Patrick Gutfield breaks down the week’s wildest headlines—from Trump allegedly firing a chef over Caesar salad to the U.S. government accidentally running a massive budget surplus. Plus: a Lufthansa flight flies without a pilot for ten minutes (nope, not autopilot), and the national debt becomes a cosmic concept. It’s a bumpy ride, so buckle up—and maybe keep your own salad opinions to yourself.

Trump says Qatar gave him a $400 million jet for free—except he asked for it, picked it out, and now taxpayers are footing the bill. Oh, and he’s building a $175 billion Golden Dome missile shield like this is a Bond movie. Meanwhile, two major newspapers published fake book recommendations made up by AI bots. Fake books, fake gifts, fake news—it’s all here. Hosted by Patrick Gutfield.

Ben & Jerry’s co-founder gets kicked out of a Senate hearing for yelling about bombs. Meanwhile, Kansas City loses a legendary BBQ joint to—you guessed it—parking. Harvard accidentally discovers a real Magna Carta worth millions. And somehow, it all makes sense. From ice cream to ancient parchment, it’s another Monday in America.

President Biden reveals a serious cancer diagnosis, Trump offers unexpected kindness, and Kamala calls him a fighter. But the awkward questions about Biden’s age, memory, and fitness aren’t going away—especially with new audio from his Hur interview. Meanwhile, Trump launches a bizarre crusade against Bruce Springsteen, Beyoncé, and Bono. Plus: Vice President JD Vance visits Pope Leo XIV and gifts him… a Chicago Bears jersey? Yeah, we go there.

In today’s episode of Ballot, we dive into the surreal: a Mexican Navy training ship slams into the Brooklyn Bridge.Then it's off to the Vatican, where Vice President JD Vance attends the historic inauguration Mass of Pope Leo XIV—the first American pontiff—just four Sundays after Pope Francis called his theology "garbage." Meanwhile, New Jersey is falling apart (literally) with sinkholes, airport staffing chaos, and train strikes. And if that weren’t enough, Bruce Springsteen and Donald Trump are exchanging fire across the Atlantic. From papal politics to infrastructure meltdowns and music legend feuds, this episode has everything but the mizzen mast.

Pope Leo XIV’s call as Supreme Pontiff goes straight to voicemail—because his brother was busy. We break down the viral sibling moment, explore a new AI that guesses your age from a selfie (sorry, Wilford Brimley), and wade into questionable waters as RFK Jr. takes his grandkids for a dip in a bacteria-infested creek. Plus: Steven Seagal's parade cameo in Russia. Yes, really.

From Trump drooling over Qatar’s marble palaces and begging for a new plane, to his latest peace proposal—letting Russia play in the World Cup if they stop the whole “war” thing—it’s been another week of global diplomacy, Trump-style. Meanwhile, we check in on “ChiefsAholic,” the NFL superfan turned bank robber, and head to London, where American candy stores are charging $1,200 for two packs of sweets and hiding behind secret Scooby-Doo panels. No, really. All that plus gold accents in the Oval, jet-size jealousy, and why British police are confiscating bootleg cereal.

Patrick Gutfield dives into the day's wildest family dynamics - from Melania Trump's fourteen-day White House attendance record to the new Pope's Trump-supporting brother who shares memes about tarring and feathering Democrats. Plus, the Army's new fitness test that makes civilians voluntarily torture themselves, and why deadlifting one hundred fifty pounds is basically just picking up your entire closet.
 

Netflix announces their biggest homepage overhaul in 12 years with AI-powered search and TikTok-style features. Disney reveals plans for their tech-forward Abu Dhabi theme park, their first new resort since Shanghai 2016. And the Golden Globes make history by adding podcast categories - could Joe Rogan win the same award as Meryl Streep?

Patrick Gutfield breaks down Trump's shocking appointment of Fox News' Judge Jeanine Pirro as interim US Attorney for Washington DC after Ed Martin's nomination flops. Plus: Qatar gifts Trump a $400 million Boeing 747-8 'flying palace' that's totally, definitely not bugged. And Trump kicks off his second term with a business-focused Middle East tour to Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and UAE - skipping traditional allies and Israel. All the political drama with trademark Gutfield snark.