Below The Bible Belt

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In which them good ole boys strap on their sideburns and prepare for war, as they discuss the bloodiest battle ever fought over shoes, search for Jefferson's Gold, give props to Charles Manson, and uncover a legal revelation of Alabama proportions. Listen to James say nothing in particular as Matt schools him on everything from the The War Between The States to The War Against The Statues, exposes the lamest hate-monger of them all, and gets freaky with our new national anthem. KROENEN LIVES.

   

 Links:

Every Signature Helps. Give Us Your Toot-Toot. So America May Have It's Beep-Beep.

"Ignition (Remix)" copyright R. Kelly, 2003

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In which the good ol' boys cut their hair, hide their tattoos, and fabricate their resumes, as they enter the job market! While James disturbs the tranquility of a lingerie shop, steals candy from a future employer, and again dodges bottles of urine, Matt recounts his time as DJ Johnson, gets ambushed by a job interview, and justifies the existence of Dragonball: Evolution with a single innuendo.

WHAT KIND OF A BARBECUE IS THIS?!

   

 Links:

Peter Palmtree AKA God Of All Texas on Twitter

"Quack Like A Duck" by G.O.A.T. and your M.O.M.

"Down With The DP (Your Girlfriend's Favorite Song)" by G.O.A.T. and your M.O.M

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In which them good ole boys are eastbound and down, loaded up and truckin', but not before reflecting on Christoph Waltz's exceptional facial hair. While James dodges bottles of urine and dances with scorpions, Matt gets locked in a life-or-death struggle with the shallow end, as one host reveals the least-harrowing disability imaginable, the other is drawn into the most polite hostage situation of all time, and the good name of Mississippi is forever tarnished. ALL GLORY TO THE LASER GOD!

   

 Links:

Christoph Waltz's beard has a tumblr. You know you want to click.

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In which them good ole boys get the Thanksmas Giving spirit, as Matt regails us with tales from his pampered past, James barters with cart gypsies inside The Wal-Mart on The Edge of Forever, and the two bond over their favorite holiday songs (about sex). After the festivities, stick around for the inspirational story of a terrorist who decided to drop something other than bombs... funky lyrics.

BETTER WATCH OUT, BETTER NOT CRY, THE FAT MAN'S GOTTA HANDFUL OF SALT FOR YOUR EYE!

   

 Links:

Introducing R.A.D. The Radical Robot. Fear Him.

Still better than most Country, I'll admit.

"It's a Wizzleteats Kind of Christmas" copyright Nickelodeon, 1993

"Back-Door Santa" copyright Clarence Carter, 1968

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In which them good ole boys return to resolve last episode's shocking cliffhanger -- sort of -- before flashing back to the carefree days of Scoop Johnson, Professional Muckraker. Matt exposes his tongue-tied Deep Throat, James exposes the most racist website in existence, and a dust jacket exposes the alcoholic cyborg ghost controlling it all. With voodoo.

OBAMA '78: STREET WALKIN' LOVER, JIVE TALKIN' BROTHER

   

 Links:

Dumber than... what?

I'm only linking this because I don't think you believe me about the GIF.

The Empire has FALLEN. Where will the internet get it's racist blog headlines now???

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In which them good ole boys forgo their manners and talk politics. They chew the fat about the presidential election before moving onto such decisive subjects as a gun-toting democrats, the second coming of Joseph Stalin, and which 70's actor Mitt Romney aspires to be. James rides in stolen cars with criminal midgets, Matt pulls off voter fraud, and a surprise twist leads to... a cliffhanger?!

WHIPLASH 2012: A CHICKEN IN EVERY POT, A WOMAN ON EVERY TRACK

   

Links:

Comrade Lee Anderson

John "Shoot Em Up" Barrow

Evolution leaps forward... in the polls.

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In which them good ole boys plunge head-first into the seedy underbelly of the South! Recoil in horror as Matt chronicles his days as a truck hobo, James holds a store at finger-point, and after several non-consecutive getaways, they recount the twisted tale of a judge, a cowboy, and a paddle.
STOP, DROP, BETTA PICK UP A WAFFLE HOUSE MOP!

   

Links:

The Fall of Herman Thomas: Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

The Aftermath

Epilogue: The Paddling Judge Rises

Police Detour for Early Bird Special Ends in Tragedy

It Could Happen To You

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In which them good ole boys bring in their token Yankee to discuss life in the North, as the three set out to save President Mitt Romney from the great Jehovah threat, before waging war against an enemy that will never hear them coming. While James deals with homoerotic hearsay, Matt declares himself a sovereign individual, and decides the fate of the Hoosier State once and for all.

INDIANA: COME FOR THE HOMOS, STAY FOR THE PHOBIA

   

Links:

Cowboy Donny's Blog

Man With Hilarious Name Released on Bond, Hilarity Ensues

Listen to Alex on Pulp Nightmare, Dork Knights, and Off-Panel

They're watching.

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In today's episode, them good ol' boys spread the news of the South far and wide! Toe-suckers, bank robbers, and public masturbators abound in this jam-packed issue, as the boys go from the trials and tribulations of one Walter White (not that one) to the secrets of Robert Stack's immortality, while James sets forth to reinvent Alabama's image and Matt plans the perfect escape... via bicycle.

LEMME TELL YA'll THE STORY OF BILLY JACK, WHO NEVER MET A CHOIR HE COULDN'T ATTACK.

   

Links:

"Walter White" Wanted For Manufacturing Meth in Alabama

Alabama Fan Wanted For Scrotal Assault - PART ONE

Alabama Fan Wanted For Scrotal Assault - PART TWO

Alabama Pastor Holds ‘Whites Only’ Conference (video)

"Rednecks For Obama" Page Creates Controversy

Wal-Mart Shopper Tricked Into Gross Act With Her Toe

What Is

Going On

In Florida?

The Ballad of Billy Jack

I'm Just Saying.

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In today's episode, them good ol' boys examine the twisted branches of their family trees, from gun-toting aunts to guitar-swinging great-great-great granddaddies. Listen as one father wages war on hairstyles, another battles street punks using only erectile dysfunction, and a sister begins the most dysfunctional game of hide-and-seek ever played. READY THE CANNONS! THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH!

   

Links:

Abbeville Co. Council asks S.L.E.D. to Investigate Sheriff (Video)

Matt's Aunt Confronts Ex-Husband: A Dramatization (Video)

World Orphans: Adopt an Orphan - Save The World