B4U Swipe

In the last episode of season 6 on B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about letting go of perfection when practicing relationship anarchy. 

Episode Highlights include: our annoyance with the expression “just friends;” bears, butterflies, oh my - meadows as a metaphor; government as invasive species; pushing against perfection; RA support networks; no gold standard, rants about insurance and other systems, mindfulness, and reflections on who you would save if they were drowning. We will be back with more episodes sometime in 2024. Happy New Year!

Meanwhile, here’s the Surgeon General’s Report on Loneliness – we hope that you feel connected and loved. Because we bet you are. More than you know.

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about who and how they share their relationship structure with others. In our conversation, we revisit many Relationship Anarchy principles including core relationship values, customizing commitments and practices, and love is abundant (but time is limited). 

Episode highlights include: Who you’re allowed to grieve about at work (bereavement policies), holiday parties, smooch buddies, entitlement, activism vs energy protection, reframing terminology, risk assessment, and our value in the zombie apocalypse. If you know the plural of “squish,” please let us know!

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about the connection between Relationship Anarchy and asexuality (experiencing little to no sexual attraction) and/or aromanticism (experiencing little to no romantic attraction). We bust some stigma while advocating for more freedom to form the kinds of relationships we want. 

Episode highlights include: Dr. Kris’ identity crisis, “consummating” marriage, queerplatonic relationships, “bumping uglies,” a brief foray into our critiques of the prison industrial complex, and, yet again, we return to our wish to radically transform K-12 sexuality education. We also fantasize about a conversation between Andie Nordgren and Angela Chen — SWOON.

If you want to go beyond the surface we barely scratched, check out these resources:

Asexual Visibility and Education Network: https://asexuality.org/ 

Angela Chen’s book, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex  https://www.angelachen.org/ace

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore what compromise looks like in relationship anarchy, and how “anarchy” and “compromise” are more aligned than it may first appear.

Episode highlights include: ”Real” anarchy vs CHiPs, a brief reflection on the Punk scene, the proverbial lobster in the boiling pot, sushi vs bento boxes, John Gottman’s stonewalling, noticing patterns in compromising, compromise vs. sacrifice, and letting go of partners as “matched sets.”

For more on Gottman’s concept of stonewalling and why it’s not a great relationship characteristic, read this: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-stonewalling/

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore the loneliness epidemic and consider how ditching the escalator and embracing relationship anarchy might help us feel more connected.

Episode highlights include: Sweeping reflection on recent research on loneliness, societal structures, and pressure to conform to the heteronormative escalator– we went big, folks. We also talked about practical suggestions on finding and valuing friendships, awkward friend date requests, pros and cons of working from home, the culture of “busy,” and CSI (both the TV show and the Centre for Social Innovation). Of course we heard more about the magic of the karaoke community, too. 

We promise, we get hopeful in there.

Towards the end of the episode, Dr. Kris references (incorrectly) a recent study on the number of people who will be single “in the not too distant future.” That stat is actually that Morgan Stanley Research estimates that 45% of females will be single by the year 2030. Here’s the link: https://www.morganstanley.com/ideas/womens-impact-on-the-economy (Note: To the term “SHEconomy” we say “Ew.”).

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore the relationship escalator rules and ways we may already be breaking them as we unknowingly embrace some relationship anarchy principles.

Episode highlights include a Relationship Escalator tutorial, cuddle puddles, “parenting is hard,” supporting each other when we’re sick, annoyance at patriarchy and capitalism, the ridiculousness of striving for static relationship structures, CB radios, gestures of care and connection, “first date”-like nervousness around asking people to vacation with you, and imagining and practicing deep, rich supportive connections.

Here are the Relationship Escalator steps we outline at the start of the podcast:

https://offescalator.com/what-escalator/

And here’s that New York Times article, “We Needed More Significant Others,” Dr. Kris referenced: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/08/style/modern-love-we-needed-more-significant-others.html

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore infidelity and how that concept takes on a different light when exploring it through Relationship Anarchy. We talk about our past experiences with “cheating” and current practices in our new emotional connections.

Episode highlights include: Emotional vs. sexual cheating, Stranger Things infidelity, societal and familial messages about cheating, conversations we need to have, heteronormativity (ugh), questioning “is there a penis in the room?” and the shitty life of academics and writing dissertations.

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about talking! In other words, we focus on several real world examples, including our own, of navigating communication in relationship anarchy.

Episode highlights include: Feeling seen, dating non-relationship anarchists, coping with misalignment in communication needs and wants, defining Kitchen Table polyamory, some differences between polyamory and relationship anarchy, time pie, and compersion and jealousy

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about the process of shifting relationships from romantic and sexual to platonic and back again. 

Episode highlights include: breaking up vs changing dynamics, bobbing seals and whiskey, (re)negotiating time together, Kitchen Table polyamory, Comet Relationships, jealousy, “just” friends, and right-sized bites.

Sorry if you get a little lost following some of these relationships we were describing! Relationships can be complicated and while that can be magical it can also be confusing whether you are living it or listening to it.

In the first episode of Season 6 of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris build on Season 5’s overanalysis of Relationship Anarchy by talking about deep friendships. They start with their own decade plus long friendship and consider other relationships as well.

Episode highlights include: How Dr. Kris and Dr. Lauren became friends, believing in brain science, FOMO, check-ins, friendships and blood pressure, recognizing trusted sources of safety, constellations of support, and family modeling.

Oh! And we apologize in advance for the weird sound glitch 18 minutes in. Oopsie.