Bad Counsel

THE GREEN ACRES EDITION!

Sound Bites

• "I just hate parties."
• "I want to go higher!"
• "Netflix sucks."
• "There is no code."
• "I just shit."
• "Here, this is gross."
• "Oh, gross!"
• "Did it smell?"
• "That's nasty!"
• "Get a vasectomy."

Sound Bites

• "I always wanted to disappear."
• "I love you and you hate me."
• "It's creative destruction, right?"
• "Damn it, did you all know that?"
• "How the fuck did I not know that?"
• "You are excellent, buddy."
• "What the fuck?"
• "That's a long question."
• "You do not have permission."
• "That's a friend."
• "That's it."
• "You'd like, that's, you know."
• "That got dark."
• "That's a positive way to end."
• "Maybe she did goat yoga."
• "Just lean into that for sure."
• "He's just a creep for sure."
• "Avoid your father-in-law."

Sound Bites

"The second take is always worse than the first."
"I had too many notes, that never works for me."
"I had a panic attack because I thought I was fucked up."
"Ketamine instantly blocked suicidal ideations."
"Do you find the death pool appalling?"
"Wrestling is horrible at this level."
"Hilary Duff's baby is gonna be born soon."
"That's a fucking huge payout."
"It's a dark game. I'm very uncomfortable with it."
"We'll do it live!"
"You're like Icarus, Bert."
"There's gonna be a Netflix documentary on Iron Maiden."
"I fucked a cousin."
"He does look like a cousin fucker."
"If 23andMe revealed..."

Sound Bites

• "We lost power about one o'clock on Wednesday."
• "It was terrifying."
• "We were one of the last areas to get power."
• "How could we survive?"
• "Normal prep, not like doomsday preppers."
• "It was not pleasant."
• "Nobody goes to the used record store"
• "I saved a life this weekend"
• "Three days, right?"
• "Mom jokes will always be funny."
• "Let's talk about dead people."
• "I'd like to bury my balls in your pocket."
• "I just wouldn't want like some uptight parent calling."
• "I definitely didn't want my kids to be like the kids who go to college and never fucking drank."
• "I would worry that I would be getting in trouble."
• "Who hasn't dropped a load on somebody's photo?"
• "Maybe she's got a big face."
• "Is that what we're doing?"

Sound Bites

• "You seem grouchy."
• "My mom fell getting off of her cruise."
• "He's doing his best at lowering expectations."
• "You think because you like ice skating, means you have low T?"
• "I'm never going to amusement park again."
• "I had a whole plan."
• "I became very afraid that we were about to crash."
• "Let's do it again!"
• "It was so traumatic, he had to go."

Sound Bites

• "That looks like my mom."
• "We think everyone else looks old."
• "Do we look like that?"
• "I think wives can be stolen."
• "Are you allowed to take life insurance out on somebody?"
• "We could all kick in 100 bucks and submit five names."
• "That's love, man, right there."
• "I can't wait to hear all about it."
• "No one likes the AI voices."

Sound Bites

"It's just in time, man."
"I see robots all the time now."
"I was in England where it rained."
"That's probably why I only did it for about six months."
"I bet you're in fucking great shape."
"This is how I imagine it in my head."
"I regret that day."
"You probably, so you would go back."
"Don't be a dick about it."

Sound Bites

• "Well, I don't know if this was fun, but I kind of wanted to, actually I'll wait. I have a story I want to share with everybody. I want to brag a little bit. I want to brag a little, so I'll wait."
• "I went grocery shopping today and as I'm putting my stuff out of the cart onto the belt for the cashier to ring it up, a woman pulls in behind me on her cart and she's probably, you know, late 30s, early 40s. She starts giggling. I look up, she goes, my God, I'm sorry, but you are so cute."
• "We went to a new weed doctor. Oh, did you?"
• "But he likes to lick it off Michelle's ass crack."
• "MDMA, it's fun. You can't do too much though."
• "I have a drug scale and MC capsules."
• "Let's talk about some labor issues, motherfucker."
• "Let's get Burt going on unions and his opinion of unions."
• "Cat gate"
• "Yeah, that's funny. I was watching a little porn today and this young girl had a pretty hairy bush and she was using it to like adjust it. She'd grab that fistful of hair and pull it up and to the side and use it as a tool. I liked it. Good for her."
• "Maybe it's like Chatbot AI trying to get smarter and this is how it learns about relationships. What to do with, like somebody must have typed into Chatbot, my balls stink. And they're like, you know what? We got nothing. Let's write back council. Let's leave back council voicemail."
• "Maybe leave a note on his door. Dear sir, your kind is smelly."
• "You know what I would do if I was this chick? I would start talking about one of our friends that he thinks is hot might like him or might be asking about him and see if there's a change in his grooming behavior. So he thinks, hey, maybe if I get laid, I'll start washing my shit. Her cooter."
• "So no cleaning crews, right? Nobody cleaned that place for four days. They couldn't find a dead body at a desk."
• "He was innocent. Poor our Bud Dwyer."
• "I was only doing baby ketamine, Katie, not the 40 milligrams of ketamine."
• "On the nights we share tab, I spend almost twice as much as I normally do."
• "Well, you know, I'll help this guy because I feel it's our obligation to help this guy."

Sound Bites

• "Kids home."
• "It reduces the bandwidth actually when they're when they're home."
• "The only problem is she's so into Jesus, like Michelle has to go up to the pool with her and hear about Jesus the whole time."
• "Did you get the drugs?"
• "You're all invited to the boat party"
• "Are you excited that this guy Joe wants to come?"
• "Weed sperm."
• "Yeah, she used to stick up the whole condo making can of butter."
• "He gets worried when I say a nice, sincere thing."
• "I apologize, goose. I apologize."
• "I would feel, that would just feel kind of creepy."
• "OMG, I know your mom."
• "Halle Berry's gotta be 55, 58. That's pretty old, man. Holy shit."
• "Elizabeth Shue wasn't, she got more attractive as she got older, I think."
• "Joan Rivers made a joke once about women getting plastic surgery and every time their mouths getting bigger and bigger until finally they look like something you should be trying to toss a beanbag into."
• "Jillian Anderson is 56, right? And she's hot as fucking hell."
• "Oh my god, I'm looking at a picture of Elizabeth Hurley in a fucking bathing suit at age 55. She is fucking gorgeous."
• "Nicole Kidman."

Sound Bites

• "I had no idea, right? Because that's all I wanted."
• "Well, no, but after you date for a while and you figure out that they're cool, like, you know what I mean?"
• "He's a check down machine."
• "My new passion is watching strangers listen to Rush for the first time"
• "For some reason, seeing these people discovering this band that I've loved all my life and really appreciating them, because that's part of the fun is that they really respect their musicianship and they're surprised"
• "There's nobody he's passionate about"
• "I really don't want to discuss it with him because it's Yuck."
• "Does everybody else hear that? Weirdness."
• "Yeah, I'll ask her."
• "Motherfuckers. Fuck that guy."
• "She's insane, right? It's not like I'm cheating on her."
• "How about like s... Bitch."
• "Pole dancing, Katie watches it and shows me, it is far more athletic than break dancing."
• "What other fun activities are going to be Olympic sports?"
• "Survival shows maybe drop off Olympic survivalists in a different town and they have to find their way back."