guided to meet these challenges with a compassionate inquiry with a tone of support. This week Robert encourages listeners to take a brief review of The Awareness That Heals process and ask, where am I able to implement these steps quickly? Where am I yet unaware? This work is a dedication to expressing what we feel is difficult and aren’t sure how to move forward. Then, we can focus on what it is that we really need and how we can get there. Ultimately, this is the roadmap for being able to not suppress what is difficult, identify with this being a universal tendency and make that courageous turn to care and move in the direction that will create the most benefit.

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Most people are part of the program. The equation is: success + sex + power + moving toward wealth + being popular + having a family = Fulfillment. This is the dominant western narrative of how to arrive at happiness. In this week’s episode, Robert challenges this assumption. He suggests we ask essential questions of ourselves, listen carefully to our guidance, then follow through with new thoughts and actions. This sincere questioning will help develop qualities in our character and heart. Fulfillment is something that really requires thinking for yourself outside the box. As you consider a shift, it may help to imagine yourself from the end of your life. Can I visualize going for this? Would I really have higher esteem, a higher sense of purpose if I went for it versus not? 

It takes tremendous courage to move outside the collective consciousness. If you do take that leap, you may fear that not many people are going to support you. Join us for some steps you can take to start visualizing this potential in your own life. Robert offers grounded ways to move contemplatively toward fulfillment, inspiration, compassion, or creativity. You are not being careless but careful in living an inspired life.

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Recognizing a style of how we deal with our challenges can be a great way to begin learning how to best take care of ourselves. At one level it may appear paradoxical because most of us have been raised to believe we want to feel good. That we want to appear to feel good to others and ourselves. We haven’t understood the price of suppressing feelings. This episode highlights the importance of taking some time to drop into life’s most difficult experiences. It can lead to a contemplation of needs to support having a more complete and accurate direction of how to feel and live.  Stewing is one of the other common ways to deal with challenging emotions. Like a forgotten pot of food boiling on the stove. We do not recognize that the food is there to be eaten/experienced in a way that doesn’t create harm. It can then guide us to recognize and follow our most essential needs. Many people are not aware of their feelings, or they might be aware of them but they do not want to share them. They want to appear together, happy, and cool. However, both these tendencies are what actually keep away deep connections from ourselves and each other. This is why it is so important to investigate a more nuanced way of being with our feelings. We can't deeply trust ourselves when we're having to run away or compartmentalize.

For those of you that have not yet looked at The Introspective Guides to Awareness That Heals, this would be a great time to download those for free. They identify 75 challenging emotions, 75 healing qualities, actions, and essential needs. It helps us to become much more literate at being able to both see what is difficult and to see what is healing, which gives us so many more options.

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Accepting our emotions with an astute mind can be a key component to being kinder to ourselves.  Rather than rejecting our feelings and internally shaming ourselves for having them, we can make an important pivot to welcome them with courage and curiosity. They have something to teach us. Emotions can be muddled and hard to unpack, but within them sits the possibility of accessing our deepest wisdom. This intelligence will lead us to qualities that we can embrace to care for ourselves.  Robert and Dave summarize five steps of moving through life’s challenges and share some of their own stories.  Whether you are experiencing pain, anxiety, uncertainty, or a myriad of other uncomfortable feelings Robert teaches us how to greet them at the door of our minds and recognize that they are a valuable part of us. Our mind can be our ally in our intention to heal and care for ourselves. 

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