Awareness That Heals

Desire can take many forms. There are frivolous desires that can be fun. We all have these, and in fact, are quite a natural part of the human experience. The focus of the podcast this week is not those desires, but those that are not realistic at all or in some cases destructive, and therefore can warp our feelings. These desires will leave us with deep challenges. Robert discusses that healing here almost always comes through the recognition that the desire is unrealistic or harmful and then being able to make the deep distinction between what results in simple enjoyment and what will create harm to ourselves or others.

Robert sees examples of this often in his practice. The desire is often a substitute for needs because we are not accurately in touch with our needs or how to fulfill them. We are raised in a culture that idealizes youth, sex, success, wealth, and power. These desires when they are in excess are a false substitute because they are not connected to our simple pleasures or our deeper needs. If they were, they would never create harm.

This is an invitation to practice making the distinction between need and desire and how to intervene to find our needs is crucial, not because you should but because it will make your life more naturally enjoyable and fulfilling.

Read the transcription and listen to this episode at Awareness That Heals.

How much do we like or care for ourselves when we are being challenged? In this week's episode, Robert invites us to begin moving from self-rejection toward self-caring and compassion. Are you being anxious on purpose? Are you being depressed on purpose? Do you get the joke? Of course not. When we see that we aren't, we can sense our innocence and let more compassion in. Robert offers simple and proven practices for creating awareness that heals. These tools can be applied again and again. Creating expansion opportunities even in the face of life's greatest hurdles and being able to reflect on these moments can help each of us set better conditions in which to bring out our best selves.

Read the transcription and listen to this episode at Awareness That Heals.

In this episode of Awareness that Heals, Robert continues to explore the importance of recognizing, accepting and communicating our challenging feelings.

It takes significant motivation on our part to recognize that our feelings are important as a starting point. It's how we get to be honest with ourselves without running away from what's difficult. Facing your feelings head-on can be challenging, but continue by asking heartfelt questions especially when things are difficult, and then responding to the caring suggestions we receive.

Robert is also joined by Dave and Mark, both of whom share similar experiences about dealing with challenging situations and conflicting emotions. For example, Mark shares how his faith has been clouded with doubt, which makes him feel conflicted about the strength of his faith.

But Robert shares a novel way of approaching this conflicting feeling. The key is to honor both your faith and your doubt. Being able to doubt your faith takes strength and understanding; it requires your faith in supporting your doubt which is something that almost all of us haven't been taught to do.

When it comes to using your feelings and emotions to expand your quality of life, you need to expand questioning yourself. "What are my needs?" We also need to respond to the guidance we receive. There is no state, whether it is extraordinary suffering that's overwhelming and traumatic, or whether it's circumstantial, that isn't dignified and worthy of our caring attention. Our responsiveness to guide ourselves toward what is our best potential toward well-being and healing is what will pave the way forward to healing in our lives.

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f someone were to ask you, which is your most challenging emotion, would you be able to name it? Maybe you require some prompting and help from your friends or loved ones. Throughout the Awareness That Heals podcast, Robert makes an empathetic request for listeners to become aware of and recognize their most frequent challenging emotions.

But why is it essential to put a name to your feeling? It's because recognizing your challenging feelings with literacy helps you move toward healing. It's the same for recognizing specific qualities, actions, thoughts, and attitudes that help you take the steps toward healing with conscious effort and awareness.

Along with awareness of what you're feeling, there also comes a sense of identification. Once you're aware of and have identified your feelings and emotions, you will be better equipped to deal with the situation or the feeling in the best possible way you can by learning to recognize your needs. If you're struggling to identify your feelings, here's a handy chart of 75 of the most common feelings and emotions that will help you put a name to your emotions.

Most of us will shy away or turn our backs on our challenging and complex emotions. It's the way we've been brought up. But there is immense value in discovering your ability to recognize and name what's challenging you emotionally. When we have the courage, honesty, and humility to face where we are and how we feel, we let the shame of feeling a certain way take a back seat. This is what allows us to move toward healing more deeply.

Challenging feelings are mostly the result of thwarted or unsatisfied needs. Sometimes it's chemical, hormonal, hereditary, trauma, but mostly they are our day to day needs that are blocked or frustrated.

In this episode, Robert channels his insights from almost half a century of counseling to share with us the profound connection between our feelings and needs. We are asked to develop an almost instinctive (but learned) response to our challenging emotions — a longing and understanding to move toward the needs that will serve healing and well-being.

Read the transcription and listen to this episode at Awareness That Heals.

One of the first steps to move toward healing is awareness. In this episode, Robert explores how awareness and working towards a deeper understanding of our tone of voice can positively impact our relationships with others and ourselves. Think back to the last time you were in a challenging situation. What were your internal thoughts? What did your tone of voice toward yourself sound like? Was it partially judgemental or did it have elements of a critical edginess? Or was it mostly empathic and accepting? When faced with a challenging situation, taking care of ourselves involves learning to find a place inside ourselves that allows us to organically change our tone of voice to one of greater kindness, strength or whatever is most called for. It's okay to be where you are and feel what you are feeling no matter what it is, and at the same time it is an art to energize the parts of ourselves that will bring the most connection and fulfillment.

When you set on the path to understand and work on your tone of voice, you will find that it requires awareness first and then honesty and humility to respond in a way that most conveys what is in your heart. It takes humility to understand what your most important intention is. The priority is to keep moving toward healing and caring. Both humility and honesty are crucial because seeing your tone of voice clearly and using inquiry and wisdom guidance to understand yourself better can also reveal some unflattering parts of yourself. We all like to feel good about ourselves, about what we feel and it might take time for you to accept your thoughts, emotions, and feelings more deeply. It's often helpful to take the time to find an outlet to express yourself without harming anyone else. In the moment, it might be difficult to see that as progress towards your wellbeing, but finding an intention to heal and care and moving toward it is a great start.

This episode also makes a case for a healthy amount of self-doubt because it almost always goes hand in hand with a healthy amount of self-trust. Awareness about your imperfections and that you're a work in progress will help you in the long run. It sets up ideal conditions for the chance to see how you are human like everyone else and optimizes the chance to lead a more fulfilled life. It also creates the conditions that gives you/us greater intimacy and peace and an intrinsic desire to contribute to the world at large.

Read the transcription and listen to this episode at Awareness That Heals.

Over the last few episodes of Awareness That Heals, Robert has been sharing how our tone of voice can really impact us internally as well as our relationships with others. Often, we use our tone of voice to indicate how we're feeling about something. Angry about a missed appointment? Sadness about not being understood? Joy at achieving something? Our emotions and feelings come through in our tone. It also indicates how we view others. Do we think we're superior to someone? Or do we feel intimidated by them? It may be challenging for us to be aware of our tone of voice in difficult times, unless we take extra notice when we see the impact it has. This is whether you're talking to someone else or your inner voice. We all have troubles and difficulties — a common denominator of being human. Although sometimes we may not recognize these challenges, or when we do, we frequenty don't acknowledge and work on the subtleties of our tone enough to allow them to be a part of us and our lives. Robert invites you to introspect about the tones in your life. Which tones of voice are problematic and cause suffering? Which tones of voice fulfill you and expand your quality of life? This can be both internal and external — you might have to check if you're more prone to criticizing yourself or giving yourself too much of the benefit of the doubt. Accessing your wish to heal, even a fleeting awareness, is a really good starting point. Slow progress is still significant. It's essential to set realistic goals and move at a steady pace towards becoming your best realistic self. After all your best self cannot be built right away.

Understanding your tone of voice helps you better connect with people, while also teaching you how to care for yourself in challenging situations. Instead of simply being reactive, taking a moment to respond with the advantage of a bit of contemplation will give us the chance to think — Which tone of voice and which words would really allow my life to have the best quality right now? For example, a tone filled with anger or disappointment might make the other person defensive. If it's a critical tone directed inwardly, it makes it very unlikely that we will be receptive to care for ourselves.

The purpose of life is to improve quality of life. Tone of voice is one of the vehicles that can help us do that. We can use our awareness of it to understand where our quality of life isn't optimal and where there's potential to expand. Doing this can set up an ideal condition that helps us be more fulfilled in life at a much higher level. This, in turn, might encourage us to contribute to the world by finding and living closer to our best selves. This is a gift to everyone including ourselves.

Read the transcription and listen to this episode at Awareness That Heals.

We're taught to focus on our strengths and continue to hone them from a young age. Any weaknesses or issues are usually sidelined or kept private, a problem to deal with later. Then, as we grow into adulthood, we all too frequently continue to ignore those challenges, even though they need to be resolved for our wellbeing.

In this episode of Awareness that Heals, Robert with great support from Dave from The Global Bridge Foundation explores how awareness of our tone of voice can be integral to us taking the first step to go beyond the normal, beyond what's expected of us in facing our challenges and to respond in ways to build a more fulfilled life. This involves recognizing challenges and overcoming them using awareness, inquiry, and wisdom guidance.

Take a moment to think back to the last time you fought with someone. The chances are that you remember only a few of the things you both said to each other. But there's something about the way that you both spoke to one another that probably stayed with you long after the disagreement or fight.

Your reactions are revealed in your tone of voice when we listen carefully. Are you authentically expressing yourself and being sensitive? Are you hurting both yourself and the other person when you don't check your tone of voice? Some of this might be unconscious wants or dissatisfaction coming through in your tone of voice. But once you start introspecting and understanding the role of tone of voice in communication, you can become more aware of your intention — do you want to act out the challenging emotion or move toward peace and resolution?

When you ask yourself, "What is my greatest need?" or "What is my most frequent challenging emotion?" you are able to get a glimpse into these feelings and emotions that influence your tone of voice. Then, you can learn to pause before reacting and gather yourself to find and express your feelings in a calmer, more sensitive, and respectful manner.

Our tone of voice can be a hidden depiction of our feelings. Previously, we discussed how we can say positive words that are coded with silent negativity. This means that exploring our tone of voice can help us become aware of what we need to express. For example, we might need help or support, or we might need some space. Using a sensitive and reassuring tone of voice to ask for what we need is a great step towards wellbeing, which helps us expand our potential for a fulfilled life.

Read the transcription and listen to this episode at Awareness That Heals.

"Either say something nice or don't say anything at all." We've all heard versions of this statement growing up, as our caregivers taught us to be friendly and kind to others.

While the intention is good, it can come at the cost of teaching us to suppress our authentic feelings and emotions. This is by no means an approval to be mean or unkind towards others, but in trying only to say nice things, we can often be dishonest about our real feelings and needs. In this episode, Robert shares the example of one of his clients, Sarah, who almost ended her marriage without even telling her husband that she was unhappy. She almost didn't give him a chance to listen, understand, and improve.

Difficult conversations and situations are universal. We all need to make requests or hear someone out at some point or the other. The tone of voice (on both sides) is imperative to express our wants, feelings, and emotions as we intend them to be. Tones can be coded and misrepresented with positivity and negativity at the same time. Think about the last time someone told you something nice, but you could tell they didn't really mean it or meant something else altogether. Maybe you've done it recently, too — that's a combination of a positive tone of voice and silent negativity.

Understanding the impact of tone of voice can help you realize how you need to speak about certain things to certain people. Recognizing the difference in your tone of voice gives you clarity about your feelings and allows you to express yourself authentically and in a way that is beneficial. This, in turn, reduces misunderstandings because your tone of voice can continue to develop as a means of expressing your deepest needs.

When you start inquiring within, asking yourself, how best can I express my feelings is an evolved stage of inquiry. Of course, before you begin inquiry, you may need to be aware that you're not expressing your needs or your vulnerabilities enough. This awareness gives you a chance to improve your tone of voice to share your feelings authentically, and reduce harm. It is vital that with this realization, that you soften the judgment and rejection of yourself. Instead, give yourself the grace to recognize that you need encouragement, support, and kindness — from within and from others. Reframing your thought process from "I should/need to work on my tone of voice," you could say, "I get to rework my tone of voice — this will help my loved ones and me." Understanding tone of voice will help you forge better connections and live a more fulfilled life, one that might even inspire you to help the world around you.

Read the transcription and listen to this episode at Awareness That Heals.

Who among us hasn't been in a disagreement or argument in our lives? In those moments, we could find ourselves speaking cuttingly or with an injurious tone of voice. Sometimes, we may not even realize our tone of voice expresses such harsh emotions.

Your tone of voice is immensely impactful, but it is not something most of us are usually aware of. It can be an indicator of how we're feeling inside — anxious, happy, stressed or angry. More often than we realize, our tone of voice may give away our internal feelings and emotions, whether or not we realize it.

In this episode of Awareness that Heals, Robert explores how tone of voice can be a source towards fulfillment and better understanding — both for ourselves and those around us. One of the critical steps is to learn to identify the different tones and emotions we may have — putting a specific name to our feelings is integral to understanding them. Robert recommends two (free) Introspective Charts that have over 75 emotions and healing needs that you can use to help you better express yourself.

Cultivating a greater sensitivity in our tone of voice isn't simply beneficial to others. Tone of voice is also how we think about ourselves internally — an Inner Tone, so to say. Loving yourself when you're doing everything right and feeling great is almost too easy. But when there are negative feelings in play, it becomes much harder to be kind to ourselves. Developing a congruence with our feelings, emotions, and tone of voice is challenging for most of us at first but it is within our capacity if we give it enough attention. Becoming aware of the way we think about and talk can help us become more empathetic — towards ourselves and our loved ones. This will also help us take better care of ourselves in challenging situations without injuring the person we're talking to.

If you're on the receiving side of a negative or harsh tone of voice, understanding a conflict in words and tone can help you view and respond to a situation differently. We are the makers of our tone of voice. The idea is to gradually become more able to reflect our best intentions to take care of the situations we find ourselves in with our tone. But as Robert notes, improvement right away isn't always realistic. Sometimes we cannot improve our tone immediately, but becoming aware of it is a good starting point. That will help you care for yourself and others without resorting to a potentially injurious tone during challenging emotional situations.

Read the transcription and listen to this episode at Awareness That Heals.

Have you ever seen someone disciplining a kid? Or maybe you've had to talk to a kid about something? You might have noticed that the moment your tone changes, they're almost always aware of what will follow — treats, rewards, scolding, or even punishment. Kids are incredibly good at picking up on your tone of voice, far better than adults.

But let's go back for a second. What is your tone of voice? Simply put, it's the way you say something. Whether it's an offer or a rejection, a request or a demand, your tone of voice impacts others and yourself more than you can imagine. For example, you could unwittingly criticize your child or your partner if you don't take a moment to check your tone. Sometimes, this could be stress-related, where you're displacing frustrations. Other times, this could be a reflection of how you truly view the other person deep inside. Often, it's not what you say but how you say it that hurts people.

We often unknowingly employ tone of voice to get what we want. Think about the last time you were charming, sweet, or personable to get something you wanted from an otherwise closed-off person? Or in reverse, when you indicated through an icy or detached tone of voice that you didn't care? Being aware of your tone of voice can help you be more sensitive, more patient, more understanding, softer or stronger in what you're trying to convey.

Along with tone of voice, Robert discusses the dangers of selectively hearing what you want and projecting your hearings/desires onto someone else. This can either lead people into a state of openness or resistance. Awareness of tone of voice and its impact can prevent hurt, misunderstanding, and other injurious situations.

Although therapy is a neutral space, Robert shares how his tone of voice has been the best, most direct, and loving way to touch his clients' hearts. At the same time, to prevent countertransference (projection of unresolved conflicts), he has developed an evolving awareness of his tone of voice, while acknowledging areas that he needs to continue to watch. When you take some time to reflect on your chosen tones of voice, you will notice that they are similar to some core essential qualities that can help you through challenging situations.

Read the transcription and listen to this episode at Awareness That Heals.