B4U Swipe

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris discuss the last of the nine principles of relationship anarchy. 

Principle 9: “Build for the Lovely Unexpected.”

Episode highlights include: contented sighs, life giving relationships, what happens when you hit the top of the relationship escalator, empty nesting, mindfulness, dirty countertop resentment, sleepovers and vacations with friends, existing in a world of shoulds, performance reviews, and unicorns and gummy bears.

Overall, we think this principle is “lovely” - where the other principles help us think about how to do relationship anarchy, this one captures its essence. Exploration, spontaneity, and organizing on wishes… we love it.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. 

Principle 8: “Trust is Better”

Episode highlights include: Kris’s love of the word “penultimate” and Lauren’s dislike of the phrase “quickly forgiven,” PolySecure and attachment theory, interdependence vs codependency, remembering “it’s not always about you,” adopting trust “safe words,” wheel of consent, and Rubik's cubes.

Overall, we recognize that trust can be hard, has to be earned, AND agree that, when it’s there, it makes loving relationships better.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. 

Principle 7: “Customize your commitments.”

Episode highlights include: Learning from COVID pods; singing, cooking, and writing as acts of intimacy; networks of care and support; revisiting the relationship escalator and breaking cultural scripts; and how to not use relationship anarchy as an excuse to be an asshole.

Overall, in the words of Dr. Lauren, this principle “feels like liberation on a page.” Even for our cynical asses, this principle inspires hope and possibility for all of our safety and well-being.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. 

Principle 6: "Love and respect instead of entitlement."

Episode highlights include: controlling behavior, fuck coercive control and abuse dynamics; cookie cutters, molds, glowing orbs and seeds of growth - basically Lauren dumping a bunch of metaphors; being socialized to put our needs last; chimeras and minotaurs; cherishing each others’ pasts and passions; and celebrating our overlaps and our differences.  

Overall, we think it is beautiful to honor ourselves and the other people in our lives. Let’s encourage each other to be who we are and find our individual paths. There was a LOT to unpack in this principle and we had a good time just getting started.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. 

Principle 5: "Change through communication"

Episode Highlights include: 

Negotiating a pizza order, how societal and internal scripts guide our behaviors, being proactive rather than reactive in communication, sexual inventory lists, the constant of change, teaching communication skills in sex ed, moving from two to three or more, and shifting from “we have to talk” to “we get to talk.”

Overall, we had a great time communicating about communication. It’s such an important and challenging topic.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy.

Principle 4: “Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you”

Episode Highlights include: 

The Relationship Escalator; challenging the concept of “failed” relationships; fear, judgment and pressure to conform; choosing who gets to know your relationship values and goals; navigating jealousy and insecurity; and learning from queers and small towns. 

Overall, while we questioned using such a big word in a small title (heterosexism, really?), we think it’s essential to acknowledge societal pressures and the fear they can create, and identify strategies for staying true to ourselves.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. 

Principle 3: Imagine it and Practice, Practice, Practice (originally “Fake it til’ you make it”)

Episode Highlights include: 

Our arguments against “faking it til you make it;” the magic of support in a Karaoke family; caterpillars and phoenixes; how resisting norms is slow and hard; making space to reflect, imagine, and stay over your center; and the importance of support, including your own self-compassion. Shout outs to Alok Vaid-Menon and adrienne maree brown’s wisdom. 

Overall, while we aren’t fans of the title, we think this principle provides a gentle invitation to think about how you will bring your values to life across your relationships. 

Don’t mind our arrogance at changing the title of the principle. Hope you like the rewrite as much as we do!

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. 

Principle 2: “Find your core set of relationship values.”

Episode Highlights include:

Proposing a K-12 sex ed revolution; developing self-awareness of what matters inside and outside of relationships; a debate over what counts as “core;” and recognizing that while we can’t always choose or control who we are tied to, we deserve to seek out the kinds of relationships we want.

Overall, we think this principle is foundational to all healthy relationships. We all deserve to define our values and goals, and allow them evolve over time.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris begin their adventure discussing each of the nine principles of relationship anarchy. 

Principle 1: “Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique.”

Episode Highlights include: Cherishing friendships as sacred relationships, navigating love as pie and relationships as check boxes, letting go of “the one,” reconsidering relationship hierarchies.

Overall, we love this principle and everything it stands for. We encourage you to celebrate all the unique ways love shows up in your lives. And while we don’t endorse ranking relationships. it’s okay to play favorites with your pies. Kris says, “Fuck blueberry. Cooked blueberries make me sad.”

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris preview how they are going to change things up this season and talk about relationship anarchy!

Episode highlights include: How we’re switching up the podcast and why, our annoyances with how relationships beyond monogamous partnerships are addressed in the media and society, a brief introduction to relationship anarchy, and a recognition of our lenses and biases. Overall, we hope you are as excited about this switch as we are. 

Library Highlights informing our Conversations (Not an exhaustive list!):

• bell hooks (e.g., All about Love) 
• adrienne maree brown (e.g., Emergent Strategy; Pleasure Activism)
• Alok Vaid-Menon, (e.g., Beyond the Gender Binary)
• Esther Perel, (e.g., Mating in Captivity)
• Angela Chen, (e.g., ACE, What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex) 
• Jessica Fern, (e.g., Polysecure)
• Dean Spade, (e.g., Mutual Aid)
• Faith Harper, (e.g., Unf*ck your Boundaries)
• Kim Tallbear (e.g., The Critical Polyamorist)