Beyond Divorce: Embracing Change

Do you feel like you're always rescuing your co-parent and/or child? Are you the person who can be counted on for fixing things and saving the day? If so, this episode is for you! Michael Flores, LPC-S and Armando Martinez, LPC discuss what to do if you feel like you're always rescuing someone and how that impacts you and others.

In this episode, we discuss:

(3:00) Listener Question - What do you do when it feels like your ex is trying to control everything?

(6:45) Steps to take when it feels like your ex is trying to control

(8:30) We review the rescuing side of the drama triangle (from Episode 11).

(15:30) What you should learn to do when you feel like you're always rescuing your co-parent and how comparisons and "fair" can get in the way.

(21:00) The important things to focus on - what you can control and your child(ren)

(26:45) Why always rescuing your child can be harmful for their growth and natural relationship with their other parent

(30:10) Why it's important to have a supportive attitude in front of your child.

(33:00) Releasing control and letting your co-parent choose their own relationship with your child

(34:45) Recap of this episode's takeaways

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This episode has too many amazing time stamps to summarize here! Michael Flores, LPC-S and Jinohn Temple, LMFT explore the difference between justice and resolution. They discuss the common signs they see in their clients and how they can tell whether their client is after justice or resolution with their ex-partner.

They discuss whether justice can be resolution. They'll answer and discuss things like what are people seeking justice after? How does it help them move forward... or does it? Who really suffers through divorce when someone is constantly after justice? And, if you want justice, who can actually help you achieve that?

Michael and Jinohn discuss the importance of mindset and how you view the problem(s) you face with your ex-partner will impact whether solutions are achieved. They share how validation can help come to an agreement and what validation DOESN'T mean.

Don't miss this episode! If you are struggling to find resolution now or sometime down the road, save this episode to ensure you stay on the right track towards solutions.

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The holidays are here! While it's typically seen as a time of happiness, it can be difficult for many families who share their children. In today's episode, Michael Flores, LPC-S and Jennifer Blake, LCSW-S discuss ways to keep the season joyful when sharing children between homes. They will discuss when sharing, and even allowing the children to be away on your time might be needed. Jen shares how setting clear expectations, being willing to cooperate and collaborate is helpful. Finally, we learn why putting the kids first and remembering it's about them -- not your ex, can help keep things in the right frame of mind. Communication is key! And try to be how you would like your co-parent to be. We wish you and your families a happy holiday season!

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We are excited to welcome our first guest on the Beyond Divorce: Embracing Change podcast, Jorge Gama, LPC-S! Together, Michael Flores, LPC-S and Jorge Gama discuss how you know when you are ready to date or begin a new relationship after divorce. They go through some important do's and don'ts when embarking on the dating journey again. Jorge shares how to be a healthy person for your next relationship. Building trust again may feel scary. They will give guidance on some traits that will allow you to be open to a new relationship with intentional boundaries. Lastly, Jorge shares ground rules for introducing a new partner to your children and how to set some important ground rules to ensure everyone is comfortable with the transitions.

Don't miss this episode! Whether you're getting ready to start dating again or have already began, you'll hear valuable information you can consider right away!

You can find Jorge at www.mendingclinic.com and on Facebook at Mending Clinic or Instagram @mendingclinic.

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In this episode Michael Flores, LPC-S and Armando Martinez LPC examine the steps to take to move towards healing through and after divorce. They discuss the importance of acknowledging your hurt and stress and how important vulnerability is in the process. These things are hard. But they are worth the time and effort to get to the other side. Together they point out the importance of monitoring your emotions to better understand what those feelings might be telling you. Armando brings up triggers and how they can align with values to be another arrow pointing towards something you need to focus on. All these things, when examined can move you to healing. Healing and forgiveness are worth the time and effort. Be willing to do the hard work. We are rooting for you.

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We're digging deep today on the dangers of inflexibility. Are you inflexible or perhaps your co-parent is? Where does inflexibility come from? In this episode, Michael Flores, LPC-S and Dr. Jacobie Robinson, LPC-S share an insightful journey through inflexibility. They show us how inflexibility often stems from resentment and how it can turn into a desire to punish the other person. Dr. Robinson reminds us to monitor our values and how they play a role on how you feel about situations. You will learn that a person who desires a high level of control likely also has a high level of fear. Whether you tend to be inflexible or your co-parent does, you will have new insight behind their choices that enable you to better collaborate with them.

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In this insightful episode, we dive into a common challenge faced by divorced parents: how to handle it if your child is told conflicting messages from the other parent. This episode breaks down the issue of conflicting messages, something Michael Flores, LPC-S and Jinohn Marr, LMFT commonly see in cases of parental conflict. Michael and Jinohn give examples of common "true lies" such as child support issues, visitation schedules, court testimonies, and more. They discuss how therapists can help children navigate “truth” versus “lies,” and offers advice to parents on responding effectively when their child brings up untrue or confusing information about them. They share the importance of understanding your beliefs and how your beliefs drive your truth. This episode is packed until the end!

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In this episode, we dive deep into the "Drama Triangle," a psychological model that plays out in many relationships -- and we often see it in divorce dynamics. Michael Flores, LPC-S and Jennifer Blake, LCSW-S explain the three roles within the triangle: the persecutor, the rescuer, and the victim. Each role serves a specific purpose in the dysfunctional interaction between individuals, especially during the emotionally charged time of divorce. You will learn how the persecutor can escalate verbal attacks in a divorce and the psychological damage it causes.

They will discuss the dangers of rescuing behaviors, especially toward children, and how it stifles their independence. You will see how all three roles of the Drama Triangle can happen in a flash, keeping children caught in emotional manipulation and confusion.

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You can still register for the Bonus Parent Essentials Class at www.brighterpossibilitiesfc.com/classes

As families are going through divorce each person is dealing with their own emotions. In this episode, Michael Flores, LPC-S dives into the 3 things kids need from their parents as the family transitions to a new normal. Children are resilient but changes do matter to them. Michael shares what he calls the 3 pillars kids want and need. He discusses the importance of consistency with children, especially through divorce. Michael points out why spending time and showing interest in your children's interests are important. Finally, Michael reminds us why kindness and civility with your coparent are important for your children.

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If you are a stepparent or love a stepparent, go to our website to register for the Bonus Parent Essentials Class at www.brighterpossibilitiesfc.com/classes

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We all know a stepparent. The statistics are staggering on how many become a stepparent each year. But stepparents face unique challenges and those challenges are not discussed enough.

In this episode, Michael Flores, LPC-S and Armando Martinez, LPC share common problems stepparents face and the stereotypes they are up against in their role. They point out the distinct factors that make either a stepparent or a bonus parent. There is a difference! Armando points out the importance of stepparents remembering their role can constantly change. He shares what that means and what it looks like so you can identify when your role might be evolving. Finally, they share tips on how to make the stepparent role easier and more effective for that bonus parent and the family unit.

To register for the Bonus Parent Essentials class, go to www.brighterpossibilitiesfc.com/classes. You can choose the in-person or virtual option based on your location.

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