Day 1-3 after a session when my dopamine levels drop. Number, sensation, emotion, self care provided?

Day 0 is play session

Day 1 lots of emotions, full range, desire to bond

Day 2-3 less oscillating 

Final thoughts. I love being my own science experiment would love to find a partner as much into personal development as myself. Using the relationship as self discovery holding each other accountable in a safe gentle space while having copious amounts of sexy and vanilla copulations. Even so much as in a planned sexual encounter, we trust our bodies and are gentle with each other, instead of sex, we end up just holding each other. So mote it be. 

A quick reading of a dbt tip...just the tip ;)

I have known sexual energy ebbs and flows but just realized the energy can vary in degree/vibration level through out the day. I've been seeing nre within myself that I haven't experienced since I was 12. I'm becoming my own wholesome partner. I am open and excited to the time I have a partnership to which I get to see myself in a healthy, loving, challenging wholesome relationship. 

Thanks for being here

After some reading on Awakened Love and listening to a podcast about Dopamine I had thoughts going through my mind. All of sudden someone/something outside of these thoughts made me aware of these thoughts. I then released feelings of attachments to my body and released feelings of attachment to those thoughts; it was amazing!

An after almost dissection session...reconnection after almost a severance. How did I see fire and still encourage myself to walk towards it? I can trust myself. A lot of my questions were answered, I no longer have to feed my fantasies, my energy better served elsewhere.

Find a relationship filled with motivation, mine is dopamine via sexual connection, to face your friction and the things that brings discomfort. Sit with discomfort. Relationships do not have to all follow the same traditional romantic path, relating with another means relationship, even if it's just with yourself inside a dynamic. 

Tuesdays and Thursdays I take a break from social media and apps. This time is for myself and those in my presence either in person or on the phone.  

Thanks for being here~

Mmmmmmmmmmmmasokisssssssssed

The cycle

Late to the show

Entrance to her heaven

Her heart races

Needles in haystacks

Cold hard cement

Floating a high from His scent alone

Decades to get here

The hours to deliberately explore

Crawl through cold mud

The high loud highs

Next will follow

The crash after the high is the familiar dark drop

Still no match to the torment

Often she runs to hide

A brief message

Fighting her fixation

Vow by TDSOM

Real time clarity about my drops. In a drop I've decided this is shit and I need to remember how shitty it is, to think twice about playing because drops can be shitty. Then at the end I see what the brain is doing because of chemicals trying to balance, returning to stasis in my brain. For contrast I add at the end a recording I made while I was in a high state from dopamine. These large drops don't happen often. Contrast of two different states. Also reflected momentarily on relationships that ended earlier this year. My safe places are those in which I am able to make mistakes, not fear complete rejection. 

This could be painful but I am free, this is just human bullshit, chemicals, conditioning, hurt people hurt people including self, I am in it, out of it, observing this beautiful chaos, also witnessing from a distance, the future remembering a past; in the end it wasn't so bad. 

Note: the 2nd part volume is louder.

Thanks for being here.