Last ketamine session is soon. I needed another hike to get out of my head. The voice in my last session said the hike is where to learn more about myself.

Heard a biology professor give his take why the concept of it being biology men desire younger pussy is false, conditioning and not supportive to women and even toxic to men. As I feel I am desiring a partnership void of settling down to get married but rather to grow from and grow with, I'm seeing some men my age chase young women in their 20's or even younger. I'm curious about my aging and support yours too but have difficulty supporting those that remain blind to their projections and not on an active path of healing to avoid harming self or others. I'm also aware of my projections and the places to heal my self.

Better trip. Got very sexual I about had an orgasm!

Rough trip this was. So many negative variables.

Gearing up for 2 more treatments this week, letting flow, not grasping is challenging. I still have from 25 years ago my license plate frame talking about Witchy Woman from the Eagles. I'd some day love to visit Winslow AZ, cause I'm a girl my lord, in flatbed ford slowin down... mixing music and real life- a live soundtrack adds so many colors and layers of vibration. When someone says, "I don't/can't sing." I think nonsense, just do it. I decide I do sing and can sing as long as I have breath in me. Thanks for being here, briefly. I could use a pick me up, send snail mail from wherever you're at po box 1407 Lake Stevens wa 98258

I trust myself being a healthy partner for another. I'm ready to experience another version of myself. Not craving, nor seeking, just open for an experience.

Fearful thoughts crept. Light at the end of the tunnel.

I will use every tool available to me for my personal growth and development. Even more when it comes to mental health- I have been experiencing depression. Severe enough to consider medication again which is not something I want to do as it masks my emotions, I prefer to feel my feelings even the difficult ones. I have 4 more sessions and am super hopeful and excited about these experiences. Thank you for being here.

A conscious partner. “...spontaneity is a myth, committed sex is premeditated sex, it’s willful, it’s intentional, it’s focus and presence.” Esther Perel“

A man in my group arouses me, just because he shares his internal experience, validates mine and even mirrors. My authentic class I look forward to, to be with my body and be with others' internal experiences. I found myself irritated and overstimulated I only wanted to be with sounds. Jolly fun to hear him say he was thinking of what good words to say after I shared that the sound of his voice was soothing to my ears and brain. Thanks for being here~