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Recommended reading: "Season of Life" by Jeffrey Marx

Are you a man? How do you know? What happened? What changed in you?

Was it your first chest hair? Was it your first kiss? Was it your first fight? Was it your first drink or cigarette? Was it when you lost your virginity? Was it at 18? Was it when you got married? Was it your first job?

Who decided this anyways? Who made the decision as to where, when or how you become a man? What does it mean to be a man, anyhow?

Your version of manliness and masculinity is different than mine. Our version is different than many other guys. To different cultures around the world, our version might make no sense at all. And their version might make no sense to us. So where does that leave us?

Join me as I sit down with Dr. Ka'eo Vasconcellos ([email protected]) for a conversation on this vital topic as we discuss his work with young men, the varying definitions of masculinity, and how we can help men develop their own identity and sense of manliness.

Check out his TED Talk!

Dr. Vasconcellos is a Doctor of Philosophy who earned his degree from the University of Hawaii at Manoa in Educational Foundations. He is currently a social studies teacher at Punahou School in Honolulu, Hawaii where he teaches American Studies and Gender Studies. In 2012, he was awarded the Honolulu District Teacher of the Year Award.

We dive deep into his incredible and impactful work with young men and the data he uncovered while researching for his dissertation titled “Hawaiian Male Adolescent Students’ Perceptions of Masculinity”.

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Facebook Dad Groups:

NEW DADS PLACE 
Dadsnet

Are you a dad? Do you know any dads? Have you ever thought about becoming a dad? No matter the answer to any of these questions, you probably believe--as many of us do--that becoming a dad is one of those things in life that transform you from just a boy to a man.

Along with graduating high school, graduating college, starting your career, getting married, buying a house and so many other situations in your life that have you and other people saying "now you can call yourself a man."

NOW you can call yourself a man? So if you don't graduate high school or college, or get married, or buy a house or any of those other things, you can't call yourself a man? I'm sure there are many men in the world that have done maybe one of those "manly" things above, or maybe none of them, that I would consider a man.

Why has manliness and masculinity become something that you have to prove? Who do you have to prove it to? Who made up these rules? I'm all for rites of passage and strengthening yourself by facing your fears and pushing yourself outside your comfort zone, but that pressure to prove you're good enough to others and to society creates more harm than good in my opinion.

I know because I have fallen victim to that need to prove myself to others, to prove that I am worthy and good enough of calling myself a man.

Join me as I sit down with Jeff Cronin a.k.a. Jeff The Baby Dude for a deep conversation about becoming a new dad and the pressures he felt from the world to become a man by finally settling down and doing what a man is "supposed to do."

Jeff is a husband and a fairly new dad, with baby boy #2 arriving shortly. Before becoming a dad, he felt the same pressure and fears that many men face: "Am I good enough?... What if I mess up?... What do I do?... Am I a real man now?... What will other people think?"

Like many new dads--and parents in general--he had a lot more questions than he had answers. Many of those questions pertained to the plethora of baby products out there that make life so much easier for parents, but that he knew nothing about. He saw many women reviewing products that they found helpful, but didn't see many men out there sharing their thoughts and opinions.

He decided to take matters into his own hands--after a challenge from his wife--and this is what sparked his YouTube Channel and website Jeff The Baby Dude. As Jeff The Baby Dude, Jeff reviews many baby products that have helped ease his transition to dad life and shares his honest feedback with other parents out there who may have the same fears and hesitations that he once faced--and still faces.

We also dive into a topic that many dads out there find themselves knee-deep in nowadays: how parenting has changed during this pandemic and how to adjust and adapt properly.

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Who doesn't want to bulk up, get shredded or have the body of their dreams? I think mostly everyone wants to be fit and healthy--it's the hard work that goes into it that makes it tough.

Being a former athlete and a married man, I like to maintain a healthy and active lifestyle for myself but also to still be attractive to my wife.

Is she going to leave me if I let myself go and get out of shape? Probably not. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel good when my wife checks me out and compliments me when I'm standing around naked at home... which is about 97% of the time.

Although my wife is a small motivating factor behind why I like to stay fit and healthy, I also do it for myself because I want to reach the latter years of my life and hopefully still be able to be mobile and do some of the things I love to do... and I've got a little vanity, too. I admit it.

Do you like to stay fit? Eat healthy? Why?

Do you do it for yourself or do you do it for someone else? Do you do it because our society says that you're supposed to look a certain way? Finding out the answer to this question can be just as important as finding out what workout routine or what nutrition plan is the best for you.

So many of us fall into the trap of achieving that "perfect" body that has us doing things--whether physically, mentally or nutritionally--that are doing us much more harm than they are good.

Join me as I sit down with Sandra Avila ([email protected])to discuss an issue that is a lot more prevalent than you may realize: men with eating disorders.

Sandra is a Clinical Psychology Doctoral candidate at Alliant University where she recently penned and defended her dissertation project titled "Disordered Eating in Males: An Unrecognized Health Crisis" which we dive into and discuss thoroughly.

In her dissertation, she discusses what eating disorders in men can look like and investigates the factors that may cause them, as well as the factors that keep men from seeking help. Her goal is to help healthcare providers be able to better identify disordered eating in men and to validate their experiences in hopes of normalizing their emotional suffer gin and motivate them to take that critical first step in their healing process.

This one was very informative and eye opening.

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Shoot Jed an e-mail & mention the podcast to get a FREE e-book!
[email protected]

Have you ever gotten really angry? Like really, really mad?? So angry that you just couldn't think straight and all you could feel was that emotion of anger that made you want to rip someone's head off?

Me too. I'm a lot calmer these days and can manage my emotions much better, and I've always been a lover over a fighter... but I used to have a temper. Something would set me off--whether in a relationship or in my career--and I would lose it. I would see red and the only thing on my mind was yelling, retribution, revenge, vindication, respect and just making sure that my fears and insecurities were hidden so other people couldn't see them.

Anger is something that a lot of men can relate to, you can probably relate to it as well. Actually, if you're human, you know anger. But for men, it's that one emotion that it's okay to show, that's "normal" for us... as opposed to the softer and more feminine emotions.

But anger is not necessarily a bad thing, anger can save your life and protect you in sticky situations. There's a reason you have and feel anger, a reason why you're wired with it. It's not a mistake. What is a mistake is when you suppress some of those softer emotions, instead of dealing with them, and instead let them come out as anger.

News Flash: sometimes that anger is not even anger, it's much deeper and much more painful than anger.

Join me for this amazing conversation with bad ass man Dr. Jed Diamond as we discuss anger and he shows us how we can use the energy of that anger to our benefit.

Jed is a psychotherapist with a PhD in International Health and a Master's Degree in Social Work. For 50 years, he has been a pioneer in the field of gender-specific medicine and men's health. He has written thousands of articles and 17 books men's work and men's health, including his latest title 12 Rules for Good Men.

He has taught classes at UCLA, UC Berkeley and many other centers around the world. His work has been featured in major newspapers like The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, and he's made appearances on over a thousand radio and TV programs like The View with Barbara Walters, Good Morning America and The Today Show.

Shoot Jed an e-mail & mention the podcast to get a FREE e-book!
[email protected]

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Are you wearing your mask? Are you practicing social distancing?

In these unprecedented days of this pandemic caused by Coronavirus/Covid-19, most all of us (minus the "strong" men who think it's weak to do so) find ourselves wearing masks to protect ourselves. When the CDC and WHO and organizations like that recommend wearing them, I'm going listen to them over some Facebook friend's disgruntled uncle who claims it's all a hoax.

I get it, they're uncomfortable, they're hard to breathe in and even if you have the best mask and wear it correctly, you're still not guaranteed to not contract the virus. I get it, who the heck would want to wear one? I sure don't. But if it's for the safety of myself and those around me, I will do so.

One argument I've heard around not wearing a mask--mostly from men--is that it makes them look weak. Really? Can you consider yourself "strong" and "manly" when you feel a measly mask is going to emasculate you and call into question your masculinity? Really??

What many don't realize who refuse to wear masks--because it may be construed by others as weakness--is that they are constantly wearing a figurative mask every single day of their lives. A mask of "manliness" that they constantly have to hide behind because they're afraid to open up, be vulnerable and let others see their pain, their hurt, their fear or whatever other "negative" emotion they may be going through because our culture has deemed that a "weakness" for men.

Join me as I sit down with Ashanti Branch for a deep dive into why we wear these masks and what we can begin to do to shed them and show the world the real us, our true and best selves.

Ashanti is a teacher/tutor/mentor who works to change how young men interact with their education and how their schools interact with them. Raised in Oakland by a single mother on welfare, he left the inner city to study Civil Engineering at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo.

A construction project manager in his first career, his life changed after he tutored struggling students and realized his passion for teaching. In 2004, during his first year teaching high school math, he started the Ever Forward Club to provide support for African American and Latino males who were not achieving to their potential. Since then, Ever Forward has helped all of its 150 members graduate from high school, and 93% of them have gone on to attend two- or four-year colleges, military or trade school.

You can also see him in the award-winning documentary "The Mask You Live In", a film that explores how our culture's narrow definition of masculinity is harming our boys, men and society at large and unveils what we can do about it.

Ashanti's TEDx Talk

"The Mask You Live In"

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Have you ever gone through a big transitional event in your life? A break-up, a career change, a move of residence, a life-altering accident?

Something that either happened gradually over time or unexpectedly from one day to the next. If you have, whatever that event was, it can leave you with certain feelings: fear, doubt, insecurity, loss of purpose, loss of identity, worry, stress, confusion and many others. It can be a really difficult time.

These emotions can really do a number on you if you don't take the time to manage them instead of suppressing them or numbing them.

Sometimes you have to suppress these emotions when you step into the office because you're expected to "be a professional", and rightfully so. But when you don't properly deal with these emotions and choose to numb them with busy work or some other distraction, they can severely hinder your ability to do your job to the best of your ability.

That not only affects you, but it affects your co-workers, your boss, your customers and your company as a whole.

Join me as I sit down with men's transformational coach Peter K. Rubin as he openly and vulnerably shares his own struggles with career change and emotions at work.

Peter was the valedictorian of his prep school and graduated in the top 5% of his class at Stanford University where he received a BS in Product Design and an MS in Mechanical Engineering, he also became an innovation consultant at IDEO and a lecturer of design thinking at the Stanford d.school.

Now, he is a men's transformational coach and a certified Master NLP Practitioner, a Diversity Facilitator and an Energy Work Practitioner. He is the co-founder of the Brotherhood Community where he co-leads the Men's Leadership Intensive. He offers free virtual workshops called Man Upgrades, all centered around helping his clients design their lives and rewire their belief systems.

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What are your values? Have you ever heard someone ask you that or heard it in a book, podcast, or TED Talk? What exactly does it mean? What does it mean to you?

In simpler terms, values are things you care about. Not material things and external things, but intangible things like characteristics and traits. What traits do you try to exemplify every day? What traits do you want to exemplify? What do you look for in others?

Why is figuring out your core values important? Why does it matter? Because they help you get to know yourself better and function better. It's like getting a physical examination from your doctor, but for your mind. When you get a physical, you may find out certain things about yourself: maybe your blood pressure is a little high, maybe your cholesterol is a bit off, maybe your lungs are a little wheezy, maybe your weight has fluctuated.

What do you do? You become aware of these things and you make adjustments to live a healthier life that's better for you and those around you. You eat better, exercise more, reduce your stress and make better decisions that will better align you for success.

Same with figuring out your values. You start to realize how you see the world, become aware of your perspective, notice why you think the way you think, say the things you say, and do the things you do.

Not only is this helpful to you personally, it's helpful in all areas of your life, including your relationships. And what is life without relationships? When you become aware of these core values, you build your self-awareness. When you build your self-awareness, you start to make  better decisions, you start to create better boundaries and your life starts to look more like the life that you actually want it to look like.

Join me in this solo episode as I share my top 10 core values and, why they're important to me, and how you can begin to find yours.

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What are some of the thoughts that come to your mind when you hear the word meditation?

"It's too woo-woo... it's too 'out there'... it's for hippies... it's boring... I don't have time... I can't sit still... I'm not spiritual... it's for women... it's too feminine"?

Trust me, I get it. Those are the same thoughts, along with many others, that I had when I first heard about and was approached about meditation. It just wasn't for me.

But, I changed my mind once I gave it an honest shot and put those presumptions in the back seat. What I found that there are some legit benefits that mediation can offer, and not just anecdotal benefits, but benefits backed by science, study and research.

Join me in this solo episode as I give you my top five benefits of a meditation practice, a few ways to mediate without sitting in silence, some apps to get you started, and how you may even be meditating already without even realizing it.

The key to meditation is not to sit in silence without a single thought entering your mind, that's impossible! The key is to keep coming back to the present moment over and over and over. That is how you build mindfulness, which in my opinion is the best thing that meditation develops.

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Have you ever cried over a girlfriend or some other relationship you've been in? If so, you've probably had someone call you soft, weak, beta male, a girl, feminine, a p***y, or some other form of emasculating term.

Have you ever seen a male athlete cry after winning the World Series, the Super Bowl, a gold medal? What do they say about him? He's passionate, he's dedicated, he cares, he let it all out, he gave it his all, and other words of praise.

So which is it? Is crying weak or is it strong? I'm not advocating for a world full of cry babies that just cry about anything instead of using other productive ways to deal with emotions, but give us some direction here.

Join me as I sit down with former professional baseball player Mike Robbins as we dive into his story from the little league fields of Oakland, to the prestigious confines of Stanford University, to his journey as a professional with the Kansas City Royals, to his premature retirement because of injuries--and all the emotions he encountered in between.

Mike used those injuries, struggles and emotions to become the man he is today: a leading expert in teamwork, leadership and emotional intelligence, delivering keynotes and seminars around the world that empower people, leaders, and teams to engage in their work, collaborate and perform at their best.

His clients include Google, Microsoft, the U.S. Department of Labor, Harvard University, Coca-Cola, the NBA, MLB, and many others. His work has been featured in New York Times, Harvard Business Review, NPR, ABC News and Forbes.

He is the author of 5 books, including his brand new title "We're All In This Together: Creating A Team Culture Of High Performance, Trust And Belonging". You can find it here https://mike-robbins.com/together/.

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What constitutes going from a boy to man? When do you cross that line? Is it a mindset? Is it a physical act? Is it a change in your body?

Actually, it seems to be a very fluid definition. Depending on the country, the culture, the city, the religious group, even down to the individual, there can be multiple definitions.

Which are wrong? Which are right? Are any of them wrong? When I hit my early 20s, I still felt like a boy. I had graduated from high school and went straight into pro baseball, still playing a kid's game only now I was getting paid for it. I always had a family that supported me in every way, I missed out on the college experience that probably would have helped me develop and mature into a man.

Then again, there are young boys who are forced--through financial situations, social unrest, physical and emotional abuse--to grow up and "become men" from a very early age. So, when does one actually know when that transformation happens?

For some insight on this, I sit down with Ted Bunch, the co-founder of A Call To Men, where they are working to promote a healthy and respectful manhood and shift attitudes and behaviors that devalue women, girls and other marginalized groups

Ted is the former director and co-creator of the largest program for domestic violence offenders in America. He is an advisor to the NBA, NFL, NHL, MLS and MLB providing policy consultation and facilitation violence prevention and healthy manhood training. He is providing ongoing sexual harassment training in the entertainment industry. He was a guest presenter for the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women and the United Nations Alliance of Civilizations. He is an international lecturer for the U.S. State Department. He is the co-author of LIVERESPECT Coaching Healthy & Respectful Manhood Curriculum. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio programs like The Today Show, NPR and has served as a script consultant for the Emmy Award-winning TV series "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit."