Beyond the 1st Response

In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara spoke to Kelly Klaber, a First HELP family member. 

A Mother’s Pain 

To say we had the honor of speaking to Kelly is an understatement. This was the first time since Brittany took her life that she has told their story. 

February 12th 2017 a mother’s worst nightmare unfolded. Kelly was notified that Brittany had died by suicide. Kelly shared with us how her days and weeks unfolded after. What she learned about Brittany’s mental state and how Brittany didn't want her to know how much she was struggling. 

Kelly found out after receiving Brittany’s phone that Brittany had reached out to the crisis line but was put on hold so she never was able to talk to anyone. She was trying so hard to help herself and seek help. She was having trouble with her medication, she was reaching out and talking about how she was feeling. So what happened? We may never know, but we all agreed the lack of training for a mental health crisis within the department(s) was apparent. She said “keywords”, and had that been a civilian on a call there was a protocol in place. But, for a dispatcher in mental crisis, there was nothing. 

The Department’s Grief

Kelly shared with us the supervisor and how she tried to help Brittany with the tools she had. How they spoke about Brittany’s mindset and the supervisor cared about Brittany. She shared the EAP information with Brittany and respected what was asked of her not to do. We talked about how Brittany’s suicide could have affected her, and we hope she carries no guilt. 

We commend Brittany’s department, Georgetown Scott County, for all they did for the family. They honored her just the way she deserved, and helped the family with true compassion. They continue to honor and remember Brittany to this day. 

This is something all departments should be doing after they lose a first responder to suicide. Their death should never be treated differently than another first responder’s death. PTSD (I) are real and these are the conversations we need to be having on how to prevent more suicide. How we can be helping those who are struggling and helping them see that they are not alone. We need to see more training established in departments on how to recognize mental struggles amongst their co-workers, listen for those keywords, and give the space for people to say “I am not ok, I need help.” 

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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara enjoyed talking to Chaplain Chaz Blackburn, a Nevada chaplain who advocates for First Responders and their family's mental wellness.

Being a Chaplain 

According to Chaz, being a Chaplain has done more for him personally than it has done for our community. He states this because, as he is raising his daughter, he has been able to take some of the tools he has learned and use them not only to decompress but also to teach her how to express her emotions healthily. Grief is something that everyone experiences, even children. Navigating what causes grief and what tools to use has helped. When his daughter lost her hedge to cancer, she had the tools that gave her the ability to work through the loss. 

Chaz speaks openly about being a chaplain and what trials and tribulations come, including sadness and trauma. He talked about how they serve their first responders in their community, along with how they serve each other after traumatic experiences and calls, so they, too, can decompress and not compound their emotions. 

Great Basin Chaplain Corp

Great Basin Chaplain Corp is where Chaz found his calling, serving as a Chaplain and wanting to help make a difference in his community through compassion, speaking out, and serving, with his undeniable calling to help others during difficult times.   Unfortunately, there is a need for more chaplains. Whether a civilian or first responder, chaplains are as needed as first responders, and the shortages are real. 

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Great Basin Chaplains Facebook 

Nextdoor Great Basin Chaplain 

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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara had a conversation about a quote from a police chief that they read and how that mindset does damage to first responders.

Words Can Sting

“Our focus is to get our officers back to work where they can put it behind them the best they can” was a direct quote from a police chief after 3 officers were involved in a shooting and the suspect died. Of course, the focus is for officers to get back to work, but that shouldn’t be the focus, and that is part of the stigma. 

Allowing first responders to have the space to heal and go through their emotions is a gift that any chief could give them. Helping the first responder go through the trauma and providing healthy tools is an essential part of ending the stigma. Not only does it help the first responder, but it helps the family behind the badge. They, too, can learn the valuable tools to support their first responder. It also helps the coworkers, and they will see it is ok not to be ok; it is ok to ask for help. 

These are the stigmas we are talking about. Change doesn’t always have to happen from the top; you can be the change. A group of you can be the change. Words are a powerful tool, and using them to stand up for your mental health is ok.

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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara thought they would change it up to give listeners great ways to get involved in their community and beyond.

Giving Back

Giving back to your community or something you hold near and dear to your heart can be a healthy and rewarding life experience. Simple gestures for your local first responders up to volunteering at your local TIPS organization are all great things. Support your local AFSP walks to help end suicide; create a team and walk in solidarity.    

Find what brings you happiness without overstepping your personal health boundaries! Whether in person or monetary, all aspects of volunteering matter, and what helps organizations continue on!

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First HELP  NAMI American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Gary Sinise Foundation Trauma Intervention Program Volunteer Match

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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara had the pleasure to speak to Amy Row. The wife of former police officer Vance Row whom we had on the show previously. 

The Hard Talks

We got to meet Vance and hear his story last week, and today we got to meet his wife Amy. As we always say “we are here to have a conversation” and that is just what Amy did with Vance to help save him. 

Amy shared what it was like when Vance was going through his hard mental and physical times. How their lives had changed and the peaks and valleys. Amy shared all their vulnerable times and realizes now just how grateful she is for having that open communication with her husband. We had the hard conversations about her feelings and emotions, and even trust through the hard times. 

Amy talks about how she has supported Vance while still maintaining her healthy boundaries, even not being as into Yoga as him. Having the conversation with Amy, she talks about the tools that she used to get through the hard times and how they helped both of them overcome the negative and start creating a healthier life. 

Turn Your Mess into Your Message~ Robin Robbins

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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara had the pleasure to speak to Vance Row, a retired police officer who is now a dispatcher and yoga instructor. 

Physical & Mental Injuries 

Vance told us his story of his years in policing, injuries on the job, and how he used alcohol to cope. He went through his lowest points and how he contemplated taking his life. His wife was the one to speak up and show him what he was doing. Vanc told us how when remembers in his academy 

they briefly spoke about police suicide and then it became real to him as a close friend and co-worker took their life. Vance is now retired from policing, but he still serves his community as a dispatcher. 

The Positives from the Negative 

It was then that Vance turned to yoga and sobriety. Vance started on a Yoga journey to help his mental health and body ailments and then realized how impactful it can be. He then got his certification for being a yoga instructor and now teaches classes all around the Ocean City Area, you can find some of his short videos on YouTube! He talks about the challenges he faced when he was first starting and the challenges when introducing yoga to first responders, but how often someone tells him that the yoga classes helped. 

Vance also serves his first responder community by being a part of First responder Recovery meetings. These meetings are for all first responders and are completely confidential. He knew the need for help in recovery and seized that opportunity to continue helping his fellow responders. He also volunteers for COPLINE and spoke about the amazing program for our police officers needing help. 

COPLINE 1-800-267-5463 

The two most important days are the day you are born and the day that you find out why. - Mark Twain

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Yoga Rescue 

Humble Warrior 

COPLINE 

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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara speak about how your finances can affect your overall mental health. 

Finances and Mental Health

The stressors of debt and the “control” over finances can burden and weigh you down, while also affecting your relationships. While debts can be avoided, some can not, learning how to manage and budget your finances can help ease the stressors, and positively help your overall mental health. There is even a stigma of debt that keeps people from asking for help. People who have debt or trouble managing finances are more likely to have mental health issues, add that into the job trauma, and it can be a hard hole to climb out of. Even if asking for help is just asking your spouse or partner to take over part of the finances. Or sitting down together and creating a budget. It is okay to let go of that and trust in the help. 

A study from the Royal College of Psychiatrists on Debt and mental health found that half of all adults with a debt problem also live with mental ill-health. This ranged from a consistent feeling of anxiety and low mood to a diagnosed mental health condition.

You are not alone, according to a survey done by CNBC as of 10/31/23, found that 62% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. That is an incredibly high number, and just shows that a lot of us are struggling too. 

Setting Healthy Financial Goals

There are ways to alleviate the stress and get yourself into a healthy “debt mind-space.” Setting a goal can be as simple as writing down your monthly expenses, or as intricate as making a binder with your monthly statements, costs, and a well-planned out budget. Whatever that case may be, use that goal to feel better overall. Split some financial tasks with your spouse or significant other. Have the conversation that you, or them, may be avoiding. Set yourself up for success, even with just small changes, you can move forward with a healthier financial lifestyle.

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Debt & Money Issues Affect Mental Health 

62% Paycheck to Paycheck

I Will Listen Ruck

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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara speak about how setting your “bar high” can help you be mentally and physically healthier. 

Are you stepping over your bar?

Christy and Ciara talked openly about how changing the “height” of your bar can positively affect your life. So many times in life we find ourselves settling out of our comfort and maybe even fear. But how does that negatively affect your professional and personal life? More often than not, we set our professional standards and goals higher than we do our personal goals when we should be keeping them at the same level. 

Lowering the bar we set in our lives allows others the space to use us as a doormat and disrupt the healthy paths we want to take. 

Guide on Setting Your Goals Higher

When it comes to setting goals, it will vary from person to person, job to job, etc. But learning a few tips that you can take and use personally and professionally will help you raise your bar. Often, it feels like we excel at one place in our life but seldom does it feel like it is balanced on both ends. 

Play to your strengths, if time management is a skill that you rock, use it, to your advantage. Finding time to take deep breaths and breaks during the time management skill, will help deescalate the stress of feeling that you are failing. Stop going down the what-if hole of the small stuff. Small stuff only becomes big when we don’t take to time to look at the big picture and process. If you are good at doing this at work but not at home, evaluate what you are doing differently at work than at home. One of the best tools, to have with you at all times, learn from peers, friends, and family. Yes, everyone is different. But you can tune that skill, to your situation, and find the balance and success, on both sides of the job. 

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Don’t Be a Doormat  

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In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk about the negative mindset and how to overcome Misanthropy. 

Misanthrope

According to the Webster's Dictionary, Misanthrope is a person who hates people. We may have a lot of hostility going around in a world that just doesn’t let us catch up and take a breath. Are you a recovering Karen, or are you still stuck in the world of I hate people?

Point of View

How we perceive events in our environment and lives starts with mindset and processing to let go of the stress, the event, and the chaos that life and the job pack into your duty bag. You are most influenced by the five people you spend the most time with. Are you surrounded by those that are positive or the haters? Saying this doesn’t mean you can’t have a bad day; you can recognize, evaluate, and adjust to what the workplace, home place, or society is throwing out of you. Change can happen, even in the worst of environments. Find something that makes you laugh, look people in the eyes, and smile; you never know who needs that positive in this moment. When we start doing this, the dark times become less opaque, and we realize you are not alone!

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Webster’s Dictionary

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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara speak about the challenges of the Holidays in First Responder families

Healthy Family Dynamic

In a healthy family dynamic it is understood that the first responder will not be able to be home on the day, especially as rookies, or if you are in an on-call position. We say healthy family dynamic, because a healthy supportive family understands the new normal without pressure or anger for your job serving the community.

How may this look for you, your family? It may not look much different, but it may be just making a new tradition, or setting your healthy boundaries for the day. Communicate, take your breaks, find the time for you! But also find the good in those times, enjoy the moment, be grateful for what you have and are able to give!

There is Always a First

If this is your first holiday season without your loved one, or even as a first responder, please remember that it is ok to say no when you’re overwhelmed. To know that your feelings are valid and you don’t have to spend the time with family. That maybe it is your friends and time with them that you may need to get through. That it is ok to not be ok. This time of year can come with a lot of heavy feelings and pressure. Boundaries and the word NO are perfectly acceptable, and we encourage you to use them for you to find your happiness and good spaces!  

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Open your blinds!  

Seasonal Affective Disorder

The Best Happy Lights

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First H.E.L.P.