Join me on today's episode where guest, Alesia Galati, tells her full story (for the very first time!) of growing up in a cult with her mom and siblings. Alesia and I chat about how they ended up in the cult, what the cult was like, things that took place there, how she managed to leave, life after the cult and her healing process.

This episode is full of ups and downs as Alesia shares the good and bad of the cult and how much it has impacted her as an adult.

As you will hear from the episode, Alesia is such a wonderful woman and her story is full of empowering lessons that remind us that our past does not have to be our future.

I am so grateful that Alesia picked the Badass Moms Club to share her full story for the first time.

Alesia also has a podcast with her sister where they chat about cults. Her podcast is called Two Sisters and a Cult (pssttt...you need to check it out!!). Speaking of podcasts, Alesia is also a podcast producer and helps other aspiring podcasters to launch their own podcast!

Instagram for podcast production: alesia.galati
Instagram for Two Sisters and a Cult: twosisterscult
Facebook: Alesia Galati
Listen to Two Sisters and a Calt: https://www.twosisterscult.com/

Are you an aspiring podcaster? Check out Alesia's podcast program here: http://alesiagalati.com/launch-your-podcast-group/

Want to connect with me on Instagram: jeshessels

Releasing your mom guilt is actually a lot easier than you think! 

Before we dive into my top strategy for this, it's important to know that there are two types of mom guilt:

1. The first type of mom guilt is valid guilt. This is informative & constructive as its signals to us that we're behaving in a way that is out of alignment with our values or intentions.

When we are experiencing valid guilt it's important to lean into this and listen to it.

So for example, if you value minimal TV watching you may experience valid guilt if your child has watched a lot of TV. The validity of this guilt is that watching excessive TV is out of alignment with your values so those two things are butting heads. At this point, the way to release the mom guilt would be at to act in a way that is aligned with your values, which means not letting your child watch as much TV again.

2. The second type of mom guilt is unfounded guilt. This guilt arises from perfectionism or any number of unrealistic measurements or standard we've internalized. These expectations lead us to feeling unfounded guilt about any number of things.

So using the TV example again, unfounded guilt would occur if your mom comments on how much your child watches TV and that makes you feel guilty because you feel like you are being a bad mom, even though watching TV doesn't go against your values.

Generally speaking, unfounded guilt comes from outside sources such as friends, family, social media, doctors, society and so forth. Even when we feel like the mom guilt has come from ourselves internally, when we look further at the root causes of the mom guilt it most likely is still coming from an outside source that we have masked as an internal source.

The great news is the majority of mom guilt is unfounded!

So, how do we release unfounded mom guilt? 

Get clear on what you value as a mom, as a woman, as a family and in your life as a whole.

When you're not clear on what you value & what's important to you, you end up living your life partially based on how you think you should be living it & partially based on how those around (friends, family, society, media) you think you should be living it.

When you are super clear on what's important to you, how you want your life to look like & what you value it is so much easier to quiet the noise around you and not internalize other people's opinions! 

Today's episode is a meditation / breathe work activity

This activity is really beneficial for slowing your heart rate down, reducing stress, allowing you take 10 minutes to yourself and beyond that, will have you feeling a little bit more calm and empowered in yourself. 

Pop this episode on when you're feeling anxious, emotional, overtired, angry, annoyed, short-tempered or just need a few quiet minutes alone. 

Before we begin, find a comfy place to either sit or lay down, close your eyes, focus on your breathing & let my voice guide you. 

Today's episode dives deep into the taboo topic of breastfeeding vs. formula feeding. I share my journey of breastfeeding, pumping & ultimately formula feeding. I talk about the impact of breastfeeding and pumping on my mental health, why I switched to formula & the overall effects of making the transition.

Lastly, I talk about my biggest tip for releasing mom guilt: getting very clear on what you value in your life.

Ultimately, I hope this episode shines light on why it's more important about how you feel during feeding rather than the actual method of feeding your baby. There is no one right way to feed your baby despite how much breastfeeding is still pushed in today's society.

As always, I would love it if you subscribed, rated & reviewed the podcast on the platform you listen.

I would also love it if you joined me on Instagram so we can keep the conversation going! My instagram handle is: jeshessels

I have chatted a few times on my IG about the 10-minute clean and every time I do, someone messages me to say they tried it and liked it! So, in this episode I am going to share the secrets to my 10-minute clean (which make it sound WAY cooler than it really is). 

Let me preface this by saying this is just what works for me and it’s super simple! No, it’s not a deep clean but it’s something you can do on a consistent basis to keep the house from looking like a bomb went off 

The 10-minute clean is literally what it sounds like – 10 minutes of cleaning!  

Here are some tips to make it super effective though: 

1. Put a timer on – this is important! You can pick any amount of time you wish but make sure to actually put the timer on.
2. Focus on the disaster zones – play room, kitchen, kids room.
3. Move, move, move! This isn't a stroll in the park – you want to move quickly. Pick tasks that you can move through quickly and will make a big difference – for example, you’re not going to do a deep bathroom clean but you can pick up clothes, tidy up the vanity, and do a quick sweep. Same with the kitchen – it's unlikely you'll plow through all your dishes but you can get them all in the sink, wipe off the counters and table, and start on the dishes.  
4. Get the kids involved. Make it a game. If your kids get an allowance, you can pay them for each toy or clothing they pick up. Pick however much money you feel comfortable with but you can do something like 0.25 a toy/clothing. If they don’t get an allowance, you can pay them in time – 30 seconds of tv or (whatever their preferred thing is) for each toy/clothing they pick up.
5. Do this often. Since this isn't a deep clean and we all know things get out of hand quickly, you’ll want to do this daily. I like to do it 2x a day – once earlier in the morning and once before bed. It's nice to wake up to a relatively tidy home! 

This is also something you can do if your kids are playing on their own for a few minutes, while you’re waiting for dinner or if you’re waiting to leave the house ….do a 5-minute clean - it all adds up.

As always, please come join me over on Instagram - jeshessels and let me know how the 10-minute clean goes for you! 

This special Father's Day episode features none other than Emmanuel. If you're new around here, Emmanuel is my boyfriend and the father of Esmé.

We dive into his thoughts & feelings when we found out we were pregnant, what it was like for him during the labour & delivery of Esmé, triumphs and challenges he has faced along the way and the importance of continuing to fill his own cup so he can show up as the best version of himself for Esmé.

This episode was really special for me because I really value & appreciate Emmanuel as a dad and as a partner. It was amazing to hear him talk about his journey and to also empower other dads to really be the best they can be.

Just as a side note, I reference two previous episodes during our chat:

Episode 3: No One Tells You...How Having a Baby Changes Your Relationship With Your Partner
Episode 4: Esmé's Birth Story

Head on over to those episodes if you haven't listened to them and want to check them out.

Lastly, the Father's Day Giveaway for the $50 gift card for a hair cut is running until Saturday, June 20 @ 11:59pm EST. If you're interested in being entered, please head on over to my Instagram and enter on the Giveaway post.

My Instagram is: jeshessels

On today's episode of Mama Meditation we are going to take a few minutes to slow down and breathe. The breath is a powerful tool that can relax us, clear our mind, improve our mind, slow our heartbeat down & energize us. 

I encourage you to take a few minutes to slow down and breathe. 

Before we even begin, I want to note that this episode is geared towards white parents with white children. Yes, a lot of what is said can be applied to other races & mixed races but those conversations will also look/sound differently as there would be conversations around being on the receiving end of racism & all that it encompasses (i.e. systematic racism etc), discrimination and more.

The conversation around race & racism has to start at home. Firstly, we need to start with ourselves by looking inward at all the things we've been taught, led to believe, think, feel and say around race and racism. I recently posted an episode talking about this as well as listing resources for further education & reflecting. You can listen to Episode 26 here. 

Once we have a better understanding of our own shadows and the areas we need to unlearn, learn & reflect on, we can then start focusing on our children. The sooner we start these conversations and role modelling appropriate behaviour...the better. But don't be worried if your children are older as it's never (ever ever ever) too late.

In today's episode we are going to cover the following:

1. The thoughts & feelings babies and kids have around race & racism based on their age
2. Age appropriate conversations to have with our kids to help educate them on race and racism

Overall

These are the key points to remember:

1. Keep the dialogue open forever
2. Foster a relationship where your children feel comfortable asking questions
3. Listen to your kids
4. Remember: it's a journey. You will make mistakes & that's ok. Be open & honest when you do and keep pushing forward
5. Model the behaviour you are teaching your kids
6. Look inwards - the best place to start is with yourself!

If you wish to connect further on this topic, please message me on Instagram so we can chat! My IG is: jeshessels

These past few weeks have been heavy on the world but also very eye-opening. As news surfaced about the killing of George Floyd by cops in Minneapolis, a white woman wrongly calling the police on Christian Cooper in New York, Breonna Taylor and David McAtee being fatally shot by cops in Louisville, and Regis Korchinski-Paquet being killed by cops in Toronto, white people have started to really wake-up to the fact that racism is alive and well in the world, something black people and other races have never had the chance of forgetting. 

People around the world have spoken up about racism and how we, especially as white, privileged people, need to do and be better at being anti-racist and allies to the black community. This is taking place on social media, talking to their friends and family, by protesting, by looking inwards at themselves and more. 

But what will come of all of this? Will there be real, tangible change? Will we still speak up when this has all died down? Will we continue to listen and learn when it's no longer "trendy"? Time will tell but we can do so much to make tangible change.

I truly believe that if we have any chance at really changing the way in which we think, feel, talk & believe about other races, we need to look internally. We need to assess ourselves. Understand what things we think and believe that we may not be currently aware of. We need to unpack the years of racism that has been embedded into our society, culture, education, media (and more) so stealthily that we don't even know it's there. Unpack the blatantly obvious racism that has been present in our lives that we have chosen to ignore. 

Once we have a better understanding of our own thoughts, feelings and beliefs, we can do better as a person and better educate those around us. 

This isn't about perfection. This isn't about checking a box. This isn't about getting to a point where we are fully anti-racist...because that may not exist.

This is about showing up, listening, learning, and reflecting. This is about being consciously aware that racism is so embedded into our lives that we have to be actively trying to unlearn all the things we've learned through our whole life. This is about knowing we are going to mess up. We are going to get it so so so wrong. We are going to say and do the wrong things and we have keep trying. We have to be open to messing it all up, be open to learning why we are messing up and then go take what we learned and do better next time.

However you decide to go about doing this is up to you but I urge you to at least seek out resources to help you better understand your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, privilege and more. 

If you have any questions or want to have an open discussion about what you're thinking, feeling and believing, please message me. I by no means have all (or even remotely close to all) of the answers but I am always here to listen and help unpack all of this and learn as well.

To see the list resources I am talking about in the episode, please visit: https://www.jessicahessels.com/post/dear-white-friends

To connect with me to further talk about this, please visit me on Instagram at: jeshessels

This is one of the most commonly used phrases in the motherhood world: "I don't have time for myself".

I'm here to tell you (as many times as necessary) that this doesn't have to be your reality but what we do need to do is accept that we are in control of our own lives and we have to become very on what it is we want our lives to look like. From there, we can create actionable steps to implement those things into our lives.

Grab a pen & paper because we're going to start writing out our dream life:

1. We need to figure out exactly what "taking time for ourselves" means. Start writing down exactly what you want. I.e. read a book regularly, go for walks, see your friends, go back to work.

2. Write down how often you want to do these activities. Be specific.

3. Organize your list from most important to least.

4. Take the top 1-2 things and write down exactly what would need to happen to make those a reality. Do you need to get up earlier? Stay up later? Hire a babysitter? Save money? Organize your time better?

5. Take action!

It seems more doable and less daunting once we are very clear on what we want to do!

The reality is though, "I don't have time" excuse...you are choosing that situation because if you haven't sat down, written down exactly what you want to do and followed through on the action steps, you haven't even tried yet.

No, it won't be easy. Yes, it will take planning, strategizing & juggling BUT it is SO worth it, it really is. It's worth having a life you love & fulfills you...even if it takes work.

So, buckle up mama. Strap on your thinking cap, grab your pen and paper, start writing...and then start taking action.

If you're stuck on the activity, still feel like it's not possible or just need a cheerleader, reach out to me on Instagram & I will gladly help you along.

My instagram is: jeshessels