B Movie Breakdown

Deep in the jungles of Borneo, an ancient evil alien/dinosaur/Predator has been resurrected by a mad scientist, and it’s out for… cerebro-spinal fluid! Or something! This week we’ve paddled our way back down the River of Time to catch Mark Dacascos in 1997’s chimerical ripoff horror movie, DNA! Ash is an American doctor working in Borneo out of the kindness of his heart, until the evil Dr. Wessinger tricks him into helping him find a beetle that will make his cloned dinosaur killing machine nearly invincible. To atone for his mistake, Ash teams up with a pathetic CIA operative who advertises her job on her luggage and snaps pics for Instagram the whole movie. Once into the jungle, they spend more time fighting Wessinger’s goons than the creature, and end up resorting to a Nerf missile launcher to take down the killer in one of worst finishing moves we’ve seen in years. And even though a kid dies, Ash and Claire kinda sorta end up in love. Or something. The end.

With the fall semester quickly approaching, may we suggest enrolling in South Beach Academy? It’s the perfect destination for matriculation for bright-eyed, horn dog college freshmen with its non-existant classrooms, semi-nude beach and high stakes gambling on beach volleyball. Hey, it’s what Corey Feldman would do. This week we’ve softcore banged our way back to 1996 with Nicky Tyranno to check out director Joe Esposito’s first and last film. And my God, did he go out on top!

Some movies are meant to left alone for all eternity, never to be seen by the human eye. One of those movies happens to be 1995’s Smoke ‘n’ Lightnin! This week DRC is on vacay, so Corey went out and recruited some fellow podcasters to take this journey into the bottom of B Movie Hell. From The T-Dawg Blizzlepops Comsey Stand Show, we have Timmy Blaze and Chris joining the podcast for an epic midwest podcast crossover as we discuss this “wondeful” buddy action flick. Smoke & Lightnin are your average mechanics until they decide to take a joy ride in an FBI Agents car and stumble upon a briefcase, which leads them on an whacky adventure. Along the way these two knuckleheads are chased by a bad guy (how they refer to him), fall in love with some bodacious babes, and in the end, I guess, save the day. Go watch it for yourself on Netflix, and enjoy all the car chases and cheesy one liners from this movie very few have probably ever seen.

Some movies are meant to left alone for all eternity, never to be seen by the human eye. One of those movies happens to be 1995’s Smoke ‘n’ Lightnin! This week DRC is on vacay, so Corey went out and … Continue reading →

Maybe it’s a B Movie, maybe it’s not, but either way we’re driving out to the boonies for a seat at the Double Deuce to watch 1989’s action classic Road House! Patrick Swayze goes crazy as the infamous “cooler” James Dalton when he’s hired to straighten out one of the most violent bars in ever down in Missouri. Dalton has an angsty and violent past he’d rather forget and put behind him. Unfortunately, the town is controlled by a millionaire and his thugs who seem to think blatant vandalism, arson and driving a monster truck through a car dealership are acceptable behavior. But when the going gets tough, the tough start ripping out throats! Dalton’s one man killing spree gets about as much attention from the local cops as the thugs’ shenanigans, leaving us free to enjoy the boobs that Kelly Lynch wouldn’t deliver last week as she has public sex with Dalton in the lake where he dumped his first victim. And they say romance is dead.

And KABOOM goes the dynamite! Terminator TSCC’s Thomas Dekker stars in indie director Gregg Araki’s 2010 apocalyptic/sexual awakening drama Kaboom. We’re joined again by guest star P-Lof for this polarizing presentation which left some of us cold – and one of us HOT!

Walk tall! Be proud! Become a Goomba! We’re joined by guests Nicky Tyranno and P-Lof this week as we steal Jerry O’Connell’s Sliders gizmo to travel to alternate universe Brooklyn to watch 1993’s Super Mario Bros. When Hollywood forces a beloved video game through their puerile reversioning filter, everybody loses.

Welcome to Zombieland! (Sort of.) We spend one last week in the awesome 80s with Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo in 1988’s ridiculous undead buddy cop movie Dead Heat. Roger Mortis has 12 hours to solve a murder… his OWN! Roger and his smartass partner Doug Bigelow don’t seem to mind seeing a dozen of their fellow cops getting gunned down by zombie jewel thieves, but when Roger himself ends up as one of the walking dead, suddenly it’s a tragedy that must be avenged.

When Sly’s hat turns backwards, it’s clobberin’ time! We’ve arm wrestled our way back to 1987 to watch Sylvester Stallone’s hammy father/son bonding movie, Over the Top. Joined again by guest Nicky Tyranno, we dive into the cross country adventures of trucker/amateur arm wrestler Lincoln Hawk. After abandoning his son for never explained reasons, Hawk tries to force some bonding time with his now 12 year old boy, but li’l Mikey would rather kill himself in traffic than hang with his dear old dad. That is until Hawk sleeps with him (no incesto), they do a father/son workout together and Hawk forces Mikey into an arm wrestling match with a local punk, then they’re somehow right as rain.

Things are about to get hairy for the Shaver family! Joining us for our bad puns this week is former guest Nicky Tyranno as we slog our way through 1989’s awful “comedy” with no idea what it wants to be, … Continue reading →